"HE'S BACK"
So now we have Spider-Man narrating and saying it all began when he was fighting Venom. Mary Jane is on the ground, looking hurt, and then Venom is holding Spider-Man up saying he's got him this time. Spider-Man pleads with him to stop it, then he kicks off Venom and gets a bit of symbiote on him. Then he becomes DARTH SPIDER-MAN. Or I guess symbiote Spidey. I dunno, we'll see what the game calls it. Your first command as black Spidey? "Press B to grab and throw a vehicle". Welp. So you grab a vehicle and throw it at Venom who just kind of watches you do it.
Being the plucky Spider-Man I am, I run right up to Venom who proceeds to b**** slap me through half a dozen cars. WHOOPS. After that, I get a command to grab a car and throw it at Venom. Well, alright. I throw a vehicle at him like it's a damn football pass and he gets pegged, which also creates a large explosion due to me hitting three other cars with it. WHOOPSIE! I throw another car at him when he jumps on the wall, but it gets clipped by a tree and explodes. Whoops. And then I throw another one at Venom, but he moves. So the car kind of bounces off the wall harmlessly and falls on the street. After a second, it actually explodes. lulz He says "I WILL TAKE THE GIRL FROM YOU!" and then he stomps towards Mary Jane. I run up to Venom and try to stop him, but then he just kind of pimp slaps me back into a bunch of cars. I land into a car sitting next to Mary Jane, which of course explodes and leaves her unharmed. I grab another car and peg him with it. And then another to finish it.
"Brock! Look at me when I talk to you!" says Spider-Man in the wussiest voice ever as Venom is recovering after the sixth car that's been tossed at him. He then walks back towards Mary Jane while Venom escapes.
Then Mary Jane, while in a crowd of people, says, "I got you a birthday present... but then there was this loud noise, and..." Spider-Man looks over at Mary Jane, who is being loaded into a gurney.
"Everything's fine. You're going to be fine." says Spider-Man. "I love my present!" She is put into an ambulance. Peter looks at his tiny present and says in a most disappointed voice, "I love my present..."
So yeah, I don't know if everyone knows Peter Parker is Spider-Man now. I believe when this game came out, that stupid Civil War crap was done, and this came out before Brand New Day (I think). So Spider-Man's identity might be known. But I wouldn't put it past Activision to just not give a f*** about continuity and keeping his identity a secret. Also, MJ's present is a little box in red wrapping.
Now, this is one of the very few times I will post a cutscene here. But this cutscene is so laughably bad that I feel like I need to point it out. And I feel like everyone needs to not just take my word for it when I say "This writing is terrible" or "Spidey's voice is the worst ever." Because I will be posting plenty of things where you'll say "Okay, that can't be real" or "You're lying now." No, I want you to realize this early that I won't lie to you about the quality here.
This seemed like a good breaking point for this post though, and it gives you all plenty of time to absorb what is about to come. Next up... I have to save citizens.
--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!