Lurker > Zanzenburger

Tmaster148 posted...

At least you found it. Having to report a lost/stolen id and getting a replacement does not sound like a fun task.

Not at all. We had to firmly explain to the girls that if we didn't find the ID, that mom would lose her job and we would all have to leave this house. I hated to scare them that way but they needed to understand how big consequences can get for careless actions.
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My youngest managed to find and steal (and then promptly lose) my wife's employee ID badge (with her security clearance) so we spent 3 hours trying to find it. We finally found it outside. She took it outside when her babysitter took them for a walk and dropped it.

Many yells and punishes were had.
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lol
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My girls and I are binging the first season of Pokemon this weekend. We are currently starting Bye Bye Butterfree. I'm ready to see if there are any waterworks (besides mine).
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Excuse me while I cry for the next few hours.
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teepan95 posted...

The downside of our system is, that a Master's is becoming the new Bachelor's.

This is happening in the State's as well. There are many jobs now that require a Master's as the required qualifications. And even if it's not listed, there are enough Master's graduates looking for job that they end up taking the jobs normally meant for people with Bachelor's.
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Knowledge_King posted...

Besides no sex, that's not that bad.

No sex makes your life kinda pointless as you can't have children.

But besides that, everyone should pretty much live this way.

He already clarified that by "no sex" he meant no extra-marital sex so sex with wife is okay.

If that's the case, then I already do all of that. And I consider my life to be pretty exciting. Not sure why any of those are necessary.
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Thanks guys.

To be frank, it's weird how much praise I get for doing this (both online and IRL around other people). I can see how crazy and amazing this sounds from an outsider's perspective, but for me and my wife, the girls have been a pretty awesome addition to our family. For each stressful day I have with them at school, we have two awesome days playing Mario Kart, singing together while I play my guitar, buying them new toys, baking cookies together, etc.

They've made my life feel so much fuller and have given my various other life involvements more purpose. I'm one of those people that was destined to be a family man. I can understand people that don't want kids ever and will never judge them, but for me, the bigger the family, the better. I don't plan to stop after these three, btw. I'm hoping for a biological boy next.
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scar the 1 posted...

My understanding is that post grad studies in the US is Masters degree+PhD? Whereas that distinction doesn't really make sense in Sweden at least, where Bachelor's and Master's level are both "proper" students, but PhD students are employees of a department.

In my field (social sciences and education), a Master's degree and PhD have two entirely different purposes. They can build on each other, but you do not necessarily need both.

While both are considered graduate studies, a Master's is a more practical degree. It is helpful for promotions, raises, and eligibility for upper management positions in many industries. It shows mastery of a particular subject as far as gathering and acquiring information.

A PhD, however, is not necessarily knowledge-acquisition, but knowledge-creation. It is more tasked to researching and specialized uses of the topics in your field. That's why PhD may not always help you in the job search, and may even hurt you in some industries. In most cases, it is not a practical degree used for building practical job experiences. People who want a PhD for job reasons (outside of academia) typically go for an EdD instead, which lightens some of the research requirements but keeps a lot of the rigor.
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COVxy posted...

teepan95 posted...

Somewhat off-topic

But in Germany, I'm expected to have done my Master's before applying for a PhD

Is that not the case in the US?

Nope, most PhD programs encapsulate an optional master's (option being whether or not you want to fill out the paperwork).

I wouldn't say "most".

Generally, any PhDs in the education field, and many in the social sciences fields require you to complete a master's before you can even apply for a PhD program (and you can't get it along the way either).

It was even worse for me because my Master's and PhD is in the same field and so they use similar courses, but yet I couldn't double dip my Master's courses for credit for the PhD courses, so I had to find equivalent-but-different courses to get those PhD credit.
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Phd programs, by nature, are made to develop researchers. Researchers can be many things, including job creators, job expanders, knowledge creators, knowledge vessels, etc. At its core, a PhD isn't just another degree that you go into for a job (though I've seen many universities sell it that way). Yes, some jobs require it, but that isn't necessarily the end goal of a PhD degree.

The whole concept of research is what moves us forward as a society. Research and experimentation is what provides the breakthroughs to make life easier and more livable. To reduce the number of researchers you may be denying the next breakthrough, the next cure for a disease, the next technological leap, etc.

It's easy to say that a poor person won't care that a phd student will be taxed more, but they don't see the greater picture. Those amenities that your average person has, like a cell phone, a car, or hell, the lack of polio, can be attributed to research. And PhD creates researchers.
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BlazinBlue88 posted...

Love seeing your adoption update topics pop up Zanzenburger. Glad to hear everything is going so well.

Where are you getting your parenting ideas from? The walking in lines, strict morning bedroom routines, etc.
Has becoming a parent affected you or your wife's jobs negatively?

Honestly, a lot of it came from my own childhood. I lived a relatively strict childhood and went to a private Catholic school with angry nuns. They had every child under full control from the moment they arrived to the moment they left. I just took and adapted some of their policies. The rest was really just trial and error on my part. I look at their behavior patterns and try to determine the trigger for their behavior. Remove the trigger, remove the behavior. Their trigger seems to be lack of structure or direction. If left with no instruction, they go crazy. But if they are given one specific task to do, they are pretty good at focusing on the task and listen.

It did at first, if only because we'd get calls from the school and daycare sending the girls home for bad behavior. We had to take off work a lot for that and the various medical visits (kids are like always sick yo). But our bosses understood what we were going through. It's settled down since then though and I think we have a good flow going.
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Lol
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Cool parenting hacks that has made my life easier:

- Put the girls to bed at 8pm. That gives the wife and I a good 2 hours to catch up on shows that we can't watch around the girls. We just finished Stranger Things season 2 last night.
- Wake up at 5:30am. This lets me walk the dogs before the girls get up and get annoying. Then wake up the girls at 6am before the sun comes out. If they get up before the sun, they are much more compliant.
- On weekends, I have set a "wake-up" procedure to allow me to sleep in some. If the girls get up, they must stay on their beds until I come in the room and allow them to get out. They can talk to each other and do whatever as long as they are on their bed. Once I arrive (usually within 20 minutes of them waking up), I "release" them onto the perimeter of the bedroom (and adjoining bathroom). I bring a light breakfast snack and some water for them to have and tell them to stay in the room. They can play with all their toys and do what they want as long as they stay in the room. Then I go back to bed and I get another hour of sleep that way as they are pretty behaved with the snack and toys. Then I get up and give them a proper breakfast.
- I am the morning parent, wife is the evening parent. I walk the dogs, feed the cats, dress the girls, take out the trash, and take them to school/daycare. The wife picks them up, helps them with homework, draws their baths, makes them dinner, and together we put them to bed.
- We do lines. Just like in school, the girls line up to go anywhere outside the house: the car, Walmart, the park, etc. We practice walking in line to keep them still and focused. It has done a lot towards their discipline. We also get compliments from other parents for how behaved they are when in line.
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TommyG663513 posted...

How was it discovered that the biological parents were abusing these children so severely? Did one of their family members call the police on them or perhaps a neighbor?

How much time could the biological parents end up spending in jail?

I think the 5yo said something in school/daycare. Schools are required by law to report anything that suspects child abuse which opens up a formal investigation. My guess is the investigation landed enough proof that abuse did happen. They were also drug users of all kinds and lived in a craphole of a house with no water or electricity.

My understanding is that there were several police involved as well as human services case workers raiding the house to forcibly take the girls out. The girls acted like savage creatures as the case worker told me and it took 3 case workers to be able to get the 3 little girls out of the house as they were too uncontrollable, while the police detained the parents from doing anything. It sounds like a really crazy night at that house.

I have no idea how long they could be in prison. The criminal trial is ongoing and they haven't told me anything. The next court date isn't until February so I likely won't know anything more until then.
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Unfortunately, the systems that are in place make it impossible to have a legitimate third party without years of planning and coordination with every state.

The libertarian party is trying, but they have a long way to go before they are considered legitimate (and some of the public faces in the party don't help it any).

To create a third party worth battling the main two, they would have to create a structure as powerful as the DNC or GOP. That means canvassing like crazy in every state to get a list of names and voters with voting histories, create huge local campaigns to get people from this new party into city, county, and state positions and develop some legislative power, and getting notable (i.e. rich and/or famous) people to support your party for the media attention. And all of this has to be done BEFORE attempting a serious bid at a national position or the presidency (unless doing it simply for publicity).

The problem is that this would take years to implement, with the original batch of party members understanding they will lose many races before they start to win. No one is willing to think, plan, and work that far ahead. No aspiring politician wants to lay the ground work so that people from this new party can win 10-15 years from now (if not more).

The best chance for a new party is to have a split in one of the two main parties into an official third party, such as many Berniecrats have suggested.
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tremain07 posted...

Oh, man, never adopt kids older than 5, after that they become monsters or fuck ups. There's a reason those kids don't have homes, TC. get rid of them and adopt a baby instead.

None of the kids I'm fostering are older than 5. And you can only get a baby through private adoption which costs about $10,000. We don't have that kind of cash.

REMercsChamp posted...

Why bother taking this upon yourself? What do you get out of it?

It's just another act of service. Some people give to charities, some people travel abroad to build schools and hospitals, and I want to help some disadvantaged kids who have no other hope for a good life. I've been toying around with the idea for a while and my wife was crazy enough to support it, lol.

Besides, the amount of love the girls give back is incomparable. They call me "papa" and you can tell they just want someone to love them and keep them safe. It's hard to explain in words to someone without kids just what kind of connection you form with your own kids that depend on you for survival. Even if they are not your biological children.

I can't wait for the day when they become outstanding adults with good jobs and making a difference in the world and knowing that I had a direct impact on their life trajectory.
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Balrog0 posted...

Zanzenburger posted...

The state provides us a monthly check that is more than generous for the kids, plus they pay for all daycare, medical care, therapy, and necessary transportation, so financially it actually hasn't been an issue.

maybe instead of requiring parent licenses, they should just do this for all parents and not just adoptive or foster parents

Maybe both?

Take the parenting courses and home studies to get a parent license, and parents with parent licenses are eligible for financial assistance for their kids. Then it becomes an incentive for parents to try and get the license, rather than force it on everyone.
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TommyG663513 posted...

What exactly were the circumstances that led to these children being taken from their biological parents? What criminal charges are they facing? Do you take these children to see a therapist and/or work with a therapist in dealing with their behavior?

All the luck in the world to you man. This sounds like a pretty dramatic entry into fatherhood. I can't even say I'd be prepared to handle a single fully healthy child.

The 5-year-old was sexually abused and neglected. There is suspicion the 4-year-old was also abused, but no one knows for sure (the 5yo is much more open to talking about her experiences). The 2yo just suffered neglect as far as I know.

The father is facing charges of abuse and neglect and the mom's being charged for neglect and as an accomplice to the father as she knew about the abuse and enabled it.

They are seeing two different therapists: one for the abuse/trauma and one for general behavioral issues.

You know, it's funny that you mention the being prepared for a kid thing. I've always wondered what the fuss was about when parents complain about their terrible toddler and these parents telling you "just wait until you're a parent" and warning you how hard it is to have a kid. I'm dealing with these three and it's overall not too bad. I mean, we had to make some adjustments to our lives, but I feel we have a consistent routine in the house that makes their issues tolerable.

Compared to that, my wife and I wonder how easy it would be to have just 1 baby without the baggage. It may seem mean or elitist, but I wonder how can parents complain about just one child when that would be a walk in the park for us? I still can't understand how parents can struggle so much keeping one kid in line.
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Update:

My two oldest had a good day at school today. They have been so bad the last two weeks that we just had to go into lockdown mode and keep them locked in their room, having to eat dinner there and do their homework there. The youngest, the 2yo, who was well-behaved these last two weeks, got to go out to eat and got ice cream and cookies. I even let her eat the cookies in front of them to torture them. After consistent punishment for bad days in school, it seems they finally got the message and treaded very carefully. I met with the teachers during lunch time and they've told me they were doing much better today.

Also, I think the 2 year old will do the best growing up. She was taken out of her house when she was 1 year old and so our house is really all she knows. My wife is her one and only mom and I am her only dad according to her. She has the best chance of having a "normal" childhood. I just need to reprogram the other two to get rid of all the craziness from their previous lives.
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Thrillwell posted...

Grats on placement Z. You and your wife are heroes.

One question though. Relative placement possible? Did you case manager say this could be a factor?
I'm guessing since there are 3, not just anyone would come forward for that. So you might be good to go.

In Washington relatives can just come in and swoop kids away from their foster parents before the adoption process is finalized. Like I said though, 3 is a huge number. So any aunt or uncle will probably be like... NOPE.

Otherwise I think you are golden. The other thing worth mentioning is make a case to change their SSNs so those criminals don't try to claim any tax credits.

Thanks for keeping us posted.
Love to hear more when you have time.

My boy is 19 months now and a total genius and dare devil heh.

Yes, relatives have first dibs on them. However, from what the case worker has told me, these kids and their parents are the black sheep of their respective families, so hardly anyone wants them.

There were only two real options. The first is the mom's sister and her husband. They fostered them before us. However, after the behavioral issues (and the fact they had their own 2 kids to worry about), they gave them up as they didn't want the responsibility.

The other is their grandmother. She is legitimately a good person from what I've been told and has treated the girls right. She even has tried to get them. But her husband is abusive and as a result their household failed the home study and so they don't qualify for kids. And she can't divorce him as she is unemployed and he is the only provider.

So when adoption comes, the priority list goes like this:
- Birth Parents (if rights aren't terminated)
- Birth relatives
- Foster Parents
- Approved adoptive parents

Birth parents are pretty much done for custody-wise, just waiting on the formal hearing. Birth relatives are out, so unless we make the choice to not take them ourselves, we should be a shoe in for them when they become available.
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The benefit of putting the girls to sleep early tonight was sneaking 3 eps Stranger Things.
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Thanks everyone.

Despite the struggle with these kids, we have had our good days. Two weeks ago we went to watch our local college basketball game. We thought it would be cute to dress all three of them as cheerleaders. We got them uniforms and ribbons and pom poms. At the game we even introduced them to the college cheerleaders.

At halftime, the cheer captain asked us permission to let the girls perform with them. They taught them a simple move and they got to perform with a group of cheerleaders in front of a huge audience. The girls were living the dream as they love attention and they were getting it in spades.

Best of all, they followed directions and performed the moves as instructed.
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Veggeta X posted...

This shirt is for you @Zanzenburger

:D
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Dustin1280 posted...

ITT:
TC talks about irresponsible parents then proceeds to adopt 3 feral children in one fell swoop with no experience.

Keep in mind that this process involved extensive background checks, a 3-month home study, a psychological/mental health evaluation, and 27 hours of extensive parenting classes. We got the kids 8 months after our initial application. We were more than prepared to deal with the children. It was just surprising to see the reality of kids in the system.

Also, someone's gotta raise these kids. They've already gone through 2 foster homes. If not for us, they'd probably be moved from home to home until they aged out of the system and who knows how bad they would be by then. This hopefully helps remove some future criminals and druggies off the street.

Anteaterking posted...

Where do you put your chances of parental custody being restored?

Unofficially, the case workers say that there is no chance the parents win custody. Both parents are currently facing criminal charges and will likely be in prison a long time. If they lose the criminal trial, they will for sure lose the custody trial. Now it's just a waiting game.

CruelBuffalo posted...

What are some of the biggest hardships specifically you dealt with?

Hows th 6 year old in school with others?

Our home life got settled pretty quickly. Within about a month the girls learned to behave at home with a strict and consistent set of rules and schedules. My biggest issue is school/day care, places where we are not around. They listen to us, but they don't listen to anyone else and do what they want. They've hit, kicked, pushed, bit, and scratched other kids and teachers. I can punish them after the fact when they get home but it's not the same cause they half the time don't even know why they're being punished.

Our oldest is 5, and she is a bully. She has strong survival instincts due to her previous abuse and neglect, but she takes it out on other kids. We are working on helping her process through anger and grief in more healthy ways than through hitting other kids.

Cornmuffins posted...

Are you gonna let them run the laser tag business

lol, about that. If there's one thing they are good at is sports. They play laser tag every weekend and can even beat adults at it. My oldest two are also playing soccer and their aggression is pretty good out on the field. It allows them to let off steam. But yes, I plan to have them work the laser tag business when they're older.

Aeriis posted...

Wtf @ people insulting TC for doing something so kind and more positively impactful than anything most CE users have ever done

Also tag for some stories. I dont want to have kids but fostering is something Ive considered for the future.

I'll share some more stories later when I get home.
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Dustin1280 posted...

dude from 0 to 3 kids in one swift movement (bonus they are feral and crazy)?
How old are you and your wife?
How long have you been together?
Do you guys make enough money to afford that many children?

We are 30 and 29, respectively.
We've been married 6 years, together 9 years.
The state provides us a monthly check that is more than generous for the kids, plus they pay for all daycare, medical care, therapy, and necessary transportation, so financially it actually hasn't been an issue.

Cookie Bag posted...

I don't care about having kids, but this is too much, even if you were desperate about having kids...

When you first posted about your trials and tribulations on adopting kids, i wished the best for you and your wife but now... welp...

I don't regret it. We are making great progress and I love the kids. I'm not mad at the kids or the situation my wife and I are in at all. I'm more frustrated at the parents that can let this happen to their kids.

JoeyBowey posted...

A little off topic, why have you had so much difficulty?

I'm interested in possibly pursuing the adoption route in the future.

Because this is an adoption through the system, not private adoption, and we wanted toddlers. Most kids available for adoption through the system are 10 and older. There is fierce competition for the little kids as that's what every parent wants and we are all "competing" for them in a sense. I got these pretty easily precisely because there are 3 of them, they are foster-adopt, and their behavior issues.
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So a little bit of background. My wife and I wanted kids and went the adoption route. After months of no success, we were offered a foster-adopt option (similar to adoption, but parental rights not yet terminated, so higher risk of not getting the kids). We acquired three little girls, ages 5, 4, and 2. We knew taking in children that were forcibly removed from their homes would be a challenge, but that is an understatement.

Their teachers, counselors, and case workers have used a common terminology to describe them: feral. These kids have had no boundaries or discipline for all the years in their old home. They've been in 2 other foster homes before us and are off the walls. They growl when they get upset and just transform into something else entirely when they get taken outside. I'd say we've made some great progress in 4+ months to the point we can trust them outdoors now, but we have a long way to go.

Nevermind the actual abuse they had from their biological parents (that's a whole different can of worms), but just the utter neglect that must have happened to these kids for them to act the way they do just makes me so angry at how some parents can have kids and treat them this way. We've had them kicked out of daycares and have had babysitters quit on us because they can't handle them.

The crazy thing is they're not even ours yet (parental rights have not been terminated because our judicial system is slow as crap) but we've fallen in love with them and are determined to raise them and discipline them appropriately. This experience really puts me in the camp of requiring parent licenses to have kids. There is too much irresponsibility out there and it's up to the state and foster/adoptive parents to deal with the repercussions.

TL:DR- We gots kids, they be bad, we love them anyways.
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fenderbender321 posted...

I also thought this would be a topic about Power Rangers

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I'm Professor Utonium and my three girls are gonna be powerpuff girls. My wife is Ms. Bellum and she got a new push-up bra to try to match Ms. Bellum's cleavage which is gonna make this a very great Halloween.
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I find this extremely relevant: (potential spoilers for the amazing show The Good Place)


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gatorsPENSbucs posted...

Because the mods are great people who take time out of their busy days to work the hardest job in the country. Much salutes to them.

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Bowl
Extra Rice
Black Beans
Half chicken/half barbacoa
No sauce
Lettuce
Extra cheese
Sour Cream

The best part is depending on how they lay out the chicken and barbacoa, the cashier may sometimes only charge for a chicken bowl instead of a barbacoa bowl.
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If I'm not as busy later today as I am now, I will take the time to explain in detail why this article is in no way representative of the modern university outside of a few outlying humanities and social science departments.
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The organ episode made me uncomfortable, if only because the premise that he was stealing other people's organs and replacing them with other parts was just dark. Especially at the end when not only is Dib's body violated by having his organs removed and replaced with that of a pig's, but he is branded a pig boy in the media and ridiculed. Body modification plotlines never sat well with me.

Nothing I'd say was outright scary though.
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I have an LG X Power and it has been the best phone in regards to battery life. It easily lasts 2 days with normal use and can even reach 4 using power saver mode.

I've had it over one year and I have seen no visible decline in battery power. Its only real drawback is its sometimes-slow processing times and it can get jittery when you have too many applications open at once.

But battery life is my number one priority in phones and this one has exceeded my expectations.
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Feel The Magic XY/XX is still amazing.
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DirkDiggles posted...

What's even worse is gummi bears and worms as ice cream toppings. Those things become hard bits of rubber once they get cold.

At the local self-serve ice cream/frozen yogurt shop, the sour gummy worms are rock hard. Makes it annoying to eat them.

Honestly, of all the toppings available, my favorites are the assorted chocolates (i.e. crushed butterfinger) and the flavored bobas that they use for bubble tea. Now that is a great ice cream topping I'm surprised they don't use more often.
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Turbam posted...

Imagine not liking jimmies.

<_<'
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When did that become the signature ice cream topping?

At best, I know most people tolerate sprinkles or mildly enjoy them, but nuts are usually more popular or syrups.
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EyeWontBeFooled posted...

Siaperaz posted...

Another proof that the moderation squad hates successful people and drives them out of this site.

@Darkman124
@Zanzenburger

Why was I mentioned lol
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Yay Honduras! Sucks they don't automatically qualify and have to fight Australia for a spot, but I hope they make it in!
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*Pops open can*

Tell me your woes and/or your thoughts.
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Go_Totodile posted...

ne14a6t9r?

Sure! :p
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I helped write some of the papers... <_<

</meteorologist>
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Back when cable was one service for various networks, you paid anywhere from $30-$90 for the channels you wanted.

Now, as every "channel" has their own streaming service, you're paying different companies to watch the same programming you used to pay one monthly bill for.
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On its own, $1 isn't a big deal and won't break anyone's bank.

However, when you add in the fact that they just raised their prices less than 2 years ago, and that almost every other subscription service is raising their prices pretty consistently (i.e. Pandora, Hulu, Amazon Prime, etc.), and the addition of new subscription/streaming services, this sets a pretty concerning trend.

Once you take into account your movie streaming, music streaming, games streaming, and every other subscription-based service out there, you could be shelling out $100+ a month just on subscriptions.
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As a college administrator, I often talk to people who talk down colleges in various ways. I, myself, have various criticisms of American colleges and universities, but the reasons given to be by people who have never been to college (or dropped/flunked out) are pretty ridiculous.

It usually comes down to the fact that people are equating every college and university as having the exact same mission and when a particular college doesn't meet their needs, they assume no college will.

The truth of the matter is that there are different categories of colleges, from comprehensive research universities, to regional colleges, to liberal art colleges, to community colleges, to extension campuses, to online colleges, to private colleges, to HBCUs, as well as HSI's. They all have different missions, purposes, and are aimed at attracting different types of people. You can't just lump them all into one category and say "college is useless" or "college sucks" and expect people to take your opinion seriously.
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I have had a much new appreciation for this movie since getting my new foster kids a few months ago.

Those complaining about the child in the movie must have never had a child with emotional or special needs. The girls I got through the foster system would act just like this kid, and they're not even on the spectrum. Tragedy and an unstable home causes kids to act out in ways that are not normal and seem to be beyond reason.

I've had one of my kids just go into random screaming episodes about anything whatsoever in public. They'll say silly things, or creepy things, or mundane things. They get into these moods that are hard to break out of.

I can sympathize with how the mother felt in the movie because I often felt at my wits end when these kids became uncontrollable. I think the kid acted the part really well for what they were trying to portray with his character.

I'm not entirely sure what type of acting you were all expecting out of him.
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REMercsChamp posted...

Zanzenburger posted...

but it includes a free apartment

What

It comes with a free apartment as part of the benefits package.
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I'm the same way. I ended up taking a job with lesser pay within my same company, but it includes a free apartment, a meal allowance, and a more flexible schedule. It makes life much more tolerable day by day.
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