Lurker > RJP_X

checked into my microsoft account, was surprised to see throughout the month there has been 6 attempted sign in's. from various countries using my email. which is my main email, but i haven't noticed anything unusual on my email, no spam in months, and haveibeenpwned always shows its cleared.

so i want to ask for suggestions and help. i changed my microsoft password, but then it said on my authenticator that i needed to use an app password or something but couldn't figure out how to do it. however it returned to normal, the authenticator so is it all set or do i need to do something more? so confused.

also, is there a way to create a new alias and delete my current email from it, without creating a new email? i use a different email as primary which is for microsoft and the authenticator, not sure how my main email was found out, i'm very cautious online. not sure if i need to be highly concerned or not, thank you!

LinkPizza posted...

Your pets probably know. They can usually sense what youre feeling And I remember you from the other board/topic. You could probably find someone whos into that sort of relationship. Or even ask a partner you find if they would be interesting in trying it out with you. Even if not 24/7 But without being you, I cant tell you exactly how to be happy. I can only offer suggestions based on things I know about you from what you tell us

ah man... that upsets me more, i hope my pets don't think i hate them. i don't i'm just suffering a lot. the cat that likes me...(the other one is close to my mom.) but yeah back to the cat, he seems happy to greet me, lay with me, get pet, on his terms of course lol. while me, i'm in pain from the depression and barely ever any joy anymore. it sucks to feel like that around such a lovely friend.

LinkPizza posted...

Games (Video games, board games, TTRPGs, etc)
My Pets
Being around Friends and Family
Reading a good book
A good happy cry
Good Sex (unless that counts as exercise)
Listening to a good song (or one I just like)
And honestly, just being with my BF (or SO, in general) feeels really good

its crazy, always loved cats but i feel awful most days and feel still depressed and painful even when cuddling with one, hugging them, petting them, it sucks it feels like i don't love them even though i know i do. i worry about this with human's too, not sure if i really love humans like at all. i feel like i may be incapable of love, and it really hurts. i don't know if that can be helped at this point. :'c

at times i want a BF myself, but not sure if i am relationship worthy. the idea of more master/slave relationship far outweigh's interest in vanilla. i'm worried that's hardwired, since the fantasy has been years running. maybe it'd change if i met people, i am unfamiliar with people tbh.

Persona posted...

depression and anxiety are gonna hold happiness and euphoria back

you gotta deal with those first or it'll keep getting worse

I take medication and it works wonders for me

yeah that's one of my issues is i'm pretty treatment resistant to both medication and therapy alike, my mom always says she thinks i've been on almost every one of them. i hate counseling especially, feels like a massive waste of time.

i think at this point i really need ketamine, but don't know how to get it, i talked with my medication doctor about it, he said he's prescribed it before, but in my case he said i would actually need to leave the house, a tough problem of mine. he didn't say where i needed to go. if i could get that i would like to give it a try.

josh posted...

I think you should try it. Put some dedicated time aside, browse through some music, read some reviews/articles on your computer/phone then take it to another room and just listen through it. Might help your creative side too if being an artist is still something you want to pursue.

I'm not saying you do this, but I think a lot of us put on Youtube, anime, video games and music just to distract us from thinking too much rather than something to actually enjoy. I know sometimes I definitely do this.

maybe that's my problem, everything is an attempt to distract myself from my racy anxiety thoughts, and of course the depression as well, but having a tough time finding relief even though these things use to.

not sure if i could become a music artist anymore, use to have much higher interest in doing so though. my drive for anything has really been shot down more and more with each passing year however. :'c

josh posted...

To answer your original question something I do to be happy is to sit or lie down in a dark room and listen to a favourite or interesting album with headphones on or earphones in. When's the last time you actively listened to some music?

you know... in my teens and early 20's music was my life, i actually wanted to be an artist. been sheltered for years now and have this mentality with music that i must be doing something while listening, whether it be grinding in a game, or doing chores. never anymore do i just... you know, just forget about everything else and simply listen to the music. not sure where that mentality came from.

this year i picked up on the music again 'a bit' after months of really not even bothering unfortunately. but its still nowhere near the amount i use to. there are so many album's i've probably missed out over the years, and many i'm probably unaware of as well. sometimes i'll find surprise that an artist dropped albums i didn't even know of. back in my teens/early 20's i'd keep a lot more track lol.

josh posted...

Listening to music or playing music?

listening, i don't have the tools to play it, i sing and rap to myself quite a bit though as long as no one's around, whether songs that are on my mind, or original lyrics.

josh posted...

What hobbies you got?

video games, anime, and music. although they aren't always guaranteed joyful, especially each year that goes by it only worsens.

BoomerKuwanger posted...

Why are you against exercising

Edit: I realized this might have come off as ableist. Do you have some kind of notable physical disability? If you don't, then you can exercise

tarsal coalition in both feet.

also been doing some stuff with weights as of late and my mood don't improve at all. sometimes worse and feel like its a waste of time. :c

only time i get it is through hypomania, but haven't had it in forever. otherwise nothing works. any more simper suggestions?

EvilResident posted...

how old is this Chromebook? Did you ever spill any juice on it in the past or something?

well, it was $129 in price new, nothing has been spilled on it and lets see... maybe two years of usage? :c

-bows down- i beg for some input! :'c

slacker03150 posted...

Go for a run, take a shower, do some stretches. Roll the window down in the car to get blast of wind in the face.

stretches suggestions? i'm not familiar with stretching really. just had my grandpa show me various weight exercises that i only did 1 set of with 15 pound dumbbells per arm.
Sahuagin posted...

* skip coffee (the day you want to be able to catch up on sleep at the end of)
* go to bed at exactly the right time, which is early but not too early. hard to get right. (you should get 8-9 hours from when you actually fall asleep. don't start getting ready at the 8 hour mark. but also don't try to get 12 hours or you'll wake up too soon.)
* don't eat too much right before bed.

yeah that's been some of the issue lately tbh, been staying up until 11 or 12 just zoning out reading gamefaqs/reddit or posting. then i wake up a lot, and my body wants to wake up at 6-7 and i cant fight it despite tiredness. i typically go to bed 8-9.

bump.

please... :'c

at first i only thought it was the L key because i often have to hit that key multiple times to get it to register, but turns out it was the whole key board. after hitting the power button it started working again, even slightly better oddly. still, i turned it off and vacuumed it just in case, but worried this will happen again at a random time. L key seems a bit more functional, but still requires multiple taps at times thus far.

not sure why it did that and looking for help, thank you.

what are your ways of bouncing back, if anything? i find nothing personally works. i cant nap either, once i'm up, i'm up until bed time.

just concerned i'm going to end of like the other day, and last nights sleep was even worst than that night.

i have insomnia as it is, but been kinda staying up later lately, and waking up completely early hours, once i feel my body awaken even the slightest i cant sleep anymore, so i just get up fighting the day.

darkknight109 posted...

Yeah, this isn't new.

What browser are you guys using that this is just showing up now? I only ever watch it in Chrome on a PC and it's worked this way for as long as I can recall.

They have made other changes recently that irk me, though. Like now if you resume watching a video after your computer has resumed from sleep, when it reaches part of the video it doesn't have cached it will automatically rewind 15 seconds, which is really annoying.

i might have mentioned in an older post, chrome on a chromebook. i use ublock as well. just not sure why of the sudden change, didn't know this layout was actually normal for others for sometime lol.

ConfusedTorchic posted...

you mean the play/pause seekbar fades out after a bit until you mouse over it?

if so, it's done that for years

if you leave your cursor on the video they wont go away, however

https://i.imgur.com/2rKrIs8.gif

like, this?

@ConfusedTorchic

yes, but its only started now in my browser in chromebook, never before, like the other poster mentioned started as of today.

GranTurismo posted...

i kinda noticed that. this is true for all yt videos now?

i'm not sure, i checked a couple of videos and that's what it did in them. it didn't do that yesterday. :/

on a computer browser that is.

the options like pause and stuff disappear until you hover over the video or something like that. not really... a big deal but, it'll take some getting use to i guess.

Sahuagin posted...

if it's setup as IMAP then this kind of thing can happen since you're seeing a copy of the state that's on the server (if it updates locally, fails to update remotely, and then later refreshes local with the current remote state, it would do exactly what you described).

if it's POP3 then the "read" state flag would be written to your local hard drive instead and this probably wouldn't happen (maybe if your HD was majorly failing).

@Sahuagin
not sure what its set up as, sounds like the first option.

what could've happened is i went on gmail, saw the bolded email which was bundled with another doctor's email from the same place. maybe it wasn't ready to load in? clicked all mail and appeared in fine then. i didn't look in time but maybe when it was bundled when it disappeared maybe it went back to 1 instead of 2 being bundled because if i remember i also think it moved back down as an older email, until i clicked all mail.

Sahuagin posted...

just going to ignore me, ok

i'm sorry, just woke up in the middle of the night because i cant sleep when i made my response.

i read your post, but don't think chromebook's have a hard drive? also not familiar with some of the stuff you said, as well as not actually being awake, awake. please don't take offense i meant nothing by it.

EvilResident posted...

Could be phantom mouse click from the Chromebook they had water spilled on it

not sure if water got in my chromebook, everything felt dry as mentioned in the last topic, believe and hope it was just that area of the bed.

anyways hopefully a glitch, i mean its highly unlikely i was hacked in a 5 minute time frame, also without any new log-in's and scrolled down to check sessions on gmail, nothing unusual.

i went in the other room came back and it said i had a new email for my doctors appointment then quickly appeared as to what i believe as a read state, i clicked all mail and it appeared as not read again.

hoping just a glitch, please help, there are no unusual sign-ins and the message was delivered within the 5 minutes i left the room and back. never seen that before.

ConfusedTorchic posted...

your battery is perfectly fine dude, everything you've talked about with it is just normal phone battery things.

thank you so much! i had a lot typed out but i needed to vacuum the keyboard of my chromebook because i hit the e key and the screen enlarged and i lost my post.

basically the gist of it was how this has been the roughest start of a year for me ever. and hoping i bounce back from here, had to go to the hospital the other day and got out yesterday. wanted to come back to my room in peace, but found it a mess from my younger brother... just stuff thrown on my bed, end of the bed all wet from the bunny's water, things knocked around.

its traumatizing. i'm concerned my chromebook, phone, and switch got wet, but i felt all around them and they felt dry. i want to, need to move on somehow and try to forget about it and just get better. my chromebook was the closest to the wet area and felt dry, switch second, and phone was/is on a higher area.

i just want to feel more relaxed, most people don't let their minds go this far.

i did a playstore system update it dropped from 98% to 94% upon restart. should i be worried? the update itself was only 7.1 mb. do i need to recalibrate again? or likely a non-issue?

just been going through much more stress than usual lately, so my ocd tendencies seem worst off, where i fixate really badly.

ConfusedTorchic posted...

this reads like you're going to try and drink that whole bottle

don't

vodka is not natural light beer, there's more alcohol in a 5th of vodka than an entire case of natty

@ConfusedTorchic

yeah... i need to stop. i drank a good amount of it throughout the day. i'm still somewhat functional, i just want a game that will agree with me. i also suffer through bipolar 2 disorder, and i am desperate to trigger hypomania due to how depressed i am. i haven't had a good episode since the summer. i've had minor triggers a couple of times since that lasted maybe a couple of days. i guess my meds do better at triggering hypomania not to occur, over the depressive episodes i guess. i am thankful for your post.

yeah its always been a problem, i've only bought beer before but just went... and bought a large bottle of vodka for $10, he kept showing me all the $30 ones i was like noooo. never bought hard liquor before, its 11 AM please show me some guidance to pace myself without getting demolished. its the last damn thing i want.

long lasting meaning, if i take it slow yet its highly effective. walked to the nearby store yesterday and they might not carry the beer i like, natty daddy's anymore which i liked for high potency, and due to the store being bought out. so might have to try for some harder liquor if i take an easy on it. i instead bought some lower percent type and it was meh, had the last 4 from last night this morning and craving although knowing they don't have the beer i like possibly anymore. i'm not familiar with hard liquors as much, besides i believe my mom getting a bottle of vodka from them for $10-$12. i might just need to go that route if i can make it last.

how do you find the best ways to trigger hypomania? i haven't had a good episode since the summer, have had a couple of cases since then mostly lasting very briefly. the unfortunate thing though is, due to depression being stronger with the disorder, that's mostly all i have felt, and strongly, which medications don't put a dent in. i use to trigger hypomania more easily, even as rarely as a month or more, now it just... don't seem to come around anymore.

i depend on hypomania to help me get more comfortable with my issues like severe anxiety, ocd, and panic attacks, but without it triggering, i suffer through all my symptoms instead for the long term. i manage my hypomania quite well, for me its just a very intense euphoric feeling, more upbeat, and racier. i miss it very much. every year it seems like it becomes less and less while my other symptoms become worst and worst.

the winter use to trigger it more, why i preferred it more. the last two winters for me have been brutal, i think the colder it is, the worst my anxiety is. no season is right for me anymore it seems these days, always hated summer, and still do, but this has been my worst winter yet for some reason with overall mood.

i've tried this time and time before, the first time or two with exercise i feel good like i triggered my hypomania, i'm ready to do anything at this point to feel good. i just wanted to ask for some basic exercises with them as its been eon's and forgot what to even do. just worried after the first couple of times i'm going to return to feeling like shit again like anything exercise.

i cant do high impact things unfortunately, i have tarsal coalition in both feet, which was actually triggered by running years ago. although i believe the issue is genetic and only less than 1% of the population has it. so thinking about trying this again, or something else, although my room barely has any room to move in for anything too crazy.