Lurker > MannerSaurus

That's exactly how I feel, and why I don't really care about living anymore.

Whether or not that is true, that is a horrible thing to say to the person who loves him, grieving over the casket. Shame on him.

I don't know. If I have two chainsaws, and one chainsaw destroys the other one... is that murder? Or do I just have some broken equipment I need to fix up or replace?

Random_Dawn_14 posted...

Mario_VS_DK posted...

helIy posted...

i hate bees, and you can't kill the fuckers either because then you'd be helping this whole bee extinction event thing or whatever is going on with stupid bees

they aren't even cute bumble bees, they're just dumb regular bees

What's wrong with bees? They only sting you as a last resort. Plus they make delicious honey and are half the reason our cops are able to do so well.

That's...an interesting typo.

LMAO

Sorry for the confusion guys... I meant that I was a user here about 8-10 years ago. The accident was the evening of October 3rd this year, I woke up on the 4th or 5th in the hospital.

POTD isn't the first place I went with this horrible grief. Family, friends, religious council, grieving professional council, so on and so forth were.

I just considered this to be the next thing in line, I just wanted to reconnect because I do have friends here, like RC and Shadow. And you all have been very kind, it means a lot. I don't just shrug each persons "sorry" off, I take each and every single person in my life from the Hospital to POTD to church, and your condolences go to my heart. I'm having a hard time CONNECTING with feelings, but your words are not lost. So thank all of you.

To answer your question, no I have not been drinking for reasons I stated in a post above (Concussion, depression, etc.) despite that being my usual go to for pain. I attended the therapy yesterday... and it... I still see it as pointless, because I feel like there's no light at the end of this tunnel (I'm having a lot of problem with existentialism if that's the right word. We all die in this ****ty universe, and no matter how much help I get my wife will still be dead and then I'll die, too, so..... nothing matters) but I have been attending and talking to the therapist, and I have been seeing friends and family of all kind to assist in the grieving. Some help more than others, but I really am just really lost right now.

I'm sorry, Miss RC. Wasps almost killed my mother before. I hate those jerks. I will spray them and murder them anytime I can.

DarkKirby2500 posted...

MannerSaurus posted...

Mega Man X? He never killed any humans, just other robots. Trying to kill humans was the literal act that would cause one to be labelled a Maverick.

Zero kills a human in Megaman Zero 4.

True, but

Zero is the original virus anyway. We are talking about X, here.

Mega Man X? He never killed any humans, just other robots. Trying to kill humans was the literal act that would cause one to be labelled a Maverick.

Firewood18 posted...

One day at a time. And stay away from abusive substances.

I play alot of what ifs in my head (not exactly morbid but pragmatic and reflective) and whenever I imagine something like this happening, I see myself coping with alcoholism.

Wish you the best going forward.

Traditionally, I'm a little bit of a heavy drinker. Nothing insane, but I drink a 12-24pack once or twice a week, or at least 3 times a month. I have not touched alcohol since the accident, however.

1. I had a concussion, don't want to mess with that too much.
2. Alcohol is a depressant. I know I can get crying and moody about my ex-gf that died from a drunk driver 10 years ago, and that hurts. I can't even imagine feeling that kind of mood swing of immense drunken sorrow to my wife and this close of a horrible tragedy.
3. She liked me sober, she didn't care that I drank just wanted me to cut back a bit. In a mix of 1 and 2, I'm helping heal my liver for now like she wanted me to.
4. I'm not entirely mentally stable. I don't think I would hurt myself, but I know how dramatic and extreme thoughts can turn when fueled by alcohol. I don't want to be crying and screaming at loved ones, or messing with firearms, or ANYTHING of that nature when I already feel like complete hell sober.

ZiggiStardust posted...

ocarina of time has aged terribly, and is not even among the top 10 zelda games of all time, ok?

We're still friends... but boy is that some sinful talk you just said to me. lol

Ihateyou posted...

MannerSaurus posted...

RCtheWSBC posted...

MannerSaurus posted...

Wow, holy crap. Going to go get a few weapons ready just in case.

Uh, are you in Gainesville? No need in start grabbing up arms... it's one event scheduled for Thursday.

Oh. Oh.... no I'm about south of that, Miss RC. Phew. Sorry, the article wasn't loading for me, so I was just going on the topic title.

you wouldnt have done anything anyway

I have nothing to prove to you, friend. I'm just ready to protect the ones that I love if need be.

And, will do RC.

Embarrassing huge lifted diesel trucks with the guys wife/girlfriend in the passenger seat trying to show off... that is one of my favorite activities while driving. Granted, I've got a little more in the throttle than a V6 Camry, but I'm glad that you punked this guy. They get so mad, and then it's like "Yep, your towing optimal cam shaft and 7000 pound machine sure scared me in this race."

RCtheWSBC posted...

MannerSaurus posted...

RCtheWSBC posted...

MannerSaurus posted...

Wow, holy crap. Going to go get a few weapons ready just in case.

Uh, are you in Gainesville? No need in start grabbing up arms... it's one event scheduled for Thursday.

Oh. Oh.... no I'm about south of that, Miss RC. Phew. Sorry, the article wasn't loading for me, so I was just going on the topic title.

lol okay then. Just saying... relax

Now I gotta ask you where in FL you're at though!

Ft. Myers area, south of Sarasota, north of Naples. I hope you remember me, miss RC. I've had you on Steam for over a decade. lol

Did anyone ever beat up or lose to Shenti?

RCtheWSBC posted...

MannerSaurus posted...

Wow, holy crap. Going to go get a few weapons ready just in case.

Uh, are you in Gainesville? No need in start grabbing up arms... it's one event scheduled for Thursday.

Oh. Oh.... no I'm about south of that, Miss RC. Phew. Sorry, the article wasn't loading for me, so I was just going on the topic title.

It feels like there's no escape from this and no peace. I don't even like sleeping anymore, I just wake up panicking and lonely and horrified that my wife is gone. I used to love sleep. Ahhhhh......

Wow, holy crap. Going to go get a few weapons ready just in case. I'm white with black friends (and a black late wife), I'm pretty sure that makes me a "race traitor." Also, I live in Florida.

There is nothing special about the AR-15 other than it being the base platform for the more advanced military spec rifles that fire in burst and fully-automatic.

When there was violent rioting, two gentlemen protected an old shop keeper while arming themselves with AR-15s. One guy had 13 people break into his house and rape/murder his family. A handgun and "ordinary rifle" (whatever that means. The AR-15 is an "ordinary rifle" or carbine) would not have been sufficient. Even an AR-15 with a factory GI magazine would likely have been inefficient because when your life is in danger you will miss many of your shots. You are shaking and scared and filled with adrenaline. Trained cops and soldiers miss over half of their shots taken.

Anyways, I apologize to TC/OP for turning this into a gun debate. I'm going to go clean one of my many firearms, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. :)

I do think it's pretty hilarious when some guy with 15 armed body guards and his kid in a private school surrounded by armed body guards and he just made $18 million dollars in a movie using fake guns and violence gets on a podium or social media post and tells me I shouldn't be allowed to protect my family with my weapons and that I should just "call the cops."

Why don't you come and take my guns, you sissy? The difference is, I don't "play pretend" for a living, and I actually know how to use the weapon. Oh, and it isn't a prop.

Final Fantasy VIII is possibly the best game in the series.

Hey guys. It's alright about the number thing... it has to be somewhere close to 10 years just based on my calculations, but it has definitely been a while.

I appreciate the condolences. Yes, Shadow, you and me were pretty regular SC2 buddies I definitely remember that. I think you actually played StarCraft II with my now dead wife. Quite a few times actually. (-EAG- Skyee I believe was her SN.) She was an angel. We weren't perfect, we had our arguments, but she was good for me. The perfect balance of letting me be myself while not letting me be a completely insane unhooked psycho guy with no consequences for my action. She helped me immensely with my anxiety AND my maturity.

The wreck was on October 3rd, I woke up in the hospital on the 4th or 5th.

I just got back from therapy. I don't expect one session to make everything better, but I can't help but still feel despair and hopelessness in the grand scheme of my life and the future. She was very sweet, though.

Mead posted...

What race is it?

This is the hardest I've laughed in two weeks. Thank you.

Congrats, by the way Ziggi. I'm super happy for you. You're gonna do great.

Everything you guys are saying means a lot to me. I don't know how to be. I know that I'm grateful to you guys, and to my friends and family... but I can't connect to it. It's as if I'm being e-mailed my feelings, as if there was a middle man between myself and my brain. There is a messenger saying "you love these people" and it makes sense to me in theory, but it's not something I'm actually experiencing in my heart. As if I was controlling myself in 3rd person like The Sims or Max Payne and I had to select "give friend hug" on a menu and watch myself do it emotionlessly, despite knowing the "character I was controlling" did in fact, love the person they were hugging.

And Ziggi, I do remember you, man. It's good to see you... I wish it wasn't... under such dire circumstances. I appreciate the extension of friendship.

Oh, and our 5 year old niece was in the back seat. She was only minorly injured by the seatbelt, but she was not knocked out so she got to see MY WIFE DIE AND ME GET AIRLIFTED UNCONSCIOUS OUT OF THE CAR. She wouldn't even hug me goodbye when I left the state after the accident, and I told her father and mother I completely understand... she doesn't understand the horror she just saw and is associating me with the violence and death. I hope one day I can talk to her about it, and I hope she doesn't become greatly disturbed by all of it.

Hello, POTD. I haven't posted here in ... possibly 10 years? I'm friends with a few people from here, such as Delta, Bomber (that helps me test Doom stuff), Habit Zero, RC, etc...

Anyways, I registered just to reach out to you guys for a moment. I was dating my fiancee for 6 and a half years, may as well have been married (we considered it married most of the time, even though we hadn't gotten to the wedding just yet.)

We were visiting Texas to see her family, and I remember going the bathroom and then leaving the restaurant. I woke up in the hospital. At first, I just accepted the setting like a dream, and I was just like "OK, you're taking a needle out of my arm. That's cool, I'll try to be a good patient." And then as my senses came to me, I was like "Wait, why the hell am I in a hospital? I was just at a restaurant with my wife's family, WTF?" And they told me I was airlifted there from an extremely serious car wreck, and that I had blacked out from impact and trauma. You'd think I'd remember a helicopter! Nope, restaurant -> hospital. My fiancee's mother came in to tell my my family was flying to Texas to get me, and I was like "wait a minute... wait... where is [fiancee]? WHERE IS [fiancee]???? WHERE THE **** IS [fiancee]?!?!?!?!?!?!?" and my mother-in-law just shook her head crying and said "im sorry [mansaurus] im so sorry.." I grabbed her and the doctor and just screamed and cried for what felt like hours.

I had a minor concussion and a crap load of bruises/cuts and such (and my left hand still feels like a hit a brick wall) but I was stable enough to leave the hospital. I saw her body at the hospital to say goodbye, and I couldn't handle more than a few seconds after saying bye before crying and throwing up. Her family stayed longer and I was just screaming "get me the **** out of here get me the **** out of here." I saw the car as well to retrieve some personal belongings, and I should be dead. We were hit by a truck that lost control in the rain head on. Where I was sitting (passenger front) no longer exists, the entire front part of the car is missing. It was just metal glass and blood where I had been. I couldn't stand this sight any more than the sight of my wife's body and I panicked and had to leave.

I've returned to my home state and gotten leave of absense from work temporarily but I no longer know what to do. I have therapy today, but I don't see the point. What is the end game? I feel slightly better in a world that my wife is STILL DEAD IN? I should have died in that crash. Most of me feels that way. I'm glad my family got the follow up phone call (their first call was my wife was dead and i was nowhere to be found, followed up with "we found him we found him hes critical but we found him at so and so hospital") that I was alive, because I don't want anyone to be hurt... but at my core I no longer have a reason for waking up. I wish I had died in that wreck with her. I cleaned my guns because I wanted to protect her. I lifted weights to protect her. I worked two jobs to provide for our future and put clothes on her back and food in the fridge. I am completely broken and lost at this point, I don't even know how to be cold without her or dress myself or eat. I wake up every morning with nightmares and screaming and crying, and I feel so alone. The other half of me is gone, and there is a huge darkness that is swallowing me. I had to sound like an emo vampire kid, but that is the only English I can think of to describe what I feel.

Thank you for reading this, guys. I don't know what possessed me to write on here, but I was a regular many many years ago, when I was a kid (as ThatGuy420, PeskySaurus, ManSaurus, OutlawStar.)