Lurker > Kamekguy

Tetris

Snorlax
Haunter

No.

Toilet paper mummy
Sexy toilet paper mummy

Cyndaquil
Cubone

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!

Haunter
Mewtwo

First match REALLY strong and close. Second not so much.

Mimikyu
Snorlax

Kirby's Adventure

The plot of Donkey Kong: Jungle Beat, revealed only in Japanese player's manuals, is that the Final Kong has arisen from the corruption of an alien egg, and is using his influence to corrupt the Faraway Lands with a corrosive black tar spread via the eggs of the Rocs. DK, evidently a spiritual being, is able to restore balance by punching it really hard.

That's a long way to say DK has vague rot/blight resistance.

I dunno if he can win (I think he at least lasts to Round 2, you don't get to be a Punch-Out boss and not have fantastic reflexes), but I think it's funny.

Mega Man 2

I think the issue for me via speed is that DK's reflexes are fantastic. Multiple games of rapid-fire punches, multiple games of Punch-Out dodging and returning fire, Jungle Beat is just a showcase of DK reacting to everything in front of him and beating the crap out of it without losing his rhythm. Knuckles has the speed advantage, clearly, but he doesn't really have an effective ranged option - he has to come TO DK. And I don't think either of them is smart enough to try and bait the other versus going "hey you're pretty strong, wanna fight?"

At which point I just like DK's close combat feats a lot more. Breaking an obsidian egg of pure evil energy using only his skull like a woodpecker's pretty good and a ridiculous high bar for 'amount of attacks he can throw out in a second'. (via the Rocs in Jungle Beat).

Punch-Out!!

Is the Super Sonic feat purely strength? Always thought that was due to the force of the Master Emerald neutralizing the power of the chaos emeralds (hence why all of them fall out of Sonic and Knuckles snatches them up and laughs) as that was Sonic's first visit to Angel Island.

Air friction feat is ffffine but I'm less likely to respect particle effects than actual damage, especially when DK matches that feat in Jungle Beat.

I cannot name a single cool thing Knuckles actually does in a Sonic game that shows off his strength.

Oh wow he can punch through walls so can Rambi I am glad he is equal to DK's dog (Rambi is a good boy for reference).

DK until I see, like, an actual Knuckles feat.

Donkey Kong

The Legend of Zelda
Castlevania

Castlevania

The train is a ghost, it's probably not that heavy. I can probably suplex a ghost.

I am confident they would, rather than fighting, compete in increasingly ridiculous tests of strength. Which DK would win, because deadlifting a sunken ship that's mostly underwater is more impressive than holding up parts of a burning orphanage for 10 minutes.

Super Mario Bros

Kirby's Adventure
StarTropics

Ninja Gaiden
Dragon Quest IV

I played through Kingdom Hearts II first, followed by 358/2 Days.

So y'know. That was fun to parse.

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
Bubble Bobble

Yes

Donkey Kong
Tetris

The Legend of Zelda
Contra

I feel you're underselling effectiveness. Expresso has bred pain out of his system so much he can't feel it underneath his legs, and he's specifically getting beaten by Kritters, who are tasked in Mario Sports games with defending against Mega Strikes and are classified as 'power' characters. I would still put expresso above a regular ostrich, and I would take and ostrich to beat me up. Plus that's underselling Rambi and Enguarde, who have both broken through steel or sheer rock walls on command. Hell, Rambi ran through an entire tornado without being tossed around.

Galaga
Castlevania
Pac-Man

DK Vs Red, With Red As An Active Participant - DK wins. Like my man kidnapped Little Mac for a laugh. Pikachu isn't beating Little Mac.

DK Vs Red, Espeon Lead - If Espeon looks into DK mind, it will realize that it's a video game character and its reality is false. DK is completely aware of this fact and is glad to eat bananas, but Espeon is a weird cat who probably won't like that. DK kidnaps Red in the confusion. If Espeon just goes to attack DK, he has some psychic resistance (Returns) and the coconut gun has homing properties, he probably at least beats Espeon, though not without damage.

DK has to survive the guantlet, Pikachu lead - Depends 100% on order - namely, when Blastoise comes out. DK has the power to summon lightning on Storm Hill in Jungle Beat by clapping really hard, so if rain is active, that makes a LOT of his bad match-ups free (Charizard, Espeon is much easier, Venusaur's attacking moves are slowed down considerably). Pikachu and Snorlax are gimmes, but if DK has to fight Espeon and Charizard back-to-back, or 'zard gets Sunny Day up and is followed by Venusaur, I think he eats the L here.

DK has to survive the gauntlet, Charizard lead - Almost definite loss for DK.

DK brings a team of Squitter, Rambi, Squawks, Expresso, Enguarde, and Winky to battle Red's team - I feel as if Squitter is a stronger lead option than Pikachu - Sticky Web helps out against everyone other than Charizard tremendously and Squitter would lower Pika's speed enough that a Rambi sweep might be possible. Blastoise is potentially a spinner who could interrupt, but past Pika, I don't think anyone outspeeds Expresso, who has had everything but the ability to race bred out of him through Cranky Kong's abuse of golden feathers. I know the double flying coverage would normally hurt, but Red having Pikachu as his lead mitigates that - as long as DK gets the Squitter set-up before Rambi comes in and has Squawks to at least weaken Charizard fo Enguarde to finish off, he's golden.

Super Mario Bros.
Pac-Man

StarTropics
Final Fantasy

Space Invaders
Kirby's Adventure

Ms. Pac-Man
Mega Man 3

Played hours of Ms. Pac-Man as a kid at the neighborhood pizzaria. Never felt right going back to regular Pac, way too slow.

Super Mario Bros 3
OutRun

Let's go DQIV!

Dragon Quest IV
Mega Man 2

Ninja Gaiden
Space Harrier

Punch-Out!!
Dr. Mario

Metal Gear
Tetris

Dragon Quest III
Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

First match is absolutely neck and neck for me, both games are pretty damn great.

Contra
Duck Hunt

River City Ransom
Castlevania

I like the lake trio's lore being base mental components. Reading that Uxie can just delete your brain by looking into your eyes was pretty cool to me, let's go with them.

Sonic
Darkwing

Pac-Man
Snatcher

foolm0r0n posted...

Can't get past the narrator's voice :/

It's okay, if I weren't me, I probably wouldn't get past my voice either lol.

Seeing Scyther in Pokemon Pinball (alongside Aerodactyl) was what convinced me that I absolutely NEEDED the main game when I was a kid.

Never actually caught him as a kid, but that's a strong formative Pokemon. Honestly do like most of these, though - tiny bug, zombie bug, "well actually it's not a pinecone", there's some good in here!

DK only kidnapped Pauline in Mario Vs DK 2 because he was hypnotized by mass marketing and was a victim of consumerism who felt slighted by Pauline's favoritism toward Mario. He is a victim of modern society, nothing more!

Here is all relevant information I can provide as a DK expert:

-Souls do exist for Kongs and can linger after death, as proven by Wrinkly Kong. Therefore, he has a soul for Akuma to destroy.
-DK is a pure being whose only confirmed kills are beings made of darkness (the Rocs, Cactus King, Ghastly King) and Tiki Tong, unlike Diddy, who killed a bird, murdered its ghost, and then committed genocide. There is no 'mortal' sin for Akuma to exploit. However, Akuma sucks at actually killing with the SGS anyway.
-DK has access to Strong Kong, which makes him invulnerable and intangible for a limited amount of time.
-DK had to drink a potion in order to learn how to pull a lever.
-DK's coconut gun has homing ammunition with a spurt of three coconuts at a time, making him a better zoner than Akuma, who can only throw two diagonally at a time..
-Donkey Kong was chosen by the Sacred Tree to use the moon's authority to resist the Cactus King's corruption. It is unlikely that the Satsui no Hado will overcome him.

It is my opinion that Akuma wins, but DK survives and then Akuma will be too ashamed to get a runback, leaving DK the moral victor. Because that is how every single Akuma fight ever goes.

No

I think his most memorable bit is the "Take On Me" one. Which he contributes nothing to other than existing and screaming in an amusing way at the end. Which... every other character in the show could accomplish? I just can't think of anything at all he adds to any plotline or scene.