Lurker > BearlyWilling

I have a custom script running on my PC that I commissioned a computer science student back in college to write, where it constantly refreshes GameFAQs to check the status of TeaMilk's account. If the script detects the status has changed to "Warned" or "Suspended", it will send a text alert / email (in case I don't have my phone) and I can immediately react.

This evening was an evening like any other. I was hanging out at my crib (street vernacular for "house") with some of my friends and we were watching Wednesday Night Football (we tape Monday Night Football and watch it on Wednesday) and drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade.

Let me tell you boys, we were are completely Hard (slang for drinking many Mike's Hard Lemonades) the entire time. I looked over at my buddy and I could see he had a Hard one right in the front of his pants! I thought that was funny because normally we put them on coasters on the table. I realized my own Mike's Hard was getting low and I said to my buddy "hey, can you toss me another Hard one?"

He informed me that we were all out and I'd have to get more Mike's Hards. I figured I could just have a swig of his and asked if I could put my mouth on his Hard one. He laughed, because we were both drunk and would normally never do this (because of germs; sharing a drink is disgusting), but eventually he gave in. I grabbed the smooth shaft of the bottle and just as I was about to put it in my mouth, my phone rang.

TeaMilk was Suspended.

I howled. I let out a howl so loud and piercing that it woke up my son. I normally make him go to bed on Wednesday nights at 5:30pm partially because I don't want him to see me getting Hard with other men (the kid doesn't need to be exposed to heavy drinking at his age) and also because he's an annoying little shit and is usually asking questions about football, as if he were a nerd or something.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn't know what to do. I kept refreshing the GameFAQs page, hoping that this was some kind of mistake. Maybe some moderator was intending to remove a post praising the KKK but had accidentally clicked on the innocent TeaMilk link. Alas, this was not the case.

By this point, my friends were all visibly upset and I noticed they were trying to leave, even though we were only part of the way through the game. "No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was inconsolable. I began thrashing about, throwing my collection of decorative throwing knives all over the crib (apartment). One knife struck my Native American friend, Big Bear Jim, in the neck. Blood gashed from his open wound, staining the carpet a deep red and splashing the walls. A sickly iron scent loomed in the air as Death claimed Big Bear Jim.

My son knew he needed to act quick. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small crucifix. "Dad!" He yelled. "Remember how Christ died for your sins? Well, TeaMilk did the same thing. He will live in our hearts forever, and hopefully whenever his purg passes, he will rise again from the depths of suspension and post wonderful stories about Gym Leader Gordie on CE again."

At that moment, I knew my son was right. My rage quelled. I tossed Big Bear Jim's corpse into the dumpster and put my son into the Punishment Closet, as he had broken one of my most important rules of the house (never make eye contact with me).

Anyway, I really just miss TeaMilk and I think the mods should reconsider his Suspension.

tl;dr - free TeaMilk

Denying boobs > the poop chute = controversy

Strider102 posted...

"Won't someone please think about the cops feelings? Don't call them names!!!"

Right? Weird hill to die on for a warning. Should have been purg tbh

non-creeper topic from neon

this truly is the darkest timeline

who?

This topic has me in tears

Umbreon posted...

It looks like they just did.

laughed way harder than I should have

im so sorry, man. I cant even begin to imagine the complex wave of emotions that are hitting you on a daily basis. I dont know how Id function at my job or anything if I was in your situation.

CE is here for you, friend.

Mia_K97 posted...

don't call me a troll, that's not nice

Well, if it quacks like a duck

Hmm

Calling the first the worst in the series when Dawn of Dreams exists is top tier LOL material

Does darkprince have a new alt yet or will we spared his inane bootlicking nonsense this time?

lol

TomClark posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/4/6/AAABqgAADtDC.jpg

this is 1000% both of my kids

Cringe

ZangsBeard posted...

Page 3. Just checking them off.

/

RISEofCHRISTIAN posted...

Eternals is definitely the most uninteresting one.

I liked Black Widow. Didn't get the general dislike for that one
Shang-Chi. Great.
No Way Home. the perfect movie.
Doc Strange MOM and Thor L&T. Enjoyable.

I cant believe I agree with this guy

zangs really thinks hes being witty right now

Is this a new Mix alt? Are you talking about what your sister makes again?

I loved this movie. And wow wtf. That is a super depressing follow up. (._.)

who

its almost like the outlets are the face youll make when this overloads as you plug 26 things into it

No

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Honestly Eminem is like a full thing to experience lol

Start at the beginning and just work your way up. Theres good stuff in almost all of his albums

ScazarMeltex posted...

Acting your wage.

whats my wage again

whats my wage again

Sayoria posted...
Lol, those lazy fucks made my job massively stressful. Fuck both of them.

wait til you find out how much more stressful it is doing 100% of their jobs than it was 50% of their jobs

This week has honestly been a blur. Came to post memes and found 2 of the 3 were from this topic when I dont even remember being here. Was this one posted or no? >_>

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/1/6/4/AAZbmwAADrZE.jpg

FigureOfSpeech posted...

This topic went from a worthwhile discussion to a trainwreck in 3 words.

Seriously

yikes

who

Alteres posted...

Fair enough, Ive never seen him make disparaging comments about women personally.

so do you only browse CE for a few minutes each day or

Hasnt Neon talked about staring at the boobs of women he has in his ambulance?

CRON posted...

Squid Game was so overrated

No

RIP Big Bear Jim

Your trees must be bushes if you can see a standard warehouse over them.

Wat

I vaguely remember this

emblem-man posted...

It's actually more like 8-12 weeks after. It was for me at least.

I was thinking maybe the guy got someone pregnant and that was how he found out it didn't work.

Mine definitely didnt feel like it was that long after but maybe Im just remembering wrong.

emblem-man posted...

How did he find out it didn't work

You gotta get a sperm sample tested a week or two after the procedure. If its successful, there are no swimmers in it.

Honestly manjust based on this topic aloneI would seriously consider talking to a lawyer in case you go the divorce route. This definitely seems like she just wants to vent about you. The moment it turned to her, like you said, she didnt get it anymore. Sorry, man. :/

viewmaster_pi posted...

wtf, these are human breasts

Stagmar posted...

Utters?

Irony posted...

Did you mean udders kid?

MabusIncarnate posted...

This is udderly reprehensible

first 4 postsI cannot

Oh

The perfect girl but she is the one who knocks.

Makeveli_lives posted...

https://www.wizardingworld.com/legacyconnect

also here are the school robes and mask you get if you link your account to the game. Got to admit the two tone look is fantastic for every house.

but Goddamit to get it I would have to be a Hufflepuff. Website exclusive.

Tag

The Parasite Eve book was good too

Smackems posted...

Too much reading, wasn't very interesting, way too easy, and brown and gray

lolwut

the game had so many complaints about boss battles in particular being difficult. I remember there being a lot of whining about it on GFAQs in particular