Is it disrespectful to transgenders to say you have a deadname and aren't trans?

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Board 8 » Is it disrespectful to transgenders to say you have a deadname and aren't trans?
BakusaiTenketsu
11/11/2021
06:18 PM
#1
I legally changed my name from John to Locke back in 2006 (a name taken from my favorite FF game, fwiw). I was having a discussion with my daughter today who has a transgender friend, who I've known for many years. We were discussing their old name is now a deadname, and I said my birth name is also a deadname.

My daughter thought I was being disrespectful to transgender by stating I also have a deadname, but I wasn't aware it was that sensitive or even appropriated in that manner. All the same I apologized to her, but am I wrong here?
https://tinyurl.com/yaumw2p7
BakusaiTenketsu
11/11/2021
06:20 PM
#2
My daughter is 14, and really into the LGBTQ movement, and I totally support her (and the movement as well), I just wasn't sure if she or I was misinformed here.

https://tinyurl.com/yaumw2p7
Mac Arrowny
11/11/2021
06:23 PM
#3
The term deadname only applies to trans people and was invented by them. You could easily discover this with Google so I'm not sure what's the point of this topic.
All the stars in the sky are waiting for you.
catesdb
11/11/2021
06:23 PM
#4
transgenders

also this sounds off
WazzupGenius00
11/11/2021
06:24 PM
#5
I've never seen or heard a similar situation but on first impression it doesn't seem disrespectful to me. Sometimes people change their name due to trauma, or wanting to avoid somebody googling their name and discovering that they were kidnapped as a five year old or some shit. I would probably call those deadnames

What is definitely disrespectful, however, is to use "transgender" as a noun and as a plural noun it sounds even worse to me (though arbitrarily so)
https://imgur.com/k0v0z3q
BakusaiTenketsu
11/11/2021
06:26 PM
#6
Well, I tried to trim the topic title as much as I could, it originally said "transgender community," but I hit the 80 limit pretty quick.

https://tinyurl.com/yaumw2p7
CasanovaZelos
11/11/2021
06:27 PM
#7
I feel like deadnaming is specific to the transgender community, but I also wouldn't view the comparison as 'disrespectful.' I think the main difference is that a deadname calls up more than just a name but everything associated with that time in a negative sense.
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catesdb
11/11/2021
06:28 PM
#8
Is it disrespectful to say you have a deadname when you aren't trans?

nailed it
colliding
11/11/2021
06:30 PM
#9
BakusaiTenketsu posted...
Well, I tried to trim the topic title as much as I could, it originally said "transgender community," but I hit the 80 limit pretty quick.

trans folk
while you slept, the world changed
Crescent-Moon
11/11/2021
06:39 PM
#10
As a trans girl myself, I don't find it disrespectful, though I do think it misses the point of what "deadname" is supposed to represent.

I will say though - I do know a couple of people in particular who taks offense to things easily and it probably would bother them.
So a planet's somewhere out there, their history the same as ours is written. The only difference is that... Everyone's a kitten!
GuessMyUserName
11/11/2021
06:45 PM
#11
trans here... I wouldn't think of it as the same thing but it's not like that comment would bother me at all. At worst maybe an awkward attempt to relate?

CasanovaZelos posted...
I feel like deadnaming is specific to the transgender community, but I also wouldn't view the comparison as 'disrespectful.' I think the main difference is that a deadname calls up more than just a name but everything associated with that time in a negative sense.

yeah this basically

but uh yeah definitely avoid referring to trans people as "transgenders". again no harm figuring out the terminology but I gotta say I had a bit of a double-take on the title here lol
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Paratroopa1
11/11/2021
06:47 PM
#12
If you say you have a deadname, I am definitely going to assume you're trans, so be aware of that. That said, if your birth name is one that you do not want people to know or speak, even if you are cisgender, I consider it acceptable to call that a deadname, and I would defend you in such a case - I do not think this is strictly applicable only to transgender people even if that's like 99% of the times it'd be used. However, you freely told us what your birth name is, which means you probably don't consider it a true deadname, and that's the key distinction here that you're missing. A deadname is a name that is extremely impolite to speak without absolute necessity and the express permission of the person so named - a deadname is not merely a previous name, but one that's meant to be strictly redacted to affirm that person's current identity that they wish to be known only by.
BakusaiTenketsu
11/11/2021
06:48 PM
#13
I don't claim to know everything about LGBTQ, in fact I am quite ignorant on quite a lot of it. But I do want to make sure I learn what's right or wrong, and make sure that I remain a positive influence for my children in that same regard. I'm almost 50, and the times have changed quite a bit since my childhood.
https://tinyurl.com/yaumw2p7
Paratroopa1
11/11/2021
06:49 PM
#14
I very strongly appreciate not being defensive about this, by the way
GuessMyUserName
11/11/2021
06:50 PM
#15
Paratroopa1 posted...
I very strongly appreciate not being defensive about this, by the way
^

I kinda say this a lot but I'm always really glad to see people just trying to clarify and understand what they might not get instead of going... well, the other route.
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Crescent-Moon
11/11/2021
06:52 PM
#16
GuessMyUserName posted...
^

I kinda say this a lot but I'm always really glad to see people just trying to clarify and understand what they might not get instead of going... well, the other route.
Hurray for wanting to learn and not being an ignorant dickbag who plays victim to things they don't understand!

Sadly all too rare.
So a planet's somewhere out there, their history the same as ours is written. The only difference is that... Everyone's a kitten!
BakusaiTenketsu
11/11/2021
06:52 PM
#17
I'm not trying to defend calling my old name a deadname. I was named after my father (I was John, the IIIrd). He had no relevance in my life, and my mother raised me alone. After I was married, my wife suggested changing my name if I didn't like it so much.

Anywho. This topic does make me feel as though I was definitely in the wrong, and I will apologize to my daughter :).
https://tinyurl.com/yaumw2p7
BakusaiTenketsu
11/11/2021
06:53 PM
#18
Also, many apologies about the topic title as well.
https://tinyurl.com/yaumw2p7
Crescent-Moon
11/11/2021
06:55 PM
#19
Again, the topic title.. Doesn't really offend me either. I don't believe any transphobia was implied.
So a planet's somewhere out there, their history the same as ours is written. The only difference is that... Everyone's a kitten!
paperwarior
11/11/2021
06:55 PM
#20
is it disrespectful to ask if the combination of your birth and current name is intentionally a play on words? >_>
"God Hand is the ultimate expression of the joy of humanity, specifically the punching part of the joy of humanity."-Shigeru Miyamoto
Paratroopa1
11/11/2021
06:58 PM
#21
That sort of thing is why I actually support the idea that non-transgender people can have a deadname, by the way - hypothetically speaking, if it was a case in which you had a very abusive father and you changed his name to not be his, and it made you uncomfortable to even hear that name spoken because of past traumatic experiences, I would absolutely consider that a deadname. But like I said, if you're comfortable speaking your old name aloud with much prompting, it sort of falls short of the distinction of being a true deadname. It's still a perfectly valid name change (any name change is unless it's for fraud purposes or something), of course, and you should be referred to by your preferred name! But a deadname is kind of a next step above that.
Paratroopa1
11/11/2021
06:59 PM
#22
Addendum: not everyone will agree with my opinion on whether or not cisgender people can have deadnames, this is just my take, I feel pretty strongly about it though
NFUN
11/11/2021
07:03 PM
#23
Paratroopa1 posted...
Addendum: not everyone will agree with my opinion on whether or not cisgender people can have deadnames, this is just my take, I feel pretty strongly about it though
yeah the first google result says ur wrong sry para get owned
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foolm0r0n
11/11/2021
07:10 PM
#24
I mean if you get married and change your last name, is it deadnaming to be called your previous name? Obviously not. I think the difference between a changed name and a dead name is pretty clear.
_foolmo_
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BakusaiTenketsu
11/11/2021
07:19 PM
#25
paperwarior posted...
is it disrespectful to ask if the combination of your birth and current name is intentionally a play on words? >_>
Highly coincidental.
https://tinyurl.com/yaumw2p7
BetrayedTangy
11/11/2021
07:20 PM
#26
Actually I think Ted Bundy's daughter and her mom changed their names specifically to avoid association with him.
https://www.backloggery.com/betrayedtangerin
GuessMyUserName
11/11/2021
07:21 PM
#27
Crescent-Moon posted...
Again, the topic title.. Doesn't really offend me either. I don't believe any transphobia was implied.
Yeap, the only thing that really bothers me regarding terminology/language is bad intent.

I've got a family that's known me for almost 3 decades and yeah nobody immediately adjusts perfectly, there will be slip-ups or misunderstandings and I'm sure we're all used to that.

Unfortunately the bad intent side is still very much present though and that's what really brings down the mood.

Paratroopa1 posted...
Addendum: not everyone will agree with my opinion on whether or not cisgender people can have deadnames, this is just my take, I feel pretty strongly about it though
ftr my opinion on this one is very much that I do not feel strongly about it at all. It certainly is a concept based on the trans usage but like I said attempting to relate isn't really offensive or anything.

but hey I'm reaping the benefits of having an increasingly unisex birth name I haven't really felt the need to put behind me at least yet (not that I've had a very social life during COVID... or before).
I request affiliated many pipes.
Been a bad girl, I know I am. And I'm so hot, I need a fan. I don't want a boy, I need a man.
neonreaper
11/11/2021
07:48 PM
#28
I feel like this is a good topic
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NFUN
11/11/2021
07:49 PM
#29
neonreaper posted...
I feel like this is a good topic
no its a bad topic he oculdve just googled the answer
Kneel... or you will be knelt
paperwarior
11/11/2021
07:50 PM
#30
BakusaiTenketsu posted...
Highly coincidental.
Fair enough. It just stuck out to me right away.
"God Hand is the ultimate expression of the joy of humanity, specifically the punching part of the joy of humanity."-Shigeru Miyamoto
Aecioo
11/11/2021
09:05 PM
#31
Very un John Locke like.

Should have yelled in her face DONT TELL ME WHAT I CANT DO
http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcb35gGx0t1qailr4o1_500.gif
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=57N0YAEJ
BakusaiTenketsu
11/11/2021
10:43 PM
#32
NFUN posted...
no its a bad topic he oculdve just googled the answer
Just so you are aware, this is one of the top results from googling "deadname,":

"According to one entry in Urban Dictionary, a Dead Name can be described as follows: n. The birth name of somebody who has changed their name . Most commonly attributed to trans people, but can be attributed to any person who has changed their name . ( sometimes written as two words: dead name)"

...I suspect, though, that the tidbit might be by part of what para was saying.
https://tinyurl.com/yaumw2p7
Paratroopa1
11/11/2021
10:49 PM
#33
I think some people might colloquially refer to any birth name that somebody changed as a deadname but yeah I feel that there is generally a difference between people who still acknowledge their birthname and people who don't and the latter is what I usually think of as a "deadname"
NFUN
11/12/2021
12:21 AM
#34
BakusaiTenketsu posted...
Just so you are aware, this is one of the top results from googling "deadname,":

"According to one entry in Urban Dictionary, a Dead Name can be described as follows: n. The birth name of somebody who has changed their name . Most commonly attributed to trans people, but can be attributed to any person who has changed their name . ( sometimes written as two words: dead name)"

...I suspect, though, that the tidbit might be by part of what para was saying.
I was mocking Mac for being a dipshit
Kneel... or you will be knelt
BlAcK TuRtLe
11/12/2021
12:58 AM
#35
Anything and everything can be considered "disrespectful" to transgenders and the answer will change daily and depending on who you talk to.

I suspect your 14 year old daughter is already posting on Reddit about how society needs to cancel you
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StealThisSheen
11/12/2021
01:11 AM
#36
lol BT having his nightly melty
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MZero
11/12/2021
06:14 AM
#38
why is transgender as used in the topic title offensive? legit curious.
MZero , to the extreme
I never saw azuarc coming, but he won the Guru!
SeabassDebeste
11/12/2021
06:40 AM
#39
Aecioo posted...
Very un John Locke like.

Should have yelled in her face DONT TELL ME WHAT I CANT DO

goddammit

(edit) anyway yeah, glad to learn a bit from this thread!
yet all azuarc of all sorts are more or less capricious and unreliable - they live in the varying outer weather, and they inhale its fickleness
firefdr
11/12/2021
07:02 AM
#40
MZero posted...
why is transgender as used in the topic title offensive? legit curious.
transgender is an adjective
Paratroopa1
11/12/2021
07:45 AM
#41
MZero posted...
why is transgender as used in the topic title offensive? legit curious.
It's improper and usually said in a way that's derisive. It's transgender people , not 'transgenders.' It has like, a similar sort of energy as a fox news-watching grandparent saying 'the blacks.' Not quite on the level of a slur, not really exactly easy to point to why it's offensive, it's just kind of got this subtle element of both reducing people and not taking them seriously. Sorry if that's not really a satisfying answer, it's just one of those things.
MZero
11/12/2021
08:23 AM
#42
Paratroopa1 posted...
It's improper and usually said in a way that's derisive. It's transgender people , not 'transgenders.' It has like, a similar sort of energy as a fox news-watching grandparent saying 'the blacks.' Not quite on the level of a slur, not really exactly easy to point to why it's offensive, it's just kind of got this subtle element of both reducing people and not taking them seriously. Sorry if that's not really a satisfying answer, it's just one of those things.

Thanks! It's kind of confusing that it's fine to use as an adjective but not as a noun, but I guess it must have just picked up a bad connotation based on who was/is using it, which is a fair enough reason to be adverse to it of course. I was just kind of curious if there was more to it
MZero , to the extreme
I never saw azuarc coming, but he won the Guru!
BlAcK TuRtLe
11/12/2021
09:04 AM
#43
Also, I thought people changing their name IRL to a video game character was just a 4chan joke, whoda thunk people actually do that. Cringe x 1 million
Props to azuarc , the current Guru of the Decade.
Wear this title with pride!
Colegreen_c12
11/12/2021
09:35 AM
#44
Well for the first time I have ignored someone on gamefaqs.
DPOblivion beat us all.
Nanis23
11/12/2021
09:36 AM
#45
BlAcK TuRtLe posted...
Also, I thought people changing their name IRL to a video game character was just a 4chan joke, whoda thunk people actually do that. Cringe x 1 million
Now this is just being a asshole. Did you really have to say this?
wololo
IfGodCouldDie
11/12/2021
09:45 AM
#46
BlAcK TuRtLe posted...
Also, I thought people changing their name IRL to a video game character was just a 4chan joke, whoda thunk people actually do that. Cringe x 1 million
Sounds like you didn't cry yourself to sleep hard enough last night, maybe try again tonight and see how you feel tomorrow morning.
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azuarc
11/12/2021
10:18 AM
#47
Imagine not realizing by now that black turtle makes horrible posts.
Only the exceptions can be exceptional.
colliding
11/12/2021
10:35 AM
#48
Block turtle

let it go and move on
while you slept, the world changed
foolm0r0n
11/12/2021
03:09 PM
#49
Nanis23 posted...
Now this is just being a asshole. Did you really have to say this?
Insult trans people, cool

Insult gamers (which is a group that just happens to contain Nanis), now it's a problem
_foolmo_
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Jakyl25
11/12/2021
05:32 PM
#50
They targeted gamers.

Gamers.
Thank you, Eddie Guerrero.
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Paratroopa1
11/12/2021
05:34 PM
#51
Hmmm. I dunno what he said but should I unblock BT so he has to read my posts and maybe learn a better perspective?

nah fuck him lol
Board 8 » Is it disrespectful to transgenders to say you have a deadname and aren't trans?
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