Board 8 > Gauntlet Crew Ranks 90s Horror Films - Do you like ranking scary movies?

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v_charon
06/25/19 7:39:54 PM
#101:


GenesisSaga posted...
Actually come to think of it that might have been the heavyset gentleman from Leprechaun who he mistook for Meatloaf initially, which would make that joke misplaced. Oh well...


This might be the case. John Goodman's kinda hard to mistake for anyone else I think.

https://www.throwbacks.com/content/images/2017/09/tumblr_nayhmpkCtz1tb32yzo5_540.jpg

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/headhuntershorrorhouse/images/9/99/Lep-27.jpg
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Snake5555555555
06/25/19 7:47:52 PM
#102:


v_charon posted...
That writeup reads like Inviso just has literal arachnophobia.


I think he does, he provided commentary while watching the movie in chat and was pretty terrified.
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v_charon
06/25/19 7:48:26 PM
#103:


Honestly, that's like... Wickle or Poke level stuff in terms of ranking a film.
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MetalmindStats
06/25/19 8:01:37 PM
#104:


13. Arachnophobia

For about 90 minutes, this movie is frankly boring, featuring no scares and no worthwhile characters. Effective humor would have gone a long way to ameliorate this; sadly, the movies self-serious treatment of an absurd premise fails to bring laughs, and its wacky supporting characters dont help matters. It wraps up with a frightening if rather implausible climax, effectively built up by its previous events; by then, however, it was too late to save the movie.
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scarletspeed7
06/25/19 8:20:00 PM
#105:


v_charon posted...
Honestly, that's like... Wickle or Poke level stuff in terms of ranking a film.

It's a valid reason to not like a film.
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v_charon
06/25/19 8:43:00 PM
#106:


It's not though. Wickle doesn't like moles and everyone panned him for it. Inviso doesn't like spiders and ranks this last, no one bats an eye.

Something doesn't quite add up.
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Lopen
06/25/19 8:46:58 PM
#107:


Haven't seen this mole stuff but I'd imagine it's probably Wickle's amount of rationalization in his write-up vs Inviso's if Wickle's dumb "DA NUDITY" write-ups from the last one of these I followed was true. I didn't even clearly get that interpretation from Inviso's write-up cause it was so short
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Johnbobb
06/25/19 8:48:32 PM
#108:


Yeah that's actually pretty reasonable.

sort of goes along with disliking Demonic Toys becayse you hate watching demonic toys on screen
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v_charon
06/25/19 8:54:13 PM
#109:


I mean, the point is the same. A movie gets a bad ranking because you personally dislike something that the movie can't prevent. It's not being an objective viewer; I don't see how anyone can rationalize it. Oh wait, yeah, nevermind. Some people can get away with it, some can't. Forget I brought it up.
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jcgamer107
06/25/19 8:58:10 PM
#110:


Oh no Blair Witch way too low. Found footage is really played out now but the og one still holds up. It does minimalism really well - I was glad to catch it in a theater at a midnight Halloween showing several years ago.

I haven't seen Arachnophobia since like high school but I remember it being good campy fun, especially John Goodman's character. I'd say that one's a little low too.
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Lopen
06/25/19 9:00:13 PM
#111:


Well I'm just saying there's a difference between "I hate this movie because it had spiders and I hate spiders" and a paragraph about what the movie did well and then dunking it at the end because it had nudity, which Wickle totally did a few times last time I followed along with one of these. I remember actually arguing (or agreeing with someone else's argument) that the nudity actually enhanced an important plot point in Terminator.

But really, are these rankings actually meant to be objective to begin with?
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v_charon
06/25/19 9:03:25 PM
#112:


I mean being objective and at least having an opinion I can respect are two different things I suppose. Honestly not seeing much of a difference between Wickle's zealotry over nudity and this though; it's in the same vein to me. Granted it isn't that I care much considering I placed the film in the bottom half just barely, but the reasoning is garbage to me. A #40 ranking when at the very least, you have Demonic Toys, a film that wasn't even released in theaters, on the project too. If you have something else down there, at least have some sort of good reason or flaw you find with the movie itself, not with what the movie may be about or if it has naked people in it.
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scarletspeed7
06/25/19 9:05:26 PM
#113:


One is a moral difference and the other is an aesthetic difference. And I rate horror movies low in general because I have qualms with the genre as a whole.
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Lopen
06/25/19 9:09:17 PM
#114:


For me the big difference is Inviso didn't talk aspects of the film up or make any attempt to be taken seriously whatsoever.

Like I didn't even get that Inviso was saying he hated spiders. It was just a dumb one line write-up that I could just as well have made my write-up for the movie, cause John Goodman is the highlight of the movie!

Also like, the relative frequency and importance to what the movie is doing. If you hate spiders and they're all over, that's one thing. If you hate nudity and moles and they're in one scene (again, not sure this was the case with moles, but it wouldn't surprise me!), that's another.
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Snake5555555555
06/25/19 9:56:54 PM
#115:


35. Species

Scarlet - 19
Genny - 23
Inviso - 23
Karo - 28
Charon - 31
Snake - 34
Johnbobb - 36
KBM - 37
JONA - 38

Scarlet - I mean, its basically softcore porn horror.
Rating: 42/100


Genny - Species is another neat concept let down by its awful conclusion. Also I can't stand Forrest Whitaker's character here. He comes across as goofy and out of place even though he's in actuality the character with the most wherewithal on the protagonists' side. The antagonist is scary enough, and I can't fault her for wanting to live out her life cycle but I cannot look past this film's flaws. 7.1/10

Inviso - On paper, and if Im being honest, in practice as well, Species is NOT a good movie. Its blatantly exploitative and plays up a weird man-eater stereotype of women as monsters and villains in sexual encounters. The majority of the plot is absolute nonsense, and was nonsense from the first minute they included Forrest Whittakers character is a GODDAMN PSYCHIC. For a film that has no qualms with flashing multiple characters breasts on a regular basis, they somehow manage to PG-ify all the death and carnage of the movie, which is the point of a fucking HORROR MOVIE. Oh, and the dated CGI from the ending is pretty fucking terrible. So why rank is this highly? Well, again, if Im being honestit entertained me a little bit. It wasnt QUITE so bad its good levels, but if youre gonna be a shitty movie, at least casting a hot lead actress to walk around naked can do wonders for me enjoyment of the film. It also helps that this list has a LOT of duds, so merely being able to keep my attention is worth a decent placement from me.

Karo - Humanity makes contract with an alien race which tells them to fuse human and alien DNA, and nobody ever stops to think that this might be a bad idea because the aliens support green energy and that means there is no way they could possibly be evil. When their ill-advised experiment escapes, Lex Luthor forms an awkward team of underdeveloped characters to help track her down, and maybe like two of them are actually any use. One of these people is psionic, which is not explained in any way and everyone just acts like this is as totally normal as someone being left handed. There was some great potential for the girl to be a tragic or complex character, and early on it seemed like things were going down that route. Well until she suddenly wasn't and was just some generic evil movie monster and she's gotta die cause she's evil and stuff. It's just a convoluted and uninspired mess that seems written by at least three different people who wanted wildly different stories, one of whom watched too much Aliens and had sexual fantasies about mating with the Xenomorph Queen.

Charon - When you're thrown so quickly into a film without much buildup to the world you're entering, it's hard to get your bearings or enjoy this story very much. The premise is kinda interesting, I guess, but honestly the way this one begins is a little jarring for me. It's like not even 10 minutes in and we've got these 4 random people that are gonna play buddy cop the movie, except they aren't cops. The cast is also... strange. I mean, with the mystic guy, he really sticks out. It's a little silly at times, and in those moments I was wondering if he was secretly protecting our anti-hero. At least, I think that's what she's supposed to be. As the film progressed I felt increasingly less sorry for her though, and I'm not certain that was an intended effect or not. There's some dated feeling to the effects as well obviously; it's not pretty at times at all.
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Snake5555555555
06/25/19 9:57:06 PM
#116:


Snake - Why I Chose It - Species was a box office success and spawned a franchise of two sequels and comic series. It is also notable for being the film debut of Natasha Henstridge and for helping Michelle Williams gain more exposure to her career. H.R. Giger helped design Sil's character and background.

My Thoughts - Species had potential to be sure; a great cast, talented effects team, H.R. Giger on board. The film is not a total disaster, but weird creative choices and an ultimately boring plot and climax drag it down considerably. Its themes of sexual maturation and identity could've also been explored way more deeply and tastefully, with the film feeling very exploitative at times.

Johnbobb - For the first like 10 minutes or so, I had high hopes for this movie. Michelle Williams even as a kid was an impressive actress, and does a lot with very little early on. Then she crawls into a cocoon and comes out as a 30-year-old who can't act. And then shockingly, Michael Madsen, Alfred Molina, Forest Whitaker and Ben fucking Kingsley can't scramble together a decent performance between the four of them. On top of that, something about the whole thing feels almost exploitative. Really just kind of an icky movie.

KBM - This very transparently only exists as an excuse for Natasha Henstridge to take her clothes off. Don't get me wrong, she does look great with her clothes off, but personally I need a bit more than that to get invested in a movie. I ended up entertaining myself by playing a game of how drunk is Michael Madsen in this scene? In fact, the entire all-star cast seems to wish they could be elsewhere other than making this movie. At least the H.R. Giger designs are, well, H.R. Giger designs, and the effects work (at least, when it's not cheap 1995 CGI) is pretty solid. But intermittently cool practical effects and nice-looking boobs do not a good horror movie make.

JONA - While it has an interesting concept and there can be some grotesque imagery, those moments are so few and far between. The movie just wants to show off some fanservice. Also, doesnt help that the characters are just there.
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Snake5555555555
06/25/19 10:02:44 PM
#117:


Outlier

Genny - 61
Inviso - 58
Charon - 44
KBM - 41
Karo - 38
Johnbobb - 32
Scarlet - 21
Snake - 14
JONA - 12

Scarlet actually gets a huge jump here with this ranking, but it's still not enough to get him anywhere close to the top.
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Johnbobb
06/25/19 10:12:02 PM
#118:


Conversation I had with a coworker after seeing Species

Me: I mean it had Ben Kingsley, Forest Whitaker, Michael Madsen, Alfred Molina...
Him: Oh wow, that sounds awesome
Me: No they were all terrible
Him: Wait, what?
Me: Yeah like how does that even happen
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Johnbobb
06/25/19 10:13:35 PM
#119:


Inviso posted...
exploitative

Snake5555555555 posted...
exploitative

Johnbobb posted...
exploitative


high fives all around
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Lopen
06/25/19 10:30:51 PM
#120:


It is exploitative, but it does just enough to try and hide it that I can accept it and I'm okay with it and will shamelessly enjoy my softcore porn horror.

Well okay enjoy is strong but... it doesn't offend me or make me feel like my intelligence is being insulted, at least. That's all I ask.
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StifledSilence
06/25/19 11:04:27 PM
#121:


Aww lame. I really liked Species. The acting was a little phoned in at times, but I enjoyed the hammy performances overall. And yes the boobs. I liked the boobs too.
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Snake5555555555
06/26/19 12:03:06 PM
#122:


34. Deep Blue Sea

Inviso - 17
Genny - 27
Scarlet - 28
JONA - 29
Snake - 29
Charon - 30
Johnbobb - 32
KBM - 33
Karo - 35

Inviso - This movie is just stupid fun. The premise isbizarre, to say the least (youre seriously telling me that you need to perform delicate science experiments on sharks, and youre NOT doing this inland somehow?), but if you can look back that, its an enjoyable movie. I like the colorful cast of characters, and while Samuel L. Jackson does have some death flags flapping around his head, his death is a surprise if only because he gets killed off before two separate fodder characters, in an extremely unique and memorable indoor shark kill. I also give credit for managing to make sharks feel more threatening than just generic killing machines. By making them hyper-intelligent sharks, it adds just that extra bit of menace to their actions, and makes the threat posed to the humans that much more real. PLUS, it makes the big reveal that much cooler, when the humans realize that the sharks just want to sink the facility so they can escape into the open ocean. So yeahfun movie with some definite rewatch value.

Genny - Deep Blue Sea straddles the line between a good meme and a good movie. In other words it's so dumb in a way it actually works. My hat is like a shark's fin/10

Scarlet - Saffron Burrows, who I am always extremely torn on as actress, anchors this utterly preposterous movie that thinks its hybridizing Jurassic Park and Jaws, when in reality its hybridizing Jurassic Park II and Jaws III. I mean, this movie is almost hilarious thanks to just how ludicrous it actually is. For me, this is reminiscent of the Godzilla film that was released a year earlier. You can just feel the fingerprints of a studio all over everything in this movie. Its built by committee, full of jaws and fury, signifying nothing.
Rating: 25/100


JONA - LL Cool J and Samuel Jackson can be entertaining but not much else stood out.

Snake - Why I Chose It - Following Jaws, the shark movie became an important sub-genre under the umbrella of horror. While few have ever been received well commercially or critically, Deep Blue Sea was a box office success for both the genre and for a flailing director desperate for a hit. In addition, Deep Blue Sea, though not received well at the time, has retroactively become a well-regarded entry in the killer shark category.

My Thoughts - Though this movie is mostly forgettable, the Samuel L. Jackson death is indisputably the best shark death of all time.

Charon - Super intelligent sharks fool scientists into helping them escape a research facility, yet can't tell them apart from fire extinguishers in the end. I guess this film was born from someone's fascination with sharks and cancer research, which is a bit overblown by the media so making a film based around this premise is odd. The whole movie is odd though. Here again we find comical black character being "hilarious". Ah LL, why was it that you never panned out an acting career quite like Ice Cube? Another thing I have to note is that this film sort of did a swerve by killing off the main character, basically twice. It wwas hard to wrap my head around the only two characters surviving being the two they were. It has some cool action beats and scenes in it, but usually these shark films are too hokey to suspend me far enough to get very engrossed with what's going on.
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Snake5555555555
06/26/19 12:03:15 PM
#123:


Johnbobb - Don't get me wrong, this is a mostly exciting movie. It's violent and legitimately scary at time, but man does it get worse as it goes on. It suffers by having it's least compelling character as its main protagonist, and when you see him survive over the more enjoyable characters EVERY TIME, it just gets old. The visual effects are decent, especially the practical effects. But ultimately, it's just not all that good.

KBM - A lesser entry in the killer shark subgenre (a subgenre I do have a certain fondness for), this nonetheless does have a couple things going for it that keep it from being among the very worst of its kind. First and foremost, unlike the films beneath it on this list, the death scenes actually get pretty fun and creative especially the one where Samuel L Jackson gets eaten right in the middle of a motivational speech. The cinematography is pretty great; Renny Harlin has a knack for knowing where to put the camera even if he's far from the best storyteller in Hollywood. And then there's LL Cool J, who's delightful and thankfully stays alive through the whole movie. Sadly, though, that's where the good stuff ends, and the rest of the movie is, uh, a wash. It's possible to turn off your brain and enjoy the schlock factor here, but just watching the highlights on YouTube is a much more expedient use of your time.

Karo - In an attempt to cure Alzheimer's, scientists do tests with genes and brain enzymes and shit. They use big fucking sharks for this because the pet store was out of hamsters. For this endeavor, they all live on this submerged complex in the middle of the fucking ocean because why have your valuable research somewhere safe and easy to get to when you can have it destroyed by a hurricane? After a series of events involving a helicopter filled with ten tons of TNT hitting the station, they are trapped because they literally built only one stairwell to the surface in their big-ass underwater research lab. The
survivors take a zigzag path through the structure with one ridiculous contrivance after another stringing along the plot, all while being chased about by genetically modified sentient super-sharks. It is simply an excruciating experience to watch this group of unlikable characters with lame acting and bizarre dialogue crawl about this station that takes so long to fill with water that I suspect it must harbor a portal to the sponge dimension. Ever wonder what would happen if Micheal Bay made a Jaws reboot? Well, wonder no longer because that is pretty much what this is.

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Snake5555555555
06/26/19 12:13:27 PM
#124:


Outlier

Inviso - 75
Genny - 68
Charon - 48
KBM - 42
Karo - 39
Johnbobb - 34
Scarlet - 27
Snake - 19
JONA - 17

Some pretty close rankings mean not much movement in the middle, but Vis takes the top spot with this ranking.
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StifledSilence
06/26/19 12:20:01 PM
#125:


Didn't get a chance to watch mothafuckin sharks yet. I think I wanna.
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Espeon
06/26/19 12:49:06 PM
#126:


My love of dumb, popcorn flicks is biting me in the ass.

Inside a building, and the bite is from a shark.
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WickIebee
06/26/19 6:52:25 PM
#127:


Speaking of killer sharks. I found two in an anime I was watching the other day. It's kind of a monster of the week type deal but thought it should be shared.
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swordz9
06/26/19 7:10:07 PM
#128:


Always liked Deep Blue Sea. Jackson and LL Cool J make it pretty fun. Theres all sorts of crazy shark movies out there though if anybody is interested. Syfy has tons of them. Toxic Shark, Trailer Park Shark, Ghost Shark, Sharknado movie series, etc
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Snake5555555555
06/26/19 7:32:45 PM
#129:


If you want to watch a movie that makes Demonic Toys look like a masterpiece, look no further than Shark Exorcist. Though Raiders of the Lost Shark probably wins the award for stupidest title ever.
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Snake5555555555
06/26/19 10:13:14 PM
#130:


33. I Know What You Did Last Summer

Inviso - 7
Charon - 17
Johnbobb - 25
Scarlet - 29
Genny - 30
Karo - 30
Snake - 38
JONA - 40
KBM - 40

Inviso - One of the best things a slasher film can do is craft a cast of characters so awful that youre cheering for the villain to cut them to pieces. IKWYDLS manages to pull this sort of cast together, with volatile asshole Ryan Phillippe, arrogant beauty queen Sarah Michelle Gellar, doofy dumbass Freddie Prinze Jr., and stuck-up know-it-all Jennifer Love Hewitt. But even better, this isnt a case of a group of dumb teens getting stalked at random. No, these kids run a guy over with their car and dump his body to hide the accident. Its no wonder the guy doesnt die and comes back to kill them. The pacing is great, with the killer opting to psyche them out first, rather than going for the kills immediately, and the end result is an intense series of kill sequences and chases that just feel awesome overall. This is just a really solid slasher flick, and I enjoyed it.

Charon - Easy to count among Scream cash-in's, this film features a talented cast of young actors who'd go on to major success and a plot that's plenty memorable. This movie is set in a real-life style situation, where you're forced to make a quick decision that will impact the rest of your life. To me, this movie was always more than just a Scream knock-off. The suspense is good, the killer isn't who you'll guess at first and while he may not be quite on the level of a lot of recurring antagonists on this list, the Fisherman to me is a fairly good villain even if his motive ends up pretty simple. It's just a fun film to me.

Johnbobb - This is one of the best examples of horror that's competent without really being GOOD. It's got suspense, it's decently shot, the set pieces are nicely varied. So why is it that I find this film ultimately forgettable? Maybe the bland characterization; very few horror films fit the main teen horror tropes as neatly as this one does, with the nice girl, the bad boy, the beauty and literally just "the other guy." Maybe it's the villain, who I imagine most of the people ranking won't remember the name of by the time the rankings are up, despite the fact that finding the identity is so central to the plot. It feels like a training video on how to make a horror movie; it's good enough at what it does but doesn't have enough of an identity of its own.

Scarlet - In another attempt to create a 90s version of the Brat Pack, a surprisingly loaded cast is handed the singularly most generic teen slasher script ever unimagined by a screenwriter. Can Iron Bull, Buffy, the chick from an LFO video and Shooter salvage this flan of a film? Nope. And this failed Brat Pack reboot would slink into obscurity eventually.
Rating: 25/100


Genny - I'll be honest I never was too wild about I Know What You Did Last Summer. Even as a kid I thought Scream pulled off the whole 90s mystery/slasher horror thing a helluva lot better and this latest rewatch did nothing to change my mind. It's campy and fun, but also chokful of inescapable clichs, and it does nothing truly clever enough to warrant two sequels. Don't believe the hype, it's 6/10 at best.
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Snake5555555555
06/26/19 10:13:24 PM
#131:


Karo - These dumbass teenagers run over a guy and leave him for dead, but it turns out he was still alive and now is back for revenge. Any and all logic is thrown out the window for the sake of cheap scares and plot twists as Popeye the Killer Man murders secondary characters and pointlessly trolls the protagonists with no real end goal in sight. Why did the girl have a trunk full of crabs that mysteriously appear and vanish? Does the Fisherman have some weird supernatural powers that he only used in this one random instance and totally ignored when he was fighting the protagonists on the deck of his ship?Even the mystery is lame and arbitrary, hey wow shocking the killer was actually this guy who never appears on screen and we only just now learned the name of! Fuck off. I do know what you did last summer, and it was make a really bad movie.

Snake - Why I Chose It - I Know What You Did Last Summer is one of the highest grossing slasher films of all time, and was #1 at the box-office for three weeks straight. It has oft been parodied, and was one of the main inspirations for Scary Movie (along with Scream). Along with Buffy & Scream 2 that same year, it also established Sarah Michelle Gellar as the premier "scream queen" of the 90s.

My Thoughts - If generic had a picture in the dictionary, this movie would be it. It's just about as straight-forward as a slasher can get, and that's without the benefit of a central villain that you could at least get enjoyment out of it. No one is ever going to be scared of "The Fisherman". I expect way better from this screenwriter and from this cast too. Total waste of a movie.

JONA - An incredibly dull movie with uninteresting characters and the only hook of the movie is the mystery and that ends in a very dissatisfying way.

KBM - I couldn't give less of a shit what you did last summer. This is a movie that typifies every trope I hate most in slasher movies. Completely devoid of likable characters, and populated by the dumbest characters, the promise that they'd all die gets you through the movie before you realize that they're not even going to do THAT part properly. There's nothing scary, nothing funny, nothing charming about this drek. The who's the murderer twist at the end is just as bad as everything else. It's just a bad, stupid, thoughtless cash grab movie that's endemic of the very worst the '90s had to offer.
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Snake5555555555
06/26/19 10:27:16 PM
#132:


Outlier

Inviso - 101
Genny - 71
Charon - 64
KBM - 49
Johnbobb - 42
Karo - 42
Scarlet - 31
JONA - 24
Snake - 24

Vis crosses the 100 mark with the biggest gap yet.
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Johnbobb
06/26/19 10:29:51 PM
#133:


Inviso posted...
One of the best things a slasher film can do is craft a cast of characters so awful that youre cheering for the villain to cut them to pieces.

KBM posted...
This is a movie that typifies every trope I hate most in slasher movies. Completely devoid of likable characters

yeah I think I have to side pretty strongly with KBM here. I don't think any movie, even slashers, is improved by the entire cast being unlikeable. It's a lot easier to craft terrible characters than it is good ones and having everyone be either bland or unpleasant leaves you with apathy and a general lack of tension
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Snake5555555555
06/26/19 10:35:46 PM
#134:


I agree that slasher films can and should have likable characters to make deaths more impactful. Black Christmas is a proto-slasher but an excellent example of this. The Scream series has always had likable characters. I always felt Nightmare on Elm Street had some good characters too. At the very least, you should have a well-established final girl to fall back on, which Summer even fails to do.
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v_charon
06/26/19 10:42:11 PM
#135:


Pretty hard to believe this film could garner those low ratings given what else is on this project. Then again, I have a feel (judging by what's going out right now) that the remainder of my own bottom 5 is safe for a long time.
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Lopen
06/26/19 11:07:03 PM
#136:


Well I'll say with slasher flicks it really reduces to whether deep down if you want to root for the bad guy or the good guys. Obnoxious characters are better for the former, worse for the latter. I generally root for the bad guys so I'll take mostly obnoxious casts and enjoy it.

Though I will say even if you wanna root for the bad guys, a mix of both is kinda ideal in a lot of cases. Because inevitably you're going to be stuck with a few main characters that take a bit longer to get axed, and you'd like those to be likable at least to build some suspense. But it really depends on how the film is stylized I think. Even having none is okay sometimes if the pacing is more like a demolition derby than methodical, though. I feel like a few Jason movies fit the bill there at least.
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Johnbobb
06/26/19 11:14:49 PM
#137:


This is a great time to recommend Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

which features probably the most easy-to-root-for slasher villain of any slasher movie I've seen but also features interesting characters as his targets
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Vengeful_KBM
06/27/19 5:06:17 PM
#138:


I certainly can enjoy a good slasher flick where you're rooting for the killer - Friday the 13th is one of my favorite slasher series, after all. But I do need characters that I can stand spending an entire movie with. They don't necessarily have to be likable people, or even people I don't want to see dead, but in this case I found the cast of characters straightforwardly insufferable and really, really didn't want to be spending an entire movie watching them, especially when the killer wasn't interesting in any way either.

On a related note, I genuinely recommend the Child's Play remake that's in theaters right now. My boyfriend and I went to see it yesterday for my birthday and I was pleasantly surprised at how genuinely good of a movie it is. I'd say more but I wouldn't want to spoil anything, either about a good movie currently in theaters or about my future list placement.
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Snake5555555555
06/27/19 5:57:40 PM
#139:


32. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

Charon - 19
Genny - 20
Inviso - 27
Johnbobb - 28
JONA - 30
KBM - 31
Scarlet - 31
Snake - 31
Karo - 38

Charon - While not the film the 2018 version would be H20 gave us an early glimpse of what a reunion between the two series leads would be like, and much like that film it'd have some success. I've always enjoyed the dynamic relationship shared by Laurie and Michael; most slashers like Freddy and Jason lack a connection to their victims whereas Myers has a singular driven goal. This movie also introduced a young Josh Harnett whom I thought played his role well. I'm probably a little biased towards Halloween as a whole, but this film was a nice return to form after a couple of real stinkers for the franchise.

Genny - I know Michael Myers is regarded as the best of the big three slashers by some, but he's always been my least favorite of the trio personally. Jason and Freddy have that supernatural flair about them and what sets Michael apart is that he's a normal guy who happens to be evil for no reason. Also that he seems impervious to fire, bullets, stab wounds, and falling from heights. Really I think the mistake was making him "normal" Jaime Lee Curtis gives a solid performance here, but everyone else either phones it in or overacts aside from LL who's acting isn't enjoyable for a different reason. I especially dislike the many irrational decisions made by Laurie and Michael throughout the film, but it has some nice kills. 7.3/10

Inviso - First off, I feel like my enjoyment of this film is either hampered or bolstered by the fact that Ive literally never seen a single film in the Halloween franchise, outside of the reboot we watched for the last horror list. Hampered, because I have no context for the films plot. Bolstered, because I have no idea how much better or worse the film is compared to its predecessors. But I digress. If youre going to make a slasher film and youre going to fill it with contrived nonsense, the least you can do is stack up a high body count. But this film starts with a trio of unnecessary deaths, then a LONG gap, and then three more kills in quick succession. Really, the only thing that makes this feel different from a generic slasher film is the ending. Laurie FUCKS Michael up MULTIPLE times. She stabs him, steals the morgue truck with his dead body in it, slams on the breaks to fling him through the windshield, runs him over, pins him against a tree, and decapitates him. While this ending is awesome, its also completely pointless and feels like a means of bloating a movie that doesnt even reach 90 minutes. Seriously, this is a ten-minute sequence after the standard Michael is presumed dead and escapes to set up the sequel moment of the film, and the fact that it was necessary is not great. There is just SO much filler in this movie just to get it up to a decent runtime, and it winds up not being that great as a result.

Johnbobb - As much as I want to give this movie credit for sticking the landing at the end SO HARD, I can't. One trope I HATE in horror movies is "significant character so unbearably and irrationally awful that you want them to die." Another is excessive fakeout jumpscares. And holy shit does this movie abuse those two to hell and back. The son is such a horrible shit that I can barely sympathize with Laurie for wanting to protect him, and literally like every five minutes there's someone startling somebody else for some stupid reason. There are cool, classic Halloween moments hidden in a bunch of bullshit.

JONA - Most of the movie is dull but the climax can be pretty entertaining.
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Snake5555555555
06/27/19 5:58:01 PM
#140:


KBM - Credit where credit is due: this is definitely not the worst entry in the Halloween franchise, though it's far from the best one either. It does, however, have the worst title of the bunch (even considering that three of the movies are just called Halloween and two are called Halloween II yeah, this franchise is a mess). Wisely ignoring the events of all but the first two movies in the series (wiping out the mess that was the Jamie Lloyd storyline) so that we can bring back Jamie Lee Curtis, the return of Laurie Strode manages to somewhat salvage what's otherwise a mediocre-at-best script. Probably the worst thing about this movie is its overreliance on cornball fake-out jump scares, which have a numbing effect after awhile. There's some interesting casting here, with quite a few before-they-were-famous appearances, but unfortunately most of the characters really don't get that much interesting to do save for a wink-wink extended cameo appearance by Janet Leigh of Psycho fame. More or less the same concept as this movie would be redone to better results with 2018's Halloween, rendering this subpar effort little more than a historical curiosity for series completionists. The ending sequence is pretty well done, at least.

Scarlet - The signature grungy Halloween flavor has been drained in favor of a more slick, polished and generic late-90s post-Scream horror vibe, though I still find it a lot more watchable than Halloween 5 or 6. Thats not much of a compliment. Heck, that might be more of a dig at 5 and 6. Having Jamie Lee back helps save this movie from utter rating destruction. I guess the biggest compliment I can give is that the final thirty seconds or so are pretty cool.
Rating: 24/100


Snake - Why I Chose It - One of two Halloween sequels released in the 90s, I ultimately went for H20 due to its connection to the original two films instead of the sloppy continuity mess created with the fourth film, as well as the 20th anniversary being an important landmark for one of the biggest horror icons ever. While perhaps seen as "just another" slasher sequel to some, I think for exploring the world of horror, it's important to check in on the big franchises and see what has been done right and what has been their biggest mistakes.

My Thoughts - Halloween H20 is by and large NOT the worst Halloween film ever made. I actually think it's one of the better ones overall, with all credit to Jamie Lee Curtis for not phoning in her performance despite almost quitting the film all together because of constant Halloween sequel bait. This could've been an excellent psychological horror piece between Myers and Strode, but we're not here to discuss could'ves. The fact of the matter is, Laurie's son, LL Cool J, and a forgettable cast of generic high schoolers forgoes any creativity or opportunity for real character development, instead opting for sloppy, boring kills and a rushed ending that closes the book on Myers for good (for just about the 3rd or 4th time, depending on who's counting). After being blown up to smithereens and burning alive in Halloween 2, how am I ever going to believe Michael is really dead this time? The mask in this is also really cheap looking, I hate how Myers looks in this. Though, despite all my criticism, I still think there's at least some aspects of a good movie here, you just have to look pretty closely to see them. It's definitely that Curtis factor that carries the film and makes it a worthwhile entry at the very least for a Halloween fan.
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Snake5555555555
06/27/19 5:59:12 PM
#141:


Karo - Hey, it's Michael Myers! He's actually alive! Twenty years have passed! He's still trying to kill his sister! Whoop-de-doo! Once you pass the opening sequence, the film is an incredibly boring slog that is just a good 40 minutes of hey this crazy chick sees Michael Myers! But ha ha wait no she was just mistaken, dun dunn DUNNNNN!!! Then the Happy Mask Butcher finally shows up and stabs a bunch of people we dont care about in a generic manner before being finally killed by Laurie after surviving: 1. being hit with a battle ax. 2. being stabbed 10 times in the chest. 3. being thrown out a second story window. 4. being ejected through the windshield of a car going like 80 miles an hour then run over by the car and knocked off a 50 foot cliff and said car dropped on top of him. C'mon now, Myers isn't supposed to be fucking Superman, he's just a crazy dude who wears a mask. One fatal flaw in the movies premise is echoed by several of the characters in the dialogue: why the hell did Michael wait so long to come after his sister? Who the fuck knows, and you know what, who the fuck cares. It's just another pointless slasher sequel made to profiteer off of characters created decades ago and should be chucked out the window like the garbage it is.
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Johnbobb
06/27/19 6:09:37 PM
#142:


Snake5555555555 posted...
One trope I HATE in horror movies is "significant character so unbearably and irrationally awful that you want them to die." The son is such a horrible shit that I can barely sympathize with Laurie for wanting to protect him

oh hey it's literally that exact thing I was just talking about
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Snake5555555555
06/27/19 6:12:25 PM
#143:


Outlier

Inviso - 106
Genny - 83
Charon - 77
KBM - 50
Karo - 48
Johnbobb - 46
Scarlet - 32
JONA - 26
Snake - 25

Not too much to comment on, as everyone stays where they are.
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v_charon
06/27/19 8:02:58 PM
#144:


Yeah, that's a shame. H20 gets too much flak I think. It's not a bad movie. I personally like the Laurie here about as much as I do in the rebooted version. They're similar takes on the same idea; she's mentally scarred from her experiences with Myers years ago. My favorite recurring bit was her seeing Michael's face all around, especially near the big reveal that he's really there where she closes her eyes multiple times yet he doesn't disappear this time and keeps walking towards her.
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Johnbobb
06/27/19 8:11:02 PM
#145:


v_charon posted...
It's not a bad movie.

it's certainly not a good one
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VengefulKaelee
06/27/19 10:42:36 PM
#146:


The problem with H20 definitely isn't Laurie; on that we definitely agree. The problem is more stylistic - the constant cheap jump scares and haphazard screenwriting and characterization for the other characters are my primary gripe. I love Jamie Lee whenever she plays Laurie Strode, and it's quite possible that before the 2018 reboot came out I would have ranked H20 a little higher, but 2018 proved how much better such a thing could be handled by more competent director/screenwriters. That said, there's just enough good about H20 that I totally don't blame you for liking it more!
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Snake5555555555
06/27/19 10:46:30 PM
#147:


31. Bram Stoker's Dracula

KBM - 4
Scarlet - 18
Johnbobb - 22
Snake - 28
Inviso - 30
JONA - 32
Karo - 32
Charon - 38
Genny - 39

KBM - Full-stop, this is the best vampire movie I've ever seen. Though I COMPLETELY understand this not being for everybody, for me this brings the Dracula legend to life like no other adaptation manages. Francis Ford Coppola brings a surreal, nightmarish quality to the visuals and the flow of the story, and Gary Oldman manages to redefine and bring new life to a role that had already been played iconically twice by Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee. Anthony Hopkins also brings some great manic energy to the second half of the film as one of the most unhinged Van Helsings ever, and I'm gonna be honest, I didn't think Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder were as bad as their performances' reputations suggest.

Scarlet - God, this is one of the hardest movies to rank and rate on this list. Much like Gary Oldmans haircut. In fact, maybe everything else I think about this movie - from the great camerawork to the interesting sets to the bizarre script to the performances that range from good to bad and everything in between - is best summed up in that haircut. Maybe the movie is actually just about the haircut. Maybe this entire list is predicated on the notion that this haircut will be the defining point of contention that determines the legacy of Snake as a curator of lists. Maybe Snake was the hair stylist here. Maybe every vampire movie before or since this one is fundamentally built around the planned moment when Gary Oldman would sport this haircut. In all honesty, I think my ranking here is soft. I respect so much of this film, and I would honestly watch it again for sheer entertainment value, but certain vital aspects of the film are unmitigated disasters - notably Keanu Reeves performance. But, then theres this hair. And I just dont know what to do with it.
Rating: 48/100


Johnbobb - goddamn this movie is long. I mean, it's not even that long (just a little over 2 hours) but it draaaaaaaaaaags. The visuals and sound and costumes are all excellent but man does it get boring in between the big moments, especially whenever Keanu Reeves is on screen. The performances are inconsistent, ranging from excellent to fucking HORRIBLE. That, on top of a plot that's just a little too meandering, keeps it from being the gothic epic it so badly wants to be.

Snake - Why I Chose It - Often cited as one of the best vampire films ever made, 1992's Dracula was a box office smash and established the tone for a whole new generation of vampire films & tropes still in common use today.

My Thoughts - A tiring exercise of Hollywood excess, Dracula aspires to be the defining representation of vampires on film, but in its quest to do so, it wrings itself to such extremes that you just feel exhausted once it's all said and done. I won't lie that this is a totally eye-catching picture, with a Gothic aesthetic to die for and character designs stick with you long after it's over. And yes, Gary Oldman is as good as they say. But, a film like this needs to be perfect in all areas, and I don't think it has a very solid script and performances like Reeves are just as bad as they say, while the film overstays its welcome with a plodding pace and overdramatic feel, holding it back from being the quintessential vampire flick it wants to be. A strange, curious mess of a film to be sure.
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Snake5555555555
06/27/19 10:46:43 PM
#148:


Inviso - This shit was confusing. Like, you have SO many characters in this movie, and the writing doesnt do even REMOTELY a good job of establishing who the central character is, or who we as the audience should care about. Youd THINK its Keanu, but hes halfway written out of the film early on. Winona Ryder? She feels like more of a tagalong to the main plot. Gary Oldman? Again, youd THINK so, but hes also the primary antagonist. As a result, theres no focus in the plot. You jump from Transylvania to London and back again, introducing secondary characters with plot lines that dont make any sense. The trio of dudes who are all TOTALLY cool with sharing some skanky redhead isstrange. Oh! And why the fuck is a vampire able to turn into a werewolf? I spent most of the movie thinking there was a secondary monster running around. Really, the acting chops of Gary Oldman and Anthony Hopkins are the saving grace of this film, because it wasstrange at best.

JONA - The film has a good atmosphere but the movies too long and the humanization of Dracula and the reveal of Mina Harker actually being the reincarnation of Draculas lover makes the romance uninteresting.

Karo - This is an awkward and disjointed attempt at making yet another Dracula film, with silly special effects that look like they were done in photoshop and acting so hamfisted and overdramatic it sounds like a 4kids anime dub. The title itself seems pretentious. Are all the many other adaptations not of Bram Stoker's character? Did they raise him from the dead to produce this movie? You better have read the novel or you will understand little of what the hell is going on in this mess, Dracula randomly getting younger or being a werewolf are things we are just supposed to 'know' or something and are not explained at all. Anyway Dracula moves to England and they have to kill him and shit. They know where Dracula keeps his coffin and so of course they go there in the middle of the night because that is clearly the best time to try and kill a vampire and oh my god hey lets leave the girl alone in the room with the window overlooking Creepy Vampire Abbey you'll be safe here. You literally have Van Helsing with you, how can you be so completely fucking stupid? The world didn't really need another Dracula movie, and it certainly didnt need one as awful as this.

Charon - A confusing, bogged down butchering of a classic story that seems so easy to write that it practically writes itself, yet someone decided that they'd ignore the ghost writer. Unfortunately, the film doesn't realize that you can't cram the entire book into a movie without doing a disservice to the source material. From the start it's hard to follow as we're introduced to a woefully miscast Keanu Reeves and then he kinda takes a backseat to other characters for the rest of the film. Dracula's transformations into the wolf are odd and it's not very apparent that it's even him, or why he has to be a wolf when he does it instead of a vampire. We even get this brief lesbian moment which seems... completely pointless. The supporting cast all just blend in together outside of the main 4 or 5 characters; Hopkins clearly is still in Lecter mode here and you can really get a sense for that. It takes me out of the film a bit because of that. As for Dracula himself, there's never any moment I feel I can see things from his side, which is kinda the whole point of Dracula usually. Oldman does a really good Johnny Depp impersonation though, sure. I was really expecting more out of this film and I was just shocked by how drab, puzzling and underwhelming it was.

Genny - I had such high hopes for Bram Stoker's Dracula coming into this and all I have to say having finished it is this: "WTF was that?" If this is a faithful adaptation of the novel then go ahead and cross reading it off my bucket list. 4.2/10
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StifledSilence
06/27/19 10:51:50 PM
#149:


Interesting. I thought this one would place a lot higher.
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scarletspeed7
06/27/19 10:54:34 PM
#150:


Given the quality of most of the movies, I figured I would be an aberration on the low-end.
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