Board 8 > Anagram Ranks Anything Star Wars-related with a Write-Up (spoilers)

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Anagram
10/11/20 12:00:17 PM
#1:


After the resounding success that was my Star Trek topic, I've decided have a disappointing sequel topic that fizzles out before the 100th post because Star Wars isn't quite as interesting. Post anything Star Wars-related, and I shall rank it in a tier list and give a write-up of varying length. However, know that my Star Wars powers are weaker than my Star Trek powers, and my EU knowledge in particular is limited.

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NFUN
10/11/20 12:01:08 PM
#2:


Star Trek

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Murphiroth
10/11/20 12:04:01 PM
#3:


Ganner Rhysode
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Lolo_Guru
10/11/20 12:04:21 PM
#4:


Kylo Ren's (impractical) lightsaber.
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Lolo
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Whiskey_Nick
10/11/20 12:04:38 PM
#5:


The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise

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I am Nick. Go Sens, Bills, Blue Jays! Azuarc is a Guru
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redrocket
10/11/20 12:04:49 PM
#6:


Midichlorians

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Jesse_Custer
10/11/20 12:21:43 PM
#7:


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Snake5555555555
10/11/20 12:32:37 PM
#8:


Kir Kanos

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https://imgur.com/1e1e70S - https://imgur.com/XObpAjw
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PerfectChaosZ
10/11/20 12:36:39 PM
#9:


The Force
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Mr Crispy
10/11/20 1:02:26 PM
#10:


Bomberman Hero
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Not changing this line until I beat Seven Heroes (2/24/07) - Fulfilled 2/20/18
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Mac Arrowny
10/11/20 1:03:36 PM
#11:


Corran Horn
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Anagram
10/11/20 1:04:29 PM
#12:


Star Trek
I wonder what it was like to watch Star Wars in 1977. I imagine people must have compared it to Star Trek, right? I say this as someone who watched Star Wars a billion times as a kid, but watched one Star Trek-related thing before I was eighteen (that thing being Star Trek: Nemesis).

Trek and Wars have many of the same elements, but they differ on the emphasis. Ships in Wars are just vehicles to go from point A to point B, whereas in Trek, they're almost characters unto themselves, and the inner workings of the ship matter way more. There are scenes where like Geordi or Scotty just talks about like engine read-outs, whereas in Wars, the most detailed we ever get about a ship's innards is "this part is broken." But in Trek, phasers are basically just a way to defeat an enemy and end the scene, whereas lightsabers are a whole plot element that are much more thoroughly explored. Same with psychic powers -- in Trek, Vulcans are psychic, just move on, but in Wars, a ton of effort is spent exploring the Jedi and what they mean. Even in ANH, where we learn basically nothing about the Jedi, the logic of the Force matters way more than the basic "there are psychics in space lol" we get in Trek. And again, the cultures of the aliens our heroes visit are important in Trek, even if only for one episode, whereas none of that matters in Wars (at least in the movies). Trek is also generally more nuanced in its morality -- there are virtually no completely evil people in Trek besides the Borg, whereas Wars' Good vs Evil plotline is like the entire overriding morality. None of this is really meant as a criticism of either side, by the way. If you enjoy one more than the other, more power to you. I greatly prefer Trek, but Wars is fun, too.

One thing the series are identical in is how the creators and owners damaged them. Trek and Wars both start with an extremely strong outing: TOS and the OT. Then Gene Roddenberry and George Lucas no longer have people to restrain their terrible ideas and start screwing everything up. Trek gets lucky and Roddenberry dies halfway into TNG, but Lucas manages to make the PT, and the EU just starts coming up with the absolute worst ideas (Luuuke Skywalker, anyone?). Then the franchise exists in limbo for a while before passing into the control of Alex Kurtzman or Disney, who either don't understand or don't care about what the series is supposed to be about. I would still say that Wars is a more damaged brand than Trek, in that even normal people laugh at and complain about the PT and ST, whereas no normal person cares about DIS or PIC enough to make fun of them.

Man, that's a good question. What big name sci-fi/fantasy franchise has the fewest embarrassing outings? Is it Lord of the Rings? I think it might be Lord of the Rings. All it has is that one video game where Shelob turns into a goth chick and reveals that she isn't really evil after all.

Ganner Rhysode
I've never read NJO books, but I'm aware of the Yuuzan Vong. I won't talk about them here, though. I had to read a synopsis to understand this character better. I do like "jerk who things he's hot **** gets humbled and decides to do the right thing at his own cost," I'll admit. Pulling a Leonidas to stop a horde of aliens is also pretty good. I can imagine this guy being a compelling, like, side character? I've never read the books, so I can't say definitively that he's great, but the concept is at least very strong.

Kylo Ren's Lightsaber
Terminator 2. It's a good movie, but once it introduced the idea of "this Terminator is like the old ones, but now it can also do X," the franchise was damaged. Every new Terminator had to have a new stupid gimmick.

Darth Maul's lightsaber. It's fine on its own, but once it introduced the idea of custom lightsabers, the franchise was damaged. I'm amazed I'm saying this, but Lucas knew to keep the special lightsabers on the down-low. In the PT, there's just Darth Maul's, Yoda's (which doesn't even count, it's just tiny), and Mace Windu's purple saber.

When I saw the first trailer for the ST and saw that new lightsaber, I just rolled my eyes. "Fine," I didn't say, but would have said if I was some first reactions youtuber. He's gotta have a special lightsaber.

If the ST had been handled competently, I might have a different opinion. Like, yes, I get it. Believe me, I get the symbolism here, it's not subtle. Kylo Ren is a damaged person, so his lightsaber is also damaged and unstable. The correct way to continue this would be that he gets redeemed and fixes his saber to just be a normal saber, or for his ligthsaber to be destroyed when he decides to stop being evil, or whatever. Since that doesn't happen (I think he chucks it into an ocean? I guarantee that's coming up again in the EU), and all I have to rate the lightsaber by is the lightsaber itself, this falls into the "dumb but not ruinously dumb" category.

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Anagram
10/11/20 1:04:48 PM
#13:


The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise
Oh god, why would you do this to me?

Giving Palpatine a backstory is... I don't know. I don't know. He's great in RotJ, as this just completely evil person with no redeeming qualities, who just laughs a lot and acts silly. The more you know about him, the less interesting he becomes. To Lucas' enormous credit, I think he realized that? Because Palpatine relates his backstory in a very nebulous way that leaves everything open to interpretation. I can imagine a more hack director having Palpatine sit at a desk and explain this all via flashback, where a younger actor plays 17 year-old Palpatine killing some dumb CGI alien. Even the structure of the way Palpatine explains his backstory in the movie leaves open the possibility that he's just full of bull****, which is good. If you're going to give Palpatine any kind of backstory beyond "I am Sith Master," this is the way to do it. This is the only way it could possibly be done without being completely stupid, and it's still pretty stupid.

As for the tragedy itself, yes, okay. It's not subtle, Lucas. I get it -- Plagueis has an apprentice who kills him, his apprentice is taking an apprentice here who will one day kill him. It's like poetry, it rhymes.

That's another thing I'll give Lucas over Disney -- he at least attempts to have like thematic logic to what happens. He's not good at it, but he makes a genuine effort. This scene could have happened at a desk, instead Lucas sets it at an alien opera where there's like a giant holographic sperm inseminating an egg? Very imaginative, even if it's dumb.

Midichlorians
After I just complimented Lucas twice, it's good to be able to talk about something completely stupid. Lucas is a man with ideas, some good, some bad, and some... midichlorians. Like, I get that Qui-Gon needs a way to know that Anakin is important, but holy ****, this may be the actual worst idea in all of Star Wars.

Unlike most of Lucas' terrible ideas, which are terrible for one reason each, midichlorians are terrible for three separate reasons.
  1. The idea of power levels is so bad that even DBZ stops using them halfway through. All you need is Liam Neeson looking at the kid and going "woah," maybe having his hair whip back from Anakin's power.
  2. The idea of a non-magical explanation for magic is so, so bad. Metal Gear Solid does this, too. Is Hideo Kojima the Japanese George Lucas? ... Probably not. My point here is that midichlorians ruin the religious/philosophical element of the Force. Having the Force be this immaterial abstract thing that is beyond mortal comprehension is good. Having it be bugs in your blood is bad.
  3. Nothing is done with midichlorians in later movies. They are never brought up again. Even the EU downplays them, and the EU gave complex backstories to all of the extras in the Mos Eisley Cantina.
I can't think of a single good thing to say about this concept. All I can think of is that RLM video where Mr. Plinkett just responds to the idea with an image of a middle finger.

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You're My Only Hope
Star Trek

Stay on Target
Ganner Rhysode

Stuck-Up, Half-Witted, Scruffy-Looking Nerf Herder
Kylo Ren's Lightsaber

I've Got a Bad Feeling About This
The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise

A Pathway to Many Abilities Some Would Consider to be Unnatural
Midichlorians

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WarThaNemesis2
10/11/20 1:10:51 PM
#14:


Anagram

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Not_an_Owl
10/11/20 1:16:52 PM
#15:


Jacen Solo

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NFUN
10/11/20 1:17:57 PM
#16:


The Star Trek Wars

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Murphiroth
10/11/20 1:19:28 PM
#17:


Ganner is indeed a compelling side character. Really fun character arc from arrogant guy convinced he's a hero to getting humbled and becoming much more lowkey before eventually being put into a situation where embracing his arrogant wannabe hero side and going out in a blaze of glory is the absolute best possible option for the galaxy.

Dude does his Leonidas moment so hard that he eventually becomes a figure in their religion as a Jedi giant guarding the gates of the afterlife, eternally guarding them from souls trying to pass back to the realm of the living, with his final words "None Shall Pass" engraved in Basic on the gate.

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SirBinro
10/11/20 1:19:41 PM
#18:


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Murphiroth
10/11/20 1:20:16 PM
#19:


Vua Rapuung

My favorite relatively minor NJO character that's in only two books but is a major game changer for the story.
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PerfectChaosZ
10/11/20 1:27:03 PM
#20:


Yoda
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MarkS222222222222222
10/11/20 1:31:48 PM
#21:


Boba Fett

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redrocket
10/11/20 2:01:53 PM
#22:


Episode IV: A New Hope

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Lolo_Guru
10/11/20 2:08:04 PM
#23:


Darth Jar-Jar theories
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Lolo
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Sheep007
10/11/20 2:17:00 PM
#24:


The Ewoks cartoon

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MarquessLaus
10/11/20 2:20:18 PM
#25:


Titan Squadron

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Anagram
10/11/20 2:27:46 PM
#26:


Murphiroth posted...
Ganner is indeed a compelling side character. Really fun character arc from arrogant guy convinced he's a hero to getting humbled and becoming much more lowkey before eventually being put into a situation where embracing his arrogant wannabe hero side and going out in a blaze of glory is the absolute best possible option for the galaxy.

Dude does his Leonidas moment so hard that he eventually becomes a figure in their religion as a Jedi giant guarding the gates of the afterlife, eternally guarding them from souls trying to pass back to the realm of the living, with his final words "None Shall Pass" engraved in Basic on the gate.
That does sound good. Look, I'm going to rag a lot on the EU in this topic, but I don't want to imply that the EU is all bad. There are good ideas here and there, and this guy is probably one of them.

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10/11/20 3:49:14 PM
#27:


Star Wars Ep 1: Jedi Party
I'd never heard of this before. At first I was worried about having to watch a a thirteen-minute video, but it went by very fast. The retelling of PM by casting the Jedi as heroin-addicted party crashers is brilliant, and it has a lot of great jokes, like the table sheen one and Obi-Wan just spinning a lightsaber. The best part is, of course, the lightsaber dance, which is genuinely artistic and cool. I actually went and bought the song on iTunes because it's actually fun. "We have the highest midichlorian count / Which means that you have a lesser amount" is the best dance club music I've ever heard. I want to emphasize how this is genuinely, not ironically, better than the actual prequel movies.

One last thing. There was a random comment on the video where a guy points out that this video includes Palpatine saying he's going to hire Sand People to babysit his kids, which means that a joke video from 2013 is as good at writing Star Wars as Disney.

Kir Kanos
One thing you notice about fan fiction is that fans tend to pick up on minor elements in the movie/show/whatever and expand on them way beyond what the creators intended. Sometimes, this even happens in official stuff made by later people who aren't the original creators. You ever watch Lower Decks? There is nothing original in that show, it is 100% reuse of old ideas.

My point is that I had zero difficulty believing that "Palpatine's red-robed guards you see for five seconds" got a giant expanded backstory in the EU, even though I have never thought about those guys ever.

The Force
I'm gonna let you in on a secret: Star Wars is not a complex or interesting universe. It has like six generic sci-fi ideas that it stole from Dune, and it just uses and reuses them. The single exception is the Force, which it stole from Chinese philosophy and changed the name from "Chi."

Without the Force, Star Wars falls apart. Combining chi with science-fiction was a stroke of genius. I complain about Lucas a lot for having an infinite supply of terrible ideas, but the Force as a concept is probably the single cleverest and most interesting element in all three Star series. Can you imagine Star Wars as just a generic sci-fi universe about wars and stuff without the mystical elements? It would have a tenth of the legs it does.

By the way, losers, George Lucas was right about Darth Vader balancing the Force by killing Palpatine. The idea of the Force isn't that Light and Dark exist in equal amounts, it's that everything is connected, and the Dark Side of the Force unbalances that by its very existence because using it is like twisting the world to be all about yourself. Lucas was 100% in the right on this one and deserved none of the mockery he got. I hate Disney Wars calling it "the Light Side." What they call "the Light Side" is the default, the only element that exists, the natural state of things, and the Dark Side an aberration. It just displays a complete misunderstanding of the coremost element that makes Star Wars what it is.

Bomberman Hero
Get ready for the hottest of takes: Bomberman sucks. It has always sucked, and will always suck. Bomberman does not deserve the B-list status he has. He's barely a step above trash like Bubsy in both design and gameplay. Sakurai did nothing wrong.

Corran Horn
Look, you guys, there's a limit to what I can say about obscure EU characters I don't know about. Give me a break here. I read Horn's Wookiepedia article, and he seems fine. "I never give up, no matter the odds" has never appealed to me much, to be honest. "I have infinite willpower and will never stop trying." You get that a lot in anime, too. You know what I always think of when I see that? That one episode of the Twilight Zone where some astronauts die, but their captain has a never give up mentality and traps them in an infinite loop of pain and anguish because he just cannot accept failure.

Anagram
A complete ****ing loser.

Jacen Solo
This is an EU character I at least knew a bit about before looking him up. I don't hate the idea of Han's and Leia's son turning to the Dark Side like his grandfather, but it seems a bit... uninspired? I can imagine a young man slowly being driven to accept any cost in a painful war until he loses sight of the good in things and falls to the Dark Side, but I don't know, hasn't that story already been told in Star Wars? Hell, it's been told outside of Star Wars.

Is it weird that Kylo Ren has such a similar backstory, but his life ends in a completely different way? Is "Han and Leia's son turns evil" just such an obvious way to take things? I guess it must be.

The Star Trek Wars
I find this nomination to be extremely dubious, but I'll allow it. The idea of Star Trek turning into a religion and having to be banned is kind of funny. There are a few good gags in the sequence where Nichelle Nichols explains what the Star Trek Wars were, especially the sign that says "Welcome to Nazi Planet-Episode Land - Formerly Germany," but ehhh... A lot of Futurama is cleverer than it is funny, to be honest. I like the episode overall, but this scene is merely okay.

Millennium Falcon
Along with the Enterprise, this is the spaceship. All lesser spaceships pale in comparison. It has the perfect "piece of junk" design, meant to look like it's falling apart but still functional, like it's seen a lot of action but is still holding together for now. Everything looks like it has a use, like the satellite on the surface and the cockpit.

The importance of the Falcon isn't just that it's a spaceship the heroes use to get from point A to point B. It's specifically to contrast with the mystical elements of the Force. Luke's training begins in this messy, physical location that's made of metal and plastic and artificial stuff, and Han Solo, the embodiment of that, laughs at him. Luke learning about the Force in this location really pushes the idea that it's above this crude physical matter, and that Han Solo just doesn't get it -- which is why he only cares about money, and why he lives surrounded by things (as opposed to Obi-Wan, who lived in a simple house in the desert and wears robes). This ship shoves so much subtext in your face that it almost becomes text-text, it's such a brilliant and efficient use of cinematic resources to tell you more about the main characters and what they stand for.

Also I think the shape is cool.

Vua Rapuung
How angry were EU fans about the Disney takeover? They must have been furious.

The idea of a guy from a high caste learning something he's not supposed to, and being turned into a member of a lower caste to get rid of him is interesting. So is the idea of having to put aside your hatred of your enemies and work with them to clear your name, that's always a good plot. Unlike Ganner Rhysode, who I said sounds like a solid supporting character, this sounds like he has more main character potential. Although, seeing that he dies to protect one of Han Solo's children, I'd guess he's still merely a supporting character.

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10/11/20 3:49:17 PM
#28:


Yoda
One of the best ideas in Star Wars. To paraphrase RLM, we all have a preconception that a great warrior is a muscular guy with a sword, so making Yoda a small frog man emphasizes the mystical aspects of the Force. "Size matters not," and all that. Giving Yoda that weird speech pattern also emphasizes this, as if Yoda doesn't even really need to worry about normal speech because he's a ****ing Jedi. He's like one of those mystical gurus in real life who are so wise and mystical that the world around them barely matters, except with Star Wars it's true and not just nonsense.

George Lucas originally said that Yoda "wasn't really" a Jedi Knight in the same way as Obi-Wan, and that he only taught people how to use the Force. Yes, okay, Yoda lives in hiding, but it's significant that he lives in a simple hut in a remote location (just like Obi-Wan). Yoda was obviously meant to be beyond/above that sort of thing, he was meant to be a being who just exists in almost oneness with the Force. You can very clearly see that intention in ESB and RotJ. Yoda even chastises Luke for relying on a lightsaber, and just rolls his eyes when Luke perceives a ship as being too big to affect with the Force.

Then, in 2002, Yoda pulls out a toy lightsaber and does ninja flips. In RotS, Yoda is just the dumbest person ever who squanders every opportunity to save the galaxy. There is no way this person is wise in any way. Is Yoda the most ruined OT character by the PT? I want to say he is. Even Rian Johnson, even Rian Johnson, understood how to use Yoda in TLJ.

Boba Fett
AKA the coolest guy who does nothing to ever live. It can't be emphasized enough how much Boba Fett doesn't matter. His role in the movie is simply to track Han Solo's movements to Bespin. He does nothing else. What, he flamethrowers Luke for a second? Please. Boba Fett is a lesson in one thing: if you look cool enough, fans will demand to know more about you forever. Boba Fett is the second-coolest character in Star Wars behind Darth Vader, but that's all he is.

I swear to God, if the Mandalorian reveals that Boba Fett crawled out of the desert vagina monster and he's a character in the show, I don't know.

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
If like a medieval peasant came forward in time and asked me what a movie is, I would show him Casablanca. I think Casablanca is like the moviest movie to ever movie. Do you understand what I mean? Because ANH is the second moviest movie. Everything you expect in a movie, ANH does better than any other movie except Casablanca. I hope I'm being clear here.

ANH is one of the few movies I would say does everything right. Try to find a single flaw in this movie that isn't caused by later Star Wars crap ruining the metaplot. You can't. ANH is so strong a film that it basically ruined modern sci-fi movies by forcing them all to try to start new giant franchises. Have you ever seen Terminator: Genisys? Ugh.

Everyone's acting is perfect, not necessarily in the "I'm a good actor" sense, but at least in the "I'm getting across what my character is feeling" sense. Like with TNG, they made the wise decision to cast one real actor to give themselves some credibility, then just did stuff.

The interesting thing about ANH is that it should have been a giant disaster. Have you ever seen Lucas' original draft? Threepio is a used car salesman, Luke is an old man with a robot head, Han Solo is a frog, and the bombing the Death Star sequence is like five times as long. People forced Lucas to pare things down until we reached the point we're at now, then his editor almost ruined the movie, so Lucas' wife stepped in and fixed things at the last second.

ANH is the perfect confluence of good ideas existing, people stopping bad ideas, no studios to ruin everything, and just plain dumb luck.

Darth Jar-Jar Theory
Yeah, I'm familiar with this one. It gives Lucas way too much credit. I think Lucas is a man who instinctively understands some things, and the ideas he farts out with those instincts can be (but aren't always) shaped by other people to be good. The idea that Jar-Jar Binks is anything other than surface just doesn't work for me, sorry.

Ewoks Cartoon
I'd never heard of this. Reading the Wikipedia article, it sounds like a completely forgettable 80s cartoon that is known exclusively for its Star Wars connection. It sounds almost like the Smurfs, in fact, with an evil forest wizard menacing the peaceful tribal villager guys. The most interesting thing about this is the opening theme song. I pulled it up on a whim, I was expecting something like the Gummi Bears theme song. No! It's a slow-moving deep-voiced guy that sounds completely dissonant with cutesy teddy bear adventures. Completely inexplicable. I'm sure I'd hate this show if I watched it.

Titan Squadron
Man, that game came out on October 2? Somehow, it felt earlier than that. Titan Squadron is just another squadron of TIE fighter pilots, isn't it? It doesn't seem notable in any way.

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10/11/20 3:51:42 PM
#29:


You're My Only Hope
Star Trek
The Force
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

The Force is Strong with This One
Yoda
Millennium Falcon
Star Wars Ep 1: Jedi Party

Stay on Target
Ganner Rhysode
The Star Trek Wars
Vua Rapuung
Boba Fett
Titan Squadron

What a Piece of Junk
Kylo Ren's Lightsaber
Jacen Horn
Corran Horn
Kir Kanos
Anagram

I've Got a Bad Feeling About This
The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise
Darth Jar-Jar Theory
Bomberman Hero

A Pathway to Many Abilities Some Would Consider to be Unnatural
Ewoks Cartoon
Midichlorians

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Jesse_Custer
10/11/20 4:00:54 PM
#30:


Great write-up for Jedi Party, Im glad you liked it! If youre interested, the same channel made videos for episodes 2-6 as well, most of which contain some original music. And they actually develop a consistent storyline that departs from the original in unexpected ways.

Baby Yoda
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Hbthebattle
10/11/20 4:04:13 PM
#31:


The Wookiepedia Tree Article
https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Tree

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Not_an_Owl
10/11/20 4:05:03 PM
#32:


Grand Moff Tarkin

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Anagram
10/11/20 4:08:31 PM
#33:


Jesse_Custer posted...
Great write-up for Jedi Party, Im glad you liked it! If youre interested, the same channel made videos for episodes 2-6 as well, most of which contain some original music. And they actually develop a consistent storyline that departs from the original in unexpected ways.

Baby Yoda
I may watch them, thanks. I forgot to mention the close-up on the pig guy and the dramatic music at the end.

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redrocket
10/11/20 4:14:28 PM
#34:


Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

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Murphiroth
10/11/20 4:15:18 PM
#35:


Kettch
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Mr Crispy
10/11/20 4:45:54 PM
#36:


well, I was getting more at the plot in Bomberman Hero being a super blatant phoned in ripoff of Star Wars but ok.

anyway.

that illustration with the super ripped Luke that looks more suited for the cover of a trashy fantasy novel
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NFUN
10/11/20 4:47:47 PM
#37:


The Star Wars Trek

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cyko
10/11/20 4:49:45 PM
#38:


The episode of Star Wars Rebels where Ahsoka Tano fights Darth Vader.

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VengefulKaelee
10/11/20 5:15:10 PM
#39:


The Plinkett reviews of the prequels
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MarquessLaus
10/11/20 5:22:09 PM
#40:


Master Jaro Tapal

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PerfectChaosZ
10/11/20 5:22:26 PM
#41:


Kyle Katarn
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10/11/20 6:40:13 PM
#42:


Baby Yoda
The Mandalorian is the only good thing to come out of Star Wars, besides memes, since 1987... Maybe the Knights of the Old Republic games, too. They knew exactly the right amount of heart to include in the show, too. If I'd never seen the Mandalorian, I would have said that there should never be another of Yoda's species ever shown, that they're more interesting the less you see... But dammit, Baby Yoda is just so good. It tears me up inside.

Wookiepedia Tree Article
"Trees were usually deeply rooted and strong, and firmly connected to nature, yet they bowed and shifted at the promptings of wind and weather." I sometimes wonder how much of Wookiepedia is meant ironically.

Grand Moff Tarkin
Tarkin is interesting. Not as a character -- he's just a guy. He's the head Nazi. He's the local leader of the Gestapo, basically. No, what's interesting is how big a deal he is. He has almost as much screen time as Vader in ANH, his decisions are just as important as Vader's, and yet of the big Star Wars villains, I'd say Tarkin is the least referenced pop culturally? Vader, Palpatine, Jabba, Darth Maul... I guess Tarkin is more known than Dooku and Nute Gunray, but only because he has the fortune to be in a good movie.

I think we can all agree that CGI Tarkin was a mistake. It is so cartoonish and distracting. If it had just been one scene, then sure, but he's constantly showing up in that terrible Rogue One movie. The only good thing to come of it was that they didn't CGI Leia in TRoS, but that's a story for another day.

Oh, did you want an actual analysis of his character? Tarkin represents the Empire's power, but also how full of itself it is. He's absolutely confident in his actions, even when they're mistakes, and he cannot fathom the idea that the Rebels pose a real threat. But what makes him a little more nuanced than that is that he's the only Empire guy who takes Vader seriously. The other admirals are like "lol Vader dumb religion," but Tarkin instantly respects Vader's demand to fight Obi-Wan alone.

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
What would Star Wars be if not for ESB? ANH is a lucky confluence of good and bad ideas, but ESB is the creation of men and women who actually knew what they were doing from the start. It's weird, it takes risks, and it ties everything together flawlessly. If ESB never existed, would Star Wars be remembered as another Alien or Terminator, where there are one or two good movies and a bunch of embarrassing crap attached?

Like ANH, ESB does everything right. Aside from the question of Han Solo reaches Bespin without a hyperdrive (I still like joking about that), the script is perfect, the dialogue is tight, and the heroes... lose. And no matter what George Lucas claims, everyone knows that Vader being Luke's father was a decision made after ANH was filmed. What a ****ing genius move. That is the defining movie spoiler, to the point where any other movie twist is compared to it.

Kettch
I'd never heard of Kettch, but this is fine. This is the kind of silly EU stuff that's good. The idea of like friends having a silly running joke about an Ewok pilot and playing teddy bear-based pranks on each other is completely sensible and funny. The stupid Wookiepedia article goes too far and starts speculating about an unrelated sketch of an Ewok pilot from 1993 being retroactively assumable as one of the Kettch teddy bears the pilots play with, but the joke itself is good.


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Started: July 6, 2005
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10/11/20 6:40:15 PM
#43:


A New Hope Poster
I assume the "buff Luke illustration" refers to the famous ANH poster. Note that there are two ANH posters, but it's clear which one I'm talking about. This is a really good poster. It doesn't tell you much about Star Wars, just that it's a fantasy series about a sphere, a guy in a helmet, and another guy with a sword, but it's really imaginative and cool. I would say that this is among the best film posters ever made.

Star Wars Trek
I assume this is a reference to the Futurama joke, where the Star Trek Wars are wars about Star Trek, while the Star Wars Trek is a journey by Star Wars fans? ... It's a fine little throwaway gag, I guess.

Twilight of the Apprentice (Episode)
This is the only Rebels-related thing I've seen. Why did I see it? Because there was a lot of memeing about Ahsoka's fate. The episode is fine, I guess. Rebels looks like a really bad show. I can imagine this perfectly okay episode being the best thing in the series. And what's with the main character's rubbery lightsaber with a hilt that looks like a gun? Bizarre choices.

I like how Ahsoka can just sort of tell that Vader is Anakin because she knows him so well. I don't like how Anakin's face isn't scarred, though. What's with that? How hard is it to CGI some scars onto a CGI face? Very odd.

Mr. Plinkett Prequel Reviews
I need a category for "things that are good, but ruined everything afterwards." Resident Evil 4, Deep Space 9, and the Mr. Plinkett prequel reviews. These are pretty much the best thing ever. I'd never seen anything like this before when they came out, no one had, and they revolutionized internet reviewing... for the worse, I'm going to say? Every internet review of everything after these is just a Mr. Plinkett review done worse. I've seen internet reviews of Broadway stageplays done in Mr. Plinkett's style, for God's sake.

Mr. Plinkett is also one of the few series that knew exactly how much is a good idea. He does Star Wars, he does Star Trek, he does Crystal Skull, and he does a few other miscellaneous movies, and he doesn't overstay his welcome. RLM is really good about this kind of thing, which is why they can pull off the "cynical jackass middle-aged men" shtick so well.

By the way, yes, it's the best thing ever. Many jokes were made about how they're better than the actual prequels, which is true, but I would also say they're better than most real movies. "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was the most disappointing thing since my son" may be the single greatest line in all of youtube. These videos are basically a semester of film school distilled into three youtube videos. The character test where you describe someone's personality is so brilliant, and it really shows off how Rogue One is trash, because try telling me the names of the characters in that movie.

Master Jaro Tapal
... Literally who? This just seems like a completely generic Jedi of no importance. He seems like the most normal-ass, "I do my job competently and am not particularly drawn to the Dark Side" Jedi you could possibly be.

Kyle Katarn
When Disney announced that the EU was dead, I remember many fans specifically calling out to Kyle Katarn's decanonization as a crime, saying that he was great and should remain. I've never played the Jedi Knight series of games, but I know they're well-liked.

I think the funniest thing about Kyle Katarn is that he's a Stormtrooper who turns to the Rebels and becomes a Jedi, and that he's the guy who stole the Death Star plans. Both ideas were reused by Disney, but made worse. How do I know that they're worse in the Disney versions than the original versions I've never played? Just an assumption, but tell me I'm wrong!

It's also great to have someone cynical in the Star Wars universe, but still dedicated to doing the right thing. Star Wars characters generally don't really have the nuance to be cynical? The only core Star Wars character I would say has any actual depth to him as a person is Darth Vader, so I can immediately see the appeal of this guy.

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Thunderous Applause
Star Trek
The Force
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

You're My Only Hope
Yoda
Millennium Falcon
Mr. Plinkett Star Wars Reviews
A New Hope Poster
Baby Yoda
Star Wars Ep 1: Jedi Party

The Force is Strong with This One
Grand Moff Tarkin
Kyle Katarn
Kettch

Impressive, Most Impressive
Ganner Rhysode
The Star Trek Wars
Vua Rapuung
Boba Fett

Stay on Target
Titan Squadron
Twilight of the Apprentice (Episode)
Jaro Tapal
Star Wars Trek

I've Got a Bad Feeling About This
Kylo Ren's Lightsaber
Jacen Horn
Corran Horn
Kir Kanos
Anagram

What a Piece of Junk
The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise
Darth Jar-Jar Theory
Wookiepedia Tree Article
Bomberman Hero

A Pathway to Many Abilities Some Would Consider to be Unnatural
Ewoks Cartoon
Midichlorians

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Started: July 6, 2005
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Hbthebattle
10/11/20 6:52:21 PM
#44:


r/prequelmemes

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Congrats to azuarc for winning the GotD Guru!
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Jesse_Custer
10/11/20 6:56:51 PM
#45:


Han Solo
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redrocket
10/11/20 7:02:15 PM
#46:


Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

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It's like paying for bubble wrap. -transience on Final Fantasy: All the Bravest
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Snake5555555555
10/11/20 7:04:17 PM
#47:


Brain Invaders - Star Wars: The Clone Wars

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Is this girl the cat or is she the canary?
https://imgur.com/1e1e70S - https://imgur.com/XObpAjw
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PerfectChaosZ
10/11/20 7:15:58 PM
#48:


arr two dee two
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Mr Crispy
10/11/20 7:22:32 PM
#49:


Spaceballs
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The only certain death in the universe is Mother Hitton's Littul Kittons.
Not changing this line until I beat Seven Heroes (2/24/07) - Fulfilled 2/20/18
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Xeybozn
10/11/20 7:26:33 PM
#50:


Disney buying Star Wars
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Congrats to 2020 GotD Guru champ azuarc!
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