Bass_XO has become infested with nanobots that make him think he's a walrus. boomgetchopped3 is controlling them from home, held at gunpoint by divot1338 because they need Bass_XO to get all his money out the ATM. Bass_XO walruses his way to the ATM but is stopped by the karate bros DementedDurian and AssultTank
Bass_XO quickly dispatches of them using Walrus Quon Chi, an ancient form of Walfoo taught only to those who lead a life of sexual passion and who make love to a grapefruit, by the master Kurt_Russel, seen in flashbacks that make up 98% of the story except this stuff
The story ends with Quezovercoatl storming the Walrus House and overturning president Smackems, but Bass_XO stops them and saves the day, with divot1338 getting what he always wanted; a date with that hot sexy grapefruit, trappedunderice
Common sense says it may not taste good, but it'll make a turd.