Lurker > Another_Voice

How did anyone not know about this?

ZannoL posted...

No.

ssj3vegeta_ posted...

No.

Don't lie

lol you got scared didn't you

Agreed, TC. Joe Biden here. Let me tell you somethin' Jack, I'm gonna set you straight. I'll only say this once so listen up, Fat. This virus isn't going anywhere. Let me repeat myself, this virus isn't going anywhere. Back in my day we didn't call it Covid whatever; we called it the "Shanghai Shivers". OK, here's the deal, Slick. I used to know a guy, went by the name Cornflake Jackson. Ol' Cornflake used to play guitar down at the pool hall. He caught the Shanghai Shivers one year and let me tell you, if Cornflake Jackson says, "It ain't no thang" you can take that to the bank, Buckaroo. That's how I know you're full of shit. I'll punch your daughter straight in the mouth.

Ok, mom, firstly, you need to understand that this isn't porn, all right? It's called "hentai". Yes, that's a Japanese phrase, I'm learning Japanese from these videos. Before I get to the part about learning Japanese, though, let me first comment on the cultural implications of hentai. After the second world war, which Japan lost after the nuclear bombs were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the entire country underwent a period of self-reflection and soul-searching. They wanted to understand how events led to the rest of the world responding with such devastating atomic attacks. This led to a strong antipathy towards war-mongering and international aggression. You may have heard about how the Japanese constitution doesn't allow the country to have an active military. Same idea. A lot of post-war Japanese culture is a reflection of such attitudes. For example, the Godzilla movies are not just about giant monsters fighting each other. They're about the horrors of unbridled atomic technology (Godzilla's always depicted as being powered by or healed by nuclear power), and how such a terrifying force can never be allowed to be unleashed on humanity again. On a similar note, Japanese animation enjoyed a resurgence of popularity after the war, due to the populace choosing to turn towards the comforting images of their youth. Japanese kids, much like kids in our country, like to watch cartoons. As a result, psychologically speaking, cartoons represent a reminder of a simpler and more innocent age. This upsurge in popularity resulted in animated images pervading almost all of Japanese culture: from movies, to television, to advertising, to music videos, and so on and so forth. And because animated images were so widely accepted throughout Japan, they were used for almost every type of source material, or to tell any type of story. Animation was no longer the sole domain of children. You got animated movies that told very mature stories, like Ghost in the Machine or Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. Sometimes you get stories that involve very mature topics, like war, or murder, or rape, or torture. The Japanese have generally become quite accustomed seeing depictions of such things in their animations. So yeah, that's why I was watching this movie. It's an epic tale about a space crew exploring a distant planet (the crew's all female, because Japan's very into gender equality), and they run into a hostile alien, with a bunch of tentacles... and... well... I don't want to spoil the story for you, but let's just say the crew eventually figure out how to get along with the alien. It's a story about bridging cultural gaps and finding common ground. Seriously, it's worth watching. Ok, next, you remember how I talked about knowing Japanese words and phrases now? It's because these movies are subtitled in English, so I can learn Japanese while watching them. I mean, I know words like yamete, and iie, and iigu, and lots of others. Much better than just knowing konichiwa, isn't it? I mean, I'm developing such an interest in hentai that I might just major in Japanese when I'm in college. Who knows, I might be the one writing the subtitles in the future. Oh, and one last thing, you should know that hentai's considered pretty mainstream in Japan now, and it's also quite common in the western world too now. Everyone's watching it. I mean, if I don't watch it, I'll be seen as some sort of freak at school. You don't want your son to be some kind of pariah because he doesn't watch hentai, do you?

Let me set the scene for you: Youre just sitting, chilling, jamming perhaps. Maybe to some mad tunes, some phat beats, whatever tickles your fancy. Your current song just finished. "Oh!? What will be next?" you wonder. Youve put your playlist on shuffle, so you never know what sounds will dance upon your eardrums next. You clench your butthole in anticipation. But no, that is not what God has in store for you today.

It hits you harder than a cock across your left cheek: SO MANY THINGS GET IN YOUR WAY: YOUR BOSS, YOUR PARENTS, THOSE SEASONAL ALLERGIES..." You get the goddamn point. This stupid fucking lady, in her cheery, I-am-totally-a-human-trust-me voice, is easily among my most hated things in this whole sick bitch of a universe. No, my parents dont get in my way that much. Stop trying to relate to me, Im not going to buy Spotify Premium. And they have like 30 versions of this dumbass advertisement with the same calculated stupid piece of shit teen voice to top off the humongous fucking dinosaur shit of attempted teen appeal. My least favorite goes something like this:
Life is so full of problems nowadays: Did you feed the dog? Did you take a shower? Do you have enough data to take a picture of your dog when it came into the shower? Her voice gets higher at the third line as if that somehow makes it any more relatable.
WHY THE HELL WOULD I FORGET TO SHOWER? GODDAMN. THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES TO DEAL WITH THAN DATA ON CELLPHONES. SHIT IS DYING AND SUCH.
This singular lady. This singular fucking entity has made me resolute in the decision that I will never buy Spotify Premium. I would rather shove my money so far up my anus that I vomit than give it to the company that engineered this auditory hellscape of an advertisement. I would personally choke every person involved with the creative process if I could.

Oh

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