Lurker > ElatedVenusaur

DespondentDeity posted...

I wanted to get back to this sooner but I havent really had a moment to give it the attention I wanted to.

Its really interesting to imagine that a full month has passed since that photo, do you have even more progress to be proud of. I feel so happy the hormones have also made me confident enough to photograph my progress, do you take photos on a regular basis and do you ever look through them to see how far youve come?

I love red pants so much. Ill never forget this person who was wearing them when I fell in love at first sight with them at a coffee shop art sale we both had pieces in. They looked so daring and fashionable, we were introduced because they said my dead name really excitedly, I asked how they knew me but it was someone else they were talking to. I totally bought one of their pieces, it was a wire crow. I lost it years ago, which is depressing. Where did you get yours? I havent seen that particular shade.

I dont really feel very motivated to work on my voice, although I do hate talking on the phone in particular and sometimes you know when you echo through the other persons handset and it feels like youre hearing what it sounds like on their end? That shit bums me out. I try to maintain a cuter timbre and cadence when I speak than I did before, but I dont think Im speaking in a different register or anything like that. Could you explain a bit about the mechanical side of what youre trying to accomplish? For example, is there a specific area in your throat that you are trying to use differently?

Also, this is gonna be a really weird and personal question so feel free not to answer. With Hinge lady, do you think that she would internally define your relationship, such that it is, as a lesbian one? I feel that many cis women still perceive me as a man even when Im dressed as a woman.

As far as Voice Training goes: https://www.youtube.com/c/TransVoiceLessons
Sexy ass Zheana here makes lots of great content and puts it up on YouTube for free. Basically, how she breaks down voice is into two factors: pitch and resonance.

Pitch is what's created by the vocal cords, more or less, and people generally overrate it: typical male and female vocal ranges overlap considerably, pitchwise. It's simply a matter of getting used to using a certain pitch (trans men get a hand here, as T thickens up their Adam's Apple and thus shifts their "natural" pitch downward).

Resonance is the important one: it's the effect the entire vocal tract on the sound being produced. Males have longer, wider vocal tracts than females, which produces a deep, "buzzy" sound, whereas females have shorter, narrower tracts that produce lighter, brighter sound. (there's a video where she literally demonstrates this with a program. It's crazy how knowledgeable she is). Basically, you have to hack your voice to use less of your vocal tract to produce sound that sounds feminine (there's also a great vid where she talks in all different combinations of pitch and resonance, which is a thing she can do because she's an auditory sorceress). And yes: she's trans. Take her as a demonstration of just how much is possible.

Right...onto everything else. I actually found my red pants thrifting. They're Gloria Vanderbilts. And as comfortable as they are flattering. I also have black-ish jeans with sparkles on the butt and purple pants that I look (though the purple pants fit loosely and button the opposite way, for some reason. I just wear a belt, no biggie).

And as far as my relationship with Hinge lady, I was entirely unsurprised to learn that I'm not the first trans woman she's met. In fact, she was in a relationship with one before! She absolutely, 100% perceives me as a woman. She's bi (she was also married to a dude at some point and had her daughter). I've actually talked to her about surgery and stuff(I bring that stuff up: for example, a friend of mine recently had their bottom surgery): she's very inquisitive (just in general), but in a polite, and sensitive way.

Because the Republicans are actively dismantling democracy and the Democratic solution is to scream about how the Republicans are ruining everything but also how we need a strong Republican party and can't do anything about it.

The Sword of Damocles hasnt fallen yet, but Macron cant get rid of it.

gunplagirl posted...

:'( Sometimes I get impulsive and especially when I feel good. Having all the people posting in a topic of mine and actually talking and sharing pics and stuff. And it made me feel bad because they weren't doing it for me, I didn't think. And so I was considering locking it but you guys kept posting all day and I minimized the app with it up and came back and did it and realized right after that I shouldn't have because I'm stupid and being emotional and now I feel like I don't want the topics to end and stuff and just. I'm sorry. :'( I didn't mean to hurt any of you or make you upset or think that the mods did it I just... Saying the truth and admitting stuff on a forum is hard and I'm not attention needy right now about I just wish I had more online friends to shoot the breeze with who aren't from my usual circle on Facebook and discord. I don't know. It's hard to explain, just, I didn't think things through enough to keep myself from doing it. I'm sorry. :'(

Its good lady! I know a thing or two about emotional roller coasters. Just know that youre great and I look up to you.

DespondentDeity posted...

Well that was pretty fuckin awkward lol.

Are you doing OK @ElatedVenusaur ? You can post selfies in my topics if you want. This is just kind of a journal and incidental chat space.

FWIW I liked this outfit quite a lot! I felt it was a significant improvement over the other one in both character and fit. I think you did a good job picking jeans that were accurate to your hip shape, so the overall composition was more flattering for your body over all. It looked really cute on you and I bet you felt great! Love the attitude as well, the hair toss was a choice move

Heehee, well, the hair flip was because I took the pic to send to Hinge lady! She LOVED it. Its already a month old though.

And those are actual girl jeans. I believe Im wearing my only surviving boy pants in the other one: theyre quite functional and comfortable for work purposes, so I kept them. I tossed my other boy pants because they just dont fit anymore.

The red pants are my faves though. Im doing better. Right now, thank you for asking. I read the Rainbow Passage on the Voice Tools app earlier and graded out 40% female and 32% male: the very first time its rated me more fem than masc! Still have a ways to go on the voice front, but Im getting better. I just need to practice more and be more consistent.

How are you doing?

gunplagirl posted...

Get your own topic to post pics of yourself in :l

Fine, I just wont post in your topic!

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/0/4/AAIAInAADKhA.jpg
Gunpla can do it better.

Got Germany.

DespondentDeity posted...

Target has a really cute selection this year, make sure you measure first so you get the proper fit!

Target does seem to have a good selection, but I still havent done much shopping by myself though.

Shea Patterson is so bad. TC is great.

Men are much less oppressed relative to other groups. That is: more men benefit from the way that things are and are thus unwilling to change it, even though patriarchy isnt good for men either.

The Great Society was really the last time we, as a country, attempted a large-scale effort to improve the lives of the poor.
Unfortunately, it helped Black people, and we couldnt have that!
I would be tempted to give him a 10, but Vietnam was a massive blunder/war crime of which he was a principal driver, so Im going to take 3 points off just for that. That may not be enough, but its what I went for.

Edit: Buchanan is rated too high IMO.

DespondentDeity posted...

One of my straight cis woman friends is always asking to see mine and feeling me up, which Im fine with cuz shes always so happy about them and shell just shout oh my god theyre ACTUALLY tits! I think once I get some more development Ill be less willing to participate but for the time being it makes me feel really happy and confident. I think theres still a lot of novelty for people around me still tho, I genuinely have only been introduced to one other trans woman thats out in public and a handful of trans men who interestingly all work at the same convenience store.

Your post reminded me of this story that Kevin Barnett (RIP) told, where he was at a warehouse party and he had kept seeing this women with her tits fully exposed through a mesh top. Well later in the evening the women he was with approached her and informed her about her exposed breasts, and she responded by saying, YEH? You noticed my tits, but did you see that I ONLY HAVE ONE HAND?! and just started waving her nub at them. Apparently, she was really quite charming!

Sounds like Hinge lady has great style, Im not big on navy for my skin tone but I love jumpsuits and rompers, Ive found them to be both affirming and flattering. I definitely find myself envious of womens hair, especially if its really long. Theres a clerk at the post office who has a really long braid, and I cant wait to be able to do that shit! Are you growing yours out? Im having a hard time being patient with mine, but its coming along.

When you said that it feels assumed that you two would do something, do you mean in the sense that your departures are more of a Ill see you soon than a well see what happens? How do you feel about that?

Yeah, that's what I meant: both of us definitely see our relationship as something that's going to last. She talked about stuff she wanted to do with me, I talked to her about family (I cautioned her that coming over my house is normally going to involve meeting my parents, to which she responded, "Oh, I'm not worried about that. They sound like really nice people.") and we both talk about friends we would like the other to meet (lol we were showing each other pics of said friends).

And I guess our cis friends are a bit different. Nobody has wanted to explore me lol.

DespondentDeity posted...

One thing that was really cool was that she had worked with a trans client before, so there was no like hesitation on her part about using my pronouns, like, its almost weird to say but it really felt like in her mind I was just 1000% a woman even as she was waxing my penis and testicles. I didnt necessarily enjoy that the first question about my transition she had asked was if I was going to get my penis removed, but a lot of people seem curious about that.

Thats great to hear about the, Im gonna call it a date, cuz it sounds quite like a date to me! It sounds like you two are really starting to form a genuine bond. From what youve said, it sounds like she is legitimately interested in you in a romantic way. Trust your intuition, I think thats always the difficult part, and if it feels right, it seems like the momentum is there for things to fall into place. There might be value to discussing expectations at some point, but you know, the types of conversations that can really illuminate if your goals are compatible are to talk about things like examples of what makes you feel loved, or what your love languages are. Sharing ideas about how you might find fulfillment in the future can create really powerful bonding moments.

Im not saying to let your guard completely down or anything, but I think based on what youve shared theres reasons to be optimistic about her. If nothing else, she seems like a genuinely good person. Sharing about her father is also a huge huge huge indicator of the trust she has in you! thats so rad, Im really happy for you.

Oh man, isn't being affirmed just the best? I got a massage for the first time recently, and the massuese(a 50-60ish something lady) instructed me to take my shirt off and lie down, and I start doing that, and she waves a hand, half-panicked, and goes, "No, no. Wait until I've left the room!" and that's the first time I really considered the functional difference of having breasts: no one was particularly worried about me taking my shirt off before. I'm also coming to the realization that straight cis woman generally don't want to see them (a coworker told me a story about a concert she went to that was a little wild, and the last straw was some lady in the row in front of her going topless. She goes, "Ugh, that's the last thing I need to see, some lady with her tits out, I'm leaving!" and I just laughed.) I'm learning all new etiquette I didn't even know existed!

But yea, in terms of Hinge lady, I do feel we're both feeling this out, but we're both really having a good time (and isn't that what's important? My therapist kind of urged me to just be patient, be kind, and pay attention to her). She was wearing this navy jumpsuit with a white-and-brown kerchief around her neck, and the way her hair frames her face is just gorgeous. She's a petite lady with a lot of energy and warmth.

DespondentDeity posted...

It is nice to have some of that pressure off you, and to share the burden of taking those first steps. It should also empower you to make some of those moves, since Im sure she also feels that anxiety so you might be helping her out by doing so!

Im getting my bootyhole waxed today and the rest of my genitals as well, might keep some bush, idk. I have loose skin in the area above my penis and the appearance of that kinda bothers me, so Im anxious about deciding

How did it go? I remember getting my legs and butt waxed hurt. It'll take a day or so for the area to heal, but oh my GOD it was silky smooth!!! All that hair will change with time. Some of it will even just go away.

I recently got back from hanging with Hinge lady. I hesitate to call what we do "dates" just because it's so casual: we talk and we go for a walk and she boils her russet potatoes and summer squash for dinner. But we talk about everything. I exposed her to Coconuts, which was a great laugh. We really do laugh a lot.
She told me her dad is dying and I touched her arm and she took my hand. Her hands are nice and warm. She wants to do a game night and to come to my place. I feel like it's just assumed we'll do something now.

DespondentDeity posted...

Woo right on! Its getting seriously cute! Hehe, that is righteous tho, Im excited for you two

Its nice: I wanted to use a kiss emoji but didnt because I was timid. But then she sent one. Its great, I dont feel like I have to make every decision like that (minor or major) and Im not expected to! Its a huge relief.

DespondentDeity posted...

What time are you meeting up with the Hinge lady? @ElatedVenusaur

After therapy today. So after 2:30. We're both excited lol. Kiss emojis have entered our texting.

France is eager to go full fash, just off the top of my head.

Thanks. I really appreciate your words. Two things to address your post:
1) Im a patient with Anchor Health Institute, a health organization which runs two clinics and a pharmacy. Their primary purpose is serving the LGBTQ+ community(my doctor is both my endo and my GP. The benefits of living in Connecticut). Their pharmacy is going to mail me my prescriptions, so everything will be in-house(I didnt do this initially because I live with my parents and wasnt out to them at the time).

2) I think Im going to look into a tailor, actually. I have another dress that needs repair/alteration for this reason, and I love the way they look too much to give up on them. The other dress was a gift from my best enby friend.

Good points: I'm going to be switching to injecting my estradiol, which will increase the overall payload. They're upping my spiro because T was randomly up. I'm also now getting it all via the clinic's pharmacy because CVS never gives me enough shit(and apparently can't be relied upon to give the right quantities and injectors for injectable estrogen). My doc also prescribed me a few different things to help manage my allergies, which are completely wrecking me right now. I'm going to be chilling with Hinge lady tomorrow and I'm going to be wearing the goddamned hottest pink top that's slightly asymmetrical.

Bad point: my cat has gone insane since my parents are gone. All he does is cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry. I pet him, feed him, let him hang out with me, he just keeps crying. It's driving me crazy, and my nerves are already raw from not having enough estrogen and my allergies. And I got a crazy beautiful dress that my shoulders promptly broke because they're wide and stupid and I couldn't get the dress off me without it tearing and now I'm super dysphoric over it.

Dynasty Warriors always goes hard on soundtracks, but never, ever has it ever felt as hopeless as Battle of Xia Pi castle in Lu Bu's story mode in DW8:XL. It opens with a fucking funeral march sounding track.
And you actually lose and the story mode ends with Cao Cao executing Lu Bu and Chen Gong. Now go back and fulfill the sometimes-silly bonus objectives to unlock the Hypothetical Path where Lu Bu is somewhat less of a raging moron and wins.

NeonOctopus posted...

So are these the mobile versions of the games?

Yes, they're the Whitehead versions, complete with Hidden Palace Zone in Sonic 2, Tails & Knuckles in Sonic 1, etc. Apparently you can play them in modern or retro resolutions as well.
And also that music dlc pack is just for the Spinball, Sonic 3D, and Knuckles Chaotix OSTs to be in Sound Test lol, it's not what people actually want.
Also apparently the reason you couldn't use Sonic 1 with Sonic&Knuckles was due to Sonic 1 using a different, more limited color palette that couldn't render Knuckles properly.

Yes, there's too much testosterone. Only trans men should have T.

DespondentDeity posted...

It wont always be like that, and its not fair that its like this at all. I think one of the better insulating acts against the unhappiness caused by misgendering is to show extra appreciation for the people who do acknowledge and support you. Dont choose to cling to the bad, or let other peoples behavior cause you to doubt yourself.

Thanks hon. You're a kind soul.

Leave the US how?

Customer service jobs suck.
It's worse now because customers now also misgender me. You can literally see my tits even when I'm wearing a sports bra, a boy shirt, and a white coat these days. They're not subtle!
Comfort me!

DespondentDeity posted...

Thank you for the encouragement and support. I think now that Ive been reflecting on it more, I feel like Im at least starting to understand it better. Ive been trying to get a new therapist, but that process sucks especially amidst all the other things there are to take care of and how expensive everything is. I kinda liked my other one for most things but there were certain things that I just couldnt talk to her about like anxiety about my weight and body image issues related to dysmorphia after significant weight loss. I dont want to get too deep into it but she also didnt really accept my womanhood without the trans qualifier and it made some of our interactions tense and almost competitive?

Ive noticed something similar with other cis women too, like even my best friend and I were talking about this emotional outburst Id had at work and I just was like, I feel like I did have a period because I had a literal nightmare week where my mood was in a million different places and just never experienced turbulence in my emotions like that. So, she asked me if I had menstruated, and I pointed out that I dont have the organs to do that, and she just said, Then its not the same thing, is it? with a hell of a snap to it, it was so bizarre.

So I guess this is just my blog topic now or whatever.

Man, I must live a charmed life or something.
I remember talking to a coworker who asked me if I had a period, and I said no (my mood seems preternaturally stable, actually) and then she talked about how some trans women do experience the emotional aspects of the menstrual cycle. Maybe I do have a cycle, but it's just subtle?

https://twitter.com/kept_simple/status/1516446234239815682

the_rowan posted...

Gender dysphoria is an alias for gender identity disorder, which as of ICD-10, was literally the medical term for the condition. Like I don't know why, of all the things to challenge, this is the one people keep sticking on.

https://www.icd10data.com/ICD10CM/Codes/F01-F99/F60-F69/F64-/F64.9

The one thing I wasn't aware of was that ICD-11 formally went into effect a few months ago, so now it's "Gender incongruence" instead.

https://icd.who.int/browse11/l-m/en#/http://id.who.int/icd/entity/411470068

Wow, it's almost like your knowledge on this subject, such that it is, is grievously outdated! Maybe you should inform yourself.

DespondentDeity posted...

The pictured sweater is definitely awesome! The material looks super cozy, I think thats definitely one of the big things I started looking for, is which materials feel best on my softening skin. That corduroy coat sounds wonderful, and I love how garments like that just sorta find us; where it just instantly goes from not our thing to used to not be our thing. I feel like one of those garments for me ended up being the womens overalls I got from Kohls last year, Ill try to get a good picture of them soon, but it was just this comfort of like, oh I am totally capable of liking my body and wanting to show it off.

I hope more garments like that find you!

Have you ever looked into StitchFix or ThredUp or any of those online thrift shops? I enjoy thrifting, but my local shops are just filled with Walmart and Target clothes, so I dont usually bother looking often.

I did not even know that those were a thing lol wow, going to have to check them out once my finances have recovered. Still need more summer stuff. Also need to get Hinge lady to help me with going out in skirts/dresses, because I definitely love wearing them.

the_rowan posted...

Doesn't the large to majority opinion of the medical community agree that a medical decision like this should only be made after consulting with a qualified individual to assess the person's understanding of the decision and their reason for it? Like up until this, I thought you literally couldn't even get a prescription for this stuff without meeting with such an individual first, and it seems like it's still required at a lot of clinics? It's genuinely scary if doctors are willing to give out life-altering prescriptions without even assessing mental state first.

It's weird we're expected to engage with your ignorance of how transition care is handled and managed as though it is a concrete reason to restrict access to transition care.

DespondentDeity posted...

I think my sex life is suffering due to internalized homophobia. Every time I start getting intimate with a man I think about my dad calling me the f slur and hitting me any time I showed signs of effeminacy as a child. It really sucks, even if the hormones have left me with very little sex drive at the moment and Im not as interested in dating, this is gonna have to be solved at some point. Also, when I do get horny its completely unbearable, so itd be nice to have sex without experiencing a traumatic memory and breaking down. :/

Ugh, that's awful hon, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Just take your time.

TheVipaGTS posted...

Fuck that, man. I used to work retail and cops would come in and not even arrest full on adults stealing hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise. And spare me with the they did it to prove a point he shouldnt have stole!no they didnt. They did it under the guise of that to assert dominance. This is the type of thing thatll keep people hating cops and departments like the NYPD seem to love that now. They love being against everyone.

You know, the funny thing about that is, is that they never arrest the 40-50 something ladies who steal hundreds of dollars worth of stuff, but they did arrest the one Hispanic guy loss prevention caught...

3 whole cops to arrest one little black kid over, what? A $2 bag of chips? Did they miss out on the brutalizing homeless people beat? Totally normal country...

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Wait, so we are opposed to a literal trans psychologist giving an opinion on this issue, but we have a meltdown over schools not wanting its teachers to, as you put it, impose its values on a much younger generation?

No. keep that same energy.

A trans psychologist's personal opinion doesn't carry any water, in and of itself, as it is anecdotal. It's a naked appeal to authority based upon nothing but credentials. I posted actual data, which, naturally, ya'll have chosen to ignore, because it doesn't fit your preconceived notions.

Gonna have to ask the Subway on 32nd to instruct the Arby's on 23rd to switch me to injectable estrogen.

Perksurx posted...

They are both Canadian Via Rail broad gauge 55 ton engines capable of carrying up to 9000 coconuts. Each.

Coconuts, you say?
......
YEEHAW PARDNER!!! That's our word of the day!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ite2vY5qihc
If the song was about gunpla, it would be "Jackfruits"

I remember the building that prescribed me hormones! Real nice building, but for some reason, it made me go see a different building that then actually gave me the hormones. Weird, right?

LostForest posted...

I really can't wait until genderfluidity/neutrality becomes the norm and we can stop arguing about transitioning. It really is a stupid conversation to keep having when it could all be done away with by just disregarding the concept of two genders. Instead, people are hyper-fixated on the binary, and in doing so they just keep reinforcing gender norms we've spent decades trying to tear down.

This is also a trash take. I'll never understand why people are so obsessed with making choices for others.

Flauros posted...

There is a detransition community, but their stories get buried a lot or written off as "trolls" that were never a transfolk to begin with.

LOL no they don't: they get used by transphobes as a cudgel against trans people.

To establish the facts in this largely fact-free topic: https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2018/04/analysis-finds- strong-consensus-effectiveness-gender-transition-treatment
https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/%20what-does-the-scholarly-research- say-about-the-well-being-of-transgender-people%20/
Had to break them because this website sucks. You'll have to mend these and the one below manually.

Among the findings of the analysis are the following:
Of 56 peer-reviewed studies, 52 (93 percent) found that gender transition improves the overall well-being of transgender people. The other 7 percent reported mixed or null findings. None of the reviewed studies showed that gender transition harms well-being.
The positive outcomes of gender transition and related medical treatments include improved quality of life, greater relationship satisfaction, higher self-esteem and confidence, and reductions in anxiety, depression, suicidal tendencies and substance use.
The positive impact of gender transition has grown considerably in recent years, as surgical techniques and social support have improved.
Regrets following gender transition are extremely rare and have become increasingly rarer.

Speaking of detransitioners, it is useful to ask why people detransition: https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/ nbc-out/media-s-detransition-narrative-fueling-misconceptions-trans-advocates-say-n1102686

The information that does exist appears to corroborate Asquiths claim. In a 2015 survey of nearly 28,000 people conducted by the U.S.-based National Center for Transgender Equality, only 8 percent of respondents reported detransitioning, and 62 percent of those people said they only detransitioned temporarily. The most common reason for detransitioning, according to the survey, was pressure from a parent, while only 0.4 percent of respondents said they detransitioned after realizing transitioning wasnt right for them.

Hmm. Isn't that interesting?

I am sure the discussion will continue to ignore the truth, as these discussions invariably do.

TheHoldSteady posted...

Can't wait for Nixon's poll. Gonna be great.

I know exactly what I'm posting for Richard "Tricky Dick" "I'm not a crook" fucking Nixon already.

Gerald Ford pardoned that son of a bitch Nixon. Thats all you really need to know.

DespondentDeity posted...

I love hearing things like that! I get some jiggles, Ive gotten a jiggle or two, starting to like stairs a lot more. Its probably weird but it felt so good when itd be cold as hell, and theyd just be hurting so bad, cuz Id be like damn these things hurt then Id be like oh my god I have tits!. Its warming up tho and Im hoping Ill be able to have some cleavage before the summer ends

You mentioned no goth clothes, but that you had gotten some new clothes recently, which style of clothing do you prefer to express yourself with, and what are some of your new favorite pieces?

Hmm. Ive just bought oddsnends, either thrifting or on sale. I havent even been brave enough to go out in a skirt yet! But there are a few things I really love:

-A pink corduroy coat. I literally walked into an enby friends house for the first time, and they say they have this coat that didnt fit them or our mutual friend. Im halfway through mumbling that pink isnt my color when they throw it on me, andwow!
They just smiled and said, Pink can be really empowering.

-I have a dark green shirt with a really flattering neckline and great feel.

-I have a blue shirt (its patterned like blue jeans but not made of denim) I got off Etsy thats tight in the chest with buttons up the middle. Really nice looking, super flattering.

-I have pants in a nice, deep red and a good, bright purple. Love wearing those.

-And the sweater I have on in the pic I posted. It looks great and feels even better!

-Im not super cognizant of fashion or even my own sense of it, but Hinge lady insists I have a good fashion sense. Then again, shes never said a bad word about me.

Fire Emblem
Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones
Advance Wars
Advance Wars 2
Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow
Castlevania: Circle of the Moon
Pokemon Emerald
Tactics Ogre: Knight of Lodis

Just real quick off the top of my head. Def missed some: the GBA was absurdly loaded.