Im 31 and have no interested in getting married

Is that normal? Its not like I dont have a dating history but I just dont really hate being sjngle

Do whatever you want who cares

Totally normal

Just play the field its fun. For some reason I only get with married women. But they want me around here for some reason.

and dating sucks. Just get yourself out there and talk to women you see. Tell them their outfit is nice. If you think theyre beautiful tell them it!

Ask them a few benign questions. If they have a dog just ask about it dog owners love that. If the dog likes you youre practically in.

Acting stupid can help too

"Normal"? Maybe, maybe not. I can't say I have the statistics handy to determine how "normal" it is.

"Okay"? Absolutely. If you're not hurting anyone else, live your life the way you want to. "Normal" is just a matter of statistics. There's no need to treat it as a value judgment.

I am 24 and I dont wanna marry. I can't handle children due to mental health, let alone someone in me territory.

Most people these days like me are much happier bein' single. That and I am selfish and have trust issues. Do what ya wanna do and what makes ya happier.

I'm 42 and never had any desire to get married. Other then my parents complaining about me "ending the family bloodline", I have pretty much gotten through life without any issue.

I'm 48 and have no interested in getting married.

I've been dating the same person for about 25 years, and she also has no interest in getting married.

I probably would have felt differently if I wanted to have kids, but I've never wanted to have kids.



Dikitain posted...

Other then my parents complaining about me "ending the family bloodline", I have pretty much gotten through life without any issue.

My family never gave me crap about it, but that's something I've occasionally thought about. Especially since my cousin is gay and is also never having kids, and we're both only children (sort of). So we pretty much dead-ended our family tree back a few generations.

But my paternal grandfather had a couple brothers, and my paternal grandmother had a ton of siblings, so even if continuing bloodlines actually mattered in the first place, there's always other people carrying it on, you just have to jump back a few generations and then go down a different branch.

I mostly only think about it because via one of my family lines I'm technically German nobility. Though that hasn't actually mattered since 1919.

Dikitain posted...

I'm 42 and never had any desire to get married. Other then my parents complaining about me "ending the family bloodline", I have pretty much gotten through life without any issue.

Realistically, unless you're deliberately inbreeding, there isn't much left of the "family bloodline" after a few generations. With unrelated partners, great-great-grandchildren only share about 6.25% of their genes with their great-great-grandparents, compared to about 5% with any randomly-selected stranger. "Bloodlines" are more about the last name and family culture, and it's not hard to pass those on without having a biological kid if you care about them.

I want to get a bunch of women pregnant

adjl posted...

"Bloodlines" are more about the last name and family culture, and it's not hard to pass those on without having a biological kid if you care about them.

I think the issue is more that if you're not getting married and having kids, the odds of you adopting a kid and passing on your name/traditions are also quite low. Doubly so if your parents/grandparents are the ones who are keen on preserving the bloodline while you clearly don't care enough to have kids.

Though it's sort of the same vibe with people who DO have biological kids, but then raise those kids in the other parent's religion/culture, or otherwise "fail" to pass on their legacy. The older generations tend to get pissy about that sort of thing. It's definitely more about continuity of identity rather than merely continuity of blood/genes.

My parents were pretty open-minded and probably never would have said anything if I married an Indian girl, took her last name, converted to Hinduism, and we raised our kids in that faith and following Indian cultural traditions, but they probably would have been annoyed by it on some level. And they probably would have subverted it a little (like how they literally used to give Christmas presents to my niece and nephew in spite of the fact that they were technically part of a religion that didn't celebrate Christmas).

Of course, my parents probably would have been worse about it if they had stronger, more coherent belief systems themselves. My father was raised Christian and basically turned Atheist in Vietnam, and my mother was pretty strongly Christian (albeit non-denominationally) but also had strong New Age-y/Occult leanings that probably would have gotten her burned as a witch by her own professed faith. If they were both strongly devout Catholics or something I feel like there would have been a much stronger pressure on me to follow in their footsteps.

we_dey posted...

Is that normal? Its not like I dont have a dating history but I just dont really hate being sjngle

That's what common law is for

Marriage is a joke anyway, make a bunch of "Vows" that 80% of people don't stick to and a percentage that does ends up stuck in a decaying, loveless marriage. If you do love someone enough you'll stay with them regardless of ceremony or a slip of paper.

But unfortunately we live in a society where in many places getting married is necessary for things and has too many benefits to just ignore.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

And they probably would have subverted it a little (like how they literally used to give Christmas presents to my niece and nephew in spite of the fact that they were technically part of a religion that didn't celebrate Christmas).

That's a pretty jaded perspective to assume that's a subversion. There's nothing wrong with them practicing their own traditions in a positive manner even if the receiving end doesn't practice themselves. Would you look down Maori people performing Haka out of respect towards you?

Just like college isn't for everyone.. same can be said for marriage

I'm 39 and I kinda want to get married to the right woman...if I can find her....

Salrite posted...

That's a pretty jaded perspective to assume that's a subversion. There's nothing wrong with them practicing their own traditions in a positive manner even if the receiving end doesn't practice themselves.

When someone doesn't believe in your religion or accept your cultural traditions, and you force them on them anyway, that's kind of disrespectful and shitty.

I personally don't celebrate birthdays and dislike any attempt on the part of others to do so for me, and have told my friends this before. If my friends all spontaneously decided they wanted to throw a surprise birthday party for me it doesn't really matter if their intentions were good, it's still kind of an asshole move. Because it effectively means they don't consider my personal beliefs to be as important as theirs.



Salrite posted...

Would you look down Maori people performing Haka out of respect towards you?

Depends. Am I following my own cultural tradition that explicitly looks down on excessive social displays?

Even aside from hypotheticals, I'd probably be really weirded out by a group of Maoris spontaneously busting out in a dance routine where I'm the central focus. In exactly the same way that I'd be uncomfortable if someone started kowtowing to me out in public, or even a Frenchman grabbing me and kissing both my cheeks. It doesn't really fit my own paradigm of the way of how things should be done (I'm not even a fan of the dominant paradigm of my own culture - I really dislike greeting people by shaking hands, and the social pressure you absolutely feel to do it even if you don't want to).

There's some degree of being willing to make exceptions or accommodations if you're going somewhere where a specific behavior is common and accepted and -I'm- the outsider, but it's a different thing if you're in a position where expectations have been established in advance to not do those sorts of things (like in your hypothetical, if I go to New Zealand and tell my friends there that it embarrasses me and I ask them to please not do it).

There's a difference between someone who just doesn't celebrate Christmas as someone who literally follows an ideology that says they're not allowed to celebrate Christmas. Giving a gift to one of those people is just sort of inconsiderate, giving a gift to the other one is definitely a bit disrespectful.

And speaking as someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas, and who has told everyone I know to not get me any gifts, I'd absolutely be really annoyed if one of my friends just spontaneously decided to buy me something anyway. I'd probably be waaay more annoyed if I didn't celebrate Christmas because my religion told me that celebrating earthly things or thinly-veiled pagan holidays was a sin and should be avoided and I took that seriously.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

When someone doesn't believe in your religion or accept your cultural traditions, and you force them on them anyway, that's kind of disrespectful and shitty.

Sure, but it's just a Christmas present. That's a pretty secular tradition these days. If a Jewish family gave me a Hanukah present I wouldn't be ungrateful.

I'm 40 and I could have gotten married if I wanted to. I don't really want to. Mostly because I don't have my life financially together and I have two kids with different women. I'd be more ready when the kids were over 18 which will be in 6 years and a month.

Not wanting to get married is fairly normal if not becoming increasingly normal.

But I think wanting to be single is fairly not-normal unless you've been in exceptional circumstances that would make that undesirable for you.

But none of us are all through and through normal so it's not a bad thing. Do what makes you happy.

Honestly, if you are actively trying to get married you're going to inevitably force yourself into a marriage that you're not happy with.

I got married at 23 to a guy I had only been dating for a little over a year because I just wanted to be married. People told me that I would know the right one when I met him, and at the time I thought I knew. But it wasn't a great relationship and because we had gotten married when we eventually split up it meant having to go to court to settle everything. If we hadn't gotten married the relationship wouldn't have dragged on as long as it had with the two of us growing resentful of each other, and the process of ending the relationship would have been way less stressful and time consuming.

I've been dating my current partner for about as long as I was in a relationship with my ex-husband. I don't really feel the need to get married again. I like having my finances separate and even though my partner means everything to me, I don't feel like marriage would make our relationship any more special than it currently is. I also just find marriage culture like big weddings and diamond rings to be a huge turnoff personally. We have our wills drafted for us to inherit everything if anything were ever to happen to either of us, and when I was in the hospital my partner had no issues being able to visit me, all things that I had convinced myself I needed to get married in order to guarantee.

Salrite posted...

Sure, but it's just a Christmas present. That's a pretty secular tradition these days.

This, right here? Is still you attempting to force your cultural assumptions on people who might not agree with you.

You're essentially saying that your interpretation of it automatically trumps anyone else's opinion.



Salrite posted...

If a Jewish family gave me a Hanukah present I wouldn't be ungrateful.

Which doesn't matter because it's not applicable to the situation.

Now imagine a Jewish family gave a Hanukah present to a devout Palestinian Muslim who saw it as an insulting and offensive gesture. Would you say they were wrong to feel that way? Would you say they were wrong to feel that way if the Muslim had actively voiced their distaste for Judaism and Hanukah beforehand but the Jewish family openly ignored that and gave the gift anyway?

If a vegan comes to your house and you offer them a hamburger for lunch, do they have a right to be annoyed? If they explicitly told you beforehand that they're vegan and don't eat meat and you told them to come over anyway and still offered them the hamburger and acted like you didn't understand why they were annoyed, would they have the right to be offended?

If you tell your vegan friend (who you know is a vegan) that you're going to take them out for lunch and then drive to a steakhouse, you're kind of an asshole.

At which point do your intentions cease to matter if you attempt to do something "good" but the outcome is bad? Especially if you KNOW that the other person has contrary opinions, desires, or principles, but you arbitrarily decide those don't matter because your opinions are obviously objectively superior?

I didn't get married until 39.

I never once in all the presiding years decided I would or wouldn't.

But when I met my wife and decided I wanted to, it happened.

So if you already feel you don't desire that, that's ok.

I'll be the different one here and say I'm happier than ever with my wife and daughter. Used to think I never wanted to marry or have kids, but my daughter is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I feel like I'd be on a bad path nearing 40 if i didn't have some kind of anchor now. Thats not why I'm married with a kid but as a single guy i definitely had a tendency to not give a fuck. I'm sure that would've only gotten worse as i aged

At 31, I also had no intention of being married, and neither did my (at the time) partner. I can honestly say I never had any intention of ever marrying her.

When I was 35, we split up. Since then weve both got married to other people (Its been about 3 years). She has twice in fact, but the second one seems to be going badly as well.

same but older. just no interest in getting married. ever. when/if my current missus and i split up i'm done with relationships entirely tbh. won't be seeking another.

MICHALECOLE posted...

Do whatever you want who cares

I love it maggle!

Being married is nice if you have someone that you are highly compatible with. There's lots of financial benefits, especially if you don't have kids, and especially especially if one of you isn't working or is underemployed. Tax brackets are doubled, as is the standard deduction, and income limits are higher for things like Obamacare, home/auto loans, etc.

And studies show that being married increases your life expectancy and active life expectancy, even if you end up widowed or divorced.

captpackrat posted...

Being married is nice if you have someone that you are highly compatible with. There's lots of financial benefits, especially if you don't have kids, and especially especially if one of you isn't working or is underemployed. Tax brackets are doubled, as is the standard deduction, and income limits are higher for things like Obamacare, home/auto loans, etc.

And studies show that being married increases your life expectancy and active life expectancy, even if you end up widowed or divorced.

There is me who can't stand people and paranoia.

There's not a lot of incentive to getting married nowadays.

Throughout most of human history, people only got married to bring different families together for land or occupational purposes. Expanding the company. Or whatever. Breeding employees for your farm.

"Love" was never part of the equation.

Not even "compatibility".

Most of the time they just married the daughter off and she had to deal with whatever man she got. Because divorce would exile her from the family.

To be honest, people have a hard enough time getting along with normal boyfriends and girlfriends nowdays.

Hell, a LOT of people cant even be happy by themselves.

Getting married ? Getting the government involved? Haha. Good luck.

Marriage is a beautiful concept.....

..... that the vast majority of people simply can't handle.

^ shit thats why im glad im married. The dating scene nowadays is dystopian future shit. Feel bad for single people navigating that garbage

"We have formed a thruple... Not because we love each other, but for economic reasons."

Stability will eventually be a concern. Married or not, that's just a unique problem to tackle.

I don't care whether or not I'll get married. I might as well not, since I'd have to be supremely lucky for that to happen to me anyway.

What I do care about is making sure I don't ever have children.

I was married for 15 years. Split last summer and I have no desire to do it again.

I know single guys around the 30 year range who has like multiple kids and a few former wives to look after.

Their lives are now like a money vacuum.

They only survive off of crackers and maybe a cup of coffee.

Yeah man fuck marriage. Fuck having kids. Be happy with yourself and you'll be happy for life. Marriage takes a ton of work, you'll have to plan and compromise with each other all the time and nothing is just yours anymore. There are people who get married not because they're actually in love but because they're afraid to die alone. Some people just don't love themselves enough to be alone (a major red flag, btw). Lots of marriages end in divorce anyway. The only benefit I can see to being married is double income and the tax break (which I could rant about, but I won't). But shit, I'd just invite a family member to live with me if we want the benefit of two incomes, and I'd marry a friend without being in love just so that we can each get that tax break. And don't even get me started on having kids!

Marriage is largely an outdated custom. It used to be a societal expectation for people to get married, have kids, all that - and believe me, plenty of people wound up trapped and miserable because of that. Luckily we live in a society where it's perfectly fine to be single. Having the freedom and independence to live your life simply for you and do things the way only you want to is the ideal for lots of people nowadays. It isn't abnormal and it's definitely okay. I'm (26f) the exact same way.

That doesn't mean it's impossible to fall in love someday or to find a really good friend who you want to keep by your side. But it's best to leave that up to chance. For now, just enjoy being happy the way things are. You aren't doing anything wrong and don't let anyone tell you otherwise because then those people are brainwashed, okay?

NephalimTechno posted...

I want to get a bunch of women pregnant

Calm down, Elon.

KalloFox34 posted...

What I do care about is making sure I don't ever have children.

IK dude like I'm a woman and the fact that I can even get pregnant is utterly disgusting to me. Even if I were to (somehow) get pregnant and flush it out at day 1 I'd still never recover from the feeling that I was violated by some godforsaken parasite. I would deadass rather lose both of my legs than have to go through that.

I don't want my uterus! I wish I could be spayed like a dog! I'd at least get my tubes tied if I didn't live in America where I will never be able to afford it and where we have the actual worst healthcare for women out of any developed nation.

If I ever get you-know-whated and I'm forced to carry a baby because our draconian government says I need to, then I'd just kms

Flappers posted...

Yeah man fuck marriage. Fuck having kids. Be happy with yourself and you'll be happy for life. Marriage takes a ton of work, you'll have to plan and compromise with each other all the time and nothing is just yours anymore. There are people who get married not because they're actually in love but because they're afraid to die alone. Some people just don't love themselves enough to be alone (a major red flag, btw). Lots of marriages end in divorce anyway. The only benefit I can see to being married is double income and the tax break (which I could rant about, but I won't). But shit, I'd just invite a family member to live with me if we want the benefit of two incomes, and I'd marry a friend without being in love just so that we can each get that tax break. And don't even get me started on having kids!

Marriage is largely an outdated custom. It used to be a societal expectation for people to get married, have kids, all that - and believe me, plenty of people wound up trapped and miserable because of that. Luckily we live in a society where it's perfectly fine to be single. Having the freedom and independence to live your life simply for you and do things the way only you want to is the ideal for lots of people nowadays. It isn't abnormal and it's definitely okay. I'm (26f) the exact same way.

That doesn't mean it's impossible to fall in love someday or to find a really good friend who you want to keep by your side. But it's best to leave that up to chance. For now, just enjoy being happy the way things are. You aren't doing anything wrong and don't let anyone tell you otherwise because then those people are brainwashed, okay?

There are potentially others but it all depends on circumstances. There were lots of practical advantages for me.

Glob posted...

There are potentially others but it all depends on circumstances. There were lots of practical advantages for me.

Everyone is suited for a different type of life. I'm glad you found what works for you and hopefully your spouse is just as happy with it.

Flappers posted...

Everyone is suited for a different type of life. I'm glad you found what works for you and hopefully your spouse is just as happy with it.

Thanks.

Dont get me wrong. Im not trying to convince you to get married, or suggesting that its the right path for everybody.

Im just pointing out that depending on your circumstances, there may be tangible benefits beyond a dual income and tax breaks.