A question for married CE users.

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Current Events » A question for married CE users.
did you feel when it came to the wedding that it was a bit of a competition with peers and comparisons to their weddings?

I didnt feel that way at all, and was just concerned with trying to make sure that our wedding was nice, but two of my friends are saying you get mixed feelings when you go to a really nice wedding, because on the one hand, its enjoyable, but on the other, it either makes yours look bad or puts pressure on you to have a better one.

Both friends are female, if it matters.
That seems like an incredibly unhealthy mindset.
And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to your span of life?
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Nope. I love my wife and I'm happy if our love inspired others because others inspired us
Don't like it? Don't watch it. It's that simple
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Evening_Dragon posted...
That seems like an incredibly unhealthy mindset.

I agree, but they seemed to think I was the oddball for not sharing it.
I got married in a courthouse with only my immediate family as witnesses
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It kinda felt like that for me at first, but as the plans progressed and we got closer to the date I found that I stopped caring about that and I eventually only cared about what my wife and I thought of our wedding.
Who is? I am!
A_Good_Boy posted...
It kinda felt like that for me at first, but as the plans progressed and we got closer to the date I found that I stopped caring about that and I eventually only cared about what my wife and I thought of our wedding.

The thing that I found strangest about this conversation was that they were oddly fixated with how much its perceived to have cost as well. Ive been to weddings that were clearly done on the cheap, and everybody had a great time. Ive been to extravagant weddings that werent great. The only reason mine cost a fair bit was actually getting people there in the first place because I flew a lot of people in and provided accommodation. The wedding itself was actually very reasonable.
Not really but I know an easy way to project things like cost include what day the wedding is, plated dinner vs buffet style, and simply how many guests are there.

But unfortunately people will always compare. If you don't do it then the guests probably will. It's human nature.
When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. - Confucius
No
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Nope, just wanted everyone to have a nice day.
No.
You are always the hero of your story, and a villain in someone else's. So, lose the ego, and be as nice as possible.
Wedding competition is a strange game, the only winning move is not to play.

Case in point, my husband and I eloped eleven years ago. We attended my cousin's big blowout wedding this summer and did not worry even an iota about wedding comparison.
Will the little voice in the back of my mind screaming "This is a bad idea" please yield the floor. --Mikey
Chivalry be hanged, and so will you.
I think my wife got a little far into it but not me. I had a flask the whole day wishing for my honeymoon to start
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No... We got married at the courthouse. Went to the mountains for a few days then the beach. Had a reception a couple weeks later at a local park. We did all of the decorating and stuff and my mom did the food.

I don't understand the big wedding thing. We've been married thirteen years and still going strong. With what we saved by not having a fancy wedding we were able to get a house.
RIP BigAirDay aka Bill.
Not changing this signature until the Carolina Panthers win the Super Bowl. Signature started 10/30/11
We got married at the height of covid, so we had an excuse to do it cheaply and small .
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Enderknight17 posted...
No... We got married at the courthouse. Went to the mountains for a few days then the beach. Had a reception a couple weeks later at a local park. We did all of the decorating and stuff and my mom did the food.

I don't understand the big wedding thing. We've been married thirteen years and still going strong. With what we saved by not having a fancy wedding we were able to get a house.

With my previous partner, we literally didnt get married at all so that we could afford to buy a house.
Post #17 was unavailable or deleted.
No. I actually didnt care for a reception but my husband wanted one for his family. So we had one. It was fine not over the top.

I did go all out for the honeymoon though. Business class to Tahiti with an overwater bungalow on one of the islands.
Actually my favorite part of my wedding day, besides getting married of course, was eating lunch at a local restaurant in our small little downtown. My wife's boss knew we were eating there afterwards with the few people that came to the courthouse and he paid for our entire party.

She worked for a small independent pharmacy and the owner/boss was such a genuinely good person. It was just a nice surprise and we were very grateful.

RIP BigAirDay aka Bill.
Not changing this signature until the Carolina Panthers win the Super Bowl. Signature started 10/30/11
Don't have any peers to be concerned with in the first place.

My husband and I got married by a pastor that's a friend of his. Said our vows right in his work office lol.
My wedding was extremely cheap (maybe $5,000?) and I expected none of my family to show up since I hopped the border and married a Canadian which beyond my parents none of them did. Our wedding was mainly for legal reasons so we could live together and 11 amazing years later we are still together and still perfectly happy.
I'm an artist at what I do. I fuel the fire, watch it burn, and laugh all the while.
NO2_Fiend posted...
My wedding was extremely cheap (maybe $5,000?) and I expected none of my family to show up since I hopped the border and married a Canadian which beyond my parents none of them did. Our wedding was mainly for legal reasons so we could live together and 11 amazing years later we are still together and still perfectly happy.

My wedding was also mostly done for legal reasons. It allowed me to remain in the country and also to co-own land, have paternal rights, and a whole host of other benefits that we wouldnt have if we werent married.

If you take out the cost of me flying people over from my home country and putting them up in hotels, the wedding itself was considerably cheaper than $5000.
Weddings seem to border dangerously on the unhinged in my opinion.
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No, because our wedding was one of the excessive ones.
divot1338 posted...
Weddings seem to border dangerously on the unhinged in my opinion.

I think they can bring out the worst in people sometimes but I wouldnt like to generalise quite as much as your statement seems to.
tankboy posted...
No, because our wedding was one of the excessive ones.

How excessive are we talking?
Glob posted...
I think they can bring out the worst in people sometimes but I wouldnt like to generalise quite as much as your statement seems to.
I would say there is a difference between a wedding and a whats that word Teep used?
Moustache twirling villain
https://i.imgur.com/U3lt3H4.jpg- Kerbey
divot1338 posted...
I would say there is a difference between a wedding and a whats that word Teep used?

Forgive my ignorance but who is Teep?
Only thing I compare to others is the food and it has sucked for every wedding i've been to including my own. Me and my husband always end up getting food right after them.
Glob posted...
Forgive my ignorance but who is Teep?
Dont worry about it.

Civil ceremony will suffice.
Moustache twirling villain
https://i.imgur.com/U3lt3H4.jpg- Kerbey
divot1338 posted...
Dont worry about it.

Civil ceremony will suffice.

Okay. I really have no idea what point youre trying to make here though.
I'm not married but if I did I'd make it lowkey.
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Glob posted...
Okay. I really have no idea what point youre trying to make here though.
Literally all but one of the weddings I have attended have been irresponsibly expensive.

Deeply irresponsible.
Moustache twirling villain
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divot1338 posted...
Literally all but one of the weddings I have attended have been irresponsibly expensive.

Like you could have bought a brand new sports car and paid it off level of irresponsible.

Ive no reason to doubt that thats true, but surely you understand that not all weddings are?

Aside from getting people over there, mine cost less than what Id put into savings in a typical month.
Glob posted...
Forgive my ignorance but who is Teep?
Hello

The word I used was "civil registration". My wife and I got married legally, the religious and cultural weddings have yet to take place
teep is a God damn genius - Zodd
Zodd is 100% correct about you - meralonne
I've been to a few hugely expensive weddings. I remember one where the band had a rider that cost more than some weddings.

But the brides' families were loaded and could easily afford it, so I just enjoyed the massive hotel room, the free bar, and the quality food.
'Vinyl is the poor man's art collection'.
30-50% of those arrested at anti immigration protests in the UK have convictions for domestic abuse.
teep_ posted...
Hello

The word I used was "civil registration". My wife and I got married legally, the religious and cultural weddings have yet to take place

Hi. Thanks for clarifying.

The ceremonial side of things is completely separate to the legal side here, and some people do one without the other. We did the legal process first but did have a (non-religious) ceremony afterwards.
Glob posted...
Hi. Thanks for clarifying.

The ceremonial side of things is completely separate to the legal side here, and some people do one without the other. We did the legal process first but did have a (non-religious) ceremony afterwards.
Gotcha.

To answer the question in the OP, it was more about what my wife and I found nice than about how other people did their weddings
teep is a God damn genius - Zodd
Zodd is 100% correct about you - meralonne
Glob posted...
How excessive are we talking?
Not Indian-excessive, but still up there. 250+ people, live band with horn section. Open bar. One of the nicest hotels in a major city. Photographer. Videographer. Flowers. Etc. Why not just get married in court? We did that a few days prior! That was 17 years ago.
tankboy posted...
Not Indian-excessive, but still up there. 250+ people, live band with horn section. Open bar. One of the nicest hotels in a major city. Photographer. Videographer. Flowers. Etc. Why not just get married in court? We did that a few days prior! That was 17 years ago.
Thats the thing. Theres never any middle ground.

Its either court wedding or something that would make Caligula blush.
Moustache twirling villain
https://i.imgur.com/U3lt3H4.jpg- Kerbey
tankboy posted...
Not Indian-excessive, but still up there. 250+ people, live band with horn section. Open bar. One of the nicest hotels in a major city. Photographer. Videographer. Flowers. Etc. Why not just get married in court? We did that a few days prior! That was 17 years ago.
Well, at least you're still together. The worst is when they have a wedding like that and don't even make it a year.
I'm an artist at what I do. I fuel the fire, watch it burn, and laugh all the while.
Our wedding was during Covid, so were limited. Did what we could, enjoying the days after as those are what truely matters.
When you find my sanity, please ask it to put pants on and return home, in that order please.
Glob posted...
did you feel when it came to the wedding that it was a bit of a competition with peers and comparisons to their weddings?
I'm not married, but that's almost exactly what my sister said about her own wedding when she got married.

like she's the first of my 4 siblings to have gotten married and she said she's going all-in so it's the most memorable of all the potential weddings me or my other siblings will have.
?
divot1338 posted...
Thats the thing. Theres never any middle ground.

Its either court wedding or something that would make Caligula blush.

I dont think thats true at all.
NO2_Fiend posted...
Well, at least you're still together. The worst is when they have a wedding like that and don't even make it a year.
My cousin had a decent sized wedding and then filed for an annulment 7 months later.
No offense, but it sounds like those women never grew out of that toxic high school mentality where they're fueled by jealousy and trying to one up each other.

I'm not married yet, but my gf and I already have talked about where we're going to have the wedding and how we're going to keep it small. Having a better wedding than others isn't something we're worried about at all.
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Post #47 was unavailable or deleted.
Gladius_ posted...
My wedding wasn't a court wedding but it wasn't really expensive and extravagant either.

Same.
Current Events » A question for married CE users.