Current Events > does anyone else think about suicide everyday (srs)?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Not that I will ever do it because the burden would be too great for my family to endure if I ever did such a thing.

Ever since I quit my job, I've had way too much free time and way too much leftover money because I live at home with my parents.

With this free-time I have way too much time to think. All I do is just cycle through my 4 forums (CE, misc, reddit, sherdog) and hit refresh every 30 seconds. And then I begin to think about the futility of life.

I can have immediate gratification through food, entertainment, and sustenance at a moment's notice. Without the physiological stress of survival or emotional stress of adversity, I've created this sort of mental imbalance where my brain doesn't know how to properly function without stress occupying time.

I'm lacking in avenues where I undergo huge periods of stress, rise to the occasion, and overcome for temporary gratification. And I don't know how to create avenues in life where I can replicate these scenarios. Previously in life it was usually school related. Do well in school to get into a good college. Do well in college to get a good job. I've done all that. The stress of succeeding in school is over with, but now there's no more stress, no more challenge, no more obstacles or goals to conquer or achieve. It's all just immediate gratification at this point in life.

My life is like that episode of Twilight Zone, A Nice Place to Visit. A robber dies and ends up in a world where he can get anything he wants at a moment's notice. Anything his heart desires is there for him. He thought he was in heaven. He eventually becomes bored, restless, and miserable without challenge or adversity. He finally asks why he was sent to heaven, the presumed angel reveals himself as the devil and tells him he's in Hell.

Right now I'm trying to get a new job and relocate across the country in hopes of spurring a passion for life through new challenges and adversity. What they will be? I have no idea.
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This is a symptom of depression. It happens to a great deal of people. Suicidal ideation can be very habit forming because it provides an odd comfort. don't let it get out of control.
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No I keep my mind occupied on other things. The only people who have time think about suicide are the unemployable, angry loners, and debbie downers.
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Back_Stabbath posted...

This is a symptom of depression. It happens to a great deal of people.

Yeah. I know it does. A lot of people I know in the Bay Area, mostly fellow software engineers, feel the same way.

The job is just way too comfortable. We're getting paid a great deal, but not enough to just say fuck you, travel the world aimlessly on private jets, and purchase yachts for new and exciting adventures everyday. So it creates this scenario where we're just too comfortable with life and have 0 challenge.
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leverageblargh posted...

Why did you quit your job?

It was boring as hell. There was very little work to do and I just sat around browsing the web 95% of the time. I still thought about suicide at the time and how useless life was.

I quit my job hoping to find new hobbies and things to do, but there's literally not much to do.
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No. I think even a shitty life is more interesting to experience compared to nothing.
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Sounds like a neurotransmitter imbalance
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Yeah, I do.
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Suicide is the cowards way out imo.

Nikra posted...

Suicide is the cowards way out imo.

How is it cowardly? It's not like I failed at life. I'm actually quite successful.
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WalkingLobsters posted...

It was boring as hell. There was very little work to do and I just sat around browsing the web 95% of the time

but that was just doing what you're doing now.. except getting paid for it -_-

I would kill for a job like that
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Yeah, it's kind of obsessive
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WalkingLobsters posted...

How is it cowardly?

because ultimately it'll fuck everyone who cares about you up, big time.
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I don't think about suicide but if everyone is honest with themselves they'll admit that life really doesn't matter. Someday nothing will exist. We're all just atoms put together. There's no God.

I guess what I'm saying is.... In the end, it doesn't even matter
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Rare is the day that goes by when I don't.
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ArtVandelay posted...

WalkingLobsters posted...

It was boring as hell. There was very little work to do and I just sat around browsing the web 95% of the time

but that was just doing what you're doing now.. except getting paid for it -_-

I would kill for a job like that

Trust me. It's absolutely miserable. Sitting for 8 hours trying to kill time everyday is terrible. I want to get a new job with stimulating and stressful work. I was hoping quitting would make me feel better, but it did nothing.

ArtVandelay posted...

WalkingLobsters posted...

How is it cowardly?

because ultimately it'll fuck everyone who cares about you up, big time.

That's why I would never do it. But if I didn't have a family who cared about me, I'd definitely do it.
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it's like that one shitposter said in that one guys topic

/b is way more qualified fur this topic
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not EVERY day, but more than any person should
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yeah for like 10 years now

I've just kinda accepted that it's part of who I am at this point
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