Lurker > EclairReturns

It is currently snowing where I have relocated to. It was the first time I had to deal with snow, not as a pretty sight to behold, but as an inconvenience to my commute. After work, when I was walking back to my car, the co-worker who had parked next to me offered to let me use her snow-scraper, as she did not very much feel at ease with the possibility that I would have to use my hands in order to clear the snow off my car. I turned her down, telling her that I would use a spare umbrella in order to get the job done. She looked downtrodden, and from what I could glean of her perfunctory remarks one would say in response to an apology, a bit regretful that she had to deal with one as rude as myself.

For the rest of the car-ride home, I thought of nothing else but how I potentially ruined the rest of her night. I thought of what brought this sort of behavior about. I thought of how I might delay her trip home by taking too long to scrape the snow off my car, because it would have been my first time using a snow-scraper. I thought about how I could have broken it during my clumsy usage of the instrument. I thought of how I always have a problem accepting help from others, in addition to compliments and praise. I thought of how accepting help makes me feel like a failure and an inferior, no matter how much I need the help.

It's one of the many reasons in school why I had not thought so highly of myself. I thoroughly regret having come in for tutoring for so often; it is one of the reasons why I feel as though I do not deserve my degree. I tell myself at times that it is but a piece of paper that merely serves as an indicator that I have successfully undertaken the curriculum prescribed to students of my order. Yet, because of my tendency to seek help during my college days, now I feel as though I have not earned the degree, which ultimately served no use to me anyway.

In any case, as a result of my inability to handle my issues, I guilt myself for having offended one of my co-workers. I tend to show similar treatment to others, as I have explained before. I tend not to greet people who pass me by. I brush off compliments and praise; I worry about how that affects those who give them to me. I tend to avoid social contact; I worry about how that makes my co-workers feel. I tend to avert my eyes from others, and avoid social contact at all costs, even though ironically, I write constantly of my loneliness. It's just far too scary to emotionally avail myself to others. I worry at times if I am a pernicious addition to my team. I worry if my simply being there hinders morale. I worry if my manager regrets having welcomed me into her team. It's true that she was informed previously that I may have a form of autism. Even so, I worry that I am detrimental to everyone else's emotional health.

I feel like I worry overmuch. Yet, how can I stop, when my worries have ostensible bases in reality? Anyway, how was your day, board?

I must have these answers.

Yes, I have gotten a job in IT while the field was still worth entering.

The one-liner I'm currently using to get a list of files in the current directory that have been modified on October the twenty-ninth

ls -l | sed "s/ \{2,\}/ /g" | cut -f 6-7,9 -d " " | grep -P "^Oct 29" | cut -f 3 -d " "

Is there a shorter way of getting such a list of files without using so many pipes?

I must have these answers.

0/10

It's rude and inconsiderate, unless you were rating the hobby of "slow-running", and merely making a remark about how you had no intention of rating the Lokarin bloke's non-hobby post. In the event that the latter is true, I will have to give it an 8/10. Exercise has its mental and physical benefits, and enjoying it in any way, shape, or form can only increase the individual's health. The hobby I want rated, then:

Writing fan-fiction.

Krazy_Kirby posted...

don't shower

No. I tend to wear the same black jacket halfway into the week, then I switch to my second for the remainder of it.

I don't own any apparel affiliated with any cartoon, political party, or any sort of fictional media whatsoever. I just wear one of my many white shirts and a black jacket to work everyday, hoping that no one comes under the partially correct impression that I don't shower or change my clothes.

__starsnostars posted...

wear pants

Yes. I have a tendency to do that. Is your implication by asking such a ridiculous question that worrying about my co-workers not liking me --- or even outright despising me --- is not as big a deal as I make it to be in my mind?

I tend to never say hi, avert my eyes whenever I pass someone in the hall, and never seem to be able to listen properly.

slacker03150 posted...

it

You mean that they are transvestites, or that you are deliberately misquoting that song that the Judgmenl bloke has linked to?

ParanoidObsessive posted...

your problem

Are you implying that this Fa bloke is blinded by his nostalgia, and so would enjoy media that resonates with those happy memories of enjoying Spider-Man media as a child, moreso than media that attempts to veer from the familiar?

SSJ3_NAPPA posted...

Never clicked on a thread faster

You mean because the title had suggested that the topic matter was going to revolve around the human phallus, rather than a pre-packaged pastry.

:(

If by "thang", you refer to the human buttocks, then yes: It does have a tendency to release flatulence, usually when the owner of aforementioned buttocks is experiencing constipation.

The most annoying thing about my week, I would say, is my current performance at my job thus far. I'm frustrated with myself at the moment. I'm three weeks into my role, and I feel like I am already underperforming. I understand that at this stage in my tenure, not much is to be expected of me, since I am still figuratively learning the ropes. But there is a co-worker who joined alongside me who has needed far less guidance from her supervisors, because she listens during meetings. I, on the other hand, have a very hard time keeping still and committing to memory the information being conveyed to me. As a result, I have had to eat up the time of each subsequent meeting going over what I already should have done prior to the meeting. It makes me feel inferior, in a way. It is true that I take notes during these meetings. But I hardly ever utilize them; they are mostly just for show, to implicitly intimate to others that I am paying attention. Due to my failings as a poor listener, I am behind in terms of getting my test assignments done, since I'm unable to figure out what I must do. It's harrowing, trying to keep myself immersed in my surroundings, trying to keep up with all the technical jargon that's being thrown at me over again. It'sbeen a bad week for me. It doesn't help, either, that I suspect already that my co-workers dislike me, even though they maintain a friendly rapport with me during work hours. I'm just bad at listening to people talk. It makes me wonder if I'm fit for friendship and the like, if I'm unable to take interest in the conversations of others for more than a minute. It is likely true that most work-related material will not be interesting. Yet, it has not stopped my co-worker actively listening to it, and applying what she's learnt to her work. Right now, I'm berating myself for my inability to do the same.

Blightzkrieg posted...

say theyre not hiring right now

This is most perplexing. Unless they have judged you by appearance alone and allowed their first impression of you to disqualify you from any position you may choose to apply for at their organization, there is no reason for such companies to even have a presence at a job fair.

Is this a term that is meant to refer to those individuals who do nothing but browse the worldwide web for most of their waking day?

I'm sorry.

ZangsBeard posted...

the point.

Is your implication here that in general, you are not as mentally stable as the average bloke, and that you must figuratively --- and possibly literally --- put a face on during the one day of the year when wearing disguises in public is appropriate for not only those fictional-works fans who attend those comic-conventions intended to appeal to aforementioned fictional works, but for individuals not of this order, also?

faramir77 posted...

Not a surprise from a Christian private school.

You mean given the Catholic Church's history of sexually abusing children.

Jen0125 posted...

paragraph breaks

Done.

Whenever I pass people by on work, I have a tendency to look down and/or away from them, out of anxiety and shyness. I fear that they would hate me for this habit, for it would appear to them that I am shunning them and making them feel as though they had done something to wrong me. In truth, I am just so very afraid of eye-contact and interacting with others. I feel even worse after choosing to ignore the hapless co-worker who happens to pass me by, because of the reasons thus mentioned. I worry that they hate me, which is not too far-fetched a possibility at this point, I imagine.

It is true that co-workers have greeted me on more than one occasion. But on each of those occasions, I had seldom made eye-contact, and had usually responded to them with little more than monosyllabic responses that may impart to them the accurate, but unfortunate, impression that I am incapable of socializing normally. A few of the co-workers I am in contact with every day have greeted me by name. I have taken this gesture to mean that they know my name, and that each of them means to emphasize that I do not know theirs, since I have never once responded to them using it. Just this morning, my superior had greeted me, then returned immediately to the conversation she had been immersed in with a co-worker. It is a clear sign, to me at least, that she is not overly fond of me. I am aware that universal popularity is hardly a requirement for the position I am working at. But it is a terrible feeling, nonetheless, to be worried constantly about what my peers and superiors whisper about me in my absence.

During the two weeks I have had to check into the office, they have had me virtually shadow a veteran co-worker. It is not a very rewarding experience, since I've yet to acquire the necessary tools to replicate the advice they would impart to me during these sessions. I have taken notes, but so far, they are not currently relevant to me. I know that on more than one occasion, I have shown much disrespect to my co-workers during these sessions. I have been diligent in muting my microphone as they are lecturing on the procedures they follow when performing a given task. But due to my own stupidity and general lack of attentiveness to the things happening around me, I tend to forget that they are able to hear me during these virtual sessions, since we do these sessions within a few yards of each other. I cannot help that I am unable to stay interested and immersed in the material that is being covered, when I have absolutely no means of interacting with it myself. I'm afraid that my co-workers do not think very fondly of me, two weeks into coming into work in-person.

I am far more aware that this quality of mine makes me a far less ideal candidate for any position, but I must confess that I am a terrible listener. I have trouble diverting attention from my thoughts to the person who is dedicating their time to speak to me. I, on the other hand, do not have the courtesy to listen or take interest in them. I wouldn't blame anyone for hating me for this bad habit of mine. Some of my co-workers speak somewhat crassly, and some of the manuals they have provided are saturated with errors that make me take the manuals and the ones who have written them less seriously. It just gets tiring trying to engage myself in this job, after a while. I worry that my hiring manager has already regretted her choice, having hired me onto her team.

Anyway, how was your day, board?

I must have these answers.

Is it bad that my mind automatically drifted to that scene in that Yu-Gi-Oh cartoon where Wheeler dived into the ocean in order to try to recover Yugi's playing cards?

I don't see why it is not correct. It may overemphasize the speaker's feelings about some arbitrary hobby he is engaged in. But I do not see why it would be incorrect. I mean, I suppose that the enjoyability of an activity can be described by the words, "enjoyable" and "fun". The latter would describe an activity that is very much to the speaker's liking, while the former would indicate that the speaking is enjoying himself, but not to the extent that he would seek it out in his free time. It doesn't feel right intensifying an adjective that is already considered "intense". But that doesn't make it incorrect, just awkward and likely to figuratively raise some eyebrows.

You mean because the extended period of relaxation has thrown the tempo of your life out of balance by depriving you of a day to work, when your body and mind have already been conditioned by the standard work-week to expect to get busy --- in a non-sexual manner of speaking, of course --- thus making the extra day-off a day comprising a frustrating combination of confused lethargy and restlessness, which I presume is your current source of distress, and also, the inspiration for creating this topic. Although, I am unable to identify any such holidays that would have extended the weekend previous into the weekend of the sort that you claim to take issue with. Or perhaps your meaning was that the extra day-off has further situated you into the state of rest and relaxation that you had enjoyed two days previous, and that the struggle to extricate yourself from that state come either Monday night or Tuesday morning will be that much harder?

AwesomeTurtwig posted...

flip

Are you using the word "flip" in a more figurative sense than the sense that the topic creator had originally meant, in order to frustrate him slightly for your own amusement?

GanglyKhan posted...

in that, there too is beauty

You mean in a paradoxical sort of way.

Is that Matt Damon in a football jersey?

I don't know why the title of this "Serak" entity gives me the impression that they handle people's taxes.

Zagoth_Triome posted...

depressing

You mean because the notion of machines being programmed well enough to be able to decipher the human mind makes the human mind seem far less significant, far less complex than is comfortable for us as human beings to accept? Or is it because the same algorithms that read the patterns of an internet-goer's mind are also partially responsible for manipulating it into falling into those very patterns, which provides no small comfort for those questioning their state as human beings, a state that is something that is beyond anyone's ability to control, and moreover, a state that is beyond anyone's desire to change?