Poll of the Day > I just remembered something from school that happened more than four years ago.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I don't know why I'm remembering this only now. It may be because I'm so close to graduation and I'm mentally checking off everything I needed to get here. Or it may be because I've been reliving bad experiences involving trying to learn Japanese for the past few months. Anyway, over four years ago, I tried to apply for credit by examination for a sophomore-level Japanese course. I talked to my teacher and stuff, and she told me she had to prepare a test, which so happened to be the final exam for that course. I told her I'd study up for it, but I also told her that I had already sold the book I needed in order to succeed in the exam. She offered to lend her copy to me, but I refused.

So test day comes, then I bomb the test. I only figured this out after having taken it, but my teacher gave me credit for the examination even though I failed the test. I told her I couldn't believe it, but she told me that it's only the expected outcome when I have no book to study with or if I hadn't done much studying at all; both of which were true. I was too overconfident, and she gave the credit to me anyway because she knew I'd only fail it again if I retook the test. Also, I was getting the feeling she didn't want me in her class, and I felt like the other professor didn't want me in her class, either. When I was in the class of the instructor who proctored my examination, I talked too much and disrupted the learning experience for everyone. But in truth, I didn't know as much Japanese as I thought I did. I thought I was good, but again, my own arrogance only deluded me into thinking so. My Japanese skills were very, very poor, in fact. They still are, by the way.

Anyway, I felt so guilty that she had to cheat the system so that I wouldn't be able to retake her class, or the other professor's. I ended up getting the credits for my two years of Japanese classes. I mean, she's the one who let me pass, not me. But then again, I didn't want to retake the test unless I had another semester to study up for it. I still feel guilty for it, though, as though I don't deserve my degree. And four years later, I feel like I really don't want to study Japanese anymore. I just don't enjoy it as much as I used to. I don't know if this is one of those things that I stopped enjoying because of the depression that I may or may not have. But it's just tiring, it no longer interests me, and hearing and reading it hurts my head. All the same, I do feel guilty about graduating having cheated one of the requirements (four semesters of a foreign language). But at the same time, I don't want to take Japanese anymore because I genuinely dislike it now. And I especially don't want to go to school for two more years learning another language. So I guess I should count my professor's leniency as a blessing in disguise.

I know I'm being dishonest but I'm just so tired and want school to be over already; and I don't want to take Japanese because I hate it. The credits were already put into the system over four years ago, and they very likely cannot be changed back. I don't want to take another semester of Japanese, anyway, even if I could reverse it. And if I did decide to, I genuinely don't want to trouble those professors ever again with an e-mail and a stupid question, because all I would do is cause trouble for them. I'm a horrible person who cheats at school.

And as I'm typing this, I'm remembering more about this incident. Apparently, she let me retake the exam and passed me at a C? I can't remember so clearly how it happened. I know for certain that she did pass me, but I can't remember how exactly she did so. If I asked her, she very likely would not remember. It's not like she'd even remember who I was, either. There's just nothing I can do, I think. I don't think she cares anymore, so there's no reason why I should, I'm figuring. I don't know why I have this obsession over not remembering stuff. Perhaps it makes me feel guilty? I don't know. Anyway, how was your day, board?

I must have these answers.
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For fucks sake.
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Sorry, I'll fix it.
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Thank you.
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I also just remembered something from school.

It's called page breaks.


EDIT: Bless you, my child.


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Wait, I think she let me look at the book while taking the test, when I told her that I needed another semester to study for it. Then she told me not to tell anyone, and I passed.

She really didn't want me in her class, apparently, I think. I don't remember what grade I got. This is just another guess, though...

Sarcasthma posted...

Thank you.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

Bless you, my child.

Ya-y.
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