Current Events > I did my first HRT injection today.

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DespondentDeity
01/24/22 9:18:47 PM
#1:


I had the scaries about it but it was really easy in the end. I was fortunate to be able to have a friend on the phone with me when I did it, but Ill probably just do it by myself from now on since it only takes like 2 minutes.

I already feel like Im experiencing perceptual changes.

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Femputer
01/24/22 9:19:14 PM
#2:


congrats!

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AldousIsDead
01/24/22 9:20:46 PM
#3:


Afraid of needles, or just taking the step?

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greyfox747
01/24/22 9:20:59 PM
#4:


Thats badass af, congrats

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GeraldDarko
01/24/22 9:21:47 PM
#5:


Did it hrt?

Sorry...
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sutree
01/24/22 9:22:14 PM
#6:


Are you a lesbian?

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#7
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RedLuigi
01/24/22 9:23:49 PM
#8:


Congrats, enjoy the ride and let those wings on your back carry you to wherever life floats you

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EzeDoesIt
01/24/22 9:24:25 PM
#9:


Its honestly super relieving to hear how relatively painless/convenient it was. Im not exactly considering it, but its nice to know either way.

Anyway, congrats on the step you took today. :)

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g0ldie
01/24/22 9:25:32 PM
#10:


congrats and good luck.

I don't know how the process is like, but it seems like you went over a huge hurdle

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MrResetti
01/24/22 9:27:39 PM
#11:


moar like whore moans m i rite

no? oh.

yeah good luck.

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DespondentDeity
01/24/22 9:55:37 PM
#12:


AldousIsDead posted...
Afraid of needles, or just taking the step?

I think its just the concept of a subcutaneous injection and the responsibility of administering my own injections that felt overwhelming at first, and when I watched the video I experienced a lot of trepidation when I contemplated doing it 52 times a year. It was strange having the block about injections because I have 15 piercings and a handful of tattoos, so I dont have a fear of needles. I think it has something to do with the fact that my mom used to do needle drugs, so even tho this is important medicine theres a slight degree to which I feel Im doing something wrong. I actually just put that together so Im really grateful for your question and the opportunity it presented to contemplate that, thank you.

I feel confident that this is my best shot at bringing my body into line with my perception of myself, so I dont think I hesitated based on a fear of taking that step, but my relationship to the idea of transitioning was kinda complicated until recently so I cant say there was not a single subconscious hang up about it.

I cant even really remember the last time I felt so much hope about the future, and lying here just being genuinely excited just to be alive. I always loved to joke about how I was born in the wrong time, like Id take my chances some time in history or would love a futuristic life free from the inconveniences that plague my existence; but I feel like I somehow stumbled into a series of moments that are specifically for me, moments that affirm that Im strong enough to be responsible for my own happiness.

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DespondentDeity
01/24/22 9:56:43 PM
#13:


MrResetti posted...
moar like whore moans m i rite

no? oh.

yeah good luck.

whats the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

you cant hear an en zyme

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DespondentDeity
01/24/22 10:08:32 PM
#14:


sutree posted...
Are you a lesbian?

I think Im truly pan, but Im pretty new to having sex with men so thats been an interesting process with its own frustrations and joys. Im finding that I am magnetic to weirdos tho so Im not really gonna be focusing on dating or relationships for the time being.

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ElatedVenusaur
01/24/22 10:11:08 PM
#15:


Yeah girl! Welcome aboard the Estrogen Express!

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TeaMilk
01/24/22 10:12:15 PM
#16:


Epic, its awesome you were able to get it so quickly after realizing u wanted it

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AldousIsDead
01/24/22 10:37:04 PM
#17:


DespondentDeity posted...
I think its just the concept of a subcutaneous injection and the responsibility of administering my own injections that felt overwhelming at first, and when I watched the video I experienced a lot of trepidation when I contemplated doing it 52 times a year. It was strange having the block about injections because I have 15 piercings and a handful of tattoos, so I dont have a fear of needles. I think it has something to do with the fact that my mom used to do needle drugs, so even tho this is important medicine theres a slight degree to which I feel Im doing something wrong. I actually just put that together so Im really grateful for your question and the opportunity it presented to contemplate that, thank you.

I feel confident that this is my best shot at bringing my body into line with my perception of myself, so I dont think I hesitated based on a fear of taking that step, but my relationship to the idea of transitioning was kinda complicated until recently so I cant say there was not a single subconscious hang up about it.

I cant even really remember the last time I felt so much hope about the future, and lying here just being genuinely excited just to be alive. I always loved to joke about how I was born in the wrong time, like Id take my chances some time in history or would love a futuristic life free from the inconveniences that plague my existence; but I feel like I somehow stumbled into a series of moments that are specifically for me, moments that affirm that Im strong enough to be responsible for my own happiness.
That was a much more nuanced and heartfelt answer than I was expecting.

I might be going out on a limb here, but I think you might be doing something good for yourself.

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Duncanwii
01/24/22 10:41:27 PM
#18:


MtF or FtM?

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gunplagirl
01/24/22 10:47:31 PM
#19:


I'm fine taking pills, I can't trust myself to safely do injections and I couldn't manage going to the hospital to receive them every time I need one. I have to take other pills daily anyways.

That said, seeing what it's done for friends is nice. Watching them just like, burst with confidence and growth.

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DespondentDeity
01/24/22 11:27:19 PM
#20:


gunplagirl posted...
I'm fine taking pills, I can't trust myself to safely do injections and I couldn't manage going to the hospital to receive them every time I need one. I have to take other pills daily anyways.

That said, seeing what it's done for friends is nice. Watching them just like, burst with confidence and growth.

See and I was worried about forgetting to take the pill but now I have two other pills to take so its definitely an option for the future if I no longer want to do the injection. Im glad theres different forms so everyone can choose what theyre most comfortable with.

It always excites me to hear about peoples successes on HRT, Im still working on shaking off that idea that oh maybe it just wont work for me not stemming from doubt towards anyones experiences, Im just conditioned to be pessimistic, its getting better tho!

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DespondentDeity
01/24/22 11:53:16 PM
#21:


TeaMilk posted...
Epic, its awesome you were able to get it so quickly after realizing u wanted it

I definitely dont want to take it for granted how fortunate Ive been, especially after reading posts in the Facebook group Im in of people having to wait far longer or being unable to acquire hormones at all. I have so much to be grateful for, my resolve is to try and actively honor that as I move forward.

Im always finding myself drawn to these stupid fucking platitudes lately but I really do think theres something to be said about looking for things to be grateful for or happy about that really takes away from the time that may otherwise be spent upset about things that wont matter for long enough to even make it worth it to be upset about.

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DespondentDeity
01/25/22 10:47:45 AM
#22:


RedLuigi posted...
Congrats, enjoy the ride and let those wings on your back carry you to wherever life floats you

Hey how you doin Red? I think I remember a post where you mentioned that you were expressing yourself more fluidly, how are finding that experience? Do you feel more confident?

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#23
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Horrorbooksguy
01/25/22 11:01:47 AM
#24:


Grats!
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DespondentDeity
01/26/22 6:12:38 AM
#25:


I was looking for some pics to show some of the transition progress I got in the past year before starting HRT, but the furthest back it goes is February 2021. Looking at this picture bums me out lol

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/4/0/6/AAP2ssAAC2eO.jpg

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DespondentDeity
01/26/22 6:13:18 AM
#26:


And heres from yesterday

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/4/0/7/AAP2ssAAC2eP.jpg

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spikethedevil
01/26/22 6:15:08 AM
#27:


Congrats.

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Ubergeneral3
01/26/22 6:45:20 AM
#28:


i've heard that some people that went on HRT felt different almost right away. Like their body wasn't ever really compatible with testosterone and as soon as it was blocked and replaced with Estrogen they felt right. Was it like that for you?


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DespondentDeity
01/26/22 9:48:29 AM
#29:


Ubergeneral3 posted...
i've heard that some people that went on HRT felt different almost right away. Like their body wasn't ever really compatible with testosterone and as soon as it was blocked and replaced with Estrogen they felt right. Was it like that for you?

Id like to give a detailed response, so I will do that later, but the short answer is yes. Im definitely getting effects that I didnt expect so soon. Im not a pharmacologist tho so Im not sure if mechanically its due to an incompatibility with testosterone, but I noticed perceptual changes starting with my first dose of spirinolactone (the T-blocker Im on).

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Giant_Aspirin
01/26/22 9:50:42 AM
#30:


DespondentDeity posted...
I cant even really remember the last time I felt so much hope about the future, and lying here just being genuinely excited just to be alive.

fuck yeah! happy for you TC

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ElatedVenusaur
01/26/22 11:04:41 AM
#31:


Ubergeneral3 posted...
i've heard that some people that went on HRT felt different almost right away. Like their body wasn't ever really compatible with testosterone and as soon as it was blocked and replaced with Estrogen they felt right. Was it like that for you?
I certainly felt better immediately. It is my understanding that sex hormones are a component of brain chemistry.
And I can tell you, almost 7 months later now, that my brain chemistry was all wrong, and now it is what it should be. I can feel in a way I never could, and am a lot happier.

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DespondentDeity
01/26/22 12:04:36 PM
#32:


ElatedVenusaur posted...
I certainly felt better immediately. It is my understanding that sex hormones are a component of brain chemistry.
And I can tell you, almost 7 months later now, that my brain chemistry was all wrong, and now it is what it should be. I can feel in a way I never could, and am a lot happier.

fuck yes! I love reading this kinda stuff, cuz its like I dont want to be hyperbolic but it really felt like I was immediately pulled into being my true self. This week just rules so hard: I feel free to live authentically, new Grimes song comes out in like 10 minutes, I get fuckin paid on Friday, finish my tattoo on Sunday.

I hope anyone reading this can find a way to show themselves a little more love

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DespondentDeity
01/26/22 12:06:05 PM
#33:


Grimes - Shinigami Eyes

https://youtu.be/pzPElFdxMCM

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#34
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#35
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DespondentDeity
01/27/22 12:19:43 AM
#36:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Im about to go on a rant, Ive been having a lot of thoughts and its sometimes hard to articulate without typing it out. The whole thing wont necessarily be in response to your post but just my stream of consciousness prompted by the question in a general sense. I hope from an interest standpoint that it at least gets people thinking.

Its not a dumbass question at all, and the fact that people feel like they cant ask these types of questions is really upsetting to me. I, personally, feel much more respected if someone asks rather than assuming. If you dont know something, how are you gonna find out? I admire resourcefulness more than most human attributes, and the best resource for information about a particular individual is most likely that individual.

Having said that, it is impossible to predict or understand how being asked that is going to affect someones self esteem, or how it could lead to negative mental health outcomes for those suffering from trauma. In general, these types of questions tend to be understood to boil down to wondering about someones genitals, and have been used for nefarious and oppressive ends. Im confident in my ability to decide for myself if a question is being asked sincerely or is worth answering, but its different for everyone. And yeh, its not really our responsibility to educate people, but people cant form understanding without information, and the degree to which some people go out of their way to have the most granular identifiers is at times both indecipherable and unapproachable. So maybe it can be made into a teachable conversation so someone whos been conditioned to binary thinking for decades can understand what half this shit means.

I think an often undeveloped communication skill in a lot of people from any demographic is assuming that people have good intentions and extending the courtesy of believing them to be capable goes such a long way in building mutual respect in good faith. Of course, you should hold people accountable when they cross your boundaries, but setting and communicating those boundaries is the responsibility of the person who wishes for them to be respected.

What it comes down to, if the ask is for me to allow what other people think of me as to effect my life in any way, I refuse. Some rando at the grocery store calling me a sir? Theyre probably trying to be polite based on what they see, so its like, whats my responsibility when it comes to putting an end to that? Im gonna try harder, thats what is within my control, not what a stranger chooses to say.

This is not intended to be a criticism or a minimization of anyones struggle or feelings, everyone is valid and deserves to be comfortable, safe, and not only accepted but supported. If their needs to accomplish those feelings are to have people always use their correct identifiers, that seems straightforward to me. I also just dont think it makes sense to despise people for their ignorance until it proves harmful.

Im a woman, I will be using she/her pronouns, but I sincerely wish pronouns werent a thing cuz I find being evaluated in those terms is harmful to a persons spirit, and stifles their creativity. You can improvise confidence, but you cant manufacture authenticity. Thats why Im just super big on encouraging people to love themselves no matter what they are or how they identify, once you start treating yourself like someone you love, thats absolutely infectious and people will be so drawn to you.

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#37
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ElatedVenusaur
01/27/22 10:16:05 AM
#38:


I don't really mind being asked, but I then I feel really comfortable describing myself as a "woman" ATM. I agree it's important to talk about this kind of thing. I posted about myself a bit on Facebook: both coming out there, but also discussing feelings and process.

Anyway, over the weekend, an old college classmate of mine messaged me there, telling me she's really proud of me and that she considers herself to be a queer non-binary femme (her profile pic def has that vibe) and she's not out to everyone yet. She said I inspired her. We hung out one time, me, her, and her partner (who to my knowledge is a cis dude) and I made borscht and garlic bread for them (explaining the former would be *quite* a digression lol, it made sense at the time, ok?), so I snapped a pic of the garlic bread recipe and sent it to her to commemorate us meeting as our true selves.

And so that's why I take it upon myself to talk about myself. My experience is my own, but it is a trans experience. And anyway Mona Eltahawy wrote its important for women and queers to command attention, and that resonated with me.

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FLAMING EVIL HOMER
01/27/22 10:21:05 AM
#39:


Thought hrt was about steroids lol

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DespondentDeity
01/28/22 9:49:01 AM
#40:


ElatedVenusaur posted...
Anyway, over the weekend, an old college classmate of mine messaged me there, telling me she's really proud of me and that she considers herself to be a queer non-binary femme (her profile pic def has that vibe) and she's not out to everyone yet. She said I inspired her. We hung out one time, me, her, and her partner (who to my knowledge is a cis dude) and I made borscht and garlic bread for them (explaining the former would be *quite* a digression lol, it made sense at the time, ok?), so I snapped a pic of the garlic bread recipe and sent it to her to commemorate us meeting as our true selves.

This is so beautiful. I believe the most meaningful thing you can give another person is the inspiration to be their self, and if you can give that just by being true to YOUR self, then how wonderful is that?

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MrMallard
01/28/22 9:50:24 AM
#41:


Congratulations!

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DespondentDeity
01/28/22 10:19:41 AM
#42:


MrMallard posted...
Congratulations!

your posts were super helpful to give a name to the distress I had felt about my body, in particular the link to the Gender Dysphoria Bible, so thank you!

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ElatedVenusaur
01/28/22 10:24:29 AM
#43:


DespondentDeity posted...
This is so beautiful. I believe the most meaningful thing you can give another person is the inspiration to be their self, and if you can give that just by being true to YOUR self, then how wonderful is that?
It was amazing and beautiful. I gave her a family recipe just like that! No regrets though.

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MrMallard
01/28/22 10:50:52 AM
#44:


No problem. I was questioning my gender for a while there, and frankly I'm still not 100% on how I feel. A big concern I have is that I don't have a great relationship with masculinity - it's like I don't know what masculinity expects from me, I don't see eye to eye with the role I'm expected to play.

But I also don't think I'm a very happy person in general, and both my feelings regarding masculinity and my overall unhappiness are informed by a lifetime of being bullied and "othered". Like, I've just never fit in. I've gotten by to a degree by masking aspects of myself that aren't socially palatable, but even that can only go so far y'know. And while it's one thing to imagine life being better under a different set of circumstances, like having been born a girl, I'm also concerned about neurodivergence and the possibility that I'm as bad as I am because all the bullying led to stunted social skills. It's a real mixed bag, and I don't have the answers. And with the past year of my life being such a massive shitstorm on so many other fronts, I haven't had time to really unpack gender stuff alongside that general negativity with my counsellor.

But with all that being said, I feel strongly about gender and I'm invested in the zeitgeist within the queer community. If there's anything I can do to start a mature and reasonable discussion that normalizes aspects of queerness that people aren't familiar with, I want to start that discussion and I want to maintain a positive, educational environment where people can come to terms with those aspects.

Parts of my posting about the dysphoria bible, in hindsight, don't apply universally - the idea of male and female brains can come across as bio-essentialist, and a thought I've been considering lately is that whether there's an underlying biological need for gender transition or not, gender transition and non-binary self-expression is something that anyone should have the freedom to experiment with. And yet if a biological necessity to transition rings true to people, if gendered brain chemistry is indeed an aspect to the transgender experience and that avenue genuinely helps someone come to terms with a sort of disconnect they feel with their assigned gender, that's equally as valid.

Honestly, the only thing I've learned in the past couple of years is how subjective the trans experience can be, and that I shouldn't be preaching to one expression of that experience because when people are convinced that there's a single path, anyone they perceive as straying from that path can potentially be harmed with bigotry. Gendered brain chemistry made sense at the time, and I still believe that it's a significant explanation behind the reality of gender transition. But today, I don't necessarily believe it's the one and only reason behind gender transition. I just don't know.

At the end of the day, I'm happy to have made a positive difference in somebody's worldview. My opinion doesn't always stay the same, and I'm always looking for another way to look at things that may expand upon a prior stated opinion or straight-up usurp it if it seems like a better idea. But whether I carry a point forward or leave it behind for something new, I'm always glad to hear that something I said helped another person come to terms with something about themselves.

---
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ElatedVenusaur
01/28/22 11:23:21 AM
#45:


MrMallard posted...
No problem. I was questioning my gender for a while there, and frankly I'm still not 100% on how I feel. A big concern I have is that I don't have a great relationship with masculinity - it's like I don't know what masculinity expects from me, I don't see eye to eye with the role I'm expected to play.

But I also don't think I'm a very happy person in general, and both my feelings regarding masculinity and my overall unhappiness are informed by a lifetime of being bullied and "othered". Like, I've just never fit in. I've gotten by to a degree by masking aspects of myself that aren't socially palatable, but even that can only go so far y'know. And while it's one thing to imagine life being better under a different set of circumstances, like having been born a girl, I'm also concerned about neurodivergence and the possibility that I'm as bad as I am because all the bullying led to stunted social skills. It's a real mixed bag, and I don't have the answers. And with the past year of my life being such a massive shitstorm on so many other fronts, I haven't had time to really unpack gender stuff alongside that general negativity with my counsellor.

But with all that being said, I feel strongly about gender and I'm invested in the zeitgeist within the queer community. If there's anything I can do to start a mature and reasonable discussion that normalizes aspects of queerness that people aren't familiar with, I want to start that discussion and I want to maintain a positive, educational environment where people can come to terms with those aspects.

Parts of my posting about the dysphoria bible, in hindsight, don't apply universally - the idea of male and female brains can come across as bio-essentialist, and a thought I've been considering lately is that whether there's an underlying biological need for gender transition or not, gender transition and non-binary self-expression is something that anyone should have the freedom to experiment with. And yet if a biological necessity to transition rings true to people, if gendered brain chemistry is indeed an aspect to the transgender experience and that avenue genuinely helps someone come to terms with a sort of disconnect they feel with their assigned gender, that's equally as valid.

Honestly, the only thing I've learned in the past couple of years is how subjective the trans experience can be, and that I shouldn't be preaching to one expression of that experience because when people are convinced that there's a single path, anyone they perceive as straying from that path can potentially be harmed with bigotry. Gendered brain chemistry made sense at the time, and I still believe that it's a significant explanation behind the reality of gender transition. But today, I don't necessarily believe it's the one and only reason behind gender transition. I just don't know.

At the end of the day, I'm happy to have made a positive difference in somebody's worldview. My opinion doesn't always stay the same, and I'm always looking for another way to look at things that may expand upon a prior stated opinion or straight-up usurp it if it seems like a better idea. But whether I carry a point forward or leave it behind for something new, I'm always glad to hear that something I said helped another person come to terms with something about themselves.

Yeah, everyone's experience of being trans is different. Even amongst, say, people who identify as trans women (I very much consider myself a woman, though some trans people start there and shift elsewhere in search of a better fit to themselves. Some arrive on it from those very same places others go. Some end up rejecting labels altogether), everyone has their own, unique experience. It goes for everything in life, really. We're the only people who fully understand our own lives and our own experiences and our own feelings. We're the only ones who can determine what is right for us, and when the time is right for us.

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