"Work friends are not real friends"

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Current Events » "Work friends are not real friends"
BlueAnnihilator posted...
I mean, they can be, but never share anything with them that they can use against you later, no matter how friendly you are. I've seen what happens when work friendships break down.
So this would mean that you cannot be friends. You can't consider someone a friend while also being guarded around them so they can't backstab you later.
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It depends on the people. I've definitely had work friends that are basically "out of sight out of mind" when it comes to being my friend. When we're talking in person, they're all smiles and talking about how we should hang out sometime, exchanges numbers and all that. Then when I actually shoot them a text, they're inconsistent and are never down to hang out. I just stop talking to those "friends."

But thankfully not everyone is like that. I made a great group of friends through my current job. We get together to hang out every few months and have been doing so consistently since early 2020 (stopped during the height of Covid though). We're trying to set up something to do together in May.
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hockeybabe89 posted...
I'm not gullible enough to think everyone who says hi to you is your best friend, but I just can't go through each day assuming everyone will stab me in the back if I no longer benefit them.

Maybe Viper is an actual snake.
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Post #54 was unavailable or deleted.
All my old "work friends" eventually left and got different jobs while my currents co-wokers just do small talk with me but its never anything substantial

Shit sucks ass until I get another job, bc it gets mad lonely
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The rule doesn't even really make sense because with our culture, work is the easiest way to meet new people.

When and how are adults supposed to meet these "real" friends?
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hockeybabe89 posted...
The rule doesn't even really make sense because with our culture, work is the easiest way to meet new people.

When and how are adults supposed to meet these "real" friends?
Get any vaguely social hobbies?

E-dating?

Pure blind luck?

Sorry, my brain saw "real friends" and for some reason auto completed to "and dating possibilities".
Look, I can name a few instances in MY life where I tried to reach mutual understanding
and i can TELL you, always faster and easier to just kill em. Just is!
It's 100% true.
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Work friends aren't real friends. Online friends aren't real friends. Raises the question of who is in their books at times.
Post #60 was unavailable or deleted.
CountCorvinus posted...
My online friends know more about me than my meatspace ones.
I have one really good online friend that I've known for... holy shit, coming up on two decades. We've been steady confidants for each other over that time, and there have been days when the two of us getting in a game together helped pull us out of some really heavy funk. I would never diminish the value of knowing him by not calling him a real friend.
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Work people I consider acquaintances.

Except for my husband who I did meet at work and have been married to for 16 years.
Yea I agree work people are just acquaintances
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hmnut7 posted...
A friend you made at work is a real friend.

A work colleague who you are friendly with is not necessarily a real friend

this.
Dinosaurs built the pyramids.
For the most part, yah. If youre actually hanging out and talking out of work then thats different, but yah for the most part theyre just work friends and nothing more.
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hmnut7 posted...
A friend you made at work is a real friend.

A work colleague who you are friendly with is not necessarily a real friend

I get that but I feel like the whole "work friends are not real friends" statement is meant to be taken as a black-and-white categorization.

Like never expect anything to go beyond "hey, how was your weekend," if it's a coworker saying it sort of thing. As if it's an encouragement to put energy into fostering relationships that aren't tied down to your workplace.

I got one of my coworkers a PS3 as a Christmas gift. To me that's a lot more than a simple token gesture of amicability that supposedly comes from being in a workplace.
Anyone who doesn't agree is part of the problem.
Asherlee10 posted...
I continue to meet new people, who sometimes become friends, through hobbies and social events.
Not everyone has those. And that seri3e of events still might be triggered by someone you meet at work.

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Post #69 was unavailable or deleted.
I've met a lot of folks through work that became real friends. It can make the transition easily enough. Clearly, not everyone I enjoy at work is going to make that jump though. It takes a bit more effort
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i mean for the most part sure. but it can happen. some guy temped where i worked in 2011 for just a summer, and he's someone i talk to daily to this day. play games here and there together on pc, and when he's in town we hang out. we're not ride or die, but i'd say we're the next tier below that. i love him and it would deeply sadden me if we stopped being friends.

my wife has met some real friends through work as well. some of them i think are ride or die.
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It's pretty sad if you can't be friends with the people you spend the most time with.
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Definitely true if you are a minority

Definitely true if you're in a cut-throat industry

Definitely true when it comes to those that manage others

Biggest thing is leaking information. Real reasons why you miss work, true motivations, habits and behaviors outside of work. It's true that most people don't face these but if you're a minority at your job you're more scrutinized than others and your bosses use your peers to gather intel on you.

If you're a big earner in a cut-throat industry your bosses are always looking to either cut you or pay you as little as possible. If you have superiors in your position being friendly can lead to a lot more obstacles to raises and promotions.

Managers have to be friendly people but they're always doing their jobs, even when they aren't at work. I have to be an asshole to management out of respect even when they come from a genuine place. Otherwise they start pushing up on your boundaries.

Anyone else feel this way or am I crazy?
If you were fired / laid off from your job today, would this person reach out to you?

And let's assume it was for a reason that still made you likable, not something like you were fired for harassment or anything like that.

And let's also throw in there that this person would keep in touch with you over time. Not simply just reach out to get the scoop on why you were let go and then never talk to you again.

If you have that, a person who stays your friend after you leave a company, then yes, that is a true friend. If you lose contact after leaving a job, they are just a work friend.
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I have at least one person I no longer work with that I still chat with and see at least once a year. I had another, but I think I offended her (not through anything I said directly to her) or shes been having a rough mental time and stepped away from platforms Id contact her on.
Disagree. I had a lot of friends at work I'd hang out with outside of work.
Not so much anymore though
Peacefully non-compliant/non-conformist
W_S_C_M posted...
Disagree. I had a lot of friends at work I'd hang out with outside of work.
Not so much anymore though
They weren't real friends than, lol.
"Make pain your best friend, and you'll never be alone."
W_S_C_M posted...
Disagree. I had a lot of friends at work I'd hang out with outside of work.
Not so much anymore though
They are still co-workers in that scenario though. Now if you continued to hang out with them after one of you no longer works together, then you would be "real friends". The thing is, people cannot just switch off, it is entirely possible something you say or do will impact your work with that person - and that is what separates them from a real friend.

I think too many people erroneously think that someone cannot change roles. Someone can be a "work friend" and then become an actual friend as circumstances change. They are not locked into one role.
Jaguar34 posted...
Definitely true if you are a minority

Definitely true if you're in a cut-throat industry

Definitely true when it comes to those that manage others

Biggest thing is leaking information. Real reasons why you miss work, true motivations, habits and behaviors outside of work. It's true that most people don't face these but if you're a minority at your job you're more scrutinized than others and your bosses use your peers to gather intel on you.

If you're a big earner in a cut-throat industry your bosses are always looking to either cut you or pay you as little as possible. If you have superiors in your position being friendly can lead to a lot more obstacles to raises and promotions.

Managers have to be friendly people but they're always doing their jobs, even when they aren't at work. I have to be an asshole to management out of respect even when they come from a genuine place. Otherwise they start pushing up on your boundaries.

Anyone else feel this way or am I crazy?

I manage people that I sometimes go on holiday with.
Doe posted...
how much you hang out after work.
this^

People who really give a shit will hang out with you outside of work hours, because otherwise, they are being paid to be there and you just might happen to be the most interesting person there at the time to keep them entertained.
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Asherlee10 posted...
I have no interest in being actual friends with people I work with.
This
And I've fucking watched places crumble because people valued their friendships more than their coworkers straight up fucking everyone over by being shit employees
Post #82 was unavailable or deleted.
pinky0926 posted...
It's pretty sad if you can't be friends with the people you spend the most time with.
I get what most of what people are saying, but I agree that I don't get why it's a hard-and-fast rule for some. Just seems overly jaded.
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from my experience a lot of the time, that is true

They are only actually your friends if they talk to you outside of work and do things with you.
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Doe posted...
Depends on the workplace and if & how much you hang out after work.

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