Hypothetical: You wake up on the Starship Enterprise and it's under attack.

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Current Events » Hypothetical: You wake up on the Starship Enterprise and it's under attack.
UnfairRepresent
09/29/2025
05:33 AM
#1
You go to sleep as normal but then suddenly you're violently jerked awake as your are rocked in bed. You look around and realize you're no longer in your bedroom but instead lie in strange gray quarters.

The room shakes again as panels and consoles explode in the corner. Sparks flying, smoke starting to fill the room. You look out the window and all you can see is the void of space in all directions until 3 alien spaceships come into view and fire Photon Torpedos at you. The room rocks and shakes again as they crash into your ship's shields.

Red Alert lights flash across the darkened room as sirens roar. An authoritative voice on the intercome blares "Red Alert! Red Alert! Ensign [Your Name]! Report to tactical immediately. There's Klingons on the staboard bow."

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/f/ff5c1eb9.jpg

How do you react?
What do you do?
^ Hey now that's completely unfair!
http://i.imgur.com/yPw05Ob.png
jumi
09/29/2025
05:38 AM
#2
Go to the replicator and ask for a sharp bat'leth.
XBL Gamertag: Rob Thorsman
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/robertvsilvers
Kim_Seong-a
09/29/2025
05:39 AM
#3
"Where the fuck is tactical?"

Edit: sorry i just remembered.

"Computer. Where the fuck is tactical?"
Lusa Cfaad Taydr
Enclave
09/29/2025
05:45 AM
#4
Computer, end program. I then leave the holodeck.

I chuckle and say "Imagine me qualifying to serve in Starfleet".
The commercial says that Church isn't for perfect people, I guess that's why I'm an atheist.
FighterMcWar
09/29/2025
05:50 AM
#5
...which one? This is one where you legitimately need to clarify which ship.
We rode on the winds of the rising storm, We ran to the sounds of the thunder. We danced amongst the lightning bolts, and tore the world asunder.
hmnut7
09/29/2025
06:04 AM
#6
I put my hands together for a double fist punch, with this unbeatable hand to hand technique I defeat all the Klingons. I run to bridge and go to the tactical station and alternate the shield frequency another unbeatable tactic.

With the day saved, the crew agreed to make me Captain, I gently tug on the bottom of my shirt, then take my seat in the Captain's chair. "Ensign, set course for Risa the paradise planet, Warp 7. Engage"

Roll credits.
Starfire: "They are too numerous to fight. What shall we do?"
Robin: "Fight anyway!" (pb)
Aressar
09/29/2025
06:11 AM
#7
Not sure how it's going to end, but it's definitely gonna start with me and two redshirts coming in with a people-walking-down-the-hallway shot.
One time, CE triggered me so hard with their objectively wrong opinions that I accidentally punched myself in the balls.
Giacomo_Hawkins
09/29/2025
06:31 AM
#8
Check the closet and confirm the color of my uniform.
Will the little voice in the back of my mind screaming "This is a bad idea" please yield the floor. --Mikey
Chivalry be hanged, and so will you.
ShaneMcComez
09/29/2025
06:31 AM
#9
Well if the ship survives at the end of the day. I'm sure it'll play out like an episode of Star Trek, where I go to see the doctor and explain I'm not in my current reality. They'll do a brain scan to determine that there is definitely something off about me. Their will be a big meeting amongst Starfleet personal about how someone from a different universe ended here, and what happened to the other ensign.

The Captain will turn the ship around and head back to the place where the phenomena happened, and do a bunch of ship scans for temporal anomalies. You know, all the sci-fi, sciency stuff. Try to recreate the event and send me back to my universe.
NFL Survival Pools Remaining: 9
ai123
09/29/2025
06:31 AM
#10
From what I remember from watching Star Trek, standard procedure is to keep running from one side of the room to the other.
'Vinyl is the poor man's art collection'.
30-50% of those arrested at anti immigration protests in the UK have convictions for domestic abuse.
Marmitecashews
09/29/2025
06:51 AM
#11
ShaneMcComez posted...
Well if the ship survives at the end of the day. I'm sure it'll play out like an episode of Star Trek, where I go to see the doctor and explain I'm not in my current reality. They'll do a brain scan to determine that there is definitely something off about me. Their will be a big meeting amongst Starfleet personal about how someone from a different universe ended here, and what happened to the other ensign.

The Captain will turn the ship around and head back to the place where the phenomena happened, and do a bunch of ship scans for temporal anomalies. You know, all the sci-fi, sciency stuff. Try to recreate the event and send me back to my universe.
Or your life in this universe turnout to be false memories.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Zlmswo0S0e0
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OlahNrlcgS4
OniLink5000
09/29/2025
07:09 AM
#12
Why is an ensign assigned to tactical? Worf is a fucking Lieutenant Commander in TNG.

I find the nearest shuttle and just leave.
No sig
UnfairRepresent
09/29/2025
07:11 AM
#13
OniLink5000 posted...
Why is an ensign assigned to tactical?
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/7/77a02fc1.jpg
^ Hey now that's completely unfair!
http://i.imgur.com/yPw05Ob.png
OniLink5000
09/29/2025
07:25 AM
#14
UnfairRepresent posted...
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/7/77a02fc1.jpg
oh yeah. HAHAHAHA
No sig
Link_of_time
09/29/2025
12:21 PM
#15
Mr. Data, acces my personal database. i want you to continuously upload a variety dick pix to the Klingon's main computer core. Make sure it is imaginative cornucopia of my girthy vessel. Initiate manuever, Captain's Log.
gamerofNS
09/29/2025
12:24 PM
#16
FighterMcWar posted...
...which one? This is one where you legitimately need to clarify which ship.
This. Attacking Klingons only narrows it done to the NX-01, 1701, and A. Maybe E during that brief period before the Dominion War.
gamerofNS
09/29/2025
12:28 PM
#17
UnfairRepresent posted...
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/7/77a02fc1.jpg

Pretty sure Harry was operations. Tuvok was tactical.
vycebrand2
09/29/2025
12:56 PM
#18
FighterMcWar posted...
...which one? This is one where you legitimately need to clarify which ship.
Not enterprise. Bozeman.

All the iron turn to rust. All the proud men turn to dust. All things time will mend
jumi
09/30/2025
09:04 AM
#19
gamerofNS posted...
This. Attacking Klingons only narrows it done to the NX-01, 1701, and A. Maybe E during that brief period before the Dominion War.

That only accounts for ships from the actual Klingon Empire. It could be pirates or mercenaries, like the Duras sisters.
XBL Gamertag: Rob Thorsman
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/robertvsilvers
xsdarknesssx
09/30/2025
09:18 AM
#20
First thing check what color shirt I am wearing, if it is not red then sigh in relief. If it is red lock myself somewhere safe away form panels that can explode and where I can brace myself, the ship has plot armor but I sure as hell don't.
KnightofShikari
09/30/2025
09:21 AM
#21
run to the holodeck
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/c/cbb36948.jpg
The Earth is round. Two plus two equals four. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won the 2020 election for President and Vice President of the United States
UnfairRepresent
09/30/2025
09:24 AM
#22
jumi posted...
That only accounts for ships from the actual Klingon Empire. It could be pirates or mercenaries, like the Duras sisters.
Gul Dukat also had a Klingon ship for a while

not 3 tho
^ Hey now that's completely unfair!
http://i.imgur.com/yPw05Ob.png
rick_alverado
09/30/2025
10:21 AM
#23
First thing I do is ask for the stardate as something very weird is going on here. I never served on the Enterprise. As an ensign I served on DS9, and after that I was in Starfleet Intelligence and not on any specific ship until I became a captain.
Westernwolf4
09/30/2025
10:40 AM
#24
This basically happened to Worf in Parallels. It did not go well for him.

I would get a cup of Earl Grey and wait for Captain Picard to fix it so we can get on to next weeks adventure.
An opinion does not turn into a fact simply because the person holding it feels strongly about it.
UnfairRepresent
09/30/2025
11:03 AM
#25
Westernwolf4 posted...
This basically happened to Worf in Parallels. It did not go well for him.

That's Red Letter Media's least favorite episode

fun fact
^ Hey now that's completely unfair!
http://i.imgur.com/yPw05Ob.png
jumi
10/01/2025
10:12 AM
#26
UnfairRepresent posted...
That's Red Letter Media's least favorite episode

fun fact

The "Troi pregnant with space baby," "Yar fights black aliens," and "Riker clip show" are worse.
XBL Gamertag: Rob Thorsman
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/robertvsilvers
VeggetaX
10/01/2025
10:16 AM
#27
Go to the holodeck and create a hot babe who is madly in love with me
Don't like it? Don't watch it. It's that simple
Dictator of Nice Guys
UnfairRepresent
10/01/2025
10:56 AM
#28
jumi posted...
The "Troi pregnant with space baby," "Yar fights black aliens," and "Riker clip show" are worse.
Yip

No episode of Star Trek will ever be worse than a clip show
^ Hey now that's completely unfair!
http://i.imgur.com/yPw05Ob.png
WingsOfGood
10/01/2025
11:27 AM
#29
Wait for Q to spew his bullshit
garan
10/01/2025
04:11 PM
#30
I report to the hot redhead in the sick bay that I am hallucinating or that I've gone crazy or something. If anyone is stupid enough to think that I would be useful against Klingons, they're shit out of luck.
SaikyoStyle
10/01/2025
04:17 PM
#31
Ask the computer what my rank and title are and act accordingly
Taxes, death, and trouble.
Vetinari 2028. Make Ankh-Morpork Great Again!
Seaman_Prime
10/01/2025
04:22 PM
#32
Giacomo_Hawkins posted...
Check the closet and confirm the color of my uniform.

Westernwolf4
10/01/2025
04:32 PM
#33
UnfairRepresent posted...
That's Red Letter Media's least favorite episode

fun fact

Do a lot of folks not like Parallels? I think it is one of the best and most fun episodes of the later seasons of TNG!

How could that be anyones least favorite episode? I love TNG, it is the Trek I grew up with, but it had plenty of clunker episodes way worse than Parallels (gestures at first season wildly).

An opinion does not turn into a fact simply because the person holding it feels strongly about it.
rick_alverado
10/01/2025
04:38 PM
#34
Westernwolf4 posted...
Do a lot of folks not like Parallels? I think it is one of the best and most fun episodes of the later seasons of TNG!

How could that be anyones least favorite episode? I love TNG, it is the Trek I grew up with, but it had plenty of clunker episodes way worse than Parallels (gestures at first season wildly).

It's been a while since I watched it, but I remember liking it. The only complaint I remember hearing related to it is the relationship between Worf and Troi, but that was an ongoing thing in the season, not contained to just that one episode.
Westernwolf4
10/01/2025
04:43 PM
#35
rick_alverado posted...
It's been a while since I watched it, but I remember liking it. The only complaint I remember hearing related to it is the relationship between Worf and Troi, but that was an ongoing thing in the season, not contained to just that one episode.

I am glad you brought this up, because I almost mentioned it in my previous post. It is the only reason I can think of to not like this particular TNG outing. Because the relationship between Troi and Worf did start there, and frankly that whole thing never really worked.

The thing is, in the context of that episode, the whole thing works really well and gives the whole thing higher stakes (and gives Worf a lesson about not being so rigid and taking some chances). They just made the mistake of continuing that couple through the finale when it wasnt really clicking.

An opinion does not turn into a fact simply because the person holding it feels strongly about it.
darkmaian23
10/01/2025
04:44 PM
#36
jumi posted...
Go to the replicator and ask for a sharp bat'leth.
This is so much better than all the things I thought of posting.
Cuteness is justice! It's the law.
Westernwolf4
10/01/2025
04:46 PM
#37
darkmaian23 posted...
This is so much better than all the things I thought of posting.

That gave me a laugh too, and I thought that is exactly what Mariner from Lower Decks would be doing!

An opinion does not turn into a fact simply because the person holding it feels strongly about it.
divot1338
10/01/2025
05:00 PM
#38
Head to the Holodeck.
Moustache twirling villain
https://i.imgur.com/U3lt3H4.jpg- Kerbey
Enclave
10/01/2025
06:16 PM
#39
KnightofShikari posted...
run to the holodeck
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/c/cbb36948.jpg

Literally the most dangerous part of the ship.
The commercial says that Church isn't for perfect people, I guess that's why I'm an atheist.
divot1338
10/01/2025
07:18 PM
#40
Enclave posted...
Literally the most dangerous part of the ship.
Troi and Dr Crusher will take care of me.
Moustache twirling villain
https://i.imgur.com/U3lt3H4.jpg- Kerbey
pfh1001
10/01/2025
08:05 PM
#41
To quote the Last Starfighter:

What do we do?
We die.
UnfairRepresent
10/03/2025
08:19 PM
#42
divot1338 posted...
Troi and Dr Crusher will take care of me.
Then Pulaski turns up
^ Hey now that's completely unfair!
http://i.imgur.com/yPw05Ob.png
jumi
10/04/2025
09:33 AM
#43
UnfairRepresent posted...
Then Pulaski turns up

Hoisted by your own Picard!
XBL Gamertag: Rob Thorsman
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/robertvsilvers
Current Events » Hypothetical: You wake up on the Starship Enterprise and it's under attack.