Last Topic: 10:48:13pm, 09/04/2018
Last Post: 10:30:16am, 04/29/2024
Thank you, and I didn't mean to point fingers at anyone, and I honestly didn't know what I'm hoping to gain by saying any of this, or what anyone can even do. I just... I don't know what to do anymore and it felt like I'm just usually grasping at anything.
It feels like there's this void that's been constantly pulling at me for years that's just sucking the joy and excitement out of everything that used to make my feel something. More it's like after each cycle of getting extremely depressed and moving towards that void and then pulling myself back, I end up closer and closer to that void. And it's to the point where I'm just not able to find joy or excitement in anything anymore. I think I didn't notice for a long time that my distance from that void changed so much because of how slowly it happened. Even at my lowest points for a while, it felt like there was a light... SOMEWHERE. But now I'm just at the point where I'm waiting for everything to be over because I can't see how I ever pull myself back out of this. And I didn't think I'm capable of pulling the metaphorical trigger, so the thought of speeding the process up with with something benign just... It feels really appealing.
A ton of people here have it worse than me. I know that. I don't think anyone would listen to my problems and think for one second that I'm being anything other than dramatic. And knowing that just makes it all worse.
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--starfox2245