This post will contain massive spoilers for the movie, but dear god, if you read this, it will save you from the absolute abysmal train wreck that was Transformers: The Dark of the Moon. The topic title is not lying, I found this movie WORSE than the second one, which I did not think was possible.
Let me just start off by saying, spoiler-free, that it takes TWO F***ING HOURS of bull s*** before it actually gets to final showdown in a big city. And even then, it still sucks. The action was some of the worst I've ever seen in a Michael Bay movie. The fact that he didn't even FOCUS much on the action packed scenes is just, I don't freakin' know what he was thinking. He seriously tried to make the story in this movie more prominent than ever before. I think Shia Ledouche was actually on the screen more in this movie than he was in either of the previous moves. No lie. The movie favored the humans. Autobots barely got any love, nor did the Decepticons. They should have called this movie Humans vs Decepticons with Autobots Making Scattered Appearances.
So first of all, like I said, the movie tries too hard to have a plot. And you all should know how that goes. It's RIDDLED with more holes than swiss cheese. It made no sense and contradicted itself all over the god damn place. The "twist" is ridiculous, with stupid motivation behind it, and then after that, there's supposed to be a sense of impending doom, but the characters are still just going about all of this like it's just another day but with robots.
Through the first two hours of the movie, any time a Transformer shows up, it amounts to about nothing. They'll talk and interact with humans, they flash their guns a few times, a few times they even fired them. Then of course they had to have another high way scene, which was just stupid in the first place, obviously Bay is running out of ideas, but it wasn't even that great. There were some, very minor, cool points, but even so, after the brief action scene, we're treated to another long, LONG period of nothing happening.
I could go on about the stupidity and the contradictions, but if I haven't convinced you not to see this movie already, there's probably no hope for you. I'm just gonna mention a few more things though, some things that really bothered me the most, but they're big spoilers concerning who may or may not have died.
SPOILERS
F***ing Iron Hide. He got killed by the "plot twist" which he should have had plenty of time to react to, but just stood there like an idiot. That's not the worst part though, it's the fact that they DID NO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE HIS DEATH. The Autobots just moved on, they didn't so much as even mention they would miss him. Jazz got a better mourning than THAT.
And then god damn Starscream. Correct me if I'm wrong, but he's supposed to be one of the most badass and strongest Decepticons, right? Or something to that effect. He gets killed by, wait for it... f***ing gets killed by SAM. OF ALL PEOPLE. Shia Ledouche actually kills Starscream. With absolutely no help from any Autobot. I was so pissed.
There's also a scene of Optimus getting caught in some wires, and he has to have some help from a few little Autobots to get him out. WIRES. From a couple cranes or something. WIRES are apparently Optimus Prime's weakness.
And then the final showdown, which involves two more deaths, was just utter ridiculous. First of all, it includes the new chick that replaced Megan Fox talking to Megatron and convincing him to fight his ally. Stupid, and then it got worse, that "ally" was defeating Optimus Prime, until Megatron suddenly appeared and shot said "ally" in the back, and then continued to beat him down like nothing. Then suddenly Optimus is back up, all fine and dandy, and rips Megatron's head off like nothing, then continues to kill the "ally" from before. Dear Jesus.
I liked the first movie. And the second movie, honestly, had some good action in it, at least when I saw it in theaters. I thought it was pretty cool. So I figured, hey, it's Michael Bay, this movie is obviously gonna suck, but he's good with explosions, so if I'm gonna see it, it should be in theaters.
The action wasn't worth anything.
Not even CHENG could save this movie.
-- ~Halo There is no Crane, only Scarecrow! http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/3739/scarecrowq.jpg
I was at home when I tried to watch the first movie. I drank to the point that I probably didn't finish it (yes, I was drunk enough not to remember). The second was made out to be worse than the first, and now you're making it seem like the third falls even further (what I expected).
The real hero here is vodka. And intelligent nostalgia, perhaps. Not paying to see that sort of **** should just be automatic at this point, and while I have friends that will/did I will not. Thanks, I guess, though I really didn't need anyone to tell me that things would only get worse. Just, you know, experience and vodka.
Now vodka, that's something that's begging for a sequel.
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"Principally I hate and detest the animal called man, although I heartily love John, Peter, Thomas and so forth" - Jonathan Swift BT with the victory!
TheConductorSix posted... I smell a billion dollar movie.
Are you sure your dog didn't drop a load, because they probably have the same smell.
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"Principally I hate and detest the animal called man, although I heartily love John, Peter, Thomas and so forth" - Jonathan Swift BT with the victory!
I really did like Transformers 1. It was a lot of fun, big summer action blockbuster. And I tried so hard to like 2, but it was just too f***ing long for what it was.
Shia Ledouche actually kills Starscream. With absolutely no help from any Autobot.
I hated the first one. When the bad reviews for two came pouring in, damn near everything they mentioned was just another issue I had with the original. So uh... yes, I have no intention to see this.
-- Sir Chris Police ~Ace Detective in Homicide~ http://img.imgcake.com/Jeffzeropngus.png "Thanks Punny!"
muddersmilk posted... Michael Bay is the new Uwe Boll
Not to compliment Bay, but I do wonder if all the people who make Uwe Boll comparisons have ever seen one of his movies. He is absolutely abysmal, and as bad as Bay may be at least he has production values.
XIII_rocks posted... OK, stopped reading at "two hours".
Is it honestly that long a movie? AGAIN? DID THEY NOT LEARN THEIR LESSON THE FIRST TIME?
It's not that long, he was exaggerating.
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I didn't exactly have my hopes up after RotF. At this point, the only thing prompting me to see it is morbid curiosity, between the bad story and what I hear is bad 3D.
On the plus side (for me anyway), I can get in for free, so I'm only wasting time, not monies.
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There never was a post. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and refracted the light from Venus.
Not to compliment Bay, but I do wonder if all the people who make Uwe Boll comparisons have ever seen one of his movies.
I've seen Bloodrayne (not all of it, I gave up like halfway through) and In the Name of the King. And yeah, that is an exaggeration, but he is still really bad.
-- (Maniac64 at work) [Browncoat] ~Board 570901~ All the proteins, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol.
From: Lightning Strikes | #018 It's not that long, he was exaggerating.
No I'm not, it's 154 minutes long. And it seriously took about two hours of that to get to the final "everything is blowing up" time, and it still didn't amount to anything happening.
-- ~Halo Live, fight, survive, as a family. http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/7469/batfamily.jpg
ShadowHalo17 posted... No I'm not, it's 154 minutes long. And it seriously took about two hours of that to get to the final "everything is blowing up" time, and it still didn't amount to anything happening.
Nah, it only (lol) takes about 80 minutes before everything starts blowing up, leaving almost half the film for stuff actually happening.
Of course, that's not to say that even waiting that long is good, or even that having an hour long action sequence is necessarily a good thing.
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The second one is pretty much my most hated film of all time.
Every single minute of the film I hate. I can literally go on for hours about everything that was wrong in that film. I actually start to rage and foam at the mouth at even the thought of the film. It makes me literally sick.
If the third one is worse than that. I may contemplate suicide.
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I liked the first movie a lot. I thought the CGI action scenes were really well done at the time, and I went into the movie expecting a big actiony schlock-fest, which is exactly what it was. The second movie came out and everything I heard about it was negative so I never saw it. I don't have anything against it or the franchise, but I probably won't ever see it, or the third one, or however many others they come out with.
tl;dr: I liked the first live-action Transformers movie.
-- chumbucketeer fills cups like double-Ds. http://img.imgcake.com/chumpngej.png - Art by BIGPUN9999
And then god damn Starscream. Correct me if I'm wrong, but he's supposed to be one of the most badass and strongest Decepticons, right? Or something to that effect. He gets killed by, wait for it... f***ing gets killed by SAM. OF ALL PEOPLE. Shia Ledouche actually kills Starscream. With absolutely no help from any Autobot. I was so pissed.
From: demonfang178 | #031 And then god damn Starscream. Correct me if I'm wrong, but he's supposed to be one of the most badass and strongest Decepticons, right? Or something to that effect. He gets killed by, wait for it... f***ing gets killed by SAM. OF ALL PEOPLE. Shia Ledouche actually kills Starscream. With absolutely no help from any Autobot. I was so pissed.
Explain.
SPOILERS
Sam and his Mega Fox replacement were running down an alley sort of thing, and Starscream shows up, and starts attacking, and Sam uses some contraption that an old Autobot dude invented, like a hookshot, and he fired it at Starscream's eye while Mega Fox Replacement was huddled in a corner screaming. And then Starscream flipped out, because the grapple was attached to his eye, and Sam was also attached to the hookshot thing, so Starscream was jumping all over the place, flinging Sam around, then Sam got flung into a window and pulled out a dagger thing that the same Autobot from before also invented, and when he was pulled out the window by a still distraught Starscream, Sam stabbed the dagger into his other eye. After that, Starscream continued to flip out and jump around, while the one main army dude showed up to try and help Sam off the grapple, and they both started getting flung around, until they finally detached it seconds before the dagger exploded, taking Starscream's head and any leftover dignity he had.
Piss me the f*** off.
-- ~Halo Now you learn the mistake of challenging me. http://img408.imageshack.us/img408/2734/hieis.jpg
ShadowHalo17 posted... From: demonfang178 | #031 And then god damn Starscream. Correct me if I'm wrong, but he's supposed to be one of the most badass and strongest Decepticons, right? Or something to that effect. He gets killed by, wait for it... f***ing gets killed by SAM. OF ALL PEOPLE. Shia Ledouche actually kills Starscream. With absolutely no help from any Autobot. I was so pissed.
Explain. SPOILERS
Sam and his Mega Fox replacement were running down an alley sort of thing, and Starscream shows up, and starts attacking, and Sam uses some contraption that an old Autobot dude invented, like a hookshot, and he fired it at Starscream's eye while Mega Fox Replacement was huddled in a corner screaming. And then Starscream flipped out, because the grapple was attached to his eye, and Sam was also attached to the hookshot thing, so Starscream was jumping all over the place, flinging Sam around, then Sam got flung into a window and pulled out a dagger thing that the same Autobot from before also invented, and when he was pulled out the window by a still distraught Starscream, Sam stabbed the dagger into his other eye. After that, Starscream continued to flip out and jump around, while the one main army dude showed up to try and help Sam off the grapple, and they both started getting flung around, until they finally detached it seconds before the dagger exploded, taking Starscream's head and any leftover dignity he had.
Piss me the f*** off.
...But aren't their eyes made of metal or something? And wouldn't the dagger have to be skull**** level deep into the eye to even cause a debateable decapitation? That...I dunno. Maybe movies making sense is a dying art or something.
I hated the first one, which people with bad taste liked. Even those people hated the second one, so I'm almost curious to see how bad this one is if it's worse.
Luckily, I don't actually hate myself quite enough to go see it.
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I do want to clear one thing up though on my end opinion wise.
I wasn't crazy about the third, but it was miles better than the second.
THIS film actually has redeeming features.
Like, an actual plot. And action where you can see what's going on. And no blatant racism. And all the characters contribute to the plot. And far less "humour".
I mean there were flaws, but the second one is pretty much abysmal throughout. This one... Eh, I'd call it mediocre and boring at worst. Could have been legitimately good with editing to cut the length and bizarre offscreen occurences.
But yeah, it has redeeming features. Worth seeing for the 3D and action if you're into that sort of thing, and an admirable if not quite successful attempt at a good plot.
Mainly just went nice on it because my god, there is no way it is worse than the second. That film was... bad.
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From: Lightning Strikes | #043 I do want to clear one thing up though on my end opinion wise.
I wasn't crazy about the third, but it was miles better than the second.
THIS film actually has redeeming features.
Like, an actual plot. And action where you can see what's going on. And no blatant racism. And all the characters contribute to the plot. And far less "humour".
An actual "plot" that was filled to the brim with contradictions and holes. The whole time they never made any sense. I don't understand why Michael Bay tried to have a more prevalent story than action, had he just focused on more explosions, this movie would have been more bearable. As it is, he actually thought he could direct a good story, apparently. Which he can't. The action in this movie was too sparse to be called good. And half of the time, the action didn't make any sense either.
And there was plenty of "humor", there's always "humor" when Shia Ledouche is in a movie.
My main problem with the third movie is still how they handled Starscream. I mean, I thought they ruined him in the second movie, but dear jesus, I didn't think it was possible to f*** him up even MORE. Then again, the whole movie was about making everything worse.
-- ~Halo There is no Crane, only Scarecrow! http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/3739/scarecrowq.jpg
At least this plot was understandable and it existed.
But much more importantly (which is kinda sad), it didn't have any of the humour attempts that made the second one so abysmal. There were no racist twins, no leg-humping robots, no high parents, no absolutely needless comic relief characters, nothing like that. Now, the comic relief scenes here were largely pointless, but at least they were harmless. The second movie is a racist, sexist, insulting travesty largely due to its attempts at humour (which are everywhere). They ruined what was already going to be bad due to the plot and action with some of the worst cinema I have ever seen.
Also, for all your hate of Shia, it's basically just hatred for hatred's sake. I mean, that's not a compliment to the guy, but are you going to tell me that he compares at all to such RotF greats as John Tuturro's ass?
Hell, for all your complaints about the Starscream thing, at least that had Sam contributing as a character and having a well-choreographed, well-shot action sequence. A human wasn't totally useless in the film, that's more than you can say for the last one. That's what you want to see, really, if you're going to have the humans at all I'd rather have them useful and involved rather than just there.
By the way, Starscream was in character. This last statement will make me unpopular, but let's face it. He was always a loser. He's been a loser in every Transformers series except Armada (and maybe the comics, of which I have not seen enough). If I may quote one of my friends regarding his death "he died the ay he lived".
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Hell, for all your complaints about the Starscream thing, at least that had Sam contributing as a character and having a well-choreographed, well-shot action sequence. A human wasn't totally useless in the film, that's more than you can say for the last one. That's what you want to see, really, if you're going to have the humans at all I'd rather have them useful and involved rather than just there.
I'd rather they be like Spike and co. in the cartoon, there to give a human perspective and allow for exposition but, with the exception of giving an assist here or there, are useless in a fight and end up being saved more than anything else.
And Starscream may have been a cowardly melodramatic idiot in the cartoon, but he could at least fight.
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I just saw it. It was definitely not worse than the second one. Most definitely not. The length wasn't ridiculously bad for the actual amount of action therein either. Sure it could have been paced better, but there weren't any vast amounts of actionless snoozefests the likes of which regularly plagued RotF. My only major complaint is that the deaths were lame. All of them. Every last one. Terrible.
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