Lurker > Sariana21

Call someone. IRL. And stop feeling guilty. (Unless you were Patient Zero--was that you?! No? Then stop feeling guilty.)

Based on your responses to other posters here, you seem like a good person. Be kinder to yourself. Life sucks big donkey dicks sometimes, but things will get better.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

I'm so sorry. I realize I'm hearing only your side of the story, and I hate to badmouth your STBXW, but I really don't like her. :-( From your very first posts I thought she was a bitch.

I'm a woman, BTW, and a wife. What she has done to you is terrible. The whole world is literally falling apart. She can't share the house for a weekend? With a man she once chose to marry?

It's not you; it's HER.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

J03can posted...

So this next few weeks is going to be something. My wife and i werent exactly together 24-7, but we spent lots of time together, and enjoyed that time - we could go days hanging out in the basement watching unsolved mysteries and enjoying each others company... Now i am 100% alone. Im not going to go stay with my parents - theyre old. Im not going see my friends because they are with their families and im not going to introduce myself to their environment.
So for the forseeable future, its going to be just me and the cats... until my wife comes to move her stuff out to her new place at the beginning of april.

Im just afraid that im going to come out of this damaged...

This is a really tough time for a lot of people. Reach out via social media--or even the good old telephone--and maintain your connections. The person at the other end may need it just as much as you do.

Hang in there. We're all in for a wild ride.

(And cats make amazing companions.)

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Checking in.

To 500!

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Hey, congrats on the sale!

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

J03can posted...

Ive spent the better part of the past 4 days with my wife. We get along like we always did. We laughed and had some fun. There is no way well be getting back together. This is so fucked up and weird...

I saw the place im going to rent. Its a really big condo. Only issue is the guy who lives there now is kind of a piece of shit that hasnt been paying rent. He says hell be out on the 31st of march according to the landlord. Because i overthink things i feel like hes going to come back a couple months after im living there and murder me in my sleep.

Ask the landlord to change the locks.

Congrats on the mulitple viewings. I hope the sale goes smoothly.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

I haven't checked in this weekend but wanted to post as the weekend comes to an end. Keep hagning in there, and you'll get through this. This topic won't last much longer (this is #439 unless I get ninja'd), but you can start a new one if you need to.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

J03can posted...

Maybe, but we are going through this amicable divorce process. Both of our lawyers are a part of this. We are splitting everything down the middle so there isnt really anything to gain / lose... but who knows...

I'm not saying there is anything WRONG with her being coached, or with her being nice. All I said was that you shouldn't read anything into it. Just do what you need to do for yourself. Keep it amicable, and everyone comes out better for it in the end.

That doesn't mean it's not going to hurt like hell in the process, though. Only time will help with that. Sorry. :-(

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Dollars to dougnuts your wife was coached by her atttorney(s). Don't read anything into her demeanor at the meeting. I suppose you could be thankful she didn't come in with teeth bared.

It's going to be hard. Be kind to yourself.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Hope you're having a better day today.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Mistere Man has good advice. Ignore the rumors; don't feed the rumors (even in your own mind).

I hope your cat is doing better, too.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Has your cat been checked for a UTI or diabetes?

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Bumping to check in on TC.

Are you an emcee or something? What do you mean by "announced an amazing show"?

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

She chose to leave. She can choose to find her own rent money.

Sorry to hear about the sour turn.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Nothing much to add, so just bumping. Hi, TC!

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Great update! Welcome home!

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Bump.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

What happens on the ship stays on the ship.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Bumpity bump.

And just in case, hope you're having fun!

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

How are you today?

Have fun on your cruise!

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

KINDERFELD posted...

I asked him to holdout for me. I'll be finished with school this year and have more time to dedicate to him.

I just want him to slow down with the drinking. I really miss doing things with him. He's my best friend.

Talking about it now, I realize how much I am a cause for his drinking. He's home alone every night missing me, I get home from work and school and I'm dead tired, hang on the couch with him for about an hour before going to write papers or go to bed.

I feel like we just live together and pay bills together.

I really want to be done with school already so I can spend more time with him.

Whoa, whoa, no! No one is responsible for someone elses alcoholism. Your post has all kinds of red flags. Are you safe? Please do not let anyone convince you that it is your fault he makes bad choices! If this relationship is toxic, you need to leave. If not, then you need to address your own sense of misplaced guilt.
@KINDERFELD

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

I agree with powerman.

Feel better soon!

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Checking in on TC (aka bumping).

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

J03can posted...

Good advice. I need to do that. I got 7 messages from her while i was having lunch today. It was about her having done something that i needed her to do, but 7 messages? I need to tell her to stop messaging me and to start sending shit via email.

What i need to do is to continue "giving her space", not only for her but for me too.

You really do need to do this, for legal reasons. Email leaves an electronic trail.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Bumping for TC. Hang in there.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Hold on to family and friends.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

We check in on you periodically. I hope things are starting to get better. Its going to be tough; dont give up on yourself.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Mistere Man posted...

Sounds really good. Will a normal gas stove work or do you need one of those adapters to hold the wok?

It depends. Some newer woks have flat bottoms that will sit on any stove, but I don't know anything about their quality. A traditional round-bottomed wok will need a ring adapter in order to sit on a typical gas stove. These are easy to get, though (if your stove did not come with one). The wok itself may come with one (ours did).

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

J03can posted...

Back to normal work schedule tomorrow. Been having some rough feelings tonight. This really is the worst, like thinking about things well never do again... stuff as mundane as going to visit family and just going to the store..

Yeah, that will happen for a while. Then it will happen less often. Then a few weeks from now, or a few months, WHAM, it will hit you again. Not trying to be negative, just warning you.

But it will get better. The blow will be less devastating. The sick feelings will go away; the sadness will linger longer.

My family had a devastating event last spring. The summer was awful. I lost 15 pounds becaue I couldn't eat. Doing "mundane" things, such as grocery shopping or just driving down the street, reminded me of how things used to be. But over time the feelings have subsided. Our situation hasn't changed; the blow is still there. But my mind and body couldn't stay in that mode forever. I had to move on. And you will too.

Getting back to normal at work will help. And it will hurt. That's all normal. You'll get through this.

Have fun on your cruise!

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Bumping to let TC know were still here for him.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

DevsBro posted...

The four plots:

1. Woman learns the importance of family.
2. Woman learns the importance of family, and wears a red scarf.
3. Woman learns the importance of family, and there are kids in the movie.
4. Woman learns the importance of family, and also there's a puppy or something.

Lol at #2 (and so true!).

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Heres to hoping 2020 is better.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Isnt that a good thing, though? I mean, dont you work in a hospital?

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

I dunno, ask my husband.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Keep seeing your therapist, TC. Depression is an ugly beast, and you need to fight it. Dont let this drag you down to a place you cant escape.

Its okay to mourn you marriage. But its not okay to withdraw from life. Be sure to take care of yourself.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Bumping to check in on TC. Keep hanging in there. Some days will be really hard.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Merry Christmas, TC. Im glad youre with family. Feel better soon.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Checking in on TC. Keep taking it one day at a time. Or one hour at a time. Take care of yourself.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Dont stop going places just because your wife went there. If the topic comes up, express your sadness that things didnt work out. Dont badmouth your wife (doesnt seem as though you are) or yourself (you gotta work on this one). Things happen; people know that. No one has to be the bad guy here. You need your friends right now, even mutual friends. If you dont expect them to take sides, they will find their own ways to navigate the situation. Dont assume their thoughts on the matter.

You will get through this. Let your friends help you through this.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Star Wars never does well in China.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Bumping to check in on TC. Hang in there, dude. Youll get through this.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

I know it probably doesnt help, but I still think your wife sounds like a needy baby. What does it mean that you neglected her? Is she not an adult with the ability to build her own life? (Just going off of what youve shared here. Im sure theres more to the story.)

I dont expect my husband to cater to me. Heck, sometimes I WISH hed leave me alone more. And I know he has self-esteem issues, and that means I sometimes have to prop him up. If your wife wasnt able to do that, then I agree with PP that youre both better off without each other. She isnt the right one.

Im sorry for the pain youre going through right now. It must be really hard. Continue to take care of yourself.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Why didnt someone do this years ago? Good thing Trump stepped up to the plate.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

One day at a time.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Tangles-At Last I See the Light

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

At least youre eating. Take things one day at a time. There will be bad days. There will be worse days. But eventually things will get better. Just focus on getting up and about today. One day at a time.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

DrunkieBrewster posted...

I just know he doesn't take kindly to unwanted passengers boarding his plane.

One time he removed a passenger in mid flight with no parachute.

"No ticket!" (Last Crusade, though I assume you're referencing AFO.)

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Kantye

Kanye or Kantye?

BTW, whyd you put the girls last? Their birth order is North, Saint, Chicago, Psalm.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers

Its okay; Kwanzaa still believes in you.

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Sari, Mom to DS (07/04) and DD (01/08); Pronouns: she/her/hers