Lurker > DarkRoast

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Amber takes her ass to Buffalo Wild Wings!

Foppe posted...

The happiness is visible in the eyes.

Going back and seeing how I looked before I transitioned, I looked dead inside.
I wish my father would see the wonderful daughter he has now, but his hate has blinded him.

I wish I could describe to you guys the joy I get from just looking down and seeing that I have breasts. There's nothing sexual at all about it, it just feels right. Like this is how my body was supposed to be. I'm actually comfortable in this body now. And to see myself in the mirror, with curves and feminine features, oftentimes I can't stop staring because I can finally see the person I always wanted to be.

It's lovely. One of the best feelings I've ever had.

KitKats posted...

You look great!

That makes me feel great

I've kind of latched on to a tomboy aesthetic, seems to work well with my freckles lol.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I cannot even imagine that type of pain. Living through it with my wife, she would often lament how her family gaslit her and wished only for them to just support her and choose to accept what was happening.

You are a very strong person. Having to lose so much to be who you are is simply not fair. It is unfair your bio family refuse to support you. It is unfair you had to hide yourself for so long, and it is unfair you cannot celebrate the best things about transitioning and being you without them.

For what it is worth, while I imagine it is never going to be easy to do what you are doing, you will be an inspiration to others who were in the same spot as you. Your strength will be a strength others can cling onto in order for them to face a similar situation. There is something inspirational about that and feel proud about it.

Thank you, and if nothing else I hope I at least put a human face on being transgender. We aren't freaks, we aren't monsters, we are just normal people trying to live our lives. We just want people to believe us. Everyday I'm a little happier than before, because I'm living my truth.

CARRRNE_ASADA posted...

This post gives me feels. I just hope you're ok and wish you the best. You look good.

Thank you, unfortunately it's almost impossible for me to tell if I look good or not because that's just how gender dysphoria works, but I do know that I've vastly prefer the person I see in the mirror now than I ever did the previous. And day by day, I'm starting to see myself in a different light, maybe someday I can call myself pretty or beautiful.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Family is something that is earned daily, weekly, monthly. Don't be afraid to distance yourself from people who would feign to care for you, but only if you follow their exact idea for who you are.

My wife cut off all contact with her family when they refused to believe her medical problems. While not exactly the same thing as you are experiencing, to make an exceptionally complicated issue into one easier to digest... they won't accept the truth of you and your experience.

Gain support from your chosen family, the ones who do understand your experience and choose to embrace it.

That sounds almost exactly like my parents. But every day I'm making new chosen family, and I do feel their support. It's not as painful as it once was. Although it still is painful.

My parents refuse to believe that being transgender is intrinsic. They think it's a choice. And nothing will change their mind. So I've had to cut them out of my life.

bsp77 posted...

If not clear, I do support you. Just because I didn't like the pregnancy lie, doesn't affect whether I support you.

What I did was wrong, even if it was to "feel" like a woman. I don't have excuses for it, but I will say that I have chosen to live my truth instead of projecting it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


I feel like I've done so much in the past half-year. I started HRT, laser hair removal, bought a lot of new women's clothing (but andro enough to pass as male with a guy shirt). I present almost every day. And when I present... it's just so wonderful. I want it to be all the time.

KitKats posted...

Its all too common for family members to try casting a negative light on transition and make it all about their transphobic feelings or hang ups.

Trans people deserve love and support, not judgement and scorn for existing.

Transition is not something harmful for the children. Whether or not they need therapy is not predicated on their parent being gay or trans, but navigating and processing their own feelings as necessary.

Trying to make trans people feel shame for being themselves is a terrible thing. We deserve to be happy and healthy, to flourish and blossom.

I still don't present at home because I've internalized the shame that my dad threw at me. I shouldn't be ashamed of being who I am - especially since this is something I literally cannot change. I -am- transgender. It can't be "cured." It can only be accepted.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]



There was a moment, near midnight. I was doing locums shifts at an outlying hospital. It was freezing rain outside. I had to find a private physician meeting room, close the door, and literally sit under the table and cry. And I cried for several hours. I had just come out to my best friend, who was supportive, but I told him I was too afraid to transition, because my family wouldn't understand.

Tyranthraxus posted...

IME for most people that's not the choice. The choice is transition or die.

...that was true for me in December of last year. I'd rather not talk about that time, though. Darkest time of my life, by far.

I hate it when people try to gaslight me into feeling bad / believing I'm selfish for transitioning. It's what my dad tried to do repeatedly, and no matter how many times I pleaded with him to listen, he didn't care.

Being transgender isn't a choice. The only choice you have is whether or not to transition.

Steffenfield posted...

I honestly don't understand.

Your marriage seems to be soon dissolved and your family will probably become unstructured for quite some time.

Your two children will most likely need long therapy on how their biological father is now lesbian.

And you've spent most of today posting selfies and boob pics of yourself on a gaming website?

It's so odd.

You try coming out.

ArkhamOrigins posted...

All the racist stuff you're cool with tho?

WTF I'm not racist.

I used to be conservative before I got my head out of my ass, but I wasn't racist.

Thank you. It's such a huge relief to finally get this out and just be me.

KitKats posted...

Please do continue.

I don't have multiple accounts. Promise.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/0/9/AAeEwGAAEvGl.jpg
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...no wonder they call it a "glow up"

Foppe posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/80526529/975232062

Holy crap

I was wondering why "Scuba Gooding Jr" was trending on Twitter.
Now I know lol

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Well now I can be clear:

My chosen name is Amber, I'm a transgender woman and my pronouns are she/her.

That's the real me.

You guys are amazing.
And thank you for being allies

KitKats posted...

Almost like magic

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/4/6/6/AAeEwGAAEvF6.jpg

Anything that can make me smile like this is magic, as far as I'm concerned.

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I have a friend who insists my Boymode should be called "lesbian mode"

Quezovercoatl posted...

You're looking good! :)

Thank you! I feel even better than I look. The HRT has been wonderful.

Well, now I don't have to lie about being a woman. Damn that feels good.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


I feel so, so much better

Look I'm embarrassed about all that, can we please leave it at that?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/4/3/4/AAeEwGAAEvFa.jpg

Do boobs count

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

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They are absolutely my pics

Hey @Vegy is this good enough

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/4/3/4/AAeEwGAAEvFa.jpg

I don't blame anyone for not forgiving me. But at the very least I hope they understand why I lied. Because that was the only life as a woman I thought I had. Fortunately I don't have to live like that anymore.

Vegy posted...

Why you lie about being a cute busty asian chick???

I mean I am cute and busty...

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If you guys want a good laugh, take a look at my boy mode

DocileOrangeCup posted...

I'm not mad about the gender thing, but the whole Asian fetish stuff seems like it's just being overlooked here. It just seemed really unnecessary.

I never had an Asian fetish, but I'm really into Chinese culture because my wife is Chinese.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


At a certain point, I had to recognize that it wasn't healthy to live a fantasy life as a woman instead of living my real life as one. This has been really hard, but I don't regret even a moment of choosing to transition. It's made me a far more honest, empathetic, and happy person.

And I also discovered, I never really was a man to begin with. Sure, I had a male body, but I wasn't a man. Never was. And learning to accept that was a struggle, but I'm glad I did.

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The only makeup I know how to do right now is eyeliner, but I think I look better without it. I guess I could go either way.

Kamen_Rider_Blade posted...

::Gives you a BIG HUG::

You're awesome. And thank you for understanding.

I think I look a lot better as a woman than I ever did as a guy, but I'm sure some of that is just my gender dysphoria messing with who I see in the mirror. But I feel pretty for the first time in my life, and boy does that feel amazing.

IfGodCouldDie posted...

It must must suck having a limited ability to show support. Thankfully, no amount of someone being fake is going to eat up my supportive reserves, and if this is real, the support being shown to her can do wonders in helping her through struggles that I could never even begin imagine.

Honestly, I'm so humbled by the fact that everyone has been so warm despite what I admitted to. I'm just glad I can finally be me, in real life and even here. It's all I've ever wanted.

Tyranthraxus posted...

There's been a big push lately to just use silicone nipple covers. They're cheap on Amazon. They're like really big pasties

Oh I keep a box of Band-Aids for that, but actually my problem is without the support they hurt like hell.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

Alright. You know what? This is all I wanted. In one of those pregnancy topics, when you were talking about wanting to transition and present as a woman, and wear dresses, etc., I said that you should do whatever makes you happy.

That's still true today. I want you to be happy, because even if the details of that life weren't real, the feelings you expressed through the stories felt very real. That's why so many of us believed you--the raw emotion came through as genuine. Now that you're telling us it was a real outlet of struggle and frustration, just with different specifics, it means that you were honest in an important way.

It might be a little tough to rebuild the trust, and some people will probably stay mad about it, but I for one appreciate the honesty, and I forgive you for the lies.

I absolutely meant and felt every single thing I said about wanting to wear dresses, feel feminine, etc. Those feelings got so strong last year, I couldn't hold them in anymore. And I didn't know how to express them in a way that didn't give me away.

As for a more recent lesson I've learned, as it turns out camisoles with shelf bras are by no means a satisfactory alternative to even a bralette. Ouch.

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I can't believe I actually get to live in the body that I've wanted my whole life.

Kamen_Rider_Blade posted...

https://www.tomshardware.com/news/asus-admits-rog-ally-microsd-card-reader-may-malfunction

Have you run into the MicroSD card reader malfunction issue?

No

Kamen_Rider_Blade posted...

But AMD will be coming out with a APU with 40 CU's inside, that thing is going to be SICK!

Battery Life + GPU Power!

I got a ROG Ally and it's been basically my only source of gaming. Thing is absolutely incredible.

Kamen_Rider_Blade posted...

So are you going to rock a all AMD LapTop later this year when AMD includes a big GPU in their APU?

I'm not upgrading this thing for years lol.

I wish I had a recording of the first time I went bra shopping, so I could overlay the Benny Hill theme and make it a comedy.

action52 posted...

Glad you're back, glad you're happy, and glad that you're being honest. I'm not blaming you for making up all this fake backstory for yourself about being pregnant and stuff. Then you had to keep all your made up stuff straight. Obviously that wasn't healthy, it just made this place an extra source of stress for you. Good that you seem to have realized this was bad and changed. I hope you never go back.

I don't know how honest you are able to be in your real life. Obviously it depends a lot on where you are and what kind of people you have around you. But if you can be yourself IRL that's great, but no matter what, I hope you can at least see these forums as a place where you can just be open about who you are from now on.

I'm not presenting at home or at work, but I present everywhere else. I don't really have much longer, though, since I'm already at 38C for bust size and... that's pretty hard to hide. Dysphoria Hoodies are great except it's 105 F in Oklahoma.

Bass posted...

I'm kind of similar, actually. I used to switch up just about every year, but I've hung onto my Note 10 Plus for a few years now. I might got Z-Fold in the future, or just go with Samsung's regular line.

Samsung's trade in deals are just so good, especially if you upgrade every 2 years because they give the same value for 1 or 2 year old Sammy phones.