Lurker > bsp77

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

It definitely wasn't easy to do. Made me cry at times as I wrote it, scared to death to start, scared to share it, but that is part of the process I would imagine. I'm doing as my therapist suggests and I read it every day. The ultimate goal I think is to be comfortable with those negative emotions and realize that they should not be a source of shame and that the negative realities of the relationship I chose to be in won't change the love, respect, and admiration I have for my wife.

It's scary as hell and challenging to say the least, but I'm going to do as my therapist recommends.

I can imagine that after going through what you have, that there is tendency to feel the need to place your spouse on a pedestal. It is good to remember that relationships have good and bad parts, and that doesn't change simply because she is gone. It seems it would be hard to move on and have a fulfilling life if you feel you can only think positively about her without shame. That wouldn't allow for you to find happiness with another in time.

spriga posted...

Whatever floats your boat.

Have some empathy. I can't imagine what Jeff has been through, and I can see how this is legit and good to externalize.

SHRlKE posted...

Not at all. Weve all got our own stories to tell.

I often find myself having really morbid thoughts like would I rather she die quickly and unexpected from her heart issues or watching her decline slowly over a number of years. I often think that about myself as well. If I could chose how to go how would I want it? How would people react. How would my wife cope. So I get you.

Getting older and seeing relatives and friends die in different ways like suddenly in traffic accidents / cancer over a number of years / short illnesses gives you a lot of perspective on how crap can life be.

Yeah, I get it

I guess you just got to live for the moment and make every second count. Me and the wife always say we love each other to the point it must look silly to others due to how often we do it but Id hate to not say it one day as shes leaving for work and something happen to her.

We are the same. Multiple times a day. Only been married a couple months though

SHRlKE posted...

Meh this topic makes me realise how much I worry about my wife. Shes always got something wrong with her. Shes got heart conditions, diverticula disease and a variety of other bits and bobs. She had back surgery not too long ago to thats affected her mobility. She gets constant migraines which put her in bed for days at a time.

Ive kinda resigned myself shes going to go before me and I dread having to face it when that day comes or more specifically the months and years leading up to that point.

Even if its 20 / 30 years from now. Shes just not a healthy person. Were both 40 and ever since I first met her shes deteriorated a lot in the last ten years health wise. Just needed to vent. Its one of the reasons I was so heart broken by your story over the last few years because I can see myself having to face seeing my wife go downhill as well albeit probably on a longer scale.

That sounds rough. And not to discount this AT ALL, but there is an opposite side to this too. I am 46 and my wife is 31. I worry about how I will likely seriously decline waaaaay before she does, and I hate that I will do that to her.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I don't think it's gonna be easy at almost 40, but I dunno, it's also kinda exciting to meet new people and get to know them and all that jazz.

I did it at 40. I personally didn't find it too bad at all between dating apps and using Meetup to make friends and get a social circle going. I met me wife through that social circle.

The nice thing about 40 and is women in their 20s, 30s and 40s are all interested.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

She had a hard time believing that we are just kinda a 50's era family living in the 2010's (at that point). LOL

That is definitely how my new in-laws are.

Merry Christmas, Jeff! I hope you enjoy the holidays even if a little rough at times.

cjsdowg posted...

I might see if they have day passes if they have day passes , I could do that. Since I don't know how much swimming is worth 42 dollars . But I have to do something to tone up.

Well, do it!

And 500 :)

That is what sucks. My gym only has machines and free weights. Cheap though

cjsdowg posted...

Weight Loss Warriors: When we are done here we can move to the next topic.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/80652055

Don't be a slacker! Get your 500 win

cjsdowg posted...

Nothing to do with weight loss, but found my lizard !!!! So size 40 and still have my lizard. GREAT Day.

Yay!

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So yeah, the counterpart to my right calf. I would blame you, but mine started hurting a few days ago. If a serious sprain, which I think it is, it will take several weeks.

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The pain would be centered on the dead center of the back of your leg though, because of where the vein is. As I said, the meatiest part of the calf is a little to the side, so you should be able to tell the difference.

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One thing to check, because I did. Make sure it is not DVT, which is a blood clot that can cause a heart attack. If it was, it would be in center of your calf, and you would likely feel a lump and your calf may be red and/or hot.

Mine is to the right of center (more in the middle of the actual muscle which is off center) and I don't have any of the other symptoms.

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So we are now sharing this pain. You have the left calf and I have the right calf. Sucks

Only did chest, biceps, and abs today, but I pushed it pretty hard

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Yeah, Blanks are what I have after getting snipped

cjsdowg posted...

224.8 today. So I have reached my targeted weight and dang I have lost so much muscle over the years. I was 225 back in college and I was stacked like Janga Tower. note I am beating myself up over this. So I guess I will keep losing. I guess my next goal is 200 pounds. I should get there in 3 months. If I graduate this term..which I don't think I will. Since sickness and work kicked my ass last term. I would be at two or below when I walk.

Just start working on losing fat and gaining muscle and don't stress about the final weight as much.

I am being a hypocrite btw. I stress.

cjsdowg posted...

Can you get to a pool? That is a good way to lose pounds with out jacking your joins.

Not in winter.

I did buy some in a beer today though

I have a horrible sprain in my right calf so no running for a bit. Tired of being old and getting injured.

Oh well, I can still lift

Good workout today. Chest, back, shoulders, biceps, and abs

I got up to 120 pounds on the chest press, which is great for me. I don't mean max, but 3 sets of 8 to 10 reps each doing slow 5 second reps. Is that good at all?

No idea what my max is.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

5'3 and 117 seems kinda small?

Come to think of it, how do you say that in a polite way? Like, I don't ever want someone to be shamed for being smaller just like I don't wanna be shamed for being bigger.

Small seems kinda derogatory, petite has the same deal.

BMI it seems to be well within regular though, so as long as it is healthy for your frame, good enough!

BMI shows 112 to be on the low edge of normal, so I am unsure of why more weight should be lost as seems to be the goal. Sounds like building muscle should be the goal.

But also every body is different.

Samurai_Man posted...

Down 60lbs this year, 40lb I lost on my own, the other 20 with the help of my Dr, TRT and Ozempic. Should be back to my college weight of around 180-190 by May. Dieting and doing about 30 minutes of intense cardio a day about 5-6 days a week (usually 30 minutes of the stair climber around lvl 7-10)

That's awesome!

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Not awesome...

4.3 miles today at 9:08 pace. Feeling much better. Not sure I should push to do 6 miles at a 8:30 pace. That is probably why I tend to get injured. I'm not young :(

On an unrelated note, does anyone ever think the kinda chubby women at the gym are super cute in their gym clothes? I think something is wrong with me. My last gf was definitely on the chubby side with a large bust and butt. I tended to notice all the thinner women then. Now that I am married, my wife is much more tall and svelte, and now I notice the chubby women. Note that I would never cheat, have zero desire to, and adore my wife. I just think it is screwed up that I notice what I don't have more. Is this normal?

I had a good gym day. Multiple sets of chest press, seated row, abdominal crunch, shoulder press, and biceps curl. My whole upper body feels warm and tingly.

Just ran 4 miles and walked an extra 1. Pace still recovering.

Only did pushups today. I'll start back on a bunch of weights on Wednesday.

No weight loss in the last week. That's okay; wasn't really trying. But once I have lunch, that will be a 19 hour fast.

Feeling better today, cjsdowg?

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Lol, I know all about developing an ego, and I don't just mean about lifting

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I get what you are saying. I am not just skipping the weekend out of laziness.

cjsdowg posted...

As a childless poster this is something that I always wondered about. Doesn't running around with kids like work you out. It seems tiring .

Not that much lol

They had a play date yesterday and the other dad and I sat around and drank beer. Then watched My Neighbor Totoro with them.last night. I have to make food and get them to do things, but nothing like working out

I am not really doing anything this weekend. One, I have my kids and hard to get an hour+ to go to the gym. And two, I think I overdid some things during the week and need the recovery.

My weight seems to be right around 179.5, so I am not making any progress, but I am not really trying. I have been focusing on my muscles and not gaining any weight during November and December as I typically do. I will be able to shed some weight in January, especially because I won't drink at all.

I might do some pushups and crunches today though.

I don't see any gaps in the posts, so pretty sure no one here has me blocked. It's a Christmas miracle!

Just finished at the gym. Did chest press, biceps curl, shoulder press, and abdominal crunch. Left my back alone as I think I slightly pulled it on Monday with the stupid seated row machine.

Also, didn't use the treadmill, as my lower legs are a little achy from upping the running and walking this week after recovering from my knee injury.

Can't I just not have injuries? Ugh.

At 179 today, which seems to be my average for the week, as I have fluctuated 2.5 pounds. My entire upper body is sore, so taking the day off. But I think I will go for a hike nearby this afternoon. Distance TBD.

cjsdowg posted...

Did my "official" weekly weigh in and was only at 233 . That sucks so much. I know weight and move up and down like 4 pounds in a day. But normally checking in on Thursdays right when I wake up gives me my lowest weight. So kind of bummed. And once more why I think that Cals in vs Cals out is just wrong. I have been at or under 1100 calories all week. There is no way I should have lost so little.

I bet you are retaining water. Just try to stay chill about it. I have had times where I seem a few pounds high for like 3 days in a row. Then the next day, I will pee like every half hour all day. Then after that, I will be lighter again.

I have zero actual advice here, so I am just being a smart ass. I did well with dating apps and within my social circle, but I have no skillz at walking up to random women. Never have even tried. (other than the time totalnerdken mentioned above)

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Just remember that the proper name for shoulder lifts is the Dirty Sanchez. So make sure to ask if she likes that.

bsp77 posted...

Yes, I see her there every Wednesday and Friday

Since no one has responded, I feel the need to say that I am joking about my wife. I do have a certain level of decency to uphold around here.

cjsdowg posted...

No good day on the exercise front. I went to special foot doctor and he didn't help more anymore then my family doctor. All he did was take away my hope of getting better. He was like you will never be able run that marathon. Then I fell down some stairs and with my laptop. So not a great day so far. But you know what. I am not going to over eat. I am not going to less the stress beat me. I am going to do my set down workout, and still eat right.

Yeah, don't let it get you down. I had to deal with my hurt knee for most of November and am slowly recovering now.

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Yes, I see her there every Wednesday and Friday

Upper body too sore to do much today. I did do a dozen flies on the weight bench, which I can really feel in my chest. I also did two sets of 10 on the ab crunch machine with 60 pounds. I have always neglected my abs.

I did run 3.8 miles at a 9:28 pace. Still recovering from my knee injury but felt good today.

Walking now and waiting for my wife to be done.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I used to be able to go for a walk on our property. We have 11.5 acres, and a creek that circles our field. So it was easy to just go walk around and follow the creek. Iirc one lap around was about half a mile or so.

But dad took in a horse. That thing is mean as heck. You can't go in the field without it attacking. So, that's out of the question now. The road I live in isn't exactly safe for walks either.

Recently I've just been walking a lot more at work. There's a nice hallway on the ground floor and I've been making myself pace it back and forth. Better than nothing I guess.

I would recommend going on hikes instead then. Drive somewhere nearby and walk like 3 or 4 miles. Unlikely you can do that everyday, but 3x a week would be great.

I really need to start going on hikes more often again. My wife and I used to go like once a week. Now it is pretty rare :(

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100 calories / mile for walking and about 130 for running are kind of guidelines but weight and speed is a factor. I know when I was closer to 200 pounds, running a mile was about 140 calories, so it dropped by close to 10 calories/mile after losing 20 pounds.

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I do enjoy a lot of healthy foods more than I used to. There is very little I don't eat anymore

KogaSteelfang posted...

Hey guys. I guess I'll be joining in too if that's ok. I've known for a while that I was gaining weight, but I didn't really want to admit it.

My problem is probably my total lack of physical activity. Like, I don't ever really do anything. Have a desk job, video games and movies are my main hobbies. I've noticed that a lot of the time I'll go days with almost no activity.

So, hopefully this topic will inspire me to get off my lazy butt and get in shape again. I see you all are doing great, and that makes me happy.

Hi Koga! Welcome

My main advice would be to just go for daily walks, even if just half an hour. 2 miles is 200 calories. People don't realize how much of a difference 200 calories a day makes. 200 * 365 / 3500 (how many calories are in a pound) = 21 pounds a year. 200 calories of exercise a day is easy, and that is even before watching what you eat or higher levels of exercise.

I would also advise getting a set of dumbbells if you don't want to join a gym. With dumbbells and your own body, you can easily do pushups, sit ups/crunches, lunges, squats, bicep curls, shoulder lifts, etc. Add a weight bench and you can do chest press, flies, tricep curls, etc. Just 30 minutes for 3 times a week can make a huge difference. And maybe just some pushups on some days in between.

Others can give better at-home lifting advice than me, but these are some relatively basic ideas.

I just know that as your body gets older it starts getting really picky about the type of food you eat. I had to increase my fiber a lot and cut down on plain starch because it was making my cholesterol go too high. For instance I had to switch from white rice to brown rice.

We were trained to believe that things like eggs raises your cholesterol but that is dietary cholesterol. Your cholesterol is more likely to go up from crap like white bread, white rice, and pasta.

I never had these problems until after 40

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Sounds like only one meal a day? That is under 2000 calories with huge intermittent fasting. That plus heavy exercise could do it.

But seriously man, you need to change your diet because you can be in shape but terribly unhealthy.

Wow, both you guys above have made a lot of progress. Congrats!

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I had a bad Sunday and was around 308 Monday morning. Had a good workout and a decent day diet wise yesterday and went back to 305.

Shows you how much weight fluctuates.

Keep at it! As I mentioned yesterday, you can't actually go up or down 3 real pounds in a day. That is water weight fluctuation. So don't beat yourself up every time it goes up.

The best way to calculate is to weigh every day first thing in the morning and average all 7 days for a weekly weight. That should get rid of the fluctuations.

Feeling better today, cjsdowg?

My scale says 178 today, which would make me happy but maybe just dehydrated from the big workout yesterday. We'll see in the coming days.

I just two sets of pushups - 40 and 25 (got exhausted on second set)

Also, two sets of crunches of 30 each (actually 10 normal, 10 to the right and 10 to the left)

Now eating a mix of brown rice, black beans, 2 eggs and sriracha

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Well, that is your problem. Have the drink after. You might have a little less energy, but running on an empty stomach will force you to burn more fat

Looking back over this thread, I see some great progress, but I also see people worrying about a couple pounds too much. That can be water weight. I know I tend to move around by about 3 pounds day-to-day when it is impossible for that to happen (a pound is 3,500 calories). So don't worry about a pound or two, as long as you can graph it everyday and the "line of best fit" keeps slowly going down.

Also, I hope everything is okay cjsdowg, with the heart defect.

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When did you last eat or drink? I am very sensitive to that and have to wait like 3 hours after eating or even too much liquid. I get the same feeling after the same time.

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But see, I think people would claim that you are always motivated then, because you do it. Motivated doesn't have to mean happy about it, does it?

I know what you mean though. I have kept up running for years, and more often than not, I fucking hate it.

But I seriously don't want my wife to have take care of me in 20 years. Seems unfair to her.

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Well, I track everything else (I have a massive movie spreadsheet for instance), so I might as well track this. I will check out that app. Thanks!

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I kinda know this stuff, but not as well as you. One thing I have been doing is slow reps. Like taking 5 seconds to do a chest lift, and yes I do the reps until exhaustion. Sometimes on the last set, after reaching exhaustion, I even then drop it down 20 pounds and push out a few more.

3 minutes is good advice. I always wondered but never researched.

What I don't do is keep a journal. I really should and you are making that more clear.