Lurker > TuxedoCyan

ShiftBlood posted...

It's the old adage tbh that u just don't know until you get there. I've had jobs in the past that have ended up being far more expansive than what they initially appeared due to the people there. And then that circle you get ingratiated in can open up doors and then it's like a domino affect.

I think just keep open to these things as they can be paths to brighter days despite the intial view of darkness when viewed from afar. Quite often - but not always - it's an illusion.

Well the main problem is, I don't like socializing with people. I actually really hate it. So that pretty much eliminates all easily obtainable minimum wage jobs with no job experience. Plus I don't drive and don't want to make my parents drive me to and from work. I don't know how to ride a bike or anything like that either.

The main thing is I just don't want to have to talk to anyone, ever. I don't like talking in person. I don't like talking over the phone. I can barely stomach live chat with just text. Gamefaqs is quite literally the only place I feel comfortable socializing, and I barely even do that. I average a few posts a month and most of the time it's just posting something and then never returning to the topic again.

There is no reason to even think about it. I'm just going to keep living my life the way it is now. The exercise has really improved my health/stamina but It's not making me want to get out there and get my life back. I'm just stuck forever. I would say SSI disability is the only answer but I honestly don't think I would pass the application. I only have severe anxiety and a strong hate of socializing. That is not really a disability. There are people out there that are actually disabled that need those SSI checks way more than I do. I don't need it.

I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression in the spring of 2000 and have suffered from severe panic attacks and severe anxiety ever since. The only times I have panic attacks is when I go out in public and are around a lot of people. So I quit going out in public and haven't been around anyone for roughly 24 years now. I've not had a job since November 1999 and I live with my parents. I am the guy that just plays video games all day long. I did start exercising everyday starting Jan 1st 2019 and I still keep that up to this day.

Only recently just started going to the dentist again and my younger brother had a wedding that I attended that had 130+ people. But after I got home from the wedding, I had a major anxiety attack that pretty much disabled me for 48+ hours. I didn't eat or drink and all during that time and all I did was cry that entire time locked in my room wishing for the worst.

I have procrastinated my entire adult life and looking back I feel like I've really screwed my life up. But the sad part is, I'm not going to change and my parents aren't going to push me. Even if they did push me, I would just push back and win because they care and worry about me too much and don't want to hurt me and are scared I will get hurt.

I really enjoy doing nothing but playing video games and watching tv all day long and not having to worry about adult things like working and money and paying bills and socializing and maintaining friendships/relationships. I literally feel like I still have the mindset of a teenager. I've never tried alcohol and I don't drink coffee because I see those as "adult things". A part of me wishes I had a romantic relationship but I think I am better off just left alone. I don't think anyone would want a 42 year old, jobless, vehicle-less, extremely anti-social, introvert, lives with parents man-child for a boyfriend anyway. I had several (4) opportunities for a girlfriend back in my school days but never took the chance partly because of anxiety and part because I was an immature kid. Technically I still am immature.

I was on anti-depressants and was seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist back in 2000 but the drugs only made me feel worse and the psychologist/psychiatrist just told me to stop it for everything I talked about. "I don't like driving." "Stop it and go force yourself to drive." "I don't like socializing." "Stop it and go force yourself to socialize." I quit both and just decided to do my own thing. 24 years later and I'm still stuck right where I was back then and I'm going to continue to be stuck for the next 24 years.

Also, I've been talking about this stuff for the last 20 years on gamefaqs and other forums online and nobody has been able to convince me to change. I know living this way is wrong but I just don't want to change. Trying to start my life right now and getting a minimum wage job and living on my own sounds way worse than what I have now. I'm extremely thankful my parents let me live this way.

Moral of the story, don't end up like me?

I've wasted the last 23 years of my adult life not wanting to take control and will probably waste the next 23 years doing the same. It's just so much easier to do nothing.

what friends?

I've been strictly water only for the past 15 or so years. I prefer room temp water over cold as well.

I actually don't want to work.

I don't have any apps on my phone except stock apps. I turned off permissions on everything. I keep "find my phone" disabled. I keep location services disabled. I keep mobile data disabled. I never use those assistance apps like siri, alexa, okay google, etc, those are all disabled. My brother even bought us an amazon echo for a Christmas gift a few years ago and I shoved it into a closet to never see the light of day again.

That is as far as I am willing to go with my paranoia. I know the rabbit hole goes much deeper but whatever.

I'm extremely anti-social and introverted. I can and have gone many years without talking to anyone outside of my parents. I wish I didn't have to socialize period to be honest. It's probably the biggest reason why I refuse to get a job. You have to socialize even a little bit for the most basic minimum wage job and I just can't do it. Posting on a video game forum at my own pace is the best I can do to socialize.

I already don't gain weight no matter what I eat, but my answer is bread. There are so many variety of breads out there and I want to eat them all.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I see. We're more similar than it originally sounded. Though, I used to be fine with being alone. Until I turned 30/31. That's when I started to realize how far behind everyone I was, and it became a trigger for me to see others succeed. Doesn't really matter where, irl, on here, on TV/movies, in games, magazines, books, whatever.

The envy I feel for others has eaten away at me for years, and I hate it. I hate that I let myself become this way.

Yeah I used to get really depressed/lonely when I was in my early to mid 20s. After that I just got over it and stopped thinking about it. Now I'm like 99.99% okay with the fact that I am going to be alone. There's always that 0.01% where I wish things were different, but most of the time I forget about it entirely. It only started getting bad again when my brother and his gf started dating and visiting often. I didn't like seeing it and just tried to avoid them as much as possible. I'm okay with it now. But on the flip side, my brother has a lot of problems in his life that I don't, so everyone has stuff they have to deal with.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I recently turned 40 and am a dateless virgin as well. Also have social anxiety, depression, and several other mental blocks in the way. I don't think I'll ever manage to overcome this or be with anyone. I often get eaten up with envy for others that have found success, and it's not a pleasant way to live.

Thankfully it sounds like you're doing well and have adjusted in a healthy way. Good for you.

Well I don't want to sound like everything is perfectly fine. I do have much of the same issues as you. I just choose to avoid situations that cause me to spiral into that abyss. For me, as long as I stay totally anti-social and never go out with family, I never get negative thoughts. Anytime I try to go out and be around people, that is when I just go into full anxiety and depression mode. So the key for me is to just not try anymore. I know it's wrong but it's the only way I can deal.

I recently went to my brothers wedding and had a major anxiety meltdown once I got home and I basically shut myself in my room for 3 days and barely ate or drink water because It was just that overwhelming to me. Before that I haven't been to any kind of social gathering in many years.

I was also teased quite a bit my aunts about "where's your gf?" "I thought you were the one getting married, not your little brother!" "When's your wedding?" "You're a handsome man! Any girl would be happy to be with you!" which were annoying to say the least.

I'm a 42 year old and never had a gf and are still a virgin. I have severe social anxiety and refuse to even try. I focus on things I can do that make me happy and I exercise daily instead.

I can't even take care of myself. I definitely don't want kids.

My family goes through a 40oz bottle of ketchup once every 4-6 months and we never keep it in the refrigerator and we've never seen it go bad. It is kept in one of those vertical drawers in the kitchen though so maybe limiting exposure to light makes the difference.

I'm 42 years old.
The topic was never broached and I still live with my parents rent free to this day.

I hated everything in PE that related to sports/team stuff/group activities. So I enjoyed anything where we had to do something for a solo grade like run a mile in 20 mins or using workout equipment.

Wrestling was probably my least favorite activity.

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I had a panic attack once when I was having back pain and put some cream on my back. I can't really explain why but it felt like I was having an allergic reaction. My mom then took me to the ER room and my panic attack escalated into full blown uncontrolled hyperventilation while I was laying on a gurney in the hallway and my hands locked up with fully extended fingers and I was very close to just passing out. My heart rate was through the roof. I had no idea what was happening. Nobody was helping me yet so my mom grabbed someone and a nurse walked over to me and just said "Oh, he's just having a panic attack." and then she got in my face and shouted "STOP IT!" and then walked away. That didn't help the situation at all. If anything, it just pissed me off. I did eventually calm down after another 20-30 minutes. This happened around 2005.

Then In around 2010 I was at an eye doctor in the waiting room with a lot of people around and I started having a panic attack. I was hyperventilating like crazy again and fell to the ground and curled up in a ball and was drooling everywhere and drawing so much attention to myself. It was horrifying and embarrassing but I knew the whole time I was just having a panic attack but I couldn't control myself at all. My mom had to practically drag me out and take me home.

Most of my anxiety stems from just being around people. It's not that I'm worried about what people think of me, I really don't care what they think about me. I just don't like being around people, period. I haven't had any panic attacks since, because I just don't go out in public anymore. I also hate driving and sold my car about 20 years ago.

I started going to the dentist again a few years ago and so far it's been okay. But each time I went, nobody was in the waiting room with me. I've also been exercising since 2019 and I feel like that is helping with my self-confidence but I still don't want anything to do with people. I refuse to take medications because they don't help me. I tried that back in 1999-2000 and they only make me feel worse. I don't care if medical technology has advanced since then. I don't want to deal with side effects. I just want to be left alone. Just accepting this is how I am, is how I deal with it. It's so much easier than to try to "fix" myself to contort myself to how society says I should be and act. I'm extremely lucky those around me (family) are okay with just letting me be me.

KINDERFELD posted...

Were you diagnosed with an anxiety disorder?

I was originally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and depression.

KINDERFELD posted...

Do yo at least socialize or interact with family and a friend?

I have no friends and I live with my parents. I don't socialize with anyone aside my parents.

My social anxiety has nothing to do with what I think people think about me. I just genuinely don't like being around people or talking to people. That's all. I also have no reason to correct my anxiety. I just accept it as who I am. It's much easier to just be anti-social and isolate myself than otherwise. The world has nothing to offer me. I am happy alone in my room.

Nintendo_Porn posted...

the only shame you should be is burdening by not contributing to the household

Which is exactly what I am doing. I only help by doing little chores around the house (I live with my parents). I haven't had a job since November 1999. I don't have a car and even if I did, I absolutely hate driving. I almost never go out in public.

Do I feel shame? Hell no. This is how I am meant to live and I enjoy it with every fiber of my being. Sure I am missing out on a lot of life experiences. It doesn't bother me.

Nintendo_Porn posted...

It just explains alot as to why I thrive so much in introversion, lack social cues/socializing, and didn't get a gf till 30...Took myself off the board. I was suspecting it when it took me till 30 to obtain independence, and maintained a fugal lifestyle.

Hey man, good for you becoming independent, even at 30.

I'm 42 and still not independent. Never have been. I have extreme introversion and anti-socialism and social anxiety and all that but I don't think I have autism. I just simply don't want to be independent and nobody's pressuring me otherwise.