Lurker > SHRlKE

Just found out my grans going to be gone in a few weeks today so while the scale is different Ill be joining you on this fucked yo journey. Sigh.

Ivany2008 posted...

Enjoy your time together. At least you know what is going to happen and you can prepare yourself for what is to come. It won't be easy, so just try and keep your head up. I would like to make a quick suggestion if you haven't already addressed it, and that's make sure to get general affairs in order. My uncle passed in January, and it saddens me to think of all the nonsense that my aunt had to deal with after his passing. How some companies could not understand that a dead man couldn't come in to cancel a bank account or even to change the name on the house they owned.

yeah definitely worth trying to get power of attorney or something so you can act on your wives behalf before the end and try and shore up as much of the legal gumph beforehand.

It sounds crazy youd have to take this time off from your PTO. Surely your work should give you it as compassionate leave?

Heart goes out to you bro. Ive been keeping my wife updated and she shares the comments made in here. Nothing else to add that hasnt already been said.

If there is one silver lining from this entire topic, and I only say they cause I cant think of another more appropriate phrase, its that its a reminder to us all not to take anything for granted.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Thanks for all the positive vibes guys.

Saskatchewan is a no go, our appeal was denied. So it means we will pursue out of province to BC. Some decent news on that front is that we will plan to go down to Vancouver on a Friday in June to do the second assessment, and assuming they give it a yes, they can do the procedure on the Sunday. The creamation service said they could complete their process and basically all they need is my payment and then urn and ashes would be mailed to me.

So near the end of June this process will likely be completed. Fills me with so many emotions when I think about it. I am both fearful and nervous but also like, ready for my wife to finally get what she wants and be able to move on with the next part of my life.

I still struggle with feelings of self loathing about even admitting to those feelings. Like I'm a bad person for being ready to move on and not be a care giver to a slowly dying wife. I am just one person and as strong as I know I am, even I will eventually hit a point where I just cannot be the care giver that my wife deserves. I am more fearful of that then the passing of my wife.

Like, if they decide my wife doesn't get MAID in June, I don't know how much longer I can keep up with being the amazing care giver I have been. How long can I do this effectively?

Youre an inspiration. Youre going to feel whatever youre going to feel. There is no rule book. The fact youve kept it together this long is a tribute to your character. When you need help dont be afraid to reach out. There is no shame in that. Yes youre wife is going through hell but so are you. I can only speak of personal experience but when I had a relative who was in hospital on end of life care for a few months its mentally exhausting and those feelings you mention are completely normal. Its weird. When you see someone you love going through this I felt the grieving process started before they were even gone. For me every time I saw my family member it was like going through that pain every time. There will be a sadness if youre wife does go but there will also be a certain weight lifted as well. Speaking to friends and family this is also natural and not something to beat yourself up over if the time comes.

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

I've never been much of a drinking man, but I honestly feel like I need a strong drink after reading that. It made me think about some of the people who arent with me anymore, even the ones who maybe didnt pass away but we just lost touch over the years. Its this intense bitter sweet feeling because they were awesome and now theyre gone. Ive heard that we should be happy that we knew them at all, but the truth is it still sucks to lose someone we loved. Friggen life can be so unpredictable and cruel sometimes.

The hardest part of growing older for me a couple of things:

1) The realisation you will never have time to do everything youd want to. This could be something stupid like realising you will NEVER get through your gaming backlog or something bigger like the realisation you will never be able to fulfil all your dreams.

2) The older you get the more people start dying. I was very lucky that I didnt really have to deal with a major death until my 30s that hit me hard but since then I will say there are at least one person I know who has died a year. Last year it was 3.

3) The older you get the harder to become to make friends. Kinda coupled with 2 in that as more people die your circle of people you know and care about gets smaller and smaller. This is why to me its so important to keep on top of your relationships and try and keep them going where possible and not taking people for granted.

4) That starting again is a fucking scary thought. I felt like I did this at 25 when Id split with my long time partner and it took me a long long time to get over it. In retrospect that was just a stupid on off relationship so now Im married the idea of needing to start over with even bigger steaks scares the shit out of me.

Apologies not sure this is the right topic for this but as TC is sharing thought i would as well.

Mainland Europe.

Yes very true. Those that do decide to do it generally go to Europe for it. Terry Pratchett did a good documentary on it called chowing to die thats worth a watch.

Obviously its quite dark subject matter so usual warnings apply if you decide to watch it.

My sister worked in hospice so we often have conversations about it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


More so in the US / Canada than the UK from my experience. Although that being said we dont even have anything comparable to MAID.

What a head fuck.

Is she feeding vampires or something? Lmao.

Cheers for the update. They sounds like shit what you went through with your landlady. I can understand her frustration but like has been said no need for her to take it out on you guys.

Meh it feels kinda weird to be bumping this. Let Op be the one who decides what happens with the topic. There is a fine line between wanting the best for TC and bumping it out of some morbid curiosity.

I get that if news is gonna be slow. You don't owe us anything so just if you need to vent we'll be here.

What a mind fuck.

On one hand Im relieved for you because the idea that if shed have been accepted she could be gone in what sounds like weeks is really fucking scary for me as I have close family with medical conditions as well (nothing as debilitating as your wifes).

On the flip side Ive seen close family go through cancer and know how stressful and unending watching someone go through that over a number of years / months can be so can completely appreciate why youd want to look at something like MAID as well.

I have no words. Whatever the outcome it was going to be shit to deal with. You are stronger than I would ever be and you have my complete admiration. Life is shit man. There will be a life after this for you but you seem clued you enough to know that but what you guys are going through... like I said what a mind fuck.

Me too. For you. For what its worth.

Good luck bro. Thinking of you.

More importantly please know that its ok to feel like this. Its normal. It fucking sucks but you will get through this. Embrace how you are feeling and let it flow over you.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I've pretty much just broken down on my drive to work. A lot of tears and fear. How are you supposed to know how to do all this? I try to be as logical as I can be about it all but like... if they say yes tomorrow by like Friday I can be living my life without her.

I'm not saying life isn't worth it or anything like that. I have a wonderful job, friends, family. I have it all. I WILL be OK I just don't know how to do this.

I'm scared.

Damn man youre making me tear up here. I think its time to reach out to your support network if you have one (family or close friends). Share this pain with them. They will be able to take it.

So once its all signed off its pretty much all done and just a case of booking the day? I didnt realise it was like that in terms of this is pretty much that far along. I have no idea how Id feel about that.

Fuck me it just hit home how real this is now.

I kinda feel weird saying I hope you get what you want but I hope you get the outcome you want. Ive seen loved ones in a similar situation and I get why youd want to do this but its still fucking sucks. You are stronger than I will ever be.

Have you seen the Terry Pratchett documentary where he talks about this? He visits an end of life clinic and you actually see how it works. Its very dignified and very peaceful and I completely understand why someone would want to go that route when faced with certain alternatives.

I wont post it but its called (trigger warning obviously due to the subject matter) Terry Pratchett: Choosing to Die and its easily viewable on Vimeo.

Hoping for you bro.

if it is granted what happens then?

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

I wonder if all these red tape issues are normal for other patients or if this is some weird anomaly that youve fallen victim to because the disease is rare.

Regardless, please continue taking care of each other in this new year.

Part of me wonders if the doctors who need to sign off on this just dont have the balls to actually make that sort of decision (or worse its ideological).

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

It was done by a geneticist outside of the province (since we didn't have a geneticist in Saskatchewan) but it is confirmed by that geneticist.

As long as you have it documented then you should be golden.

What a roller coaster this thread is. Best wishes as always mate.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Oh yeah my work knows. If it is necessary I can leave almost immediately to go do what I need to do. I can take days off if I need to. So I can do that when needed. They are wonderful about that.

Make sure you are being kind to yourself. Based on some of your posts I get the feeling you probably should be taking some more time off even if its just for yourself.

It is also true that I will continue to support my wife through this regardless of how much it sucks because I love her and she deserves that from me. I can and will give that.

Youre a good man Jeff. I cant really relate to this apart from to say my wife was in hospital earlier in the year for spinal surgery and she was in for over a week. I saw her every day and it was about a 90 minute trip away and after day 4 I found I was getting frustrated with losing 3 hours travel and probably another 2 hours while there every day and this was all after work.

Like you say the love you have just cant be ignored. It felt like a curse to me sometimes but thems the breaks and I dont think Id change a thing.

Have you told your work of your situation. Would have hoped theyd be a little more relaxed on your on call etc considering what you are going through so the fact they arent sucks ass.

How are you feeling?

Fuck sake. Sorry bro. I think I mentioned a few times having family members with cancer etc and being in and out of hospital. Fucking awful to go through and my heart truly breaks for you. I hope your wife gets out soon and you get to spend some more good days together in the near future

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

My wife was admitted to hospital this morning. Lots of vomiting and just not a lot of control of her throat and such. Gonna be staying overnight. It causes a lot of anxiety and stress as it is a very traumatic place for her (as you would expect).

Thinking of you guys. X

My sister used to work in hospice - I have experience with a wide range of anecdotal evidence but take it with a pinch of salt.

So many stories of people who thought they were done and wanted to stop treatment only for them to find something that worked and give them another couple of years of a relatively happy life. On the flip side you do get people who have just had enough and want to pass on their own way without the hassle of constant prodding and new meds. Its an impossible situation to be in and Im sorry.

Just need to understand exactly why the consultant thinks these options might work when previous ones didnt. Is it because there is genuine reason to think they will work or, more cynically, do they just want some data on new relatively untested options to see what works and what doesnt.

How is your wives day to day life at the moment?

That sucks. Hope all goes / went well.

Good luck

Thanks for sharing.

Ironically talking to my wife right now as she was asking what I was posting about. She actually had a few symptoms of what your wife has but luckily she didnt in the end but she had heard of it when I mentioned it.

Im amazed how even in such crap circumstances you continue to find the will to look to help others.

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Sorry about your brother. I dont know him, but I do wish him well and as speedy a recovery as possible. Dont really know what else to say, other than the obvious that Cancer truly sucks.

Seconded. Seems like a lot of bad news this year for a lot of people. @jeff just know you arent alone.

My sister works hospice and discusses how ass backwards the system is sometimes in almost forcing people to stay alive against their will until the very last moments. But then caveats it that sometimes people in short term pain want to die but recover and have many more years.

It's also such a fucked up difficult thing to have any sort of reasonable conversation about and unfortunately a lot of the time the people making the decisions how little to know experience with what they are campaigning for.

From a personal perspective... I had to watch my grandad in hospital deteriorate over two months. He knew he was done and wanted to go home and die surrounded by his family but was denied this simple request... instead he lay in a bed in a plane white room with no stimulus slowly losing his mind and in pain until nature finally took it's course.

Whatever your stance I think we can all agree more discourse needs to be had on better end of life care with a focus on compassion and respect.

After losing a few family members this topic hits hard. Sorry for what you are going through bro.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. Thoughts are with you.

Awwww come on bro you never do one for me.

Trumble posted...

@Smackems
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/6/9/AAe-HEAADwbB.png

lmao

Bump

Frasier and Niles go bowling.

DuuuDe14 posted...

The need to be right stems from an over inflated ego and a lack of accountability.

Accountability is worth it's weight in gold nowadays.

Agree. Unfortunately a lot of people also see it as a sign of weakness.

#GuessTheGame #139



https://GuessThe.Game/

Had this issue in a family WhatsApp last night. Was debating the economy and someone got something wrong after a huge debate. Instead of admitting he was wrong deleted his posts and anything to do with it and pretended the whole conversation never happened. How people can be so insecure that losing an argument would hit their confidence so much I have no idea. Pitty them.

I4NRulez posted...

its not Margit. Its the giant that drops down as you approach the castle

yeah

Its weird as assumed this wasnt a thing in the US. I dunno what to say man. Nothing I can really. Seen a close family member go through cancer and pass recently and can understand the conflicted feelings of obviously loving them and not wanting to lose them but also that its no life and you hope they find peace. Sometimes life is just shit but you seem to have a good head in your shoulders and you will find strength you didnt even know existed during this horrible time.

Only thing I can say is its ok to be strong. But its also ok to not be.

Started as the naked guy. Spent maybe 5 hours and only just beaten the big troll thing that jumps from the bridge near the gate at the beginning near the knight camp. This game is hard.

Anyway I got a flail +2. Levelled up mostly by zooming across the map with my horse and getting items near some decrepit church I could sell for a lot. Anyway I got invited to some round table place. Im worried this is meant to be a lot longer away but unlocked it too early cause I explored too much too soon. Plus met some dude who looks like a cup and had to hit him to get him out the ground. Realised I hit him too many times now hes aggro and I cant kill him. Worried I fucked some super quest or something.

Also is the game meant to go from rock solid hard and get a lot easier once I got the flail and enough Rex to use it?

Anyway worried I ruined some quests already and might be op.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/1/7/2/AAADpjAAAACs.png