LogFAQs > #985330555

bsp77 posted...

And how do you feel about that?

Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid.

There's a reason she's an ex.

I broke up with her after a little bit over a year of escalating and increasingly fucked up psychological abuse, while I was also dealing with the terminal illness and subsequent death of a parent. I'd tried to end the relationship a few times, but each time she'd threatened self-harm or worse. I actually cared about her, so backed down. Most of those times, she actually would self-harm, which she'd show me and tell me that it was because of what I'd done. I won't go into details unless you actually want, but there was a vexillographer's delight of red flags I didn't realise until too late.

It finally ended with a pretend pregnancy and subsequent "miscarriage" one of my female friends called bullshit on. I asked a few questions the friend had suggested, she admitted it was bullshit so I finally noped the hell out of Dodge. At that stage, we were at a "FWB" stage, and the "pregnancy" and "miscarriage" happened swiftly after I tried to reign in the B part.

She then told all her friends (including the mutual, who thankfully didn't believe it) that I was physically and emotionally abusive.

When it comes down to it, at that point in our lives I think her lack of self-worth meant that my concern for my parent was perceived as a lack of concern or feeling for her, that it was a competition for affection and attention that had to be won. "Evil ex" was probably too flippant, and an easy Scott Pilgrim reference.

I will always deeply resent that she tried her absolute hardest (and often succeeded) to take my attention away from what should have mattered at the time, but I hope she's found peace, and is able to have a healthy, productive relationship.

All that said, if I hadn't gone through all that, I wouldn't be who I am now, nor would I have the expectations for relationships I have now. I wouldn't have been single at the same time my now-wife was single, and we wouldn't have the relationship we have now, or two amazing, brilliant and absolutely fucking weird kids.

She tried to message me over FB a few years ago, but I left her on read.