Lurker > DarkRoast

mustachedmystic posted...

I have a medical question. The middle finger on my right hand occasionally becomes slightly numb, This has been going on for a year or so. I donated platelets on Saturday, and after, the numbness lasted the rest of the weekend. I just made an appointment with my PCP. Could this be related to my valve disease, or my heart block?

TBH I don't have enough info to give you an answer, but if it's just your middle finger I suspect it's a nerve impingement either in your carpal tunnel or the ulnar nerve exposure on your elbow. But I can't say for sure.

Oh no, I am beyond disgusted with Trump, his supporters, and the enablers in the GOP who let him get away with all this. They also made my life a living hell during COVID with their ivermectin / HCQ nonsense.

And that's even before they decided trans people should be "eradicated from society" (literally their words, at CPAC).

Disgusting, hateful assholes.

DeathVelvien posted...

Welcome back, and great to see you having found clarity and come clean.

Please tell me the Tartaglia fangirling wasn't a lie though, I don't think my heart could take it.

Oh absolutely not, he is by far and away my favorite character in Genshin Impact. And holy crap is he just as good as ever.

Plus he's hot.

Bass posted...

I was just wondering that myself, lol.

Many years ago I was kind of bad like that, but actually I used my z-fold 2 for 2 years, and then traded in for a z-fold 4, which I'm going to use for 2 years. Or probably even longer, because this one actually has a good camera.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/6/9/AAeEwGAAEvEZ.jpg
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/7/0/AAeEwGAAEvEa.jpg

To be clear - the Mustang GT is real though

Vroom

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Yes. Eventually I got so into my persona as a woman here, I realized I didn't just want to have a fake life as a woman. I wanted a real life as a woman. But boy, was that a rough road.

I will say, I dramatically underestimated how effective HRT is.

--Zero- posted...

Again you're right here lol. I have no business in this topic and am just being an ass. I'll back out.

No I thought you made perfectly sailient points. There's nothing you said that I didn't deserve to have leveled at me. My only defense is that lying all this time was the only way I knew how to be a girl in a way that felt affirming.

Crimson_Corsair posted...

Fucking TAG

This arc is incredible.

I'm not trying to make it an arc or anything. I'm just trying to be my real self, and part of it is that if I'm brave enough to come out in real life, there's no reason I can't do it here as well.

To bring this back to a little more positivity, I will say transitioning literally saved my life. I was on the verge of suicide last year, no joke. It was that bad. But now I'm happier with myself than any point in my life, and there's no way I'll ever go back.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]



Okay, don't tell people my biography lol

solosnake posted...

Didnt you already reveal this a long time ago? I barely come here compared to a lot of users and i already knew that.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if some people figured it out already

--Zero- posted...

Youre probably right. Im not wrong to suspect its foolish after all the lying to just accept everything theyre saying is true without being a little upset at them.

You're not wrong. But that's why I just posted pics instead. The estradiol especially says everything to the other transfems here.

I just want to be myself from now on. Yes, I'm a trans woman.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Yes, but I don't think she knows I'm actually a trans female. I think she still thinks I'm a trans male. Boy, those lies really got out of hand after a while. Trying to juxtapose my desire to actually transition without giving away that I wasn't female...

TheWizardOfOrz posted...

I'm sighing a bit about you investing souch emotional energy into feeling personally insulted that someone on the internet lied to you.

I don't blame him for being upset. But I will say, lying to myself was far worse than me lying to other people.

--Zero- posted...

This if anything. Im rolling me eyes at all the posters accepting everything theyre saying with open arms and congratulating them so gullible.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/4/3/AAeEwGAAEvD_.jpg

I'm done with being fake, do you know what it got me? Years and years of nothing.

GrandConjuraton posted...

Finally, a real reply.

That's something that probably every person who is trans struggles with a one point or another, and that's fine, but... the way you presented it is where the problem was. There are people who are on the fence about people like us and the previous theatrics on your part can turn people away from us or further entrench negative beliefs. In the future, you might want to consider this.

There doesn't need to be a future where I act like that anymore. I'm openly transgender. And yes, it was wrong to be like that. But I was legitimately having a mental crisis over it last year, and I guess it just came out that way.

KINDERFELD posted...

TC I know how much a weight off your shoulders you now feel!!
Its incredible how when you own your truth, life becomes a happier experience like it should be!

Congratulations!!

Thank you... It feels so, so good to finally just live my truth.

SimulationSwarm posted...

Ever think of trying to move elsewhere? Or is that too much on the family?

I have a house and kids here, and I need to support them.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/4/1/AAeEwGAAEvD9.jpg

Also, my fellow transfems will understand this.

...it really sucks being transgender in Oklahoma, especially with MAGA parents. But I refuse to live a lie any longer. It got me nowhere for decades. And yes, I've lost a lot socially, but at least I'm living authentically.

IfGodCouldDie posted...

Then they should take solace in the fact that they helped or offered to help someone. Trying to help someone is never a waste of time.

They legitimately did help me, even if they didn't know why.

It was here on CE that I basically fell apart at the seams and realized my egg was cracked and it was time to accept who I am.

GrandConjuraton posted...

I like that she is avoiding pretty much all the negative comments. It says quite a bit.

I've spent enough time in the cycle of "what if I'm not trans / a cis person wouldn't think like this / I'd push a button that turns me into a girl every time / I must be trans" that I honestly don't have the energy to counter people anymore.

ArkhamOrigins posted...

What about all the racist posts under coffeebeanz?

I was a right-wing mind-controlled idiot for over a decade. I've been honest about that ever since my political views changed. I was flat-out wrong.

IfGodCouldDie posted...

So did you're wife marry you when you "were a man" and is she staying with you now that you've transitioned, or what's the deal with that? (Genuinely curious and totally understand if it's not something you want to speak on.)

She said she supports my transition, but that she's not a lesbian and doesn't find me attractive as a woman. And to be honest, I have to respect that. I can't force her to change her sexual orientation just to comfort me.

Memorial_Bench posted...

I see. But you just currently claimed you had a Chinese wife and kids. Is that really true?

Yes, that's true.

Although we're separating. I'd rather not go into further details on it, though.

--Zero- posted...

So you were born a white male who wants to transition to a female and considers herself one. Thats fine. You role played for years as an Asian female wanting to transition to a male who got pregnant and was a doctor. Thats not fine lol.

No it's not... I'm sorry. But I think the other people here who have gender dysphoria can at least empathize with why I did it. Because it was literally the only way I knew how to be "me."

Guys, I can't apologize enough for being false. I just couldn't live that lie any longer - once I started transitioning, I finally learned how to accept myself in the right ways.

eggcorn posted...

I think she lied about a lot of other stuff.

Everything about my life here was a lie, except I am a doctor. I just lived a fake life of being the girl I wanted to be - lesbian, smart, etc. It's what I wanted to live but never could.

Memorial_Bench posted...

So the Nigerian wife/Chinese husband stuff as well as your ancestry were the roleplays?

All of it, although I am indeed a lesbian.

Look, when you spend your whole life feeling like you're trapped in a body you don't want to be in, even making up a life online seems like an upgrade. It was my only outlet.

Nosferatu_Zodd posted...

What about being half Chinese?

My wife is Chinese. My children are half-chinese. It's the best I could do to adapt that to my own story. And yes, I'm having a lot of family struggles right now. I've lost too many nights of sleep over this to go into more detail.

SimulationSwarm posted...

Aight, got what I wanted to know. Good to have you back, Amber

Amber is such a nice name. I'm so glad I finally get to hear people say it to me in real life.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/3/6/AAeEwGAAEvD4.jpg
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/3/7/AAeEwGAAEvD5.jpg
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/3/8/AAeEwGAAEvD6.jpg

Here's what I looked like before transition vs now

SimulationSwarm posted...

Are you really a doctor

Yes, Internal Medicine hospitalist. That was never a lie.

Anyway, I owe a lot of Sayoria and Gunplagirl. I hope some day they can forgive me for not being honest about who I am.

pegusus123456 posted...

You didn't lie, you're a woman

It's all I've wanted, my whole life. And it got to the point late last year where I wasn't even satisfied roleplaying being pregnant and things like that. And I had a total mental breakdown (that was real, many of you remember). But then I accepted that this is just who I am. And it's OK.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/3/0/AAeEwGAAEvDy.jpg

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/3/1/AAeEwGAAEvDz.jpg
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/3/2/AAeEwGAAEvD0.jpg
I always posed as a woman online because I was never brave enough to actually transition. For years I enjoyed feeling like a girl online, because in real life I couldn't. It got out of hand when I decided It wasn't enough and I wanted to roleplay, but in the midst of all of that I realized I wasn't really role-playing. So I started HRT at the beginning of the year.

I'm sorry for lying to all of you. But the truth is, I was really scared. When I started transitioning, my parents, particularly my father, pretty much disowned me. In any case, I thought you guys deserved the truth.

I will say, after half a year of hormones, I feel so much better. Like an entirely new person. And for once I actually like myself.

Hi guys, I'm OK

Scarecrow17 posted...

DarkRoast, these pics you keep posting link to a Twitter account. If this is really you, do you not care that people on here can easily find your social media account?

Fine I deleted them. Thanks.

MrResetti posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/0/5/5/AAZAz4AAEuA_.jpg

What is even happening here

I gave up on starting HRT. I am passable-ish enough as a male even without it.

I dunno, what do you guys think?

SSJGrimReaper posted...

i thought you were asian

Half Chinese.

But I don't look it at all.

My brother does, though. Genetics are weird. That or my parents are lying to me.

Sigh

Well now I'm interested

As a transmasc I am fucking sick of this GOP misinformation bullshit.

Cobra1010 posted...

I'm starting to suspect your "m2f friend" is actually you.

Nope. I don't wanna look female so

Yep, I've learned real fast that this baby ain't gonna sleep all night.

NeonTentacles posted...

Congrats! Thanks for the boobs >_>

I made a promise last year to show 'em once I delivered. Thus, I have delivered the goods lol.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/3/3/AAeEwGAAEgaV.jpg

About to bind them next month while I start HRT for F2M but in the meantime I figure I'd finally post em.

And yes, the delivery went well. Not much to mention - had epidural, came out fine, etc. I'm not breastfeeding, but she's taking formula fine.

Haven't slept a wink in several days hahaha...ha....

I will say, she's impressively passable for only being 3 months in. But I chalk that up to her core facial structure, which is very androgynous.

Majora's Mask is my favorite Zelda game sooooo

Oh no, breasts.