Current Events > Good idea to get married to my long term girlfriend?

(+) Yeah! (+)

So I'm 30 years old and I've been in a long term relationship for almost 5 years with my live in girlfriend. We've had our ups and downs but overall it's been okay. We've adapted to each other's living habits.

She used to be a health care professional (Dialysis technician and Cardiac Monitor) however due to the stresses of working on the health care industry also due to us moving from CT to NYC she is currently unemployed and seeking a job in Tech.

I'm a Software Engineer myself making a decent living right now

As time goes by my girlfriend more and more desires a marriage and children in the future.

I don't know if I'm ready for marriage right now and I definitely don't feel ready for children right now.

There are also other reasons and things in my life that have happened that have put me in a situation where I have to either get married or separate living conditions in the next 30 days or so. An ultimatum of sorts, or else I won't be able to continue in what may be my #1 passion in life (it's a specific community that I love and there are rules and guidelines on living righteously that I have sworn myself to do my best to abide by)

So now I have dilemma where I have only 3 options.

1. Throw caution to the wind and get married to continue being apart of this community and my passion/purpose.

2. Separate (tell my girlfriend she has to find a new apartment. And support her in that move)

3. Be dismissed for a year from the community in question due to not making a decision on this dilemma.

Sure, do it

Yeah this isn't an easy question at all. Very hard to have input without knowing either of you in real life.

Hows her feet?

Honeymoon where?

AloneIBreak posted...

Hows her feet?

She said that she's trusting me and taking my lead with what ever decision I make. But I'm sure she may have some anxiousness herself

So in short "She wants kids /marrige so we gotta break up" ?

She's seperating from you and deciding you pay for it?

Never do something you aren't sure of.

You're in a situation where you are forced to marry someone or split and leave?

Are you in a cult compound?

There can be a significant gap between marriage and kids. Dont base the decision off of that as long as you both long term want same thing with regards to children.

The real question is do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? Yes, propose. If no, she deserves to know if you respect her and she may break up with you. If maybe, then I guess ask her to move out and try to continue status quo but she may choose to move on.

2Pacavelli posted...

An ultimatum of sorts, or else I won't be able to continue in what may be my #1 passion in life (it's a specific community that I love and there are rules and guidelines on living righteously that I have sworn myself to do my best to abide by)

This sounds like a fucking cult

There are also other reasons and things in my life that have happened that have put me in a situation where I have to either get married or separate living conditions in the next 30 days or so. An ultimatum of sorts, or else I won't be able to continue in what may be my #1 passion in life (it's a specific community that I love and there are rules and guidelines on living righteously that I have sworn myself to do my best to abide by)

is she a scientologist?

Is this a religious thing?

Bro, you better tell us what this is. Are you Mormon, and they are mad because you are living with her, so she told you to marry her?

Lmfao what in hell is this. Separate from her so she can find a non-wacko

2Pacavelli posted...

She said that she's trusting me and taking my lead with what ever decision I make. But I'm sure she may have some anxiousness herself

Why is continue living together but not get married yet not an option? My first instinct would be to rebel against whoever has the gun to my head.

You havent indicated your gf has given you a 30 day ultimatum, so Im led to assume its from the community with which you fulfill your passion. Personally Id be skeptical of any community that would dictate my life to the level at which they determine when I get married. You should consider how highly you value the community before letting it decide to such detail how you should lead the one life you can be confident you have.

Would you be marrying her for justifiable reasons? Or is she just a means to an end?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Do you mean currently? I financially am able to support us both, but it would be nice if she were able to get a high paying job like me and we can really make money together.

Mr_hulk88 posted...

So in short "She wants kids /marrige so we gotta break up" ?

Not necessarily. I'm okay continuing the relationship even if we live separately

pikakaeru posted...

She's seperating from you and deciding you pay for it?

I think if we do have to separate then I should support her in that move for a period of time since she isn't finally equipped to do it for herself

Priere posted...

You're in a situation where you are forced to marry someone or split and leave?

Are you in a cult compound?

No and it's not forced since I did sign up and decided to do my best to live by the guidelines set forth. Plus it's still my choice if I decide not to, it's just that I won't be able to continue associating with the community. Being 100% mature about it I can't be mad at that

Either she needs to...

greenjeans posted...

find a non-wacko

Or you need to gtfo of dodge with that psychopathic life controlling nonsense.

Just break up with her. She'll be better off for it.

Dude, what is this community. Dont be vague.

bfslick50 posted...

The real question is do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? Yes, propose. If no, she deserves to know if you respect her and she may break up with you. If maybe, then I guess ask her to move out and try to continue status quo but she may choose to move on.

Yeah this is my main dilemma. The answer for me is maybe. To be honest I wish she was in better physically shape.

Also as an adult I haven't really experienced living on my own by myself yet. I lived with my mother until 25 (my mother also passed in that year). Then I only had about a 6 month period living by myself before she moved in to live with me and even that felt kind of rushed (I moved to CT and also her mother pressured her to move out, so she moved in with me)

I think I owe it to myself and her to at least give myself some alone time before making such a life time commitment. Even though it would hurt to separate like this. Right now we really do have a happy home and we have been in a good and peaceful place in the relationship and it hasn't been like this 100% in recent times

IN 5 years when she leaves and takes half your stuff will it be worth it? Will the community support you and give back the things that you lose in the divorce? Will they help pay child support?

Im sorry, but are you Mormon or not???

Do it.

How old is she?
No offense intended, but if she's at the age comparable to yours, she's running the clock.

If you don't intend to marry her and start a family soon, let her go so she can find someone who will.

Also, prenups.

can you give more specifics on this community, because I'm now curious.

get out of the cult first of all

second of all with the marriage thing you have to do whatever you think is the best for you. if you are happy and see yourself being happy with your gf forever then get married. if not then don't imo

_____Cait posted...

Is this a religious thing?

Bro, you better tell us what this is. Are you Mormon, and they are mad because you are living with her, so she told you to marry her?

_____Cait posted...

Dude, what is this community. Dont be vague.

Yeah basically this. I need to either marry or separate. It's not Mormonism though it's an Islamic community

boxoto posted...

can you give more specifics on this community, because I'm now curious.

It's a Muslim community. Basically I'll be religiously excommunicated until I get my personal life straitened out

Ok

if you arent going to be happy with her, and if you arent going to treat her how she deserves to be treated, get out so she can find someone who will

If you can be stronger and see her worth, and if you know you really love her, do it.

Yeah love is scary and weird, but you have to be consistent, solid, and stand firm. Dont worry about money, because money can go away with medical accidents, robbery, bad economy, etc. marry someone where you can be happy if all money were gone. Do not EVER let other people dictate your relationship. Go marry them if they are so important to you.

Yay religion causing more stupid decisions...love to see it

2Pacavelli posted...

It's a Muslim community. Basically I'll be religiously excommunicated until I get my personal life straitened out

oh, I could see why this could be an issue now.

unfortunately, I've never been in your situation, or anything close to it, so I don't have anything meaningful to contribute.

2Pacavelli posted...

Basically I'll be religiously excommunicated until I get my personal life straitened out

Whose personal life? It's not yours if they make the decision for you.

This is very simple.

If you have to question it, you aren't ready. Inform her so you both can move on.

xGhostchantx posted...

Whose personal life? It's not yours if they make the decision for you. If the group is more important than she and yourself, dump away.

this tbh. if a group is giving you ultimatums about your personal life (when you aren't committing illegal acts) it is a cult that is trying to control you

To CE!...

I would dip in your case....and not just the girl or lifestyle. But hey, that's me.

2Pacavelli posted...

Yeah this is my main dilemma. The answer for me is maybe. To be honest I wish she was in better physically shape.

Also as an adult I haven't really experienced living on my own by myself yet. I lived with my mother until 25 (my mother also passed in that year). Then I only had about a 6 month period living by myself before she moved in to live with me and even that felt kind of rushed (I moved to CT and also her mother pressured her to move out, so she moved in with me)

I think I owe it to myself and her to at least give myself some alone time before making such a life time commitment. Even though it would hurt to separate like this. Right now we really do have a happy home and we have been in a good and peaceful place in the relationship and it hasn't been like this 100% in recent times

With regards to looks and weight you need to make that decision right now. You and her generally aren't going to get hotter as you age. She could lose weight but don't make it a condition. Take her as she is or don't. If that's a reason to not marry her then that's a reason to not be in an exclusive relationship with her.

It could be really good for you two to live separately until you get married. Right now getting married doesn't change your day to day life but the abstract 5 to 10 years from now. Stay together but live separately. If you find yourself wanting her living with you then you should get married. If you find yourself wishing you could take someone else home, then it's time to break up.

Shouldn't feel forced to something thats such a huge part of your life. Gotta decide whos more important, her or the community. Reading between the lines of your posts it seems like you have chosen the community. As long as its what you really want then fine.

2Pacavelli posted...

Yeah this is my main dilemma. The answer for me is maybe. To be honest I wish she was in better physically shape.

Yeah, don't get married. She deserves better.