Current Events > Was I in the wrong here

(+) Yeah! (+)

Keep in mind, I live in Japan as a foreigner, so there are definitely cultural boundaries that could be getting mixed up here.

Anyway, been talking to a girl on a dating app. Mostly going well. Shes fun and puts in the effort. Anyway, she said in the beginning, she didnt want to rush. Good and healthy, yeah?

So we keep talking, things are ok. Some miscommunications, but it always turned out fine. She reinforces that she doesnt want to rush again once we have a bit more of a serious chat. Good, makes sense.

Today, she says i want to meet tonight or tomorrow. Im like. Oh.. Thats right after work, and a bit of a train ride for her. I ask if shes sure, because I wasnt prepared (i was still at work) and she said she wanted to meet the second week of October. She starts pouting and saying Im rejecting her. I notice, she might be sentimental or scared, so I tell her ok, yeah, lets meet.

She flips out and starts acting like I dont want to, says we can try later, then blows up when I ask her for her free schedule. She says I dont want her, im seeing someone else (im not) and why did i waste her time (we had only talked for maybe two weeks, and we were planning to meet later, PLUS she didnt want to rush so whats the deal?

She bombards me with texts about how she wanted to just figure it out, i tell her i cant make a serious decision in just a week, but i did like her. She does this immature Japanese thing where she says she wanted something, but oh well guess it wasnt meant to be, and it just keeps going in circles.

Did i do something wrong, or am i dodging a train to crazytown?

TLDR: Girl i only talk to for a week doesnt want to rush, which i agree with. Then she wants to suddenly meet, i ask if shes sure, she self destructs and im kind of freaked out.

Just let her know that your work schedule is extremely busy right now, and you can't get time off of work until the second week of October. But if she can wait that long, you promise that you'll make the trip and make it fun and exciting. Don't beat around the bush about it.

Ivany2008 posted...

Just let her know that your work schedule is extremely busy right now, and you can't get time off of work until the second week of October. But if she can wait that long, you promise that you'll make the trip and make it fun and exciting. Don't beat around the bush about it.

No no, I COULD meet today. I was just surprised because SHE said she couldnt meet until October. And she said she didnt want to rush, but suddenly, she wanted to make a decision.

I did tell her we could meet though, after work. And then i said, if tonight was too busy, when is a better time? And she self destructed.

No but why even dwell on it. Ghost her, ignore, or say it's not gonna work and then move on. Who carea.

Jagr_68 posted...

No but why even dwell on it. Ghost her, ignore, or say it's not gonna work and then move on. Who carea.

It was all nice until now.

Just sucks man. Ive been through enough to not feel heartbroken, just a bit shook.

When youre courting a girl, you operate on her schedule. If she wants the D an hour away at 2AM on a Wednesday, you get a coffee and open Google Maps.

Definitely sounds cultural. If she's still willing to talk to you, I would just try to be very calm and understanding.

It does sound kinda unreasonable.

What dating app are you using?

_____Cait posted...

No no, I COULD meet today. I was just surprised because SHE said she couldnt meet until October. And she said she didnt want to rush, but suddenly, she wanted to make a decision.

I did tell her we could meet though, after work. And then i said, if tonight was too busy, when is a better time? And she self destructed.

Oh, I misread that.

EmilyTheCEman posted...

When youre courting a girl, you operate on her schedule. If she wants the D an hour away at 2AM on a Wednesday, you get a coffee and open Google Maps.

She said her sex drive is incredibly low, so I seriously doubt it was on the table tonight.

bluezero posted...

Definitely sounds cultural. If she's still willing to talk to you, I would just try to be very calm and understanding.

Yeah, nothing emotional here. Maybe she wanted a reaction? And got upset when she didnt get drama. Ive dated people like that,

NeonTentacles posted...

It does sound kinda unreasonable.

What dating app are you using?

Bumble. Usually thats the safe one.

Try to smooth things over if youre into her. I dont know the situation but to me it sounds like theres a bit of a language barrier and even without one, sometimes lines get crossed. Nice job on landing this gal tho.

boomgetchopped3 posted...

Try to smooth things over if youre into her. I dont know the situation but to me it sounds like theres a bit of a language barrier and even without one, sometimes lines get crossed. Nice job on landing this gal tho.

I tried. Any attempt to set up a meeting, she just rejected it and said I didnt want her. Maybe Ill let it cool down, but honestly, i feel uncomfortable now. Ive had too many experiences like this

I guess I don't consider meeting someone rushing anything. But it sounds like you dodged a bullet. If everything transpired the way you said then you didn't appear to do anything wrong.

Mortainous28 posted...

I guess I don't consider meeting someone rushing anything. But it sounds like you dodged a bullet. If everything transpired the way you said then you didn't appear to do anything wrong.

She wanted to decide to continue the relationship. Meeting up is cool. This kind of went against what she said before though so red flags started appearing.