Current Events > I asked a girl out, and she said she would keep me in mind

(+) Yeah! (+)

How was her demeanor before you asked?

that response is something i'd give for a job offer i didn't really want...

you're top 10 on her roster

Well keep your resume on file is what they tell you when you didnt get the job, generally speaking.

That's such a shit thing to say. Its her saying she has a roster and she'll think about it the guy she is pining right now doesn't work out. Maybe. Or it could be her rejecting. But you never know. Not worth overthinking.

Don't wait for her. Date other girls.

You shouldve said, id rather you keep me in body

Dont be like this, you dont know.

You can just ask her to clarify. If she says no, accept it. Maybe she isnt ready to date, maybe she is really busy and cant focus on a relationship, and maybe she doesnt know what she wants. She is doing a good thing by not getting to close when she isnt sure.

If she's not ready for a relationship, that's fine. How she said it was weird.

i would just be careful if I was TC. He can continue to be friends with her, but he should be careful about emotionally investing, or he could get burned. Its hard to be "just friends" when you start to have feelings for someone already. But he shouldn't wait for her to change her mind.

Its really not.

maybe not for you, but for others it is. i've been there, and it sucked, so... speak for yourself

I feel like if its hard for you, you probably didnt really have feelings for her beyond lust. If you actually value somebody as a person, I see no reason why you wouldnt want to be friends with them just because you think theyre attractive.

Plenty of my friends are attractive, but Im a happily married man. But even before that, it makes no sense for somebody not wanting to sleep with you being a dealbreaker for a friendship unless you never really wanted to be friends with them anyway.

This is tone deaf. You say "I'm happily married" but the guys posting are single. Totally different worlds. So it's easy for you to be friends with cute ladies, you aren't even looking. These guys don't want to see their 'object of lust' aka someone you wanna fuck and fall in love with?, running around with other men and pretend they are happy about it.

Shocker - they DONT just want to be friends. Duh. The appreciation for the individual comes after the instant animal attraction as you get to know them. You present it as if sexual attraction isn't respecting women for who they are as a human, miss me with that shit.

You missed the part where I said even before that.

Theres nothing wrong with finding somebody attractive, obviously. But the reason this seems to have hit such a nerve with you is because youre looking at it exactly how I described.

Also, why would it bother you if she gets with somebody else? You have no claim to her if you shot your shot and missed, and you have the same ability to pursue other people that she does.

Does it not occur to you that some people are perpetually single for a reason? And that sometimes its the attitude that you seem to be conveying here?

Two things.

You basically just said, why do jealousy and resentment exist? You could just not feel that way! Right?

Then, like you do, start insinuating I have an incel attitude at the end.

Bro imagine if your wife hadn't liked you back and you were watching her post fun stuff with her on vacation with some badass while you're liking and commenting. Wouldn't feel good.

I understand what you're saying you're just smug. Like absolutely the woman doesn't owe a man anything for liking her, but on the flip side, it's not unnatural for it to hurt.

Its not unnatural for rejection to hurt. But a potential ensuing friendship shouldnt hurt. If you think it would, then by all means cut ties, but also be honest that you really only liked her in a lustful way (which is fine).

Ive never said that its wrong to only be attracted to somebody in a superficial way. I just said that if you dont want to be friends with them, you probably didnt like them in any capacity beyond that.

Youre also acting like Ive never been rejected. I have, plenty of times. And some of those women Im still friends with today. No resentment on my part. I wasnt the right person for them and thats okay. Often, after the initial disappointment, I end up agreeing with them that we werent right for each other.

Yes. They don't want to be friendzoned. That's the issue you aren't seeing. Friends and wannabe lovers hit different.

That isn't true. I've loved women like yourself. What if your wife divorced you and ripped your heart out, would you want to be friends? Why not? You like her right? So be her friend while she replaces you with a stronger man, send each other kitty memes like it's all gravy. Sure you could get there but it would devastate you as well.

Again. It's easy to say coming from a position of power. You've done great in life, you're kinda a catch from what I can gather. And I hate saying that to you because your gigantic ego will just swell but real recognize real.

You are not the average dude. That's like the crux of my argument. When some nice virgin gets told, I see you as a friend, they usually don't know how to handle it and it isn't positive.

I don't hate or blame women for it If that needs to be said. People with options etc, they pursue those options sometimes.

The friend zone is really only a thing if you let it be by remaining fixated on having a sexual relationship with that person. If theyre not interested, you either move past that and being friends with them is fine, or its not fine because you didnt value them as a friend but instead as a potential sexual partner. And either of those are okay. I havent condemned either. All Im saying is you should be honest with yourself about which one it was.

Theres a world of difference between having been in a long term, committed relationship with somebody and having asked them for one, and Im sure you know this. But yes, I am friends with some of my exes.

Theres plenty of people out there who wouldnt consider me a catch. Its all relative. But the things that might make me attractive to some are mostly things that Ive earned. Ill grant you that the height is just being lucky, but other aspects are things I put a lot of work into. And some of those things are mental or emotional attributes, like being able to value somebody as a friend while conceding that theyre attractive and being fine with that set up.

Yes, some people wont be good at handling that situation. Ive never doubted that. That doesnt mean that they cant strive to better, or that their poor reaction is justified. And once again, Ive not said that they cant feel bad about it, but stressed that they should be honest with themselves about it. If you just wanted to have sex with a woman, Im not holding that against you. Thats a natural feeling, but then dont do all the friendzone rubbish where youre not really her friend but waiting in the wings for a moment where shes vulnerable, because thats not cool.

And thats fine. But if they want to pursue other options then, in my opinion, they arent worth your time as a romantic prospect. They might still be worth being friends with though.

I think the TC and others have been pretty clear about what they really want. That's all I'm saying. They're all being honest, this started because you suggested wanting to be more than friends is irrational if she isn't interested and romance isn't rational. So I said Duh. Doesn't matter who we blame.

Vulnerable? In these dating dynamics, the woman has the power. Guys looking for a chance aren't predators. I would argue in western dating dynamics women have a majority of the power in average relationships.

Boys of Summer. Logically you are right. If everyone had tons of options, this hopeless romantic shit would be rare.

You're posting from a position of a career professional with a great life. You make sure we all know. You've forgotten how it feels to be that random young man with less purpose who wants the same things you earned.

You know how earlier, you felt that I was alluding to you being a bit incellly? This is why.

Ive not forgotten. Ive been that random young man and I certainly didnt start life with an advantageous position, relatively speaking. But you clearly have an issue with bitterness, which doesnt necessarily make you an incel, but it does make you sound a bit like one.

Really, all Ive been getting at in this topic is that you should be honest with yourself about what you want. Its not bad advice, but you seem to take issue with it purely because you have a problem with the person its coming from. And, rightly or wrongly, it comes across that the reason you have an issue with me is because you perceive me as having done better (whatever that means) than you and clearly feel for some reason thats unfair.

lol. Are you serious?

I'm giving you hostile compliments while we are disagreeing and you still revert to this shit? You can't help yourself. Man you sniff your own farts and think, goddam that aroma! No one farts like me! Come here baby, smell this fart, it's pristine.

Everyone else is being honest stating why being 'just friends' is hard and you are trying to talk down to me from your lofty tower. Classic Glob

Youre being hostile (by your own admission). I havent been hostile to you. But you feel Im talking down to you. Youre the one who came into this with an inferiority complex. At no point have I claimed to this amazing person that you keep paying backhanded compliments to. In fact, Ive denied it.

But if you really feel that Im as pompous and insufferable as youre claiming, just go ahead and block me. I wont be bothered. Its what the feature is for.

This is false. You admit you find my points incel-ish, implied such, and you stopped addressing my arguments and started insinuating I was jealous of your success.

In reality if I was I would never admit it or give you any flowers at all. You jumped the gun prematurely because of your enormous ego like I said earlier.

Am I ignoring your arguments? Or claiming that theyre incel-ish? You cant have it both ways.

Ive also been quite clear about why it comes across that way, which gives you a chance to clarify if Im reading you wrong. You were the one that brought up my success. Not me. Im not even sure what youre qualifying as success, which Ive alluded to already, just in case that wasnt clear.

You claim I have an enormous ego, but youre basing that on a pre-conceived notion of me that youve acquired somewhere. And I havent called you on it before now because I dont particularly care, but it doesnt make a lot of sense to me. However, it does come across that you have an issue with me and your repeated references to my success make it look like thats what your issue is. If its not, I apologise. But surely you can see how that comes across?

Don't waste your time.

Literally, don't.

Sneak dissing you? And admitting to it?

Im not dissing you at all. I dont know anything about you beyond what youve posted in this topic. If you think Ive got a problem with you, I dont. I just dont agree with some of what you posted in this topic and think it comes across badly.

And yeah, Im a happily married professional (which is not a remarkable thing, as far as I can tell), but that doesnt mean Ive always been that.

But no, Ive never felt jealous seeing a woman with another man. That doesnt make a lot of sense to me, because there are so many women out there. If I just wanted her in a basic, lustful way, theres nothing to get over, because many, many women are attractive. And if I cared about her in a more genuine way than that, Im happy that shes happy.

So no, I dont really see where youre coming from, and I also dont see how being married or having a decent job means I should be excluded from such discussions, because I have experience of being rejected or relationships ending or whatever.

Ok. We've both made our points, the people will be the judge.

Not only do I not dislike you, I enjoy your posts. But dont act like you didn't say I have some resentment towards you because you totally did that. Don't just sling a little shit than act like "who me?" Haha. If I was hateful towards you I would not give you any credit, think about it. Have a great night dude.

yeah I mean I took it as her trying to be nice about saying no, but since then she has been even more friendly so idk