Lurker > nikko004

>Aver: Await your humiliation like a man

As a wise philosopher once said, who give a shit. You'd sooner stare God in the face, fully hanging.

The footsteps grow louder. They finally stop with a big thump next to you.

Looking to the side, you see...a dead soldier. You then feel a tap on your shoulder, followed by a forceful shove out of the cells.

"FFFFFFUCK, EASY ON THE SCHLONG, DAMN," you say, writhing in pain on the ground.

"Oh, don't be such a baby, sir," says another familiar voice.

You look up and see none other than Amber, trying to shove the dead soldier through the bars. "Shit. Amber? You here to kill me?"

She turns to you and extends her hand. "No way! We're staging a mutiny, sir. After the actual boss returned, we all realized how much better you are! C'mon, let's get out of here."

You grab on and get up, dusting yourself off. "Alright, I could roll with that. And you don't have to call me sir, y'know. I was never your actual boss."

"Well, you're way better than--okay it's really hard to talk to you like this." She rips off the pants from the soldier and hands it to you. "Please put these on before I die of embarassment here."

[ Khakis equipped. ]

"Alright, so, how are we getting outta here? Are you gonna use your portal thing?"

She grabs you by the hand and leads you out the prison room. "I'm hesitant to use it right now. The magic's too strong that they'll detect us immediately. And I'd prefer that we just leave quietly--"

Something crashes out from the wall behind you guys, bellowing a cloud of debris and smoke. As it clears, you hear the honking horn of a Ferarri sitting right through the bars, as well as the muffled sound of Freebird blaring through the speakers. "Get the FUCK FUCK in, sir! You too, Amber!" says the high-pitched cheep of Finch.

You and Amber look at each other, and you shrug and hop in shotgun. Amber enters in the back with a sigh.

The car roars with the intensity of a jet engine, then blasts forward up the stairs, using it as a ramp to ascend up multiple floors.

All this as you struggle to put on your seatbelt. "Uh, Ms. Finch, are you licensed to drive at all?"

"Absolutely NOT NOT, sir!" she says and laughs maniacally as she crashes through more walls and soldiers.

With shaky precision, you finally buckle up, then remember something important. "Wait, Ms. Finch! We have to go grab Casey!"

"Casey?" *crash* "Is that someone I should know know?"

"It's that other intern you were with, right sir?" says Amber tiredly. "Since we're well beyond escaping 'quietly...'"

A portal opens up in the seat next to her, plopping Casey down upon it. She blinks with confusion. "What...just happened? Aver? Can someone please tell me what is going on? Half the workers here just started rioting!"

"That right right! And you're now part of it too!" Finch exclaims as she crashes through yet another wall, this time leading you into the throne room.

There, the Minotaur sits in surprise. "Yo, wtf is the meaning of this?!"

"I quit quit, sir!!!" yells Finch as she floors the car at top speed right towards him.

He stops the car with nothing but his bare hands. "LOL, alright, sure. You're all fired." He then rips off the roof of the car and stands on the hood, snarling with smoke out of his nostrils. "And for your severance package, I'll allow you all your own last words."

Finch flies up to his face and pecks him. "You can sever my ASS in HELL HELL, sir--"

He flicks her away. "Alright, and the rest of you guys?"

What do you any of you do/say?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

up, havent forgotten
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

bonk
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Aver: Wet yourself to slip through the bars

You stand up straight and strip naked, looking up to the ceiling again. "You think I give a shit, Hank?! You think I give a shit about my life?! Well, spawn THIS," you say while pissing six-feet straight into the air.

[ Game Saved. ]

Drenched in unmentionables, you try to wiggle sideways through the bars with your now-slippery skin, but your body gets stuck halfway through. "Hm. This was a mistake. OBVIOUSLY my lower region would get in the way here. Hank, if you're watching, you can STILL eat shit."

Looks like you're gonna be stuck here for a while after all. You look up at the ceiling again and start mumbling an old tune.

"Um...Mr. Brady?" says the famliar voice of a woman. Looking over, you see that it's Casey holding a broom.

You chuckle. "I got my name written on my name tag, don't I?"

She grimaces slightly while looking away. "With all due respect Mr. B...Aver, you're not wearing your name tag. Or anything else for that matter."

You look down, then back to her. "Hm. Right. Forgot about that. Oh, I should probably ask, are you okay? That well-done steak with ketchup didn't do anything to you, did he?"

She walks towards you, still looking away. "Oh, uh, yeah, I'm fine. Thank you. For worrying about me, I mean. Even with your whole, uh, situation." She pauses for a bit, then looks at you. Well, she faces you with tightly closed eyes. "Look, as soon as I heard that he locked you up, I had to weasel away from him and help you out."

You crease the side of your lip a bit. "Awesome. You win two grand prizes from me: Why, and how. We're barely acquainted as co-workers, yeah? What's your motive here?"

She extends the broom handle towards you. "Um...I think you'd do the same for me."

You grip onto the end of it. "Bold assumption. VERY bold assumption. But I'll bite."

She starts tugging at the broom with all her might.

"Oh no no no this is a terrible idea--AUGH" you yelp as you're really feeling the burn down there. "This was a mistake."

She immediately drops the broom and ponders to the side. "Hmm...I'll figure something out." she exclaims as she runs back out of the prison room.

"Yeah, take your time. I'll just be here. Having a blast stuck between these bars. Without any pants. And a broom to keep me company." You sigh and continue humming your old tune which was rudely interrupted.

After a while, you hear the sound of footsteps approaching. It might be Casey, having figured something out. Or not. If it isn't her, being stuck here probably isn't the best way to make a good first impression. Or a good position to defend yourself.

What do you do now?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

He yanks your naked body out of the tube. "Hell no. I may make it look simple when I re-upload you, but it's a huge pain in the ass. You're coming with me. I'm teaching you a lesson."

You scratch your neck. "Fine, whatever. Can you give me some pants?"

He continues yanking you by the arm towards another door. "You won't need 'em. This'll be quick, anyway."

You let out a tired sigh as you're led to another room, one with a weird chair full of mechanical contraptions. "Okay. I see this is dad's BDSM dungeon. I am learning so many lessons."

"Aver, can you please be appropriate for five goddamn minutes. This is the memory-erasing chamber. And you get to see it first hand--"

From the door emerges another scientist leading a blindfolded woman towards the chair. "Heya, Hank! I see you got the boss's son with ya! Were you gonna use this thing first?"

You raise an eyebrow. "Your name's Hank? You look more like a Brad to me."

Hank facepalms. "No, I'm just here to show a demonstration. Just do your thing."

The scientist shrugs and sits the woman down, then puts on her a funky-looking helmet with a bunch of blinking lights on it. Finally, he locks her arms and legs in place with metallic bindings from the chair. "Alright, so...Ms. Kaylee, was it? Just letting you know that this process, while non-fatal, miiiight hurt a bit, so please brace yourself. Think of it like a trip to the dentist!"

The woman's breathing becomes more labored. "Like, that doesn't fucking at help at all! O.M.G. I'm gonna fucking die here--"

"Ms. Kaylee, please calm yourself! Look, the process is already done!"

Her breathing slows back down. "...It is? Wow. Like, I don't feel that different."

The scientist pulls out his tablet. "Yeah, because I lied." He then taps on the screen.

The machine lights up with full intensity, making horrible noises that sound like dubstep created from nails on a chalkboard.

Kaylee lets out a ear-grating scream. Blood starts seeping from her eyes, leaking out of the blindfold, and her nose isn't looking any dryer either. Her entire body spasms like she's about to enter the fifth dimension.

After 5 solid minutes of this excruciating display, the machine finally deactivates.
Well, 5 minutes in real time, an hour for you.

Kaylee stops screaming. In fact, her body is kind of just lying there, her mouth drooling.

You look away. "Did you guys just fucking kill her?"

Hank pats you on the back. "Nah. She'll wake up. Probably. This machine is the best we can do with our current technology. We may be able to digitize the mind, but we can't just erase it THAT easy! Haha!" He then grips your shoulder tightly. "So stop fucking up, Aver, if you DON'T want to go through that."

"Okay. So this is dad's extreme BDSM dungeon then. I hate learning," you say as you walk out the door and back to the tubes.

Hank follows behind. "Alright. To make myself clear here, I'm not giving you anymore chances. And you're gonna have to spawn back where you left. The last time was a fluke."

"Well fuck me, I guess," you say while the tube closes and slowly fills with liquid.

...

Your eyes jolt back to the sight of iron bars and moldy cobblestone walls. Great. Hank wasn't fucking around.
And frankly, you don't have time to be, either. You gotta get out somehow. There's gonna be something you can do. Calling for help? Looking around? Waiting??? You sit down on the ground and think.

What do you do?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Aver: Fight this bird and bullshit your way through

You sigh and crack your knuckles. "Well, Ms. Finch, if you were as much of a loser as I used to be, you'd understand that all of these expenses are not of luxury, but of need. However, I assume you are not one to listen to reason as you are now. As much as I'd hate to do this, it seems like I will have to force reason into you."

She rolls her eyes, metaphorically of course as are the limitations of birds. "Yeah yeah, call your dumb dumb secretary already like you always do, SIR."

"What? No. I'm kicking your ass myself," you say, pounding your fist into your palm.

Suddenly, her eyes glimmer as she flies circles around you. "Wait, you're gonna fight fight me?!! BY YOURSELF SIR?!!"

You tilt your head. "Uh...yes? Ms. Finch, I am having a lot of difficulty understanding you right now. This isn't usually a situation to be ecstatic about."

She flutters in front fo your face. "What are you talk talking about sir??? You NEVER respected me enough to see see me as an adversary! UNTIL NOW NOW, SIR." She then stops flapping her wings and tries to put up fisticuffs. "NOW PUT EM UP UP, SIR--" alas, she falls to the ground since flight does not happen for free. "I'll admit-mit, you win this one, sir. I'll waive your abuse of luxury spending this time around, and I won't be quitting. Please make make wiser decisions in the future, sir."

You blink a few times, still trying to process what the hell this bird is on. "Ooookay then. Lovely meeting this was then. For your troubles, you can keep all the luxury stuff I bought."

She flies back up. "Even the Ferrari, sir?!??"

You nod. "Even the Ferrari, Ms. Finch."

She divebombs back into the papers, then flutters back out. "Oh, happy happy day, sir! You forever have have my loyalty!" she screams, then flies back into the papers and stays in there.

You scratch your head and walk out.

Just as you step foot into the hallway, you are surrounded by animal-soldiers pointing spears at you.

A large figure emerges amongst the soldiers. He tips his ever-familiar fedora. "That's the REAL impostor, men."

Two of the soldiers grab you by the arm and start escorting you down the hallway. You try to resist, but their hold on your is too firm. "Ugh...y'know what, that's fair. This is just fucking fair."

"Y'think you're REAL slick, huh? Trying to pull a fast one on the Big Bad Minotaur? I'll--"

"Yeah yeah, what the fuck ever," you say, rolling your eyes. "Look, I don't really give a damn what you do to me, but where's Casey?"

He snorts. "Actually doing her job, unlike you. Not that it matters since you won't be working with her anymore, I'll make sure of that!"

You sigh as you're dragged away further down this Labyrinth.

Eventually, the soldiers drag you to a room full of prison cells, and throw you in one, shutting the gates.

They walk away, with the Minotaur's shitty laugh echoing throughout the cells.

Welp, you're not really sure what to do now. Escaping by yourself doesn't seem like an option.

You look up to the ceiling, with the intent of screaming to the game. "Work with THIS," you say, snapping your own neck.

...

In the next moment, you eyes jolt open with you gasping for air.

The same scientist guy from before looks at you with disdain. "Aver. Seriously?"

You roll your eyes. "Just put me back in the game already so I can be somewhere not in that cell."
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Aver: Talk to the treasurer (Positively)

You take an exaggerated deep breath, then flash a forced smile. "Fine. Bring her to me and--"

Amber looks away awkwardly. "Um, please do not shoot the messenger sir, but she absolutely demands that YOU come to her."

Your smile cracks a little. "Alright. I'm gonna have to put my foot down for this, aren't I?" You sigh. "Just...lead me to her then, babe."

She nods and waves her hand. "Good luck, sir," she says, before opening a portal at your feet, subjecting you to newfound gravity as you fall through.

You crash down on hardwood floors. Mending your butt from the fall, you look around and see disheveled stacks of papers lining the confined walls, as well as papers and notebooks lying chaotically on the floor.

You grunt as you stand up. "Uh, well I'm here. As per your demands, your majesty," you say sarcastically.

From a hill of papers appears a...hummingbird? It chirps angrily as it launches itself out of the papers and towards your face. However, it stops abruptly just inches away from your eyes, as is the erratic flight of a hummingbird. "You're late late late!!!" it says as it pecks your nose. "Enjoy your nap nap, sir??? Because I surely had enough time to do do the exact opposite!!"

At a loss for words, you take a step back, then clear your throat. "I apologize, miss treasurer, but--"

She pecks your head again. "Miss treasurer?!! Did your new human form mess mess with your noggin, sir?!! Have you forgotten your best best best treasurer, Finch, sir?!!!!"

You cover your head in a panic. "Ack, please, Ms. Finch, can we be civil about this?"

"Civil?!!!" She divebombs back into the pile of papers and flies back to your face with a paper with big red numbers. "A year's supply of Mountain Dew. A pair of Air Jordans. An anime body pillow. Two-hundred dollars worth of Steam games? A FUCKING FERRARI, SIR??" She shoves the paper in your face. "DO YOU THINK THINK WE ARE MADE OF MONEY, SIR?? You'll buy buy a Ferrari but not health insurance for us??? I NEARLY DIED DIED JUST A FEW MOMENTS AGO BEING CHASED AROUND BY A HULKING IDIOT PLAYER, SIR." She yanks the paper off your head and slaps it on the floor. "So, SIR, please, do tell tell me what you have to say about this because I am ready to QUIT QUIT QUIT in a MINUTE if I don't hear a good good reason here!!"

You blink in awe trying to process her fit. And also trying to process what the absolute fuck the actual Minotaur was doing with the money.

Do you have anything to say?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

She looks over it with surprise. "Oh, now we have some bad updates, sir. The attack on Icantheon was almost successful until it was thwarted by one of the players. Right now, one of our generals is holding his own against the player's party there. Should we intervene, sir?"

You crack your knuckles. "Well, if I have to--"

Another messenger slithers next to Amber to give her another paper before immediately vanishing.

She winces at it. "Our treasurer is extremely, uh, pissed, sir. She's coming to kick your ass if you don't hold that one-on-one with her."

Fantastic. What will you do?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

Krugg: Save city

You sigh and materialize your trusty sledgehammer, the Skullfucker. "Fine. Krugg help--"

Suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you see a hummingbird nonchalantly flying around amidst the explosions.

You quickly spread your wings and go after it. "KRUGG SAVE YOU, LITTLE BIRD"

"Big guy! Wait!" Galvin yells while trying to chase after you.

"Haha, always a pleasure seeing your antics, friend!" says Lionhart while also following behind.

Up above, an airship looms above you all. One of the crew members are loading up a cannon. "Oh boy, those suckers ain't gonna see this one comin'--"

You punch a hole right through the ship, sending half the crew off due to the shockwave from your fist. "LITTLE BIRD. DANGEROUS HERE."

The cannons from this destroyed ship accidentally fire into the adjacent ships, knocking them off the sky too.

In the distance, one of the airships hover quietly, staying away from the fray. Inside its cabins, a horse-headed man watches the fight go down through his window, as he takes a delicate sip of his tea. "Ohoho, how absolutely barbaric. I cannot possibly fathom how Rob finds this cathartic." He takes another long sip. "Luckily, being a general grants me privileges."
He sees a hummingbird flutter by the window. "Oh, how lovely! Greetings little fellow, how may I help you--"

You crash through his window, tackling him out of the airship at the opposite end. "LITTLE BIRD. PLEASE. SAFETY NOT HERE."

You then fly up, right through the engines and out the deck, leaving a large explosion in your wake as you continue to chase the hummingbird.

Galvin massages his temples as he stops following you. "I have no idea if I should be impressed that he's single handedly doing this, or that he's not even trying."

Lionhart laughs heartily. "I think it is very chivalrous of him!"

"Lionhart, when I die I swear, you are going to chuckle at my funeral."

He pats him on the back. "It'll be an honorable death, I'm sure!"

However, before Galvin could say something back, a mysterious figure appears behind them.

You continue to chase after the bird, jumping from airship to airship, setting off a chain of explosions. Eventually, you get tired and land back on the ground. "Krugg...lose bird." You take a moment to mourn the bird, then lift your hammer to your shoulders. "Back to friends--"

"That's as far as you go," says a mysterious figure from behind

...

>Aver: Awaken

You've been awake. You're not one for long naps, after all. You read over some of the reports that your secretary gave you, not really giving a shit about what's on them, while reveling in the comfort of your throne.

A knock on the door. Amber pops out with more papers in hand. "Sir, I'm here to give you an update on the plan so far."

You turn a page. "Good updates, I hope?"

She perks up. "Fantastic updates! We've confirmed that there are about 7 players left alive, sir!"

You look up from your papers. "Oh. That is. A smaller number than I was expecting. Good job, babe."

You also know that the real number would be 6, since you technically count as a player.

She looks over her papers once again. "That leaves us with about 2-3 parties left. That is virtually nothing now!"

You slouch on the throne in relaxation. "Well, we can't rest too easy, babe. It's always some chosen one or some bullshit that gets us."

Someone dashes next to Amber and hands her a paper, then disappears.
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

upping until creativity can return to me
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Krugg:

"So," Galvin begins while pinching the bridge of his nose, "you lost our airship."

You grunt. "Ye."

He sits down on the great round table of the Guild Hall. "And you befriended the troublemakers. Who lost our airship."

"Ye."

"AND," he crosses his arms, "you want US to help them out. The troublemakers. Who lost our airship."

You nod nonchalantly. "Ye. Krugg talk clearly. Krugg repeat?"

He smacks your stomach, which of course does not faze you. "No! Krugg won't have to repeat! Krugg needs to recollect his marbles!"

Lionhart pulls him away from you. "Oho, come now Galvin! We of the Lion Heart Guild are not ones to turn away an opportunity to help people!" he says, swishing his cape in the wind.

Galvin facepalms. "Lionhart you insufferable grape, in case you were not aware, ICANTHEON IS UNDER ATTACK RIGHT NOW AND WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT FIRST."

His face perks up with alertness. "What?! That cannot be! Icantheon is a safe haven! Unless the blithering ruffians from the Darkhelm guild dare to--"

Suddenly, the roof gets torn away, revealing an ashy sky full of the labyrinth's airships. Screaming can be heard very audibly in the distance, accompanied by explosions and magic.

A rope from an airship descends from the new hole above you, with a boar-headed brute sliding down. "Ah heard yer tae leaders a'this city! Chief Beef sends 'is regards--"

You walk up to him, emphasizing your size advantage. "Krugg don't like open ceiling. Bad interior design," you say, proceeding to punch him back to his airship.

Galvin grabs your and Lionhart's arms. "Fantastic idea, big guy! Let's get out and defend our city immediately!"

You shrug his hand away. "Krugg still need help saving Krugg friends."

He facepalms. "Krugg! We can save your friends after we save the city--"

"No. Krugg want help now."

He tries to glare you down, but looks away in the end.

"Now now, friends!" says Lionhart patting both of you. "I say we take a break to reflect on this decision, and--"

Suddenly, one of the maid soldiers fly in through the non-existent ceiling, crashing right between you guys.

She coughs up smoke as she tries to dust off her tattered uniform. "Sir Lionhart...I believe this is it for me...if you win, please delete my internet history--"

The boarman crashes back down once again, slamming his entire weight upon her. "Oi! Ah dun't appreciate yer lack a'hospitality!--"

"Krugg don't like dead friends," you say while cracking your knuckles. You then punch him away to the sky.

Galvin flails his arms. "You see this, Krugg?! You'll see a lot more dead friends if you don't help us save the city!"

Lionhart smiles at you. "Know that I shall respect whatever decision you decide to go with, friend."

What do you do?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

She crouches next to you, looking at you solemnly. "We're still flying, Dani." She looks towards the sky. "I...I know it was your mom that did it. I know you wouldn't be the type to resort to...this. A part of me really holds on to some trust in you. I just," she balls up her hand, "just...was mad. I don't, like, know if I'm really mad at you. Or at Kaylee." Her hand mellows out. "I think I'm mostly mad at myself." She looks at you with really wet eyes. "I really wish I could have been, like, a better friend to you Dani..."

Looking at her, you start feeling sorry for her, but you quickly shrug it off. You refuse to fall for this again. After all...
You gotta focus on yourself.

[ Focus: 100% ]

You reach your hand out to her. "For all it is worth, you were a good friend, Val. You were the only person I really talked to in highschool. I know things will never be the same, but can we at least be amicable for now?"

She starts crying and embraces you. "Yes! I'm really...really sorry, Dani!"

You take a deep breath. "Yeah..." you look to the side, where her blade is, and [ Overwrite ] her blade's location to just above her back.

>Apologize.

"...I'm sorry too."

You quickly break free of her embrace as the sword plummets down, driving right into her chest. Walking around her as she coughs and hacks, you grab hold of her sword.

"Long live the king," you say, looking away and yanking the sword out.

You don't see it, but you hear her body pixelizing away.

[ Affinity up! Lv 3 -> Lv 50 Conniving Caster ]
[ Level up bonus: Inventory expanded! (HDD: Unlimited) ]

You look at her blade stained with red and whip the blood off. However, a teardrop falls on it. You whip it off again, but more tears fall on the blade. You sigh and pixelize it to your inventory.

[ 2H Spellfused Bulletblade (Any) acquired. Equipped to MAINHAND ]
[ Omega Wings acquired. Flight time: Unlimited. Equipped to WINGS ]
[ Game saved. ]

You run over to the steering wheel and re-stabilize the ship before it starts to fall again.
Nowhere else to go but up.

...

[ Character select ]
>Evi/Nobert
>Krugg
>Aver
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Dani: Apologize?

You take a deep breath and look at her right in the eyes. "No. I won't focus on you. But...I will apologize. Val, I--"

She stomps her foot. "APOLOGIZE?! Are you fucking serious right now?! Do I, like, have to repeat myself here?! You ruined my life, Dani!--"

You stomp back. "Val, please! I couldn't do anything against it, okay?! My mother didn't give me a say in the matter--"

"Is that all you're fucking made of then, Dani? You really couldn't, like, say shit back to your mom?! You couldn't stop her? At fucking all?!

"And what about you?! You couldn't stop Kaylee?! You just LET her treat me like shit, Val?!" You clench your wand, to the point where your hand shakes. "IS THAT ALL YOU ARE MADE OF?!"

"Are you seriously fucking comparing a little bullying to, like, causing bankruptcy--"

"A LITTLE?!" your voice booms. You take a deep breath. A breath of calmness, but simmered in rage. "Okay. It seems we are at an impasse. Here's a Disney line for you..." You point your wand at her.

"...Let it go."

In the next instant, Val appears in front of you with her sword mid-swing.

[ SIMU-KERFUFFLE: Kylie Valkyria ]

You quickly react by igniting the gap between you two with [ Flaredark ], blowing you away backwards. "You wish to know what else I did in highschool, Val?"

Val flies right out of the explosion smoke and zooms towards you.

You swish your wand, conjuring [ Telebubbles ] right where her eyes will be. As she runs into them, she gets dazed for a moment trying to wipe her eyes. You take that opportunity to release your wings and fly behind her. "I was berated by my mother constantly in highschool, Val--"

She immediately turns around and shoves you back, causing you to stumble. "Yeah? So was Kaylee!" she screams while slamming her sword towards you. "She might be a terrible person, but at least she stood up to her mom!"

Luckily, you roll out of the way in time. "My mother is different, okay?!" You combine [ Flarespark ] and [ Word of Power ] to shoot out a blast of flames that greatly shove her back. "It's different when all you're raised with is the concept of perfection!"

She swiftly flies forward to close the distance. "Nobody's perfect!"

You start pixelizing something out of your inventory. Sadly, your shitty HDD system is delaying the process. Your heartbeat gets faster as she closes the gap with even more speed.

Just a few inches before she reaches you, it finally appears.

You breath a sigh of relief. "I know..."

The [ Gargantuan TV ] stops her and her sword flat.

You breathe in for you next attack. "...But try telling that to my mother," you say, unleashing another [ Word of Power ] which slams the TV right into her body like a 72-inch 120Hz wrecking ball.

She gets sent off the ship. You stand over the balcony of the ship, watching her as the ship also starts descending since she's not here to keep it afloat. "How ironic, Val! All it takes is a little faith and trust to fly, just like in Peter Pan, right?" You spread your arms out, wearing a maniacal smile. "So why are we not flying right now, I wonder?!"

Suddenly, Val grits her teeth and blasts back up to the ship, piercing you with her blade.

As she touches down back to the deck of the ship, it re-stabilizes in flight.

You nearly get a heart attack at her lunge, which was actually directed at your skirt. She aimed it just so you'd merely get pinned to the floor.
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

bumpgiving
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

You can't focus at all. "What...happened to...faith and trust...Val?"

Kaylee slams you again. "Oh my god. Stop talking to her."

Val screams out and raises her hand. "Kaylee!! Just! Stop!--"

The sharpest slap rings out through the hallway of lockers. No one there to dampen the sound waves. No one there to hear it.

Except you. You hear it loud and clear. You felt it loud and clear. Something wet drips out from your nose. You rub your fingers against the spot and see blood.

Kaylee moved out of the way just barely.

Val hugs you tightly while crying. "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..."

Don't focus on the pain. Don't focus on the words.

Don't focus on her.

...

"...Focus, dearie." says your mother while looking up from her smartphone. "Must I repeat myself to you constantly? Your airheadedness is very unladylike."

You shift around on your bedside while looking at her imposing figure standing in front of you. "I'm sorry mother. What were you saying?"

She taps on her screen. "I contacted my lawyer already. Those filth will be charged with battery, among other charges." She reaches for her wine glass. "Nobody messes with a Satela." She then starts heading out your door. "That will be all, dearie. Powder your nose every morning. You mustn't show imperfection."

You look to the side. "Mother, was this really necessary--"

"That. Will. Be. All. Dearie." She then slams the door shut.

You sigh and lay down.

Focus on the ceiling.

Focus on the next day.

Focus on...Ohana? Where did you hear that one recently? What did it mean again...

Nobody gets left behind.

Nevermind.

Don't focus on that.

...

Stop focusing on so many things. Don't focus on the noisy students in this hallway. Focus on class. Focus on--

The moment you enter the classroom, your teacher calls you over. "Ms. Satela, sorry for the short notice, but I am re-assigning you to another group."

You're still a bit spacey. "Wh...what?"

"Ms. Valentine is no longer in this class. It would be unfair for you to have a ghost partner, so you get to be in a group of three. Your partners are--"

You suddenly jolt to your senses. "Wait, what happened to Val?"

The teachers sighs. "That is confidential. I'm sorry, Ms. Satela."

Oh god. This is your fault.

No. It's not. It is. It's not. It's--focus on something else.

Don't focus on your mother. Don't focus on faith and trust.

Focus on no one.

Focus on yourself.

...

"Focus on me, bitch!" shouts Val while slamming her sword to the floor again. "God, you still haven't fixed that habit of yours?"

You shake your head to re-orient yourself to reality. Strangely enough, she hasn't attacked you yet. Is she hesitant about this?

How do you proceed from here?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

She sips with a tilted head. "Are you, like, okay? You can, like, talk to me, you know. It's the least I could do to thank you for, like, keeping me company while Kaylee's out of town."

You lay your chin on the table. "Mmm...it's just dumb teenage angst I guess. Hating my mom and all that--"

She hugs you out of nowhere. "Hey. It's gonna be okay. Kaylee's got a shitty mom too, so like, I know all about it."

Your face reddens since you're not used to physical contact. "Um...thank you. Please release me."

"Oh!" she immediately backs off. "Sorry. Not much of a hugger?"

You look away. "No no, I'm just...not used to it. How is this Kaylee person like anyway?"

She looks up with a smile. "Oh, she and I are SO alike. We're like twins. I love her. I think you'd like her too!"

Your body slouches down your seat. "I'm very awkward and nervous with strangers. You know this."

"Hmm," she says while staring at you. "Oh, I know what can, like, help. When we meet, I'll be there anyway so like, you can keep your eyes on me. Like, pretend you're talking to me."

You raise an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound like it'll work."

"Oh just try it, okay? All it takes is a little faith and trust. Y'know, from like, Peter Pan? Or think about like, Ohana? Wait, I meant to say that when you were talking about your mom.

You're not sure what to say.

"Look. Like. Just focus on me."

...

"...Focus, dumbass!" shouts some girl looming over you.

You look around the cafeteria again, with not a lot of people for today. "Wh...what?"

The girl sighs. "Ugh. Who the fuck is this, Val? Why is she in my seat?"

You look to your side, where Val sits.

"C'mon Kaylee, can't you be nice? She didn't do anything to you. And she's my friend."

She shoves you aside and sits where you were. "Yah, but like, I'm your BEST friend. So this seat is mine." She groans. "God, Val. I go out of town for a week and you're already, like, replacing me? The fuck!"

Val embraces her in a panic. "No no no! I wouldn't do that to you girl!" Over Kaylee's shoulder, Val looks at you with worry, mouthing a silent "I'm sorry."

You get up and move to another table. From the distance, all you can do is watch Val and Kaylee talk, all while you're shoved to the sidelines here.

With bitterness and loneliness, all you can do...

Is focus on her.

...

Gotta focus. Gotta walk down this hallway and focus. Gotta--

Kaylee snickers at you from the lockers. "Pfft, the fuck is this nerd wearing? Amirite, Val?"

Val looks away from her.

She snaps her fingers in Val's face. "Am. I. Right. Val?"

Val crosses her arms, still looking away. "Yeah."

You sigh and keep walking. Keep walking and focus. Gotta focus.

Focus on ignoring her.

...

Focus on something else. Don't focus on the pain. Fuck, you're focusing on the pain. Fuck it hurts.

Kaylee slams you against the locker again. "I told you to back the fuck off. Why are you still talking to Val?"

Don't focus on Kaylee. Focus somewhere else. Focus on faith and trust. Wait, where did those words come from again? Fuck, you're not focusing. Focus on...the sound of someone sobbing?

"Kaylee, oh my god...please stop," says Val from behind her. "She didn't do anything wrong--"

"Shut the fuck up, Val! Are you seriously taking her side over me?!"
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Dani: Flashback for context.

You continue to stare right into her eyes. It really is all coming back to you now.
The ship starts flying through some ominous, thick fog.

You don't know when she's ready to strike. You might as well be on full alert. You take a deep breath to focus. Breathing in the mist. Focus.

...

"...Focus, Ms. Satela!" the teacher screams while knocking on the whiteboard in the front. "Did you even listen to the last thing I said?"

Shit. You were daydreaming. Gotta pretend like you were totally paying attention. "Umm...parabolas?"

She slaps the board, sharply jolting your ears. "A no would have sufficed, Ms. Satella, seeing as how we are currently in English class!"

Your peers laugh at your terrible excuse. Not that you really care about how much they respect you.

The teacher clears her throat. "Anywho, I will be flashing your partner groups on the board. I accept zero disputes about all of this. Go ahead and move around so you may meet up with your partners and discuss your plans to tackle this presentation."

A table of the students' names show up on the board, each grouped in twos. Amongst the shuffling students, your eyes naturally drift to where "Dani Satela" is located, right alongside a person named "Kylie Valentine."

Before you could look at the rest of the board, some girl blocks your view.

She looms over you, partially masking her meek face by holding her backpack up to her mouth. "Hey. Are you, like, Dani?"

You look away from her since you're not comfortable with eye contact, especially not with someone that's attractive enough for you to assume is a popular kid. "Um...yes. You're speaking to Dani. Did you need something?"

She pulls up a chair and takes a seat. "Well I'm Kylie. But my friends like to, like, call me Val, since Kylie has too many, like, syllables." She extends her hand. "Nice to meet you, Dani."

You scratch your neck, not acknowleding her handshake offer. "Oh. Fascinating. So you are my partner, correct?"

She looks to the front. "Well, like, that's what's what it says on the board, yeah. Did you have, like, a topic in mind?"

You have no idea what the teacher even said about this presentation thing, but you'd never let Val know that. "Hmm, not in particular. We'll just go with any topic YOU are interested in!" you say, finishing with an awkward laugh.

She looks up in thought. "Hmm, I was thinking maybe like, broad representation in Disney media and how it affects the youth of today."

You blink in surprise, not expecting that kind of depth from her. "Oh. Um...sure! We can do that," you say with an unconfident smile. "...To be honest with you, I really have no idea what we're doing."

She giggles. "I think the teacher made that, like, publicly clear. You really should..."

"...focus..."

...

"...Focus, Dani!" Val says as she waves her hand in front of your eyes. "Hello? Like, Earth to Dani?"

You shake your head. "Wha--who, what's happening?" you say while looking around frantically at the sight of rows of tables, as well as other people eating and throwing trays around.

Val giggles at you. "God, you like, space out a lot." She takes a sip from some boxed juice. "I can't say much though, cuz like, I do that sometimes too. Dreaming of, like, princesses and stuff. What do you dream of?"

You look down at your empty lunch box. "Oh, um...just...a better life, I guess?"
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

Jk the weekend has been too busy for me but I haven't forgotten about this
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

updating soon
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

Ump
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Dani: Sing Disney tune to distract her.

You sigh in disbelief that you're gonna have to resort to...singing. Which is gonna be especially hard in a bucket. "Look, um...~I can show you the woorld--~"

Val cringes a bit. "Gosh. Denny, your voice is, like, reminding me of a dying rat."

You mimick her attentuation mockinly. "Gosh. Val, your criticism is, like, totally uncalled for," you say with your tongue stuck out.

She scoffs. "You're, like, a newbie, even in singing. Let ME show you how, like, the PROfeshunals handle it."

You cross your arms awaiting an inevitable dumpster fire to pollute your ears. However, your arms slowly drop as the voice of this siren lulls you into a trance. Also the vivid image of the Beast's mansion.

You're brought back with a literal snap to reality.

Val stands in front of you with her fingers post-snap and in your bucketface. "Uh, hello? Earth to newbie?" She giggles. "Speechless much? That's the result of, like, four years in highschool choir y'know." She then puts her arms on her hips, exerting her tall stature over you. "Like, what did YOU even do in highschool?"

You cross your arms again. "Should you not be piloting the ship? What is your problem?! I do not remember any acts of trangression that I have committed against you--"

She makes a hand-puppet mocking you. "Blah blah blah, you sure like to use big words." She takes a step forward, further invading your personal bubble. "There's just something about you that makes it so easy to mess with you." Another step, forcing you to back off a bit. "It reminds me SO much of highschool." Yet another step. "Seriously, what DID you do in highschool?"

You panic. "I graduated it."

You then unleash a gust of wind to push her back. "...and I hope you did too. Seriously, what is wrong with you?!"

She barely loses balance even after being pushed back. "Okay, no really, have we met before? Your voice is like, SO familiar!"

The sound of her weapon pixelizing then rings out. "...and like, not in a good way."

Before you could react, the deafening cacophony of a blade scraping against your bucket grates your ears, causing you to fall to your knees and scream.

In the next moment, however, the accursed bucket splits apart, falling to your sides. You're filled with awe and relief as your vision returns to you.

[ Cursed Bucket unequipped. ]

Val's eyes widen as she takes a good look at your face. "Oh my god. I thought you like, sounded familiar."

You squint your eyes which are still adjusting to your returned vision. As the blurriness fades away, you finally get a good look at Val's face. "Oh. Fuck."

Her brow furrows and she firmly holds her sword with both of her hands. "Satela. You fucking bitch. Like, what are the odds I'd see your bitch-face in this game?"

You get up and materialize your wand. "Likewise, Valentine. I thought I'd never have to see you again after my family took care of you."

She slams the sword against the hardwood floor. "TOOK CARE?! Bitch. Your family literally squeezed all of our money out in that fucking lawsuit!"

You further ground your stance. "Maybe you should not have constantly tortured me in high school."

She mirrors by lowering her stance as well. "My family lost their jobs! We had to sell our fucking house, Satela! Like, I wouldn't be in this fucking game if it wasn't for you!"

Hm. Hearing it like that really does make you sound like the bad guy here. But then again it's still kind of her fault. You two are just about ready to fight. But maybe you don't have to?
How do you proceed?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

They cough immensely with smoke. "How...just...what are you?!"

>Avenge Peon

You gather the chunks to reform the giant javelin. "Your escort to Hell."
With full force, you bring it down into their mouth.

With that, Talus screams their last breath.

[ Affinity up! Lv 15 -> Lv 50 Fallen Queen ]
[ Level up bonus: Inventory expanded! (ALLOCATE: Unlimited) ]
[ New Skill: Fallen Hands (Cast, SP 0%, Description: Requires a wound. Unleash tendrils of miasma to do your bidding.) ]

The cut on your arm starts to bleed immensely. You watch as your HP starts dropping dramatically.
In a panic, you clutch onto your forearm desparately, but it doesn't stop the bleeding. You fall to your knees and keep clutching anyway. "So this is all I get..."

A flash of purple light gleams behind you. You turn around and see a glowing purple orb above Peon's corpse. It floats towards the wound of your arm and assimilates with it, closing it up.

[ HP recovered. ]

You hear a familiar voice echo within your mind. "Welcome to Godhood, mortal."

[ Black Butterfly Wings get! Flight time: Unlimited. Equipped to WINGS ]

You stay kneeling in complete silence.
After a while, you notice the faint figure of someone walking towards you. You squint your eyes to get a better view of whoever that is.
Immediately, you see a distinct pair of Disco Pants. You spring up to your feet and run towards him.

"NOBEEEEERT!!" you yell with a raspy voice and your arms spread out, then tackle him into a hug.

For the first time in this game, you bawl your eyes out with geniune tears.
[ Game saved. ]

He tries to push you back. "Whoa who the shit is--wait, Evi?!"

You wipe your eyes. "I'm so done with this game, Nobert!!! I just wanna get it all over with!!!"

He scratches his head. "Hold up. First of all, what the fuck happened? Why do you look all grim and shit? When did you get white hair and purple eyes? HOW ARE YOU LEVEL FUCKING 50?!"

You look away. "It doesn't flippin' matter. Everythin' sucks and--"
Miasma fumes out from the X-cut of your finger.

"--ARE YA SERIOUSLY GONNA KEEP SHOWIN' UP EVERYTIME I SAY SOMETHIN' SHITTY?!"

He shakes your shoulders around. "Dude! Snap out of it. Look, fine, I won't ask about whatever the hell all this is, but we gotta go get Dani back."

You tilt your head. "Dani? What happened t'her?"

"She went fucking rogue, dude! Fucking stabbed me in the back with no remorse and left me here!"

Your brow tenses up. "Seriously?! Dani did?! Why are ya tryna go after her then?"

He gets up and dusts himself off. "Cuz she's our fr...well, we're all party members." He extends a hand to you. "That includes you."

You hesistate for a moment. "I dunno, still sounds like a real jerk thing for her t'do." You then take his hand and get up as well. "But you're right. She's our friend! We gotta get 'er back!"
"Fuck yeah! ...That said, I have no idea where to go from here."

You spread out your new Butterfly wings and grab Nobert. "Neither do I. But forward's better than nothin'!"
With that, you blast upwards to the sky.

...

>Dani: Continue being a real jerk

"Heyyyy friend that's not Nopants," whines Val, "when's Nopants gonna catch up? I'm, like, getting kinda worried."

You cross your arms. "First of all, you can call me Dani, and second of all, just give it time, okay?"

"But we've been flying foreverrrr."

Oh no. She's getting antsy. Looks like you're gonna have to say something to either distract her or convince her.
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Evi: Accept it.

The silence finally breaks with the sound of your words.

"Yeah..."

The sound of metallic ringing.

"...I love you too."

The sound of blood spilling.

...

Time resumes. You vision whips back to reality, and your immediate focus is on the large wound on your forearm.

Suddenly, it erupts like a dam breaking. Miasma blasts out profusely, covering your entire body and consuming the javellins around you.

Talus takes a step back. "In...incredible! Such an overflowing fountain of miasma! Oho, surely this will be delicious!" They hold their hand out.

The miasma starts to gather towards them, but halfway through, it starts being redirected somewhere else.

"What?!" Talus says while taking another step back. "You dare refuse my command?!"

It all starts to gather around...back to you. Not only that, the smoke that the entire kingdom is composed of starts gathering towards you too, all into a sphere of miasma surrounding you.
Everything is becoming consumed by you, almost like a black hole.

Talus grits their teeth and grounds their stance to prevent being sucked in. "Impossible...just who IS this mortal?!"

The miasma stops gathering, causing the remains of the kingdom to fall as debris around both of you.
Talus blasts away the falling debris and stares at you in caution and silence.

The sphere starts to form back into shape, embracing you tightly, then dissipating to reveal yourself once more.
Your formerly red clothing becomes dyed in black, and your hood is forced on, shrouding your face.
Standing up straight, you firmly grip the Cursed Dagger and Lovely Knife in your hands.

You glare at Talus with your now-purple pupils. "I dunno who the heck y'think ya are, but..."

In an instant, you vanish and reappear right in front of Talus, holding a dagger against their throat. "...I'm goin' to fuckin' end you."



Talus immediately jumps back and starts conjuring another javellin.

Before you let them finish, you dart right up to them and roundhouse-kick their arm, disrupting the magic, then using your momentum to slash their face.

Talus staggers back, putting a hand on their face. "Such insolence! You dare to fight against a God--"

You refuse to give them another moment to speak, dashing forward to unleash another kick to their face.

"ENOUGH!!!" Talus erupts in rage and starts levitating high up into the air with their hands spread out, conjuring a giant javellin above them. "You will know your place at once, peon!!!" they yell as they bring the javellin down to you.

You take a deep breath and start running forward at full speed, then jump with all your might, bringing you right atop the flying javellin. You skate through it, slicing it like tofu as you go along, then spring forward at the end of it and spread your wings out.

More miasma shoots out of your forearm, looking like tendrils grabbing the segments of javellin behind you.

Talus freezes up. "This cannot be--"

You blast ahead with your blades pointed forward, screaming at the top of your lungs as you lunge a gigantic gaping hole through Talus's stomach--a hole just like Peon's.

The train of javelin chunks follow through, eviscerating the rest of Talus's body.

You land with grace, brandishing your knives as Talus's head falls in front of you.
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

"Oi...Peon. Y'gonna just let this clown get ya?" you say with a meek voice.

No response.

Talus cracks their knuckles. "Well, that was boring. I anticipated more from the former Fallen King. I suppose Gods are nothing without their believers."

You fall to your knees. "So, this is all I get? We do this whole trip, I get slapped in th'face with the feelins I've been tryin' t'hide, and my lil' companion dies?" You punch the ground. "THIS IS ALL I GET?!"

Talus picks their ear. "My my, how awfully noisy you are, peon. So, you were the one that brought my dear sibling back to die? I suppose I should thank you." Their hand starts glowing again. "Or should I execute you for bringing my sibling back to usurp me?"

The bars float up into the air, then reshape into javellins all pointed at you.

Not that you can see it. You're busy looking at the ground with gritted teeth.

Talus tilts their head. "Hm. I was expecting more 'oh no, Great Talus, won't you please spare me?' and less...grovelling. Regardless, this was a wonderful meeting. Have a good day, peon."

They bring their hand down. The javellins start flying.

Time slows.

...

You stand in darkness once more. You could say this is your consciousness.

It stands before you again, with a devious grin that you're tired of seeing. "Howdy, lady. Thought y'didn't wanna see me."

You look away. "You're right, I don't. You're everythin' that's wrong with me."

Its grin grows even wider, almost like the cheshire cat. "Hmm...so why are you here then?"

You glare at it. "No, why are you here?! What do I gotta do t'stop seein' ya?!"

It takes a step towards you. "That's real mean, lady. Y'hate me that much, even though I'm the reason you're still sane?" It comes even closer, to the point where it can whisper in your ear. "Maybe even the reason you're still...alive?"

You want to push it back, but your body won't listen. "The heck are ya on about?"

It embraces you tenderly. "Oh, Evi, you've already forgotten? Without me, you might have completely lost your reasonin' within that household." It licks your cheek, which causes blood to draw out. "It felt real good to feel th'pain, didn't it? Better t'focus on the pain on your wrist than the pain in your heart."

It hands you something, then encloses your fingers around it. "This gave ya more love than your mom ever did. It knows ya inside 'n out."

You look in your hand and see a familiar kitchen knife. Your eyes widen.

It holds you even tighter. "Is it all comin' back now? How do ya feel?"

Your eyes are fixated on the reflection of you on the blade. "I...dunno. It hurts. My friend just died. I didn't even know 'em that well. But it still hurts."

It lets go of you and caresses your hand that's holding the knife. "I'm still here t'get your mind off the pain. C'mon Evi...y'know I love you."

You stare at the knife in long silence.

Will you accept it?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Evi: Continue anyway

You slowly get up and shake your head to recollect yourself. "Let's jus' get this over with so I can get away from...all o'this."

Peon circles around you. "Wonderful! Forward, then!"

You run through the corridor, where you arrive before another set of stairs spiraling upwards. "Sure is a big place," you say as you start ascending. "How much longer 'til we get there?"

"I can practically taste the throne from here!" they say, rubbing their hands together.

You do a double take at how they phrased that, but you don't really have the energy to dwell on it.
A bit more running, and you're able to see the top of the stairs. In fact, it makes itself rather obvious due to it being a doorway bleeding with light.

You squint a bit. "Issat where it is?"

Peon enthusiastically flies circles around you. "YES! Quickly, mortal! Waste not another second dragging your limbs around!"

Well, you decide to do as they say by dragging your limbs up the last few steps.

Except, upon arrival, you are greeted with black, steel bars falling around you, trapping you in a metal fence.

You peer from the bars and see a humanoid figure completely engulfed in miasma, with some spike-like fumes eminating from its head to look like a crown.

They stand up from their throne of smoke. Okay, you're getting sick of this dark smoky aesthetic. It's too tacky.

Anyway, they get up from their throne and--okay yeah, it also doesn't smell that great. You just now notice how terrible it smells. It's like you walked into a convention for middle-aged suburban widows and you can't tell whether they're happier about the life-insurance check from their husbands or that they can now smoke freely around the kids without worrying about a divorce.

So yeah, the smoky dude gets up from their--

"Talus!" Peon shouts as they dart out in front of you, "release us at once and return me my throne!"

The weird person you presume is Talus crosses their arms--standing up of course, from the throne, which they finally got up from--and gloats as their low, raspy voice comes out. "Well well, I didn't think you'd return here, dear sibling, especially after I have humiliated you away from the throne. And you return in such a pathetic form, too! This is truly laughable. The all-powerful Perdix, reduced into a mere pixie."

Peon grits their teeth. "When I free myself of your silly prison, I--"

"Psst, Peon," you whisper, "y'know you're small 'nuff t'slip through the bars, right?"

They blink a few times, then fly out of the cage. "As I have freed myself of your silly prison, Talus, you will now face my divine wrath! Raaaagh!!!" They scream while charging towards Talus.

Talus swats them out of the air like a fly. "Oh my, truly divine dear sibling. Though, this is how I would have done it." They raise a hand, which then starts glowing purple. A black javellin appears above Peon's immobile body.

Talus then brings their hand down, allowing the javellin to be subjected to gravity.

The javellin drives right through Peon's chest. They cough up black blood while flailing for air. "T...Talusss...you will..."

More javellins rain down into Peon, with one plummetting right into their mouth.

All you hear now is silence.

Silence, and the rattling of metal as you grip the bars shakily.
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

update coming maybe hopefully later
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

Up
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Evi: Continue to weaponize negativity.

As you stare into the black cuts of your finger, you can hear a voice call out within you.

"Y'can't escape me. Y'might as well use me."

You shake your head and grip your wrist. "I dunno if it's a good idea t'keep doin' this, Peon."

Peon crosses their arms. "I don't see you naming any other alternatives here, mortal!"

The guards start marching towards you.

You hear the voice pollute your head again.

"C'mon...take my love."

You grip your wrist even tighter. "Can't we just come back another time?"

Peon flies behind you. "We are so close to the summit, mortal! Backing out would be a colossal waste of our efforts thus far!"

"You're nothin' without me..." whispers the voice again.

You grit your teeth and materialize your usual [ Lovely Knife ]. The intensity of your irritation and frustration flows out as smoke from your fingers, spiraling through your arm. "God...can ya shut...the hell..."
You twirl the knife around, unconsciously switching it into the [ Cursed Dagger], then slash forward with all your might. "...UP!!!"

A myriad of black shockwaves erupt in front of you, eviscerating all the guards into nothing.

[ Affinity up! Lv 5 -> Lv 15 Edge Shadow ]
[ Level up bonus: Inventory expanded! (ALLOCATE: +500MB) ]
[ New Skill: Nether Shredder (Edge, SP 0%, Description: Requires Cursed Weapon. Unleash a burst of shockwaves in a large cone in front of you.) ]

You take a moment to catch your breath, then realize what you just did. Your hand shakes, dropping the dagger.

The moment it hits the ground, it pixelizes back into your inventory.

You death-grip your wrist once more and fall to your knees. "I hate this...I don't wanna let it win, Peon."

They fly back unto your head. "I haven't the slightest clue what you are on about, mortal, but we are clearly on the cusp of victory here! Especially with your impressive powers! Er...impressive for a mere mortal, that is!"

You sigh and try to grip your wrist again, but you lost the will to put power in your grip.

Shall you continue escorting Peon?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

You're starting to get a clue as to how the miasma works.

As you run up, another guard runs through, but you don't get the chance to take a good look at them since Peon already skewered them.

You finally make it up the stairs, leading you to a very wide corridor with more stairs at the end.
Wide, and lined with dozens of guards that were waiting for you at the top.

Peon uses the last of the conjured miasma to shoot down a few of them, but many still remain. "Mortal, I require more!"

You're a lot more reluctant to use the miasma now.
Something feels off about weaponizing your negativity. You get a bad vibe continuing like this.
Then again, you're surrounded. You could try to maneuver past them, or fight them the old fashioned way.
You look at your finger again. Is it worth it?

What do you do?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Evi: Negotiate to the nearest tavern

Tavern? Do they even have taverns here? Is alcohol (hopefully) a thing here? Only one way to find out.

You stand tall, pretending like this guard did not just point a deadly weapon at you. "Business? I got a business date with a lil' lady named booze!"

Oh, looks like you can stop pretending, since the guard points it at you again, even closer to you. "I am not one for jest."

You raise your hands. "Whoa there! A lil' stab-happy, aintcha? I'm just tryin' t'find a tavern 'ere!"

He pulls back his spear. "If you shall not state your business, then I must turn you back. Forcefully!" he shouts as he lunges right at you.

Heck. Taverns? Weren't you trying to get to the throne? Why'd you even think about talking about taverns? You don't remember being this much of an alcoholic.

>Idk man I just specialize in funny answers

Wonderful. You think about all the ways you could get a joke out of getting your throat impaled as not to disappoint. Sadly you might have to disappoint.

As always.

Suddenly, black smoke rises from your finger. It quickly forms into a wall, which halts the guard's attack.

The smoke then winds up into a javelin, then flies right through the guard, killing him instantly.

Before you have time to be taken aback, you see Peon descend in front of you, pointing forward.

They pant a little. "That's it...mortal! Keep producing that miasma! With it, we'll be able to power through this Kingdom's paltry defenses!"

You're not sure where it's really coming from, but you nod and push forward. Though, forward isn't too far now, since the castle is right in plain view now.

From the very top of it, a black firework goes off, followed by the sound of thunderous metallic footsteps.

A pair of guards, looking just like the last one, burst from the metal gates of the castle front with spears in hand.

Peon readies a battle stance. "Alright mortal! Prepare the miasma!"

You look to your finger and try really hard to force it out, but instead you sneeze. "I...I ain't sure how, Peon! I think it just kinda happens."

"They approach with haste! You have no choice in the matter here, mortal!"

You try even harder, to the point where your hand's shaking. Still, nothing comes out. "It's not working...I can't do it, Peon."

Your hand lowers back to your side before you could realize it's starting to smoke up again.

"I guess I'll just...die bein' a failure. Sorry I couldn't be a good escort t'ya, Peon--"

Looking up, you suddenly realize that Peon's covered in dense black smoke. It then erupts into shadowy tendrils which impale the guards up ahead. "Wonderful, mortal! You truly are a Fallen! Now, onwards!"

You blink a bit. This miasma stuff just isn't making sense to you. Regardless, you nod reluctantly and run through the gate.

Once inside, you see a large room with gothic furnishing, as well as a staircase complete with angry guards running towards you.

Peon uses the leftover miasma to shank them with shadow quills, dispatching them. "Up the stairs, mortal. And get ready to produce more miasma for the coming army!"

You make your way up the stairs which the guards ran through. "I still ain't sure how it comes out, Peon. My fingers won't listen t'me." You continue up the stairs, still trying to force miasma out, but to no avail. "Nobody listens t'me. Not even myself."

Smoke starts clouding your vision, but it clears up once Peon absorbs it into a shadowy forcefield around themselves. "Are you sure, mortal? It seems to be pouring out naturally!"
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

delaying update (as always :y)
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

shmup
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

You hold the knife firmly, with no hesitation. For what felt like an eternity of silence, the words finally slip out of your own mouth:

"I do."

The knife morphs into the [ Cursed Dagger ], and you reel it down with the swiftness of a violin's staccato.

Everything goes black. You don't remember the rest.

The silhouette appears before you again, clearer than ever before. It takes your exact form, smiling like you do.

You hold your wrist, which aches as you glare into the doppelganger's eyes. "Ya follow me around, even in this game. I nearly forgot why I was even playin' in the first place til ya showed up. Why can't ya leave me alone for once?!"

It caresses your face. "You're a funny one, lady. Y'can't just smile everything away and pretend like nothing ever happened." It holds your hand--the one you were nursing. "Y'can't even hold a violin properly anymore. Do y'think y'can smile that away?"

You say nothing. All you can do is glare it down.

It holds your other hand. "Ya can't get rid o'me. So long as ya love the knives--so long as ya love me, I ain't ever goin' away."

And thus, smoke engulfs your vision once again.

It slowly clears out as you cough up again.

"--tal. Mortal! Awaken already!" shouts Peon as they slap your face with wings aggressively.

You jolt up like you just woke up from a nightmare. You look at your hands, still shaking from what should have been a long-forgotten feeling. You take off the glove of your right hand and see a certain scar that never left.

Peon lands on your wrist. "So this is the source of your Fallen nature, mortal? I'm truly impressed at how much miasma it houses! You were covered in so much of it that it took me forever to absorb it!"

You slowly get back up and put your glove back on. "Peon...just...what th'heck are the Fallen? Why do I gotta be one o'them? I wanna be normal again."

They fly up and sit on your head again. "Normal? You were never normal, mortal! Neither you nor I are. We both have lost a large part of ourselves and have since Fallen into our current selves."

You hesitate in moving your body again, but you muster the strength to continue walking. "What are ya--"

Peon tugs your hair towards a diffent direction. "You are headed the wrong way, mortal! The throne is that way!"

You absentmindedly look towards the way 'forward.' Suddenly it dawns on you; you can finally see what Peon meant by the Kingdom. Pillars of black flames line your surrondings, forming what looks to be the Kingdom walls. A large, foggy, castle-like structure prominently looms over you, where 'forward' is.

You blink a few times. "Issat where the throne is?! That looks metal as heck! Actually, this entire place looks metal as heck!"

"Tis not a place of grandeur, mortal. Tis a land founded on suffering." They clench their fist. "And its denizens shall know true suffering for overthrowing my rule!--"

Suddenly, you're stopped by a dark spear being pointed against your throat. The owner of the spear being a black knight covered in foggy armor. A ghastly voice comes out of it:

"Halt! You are approaching the abode of his majesty! State your business at once or turn away!"

You take a step back as not to get impaled on the spot, then try to feel for your head to ask Peon what to do. But it looks like they are hiding under your hood again. Great.

What do you do/say?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

The silhouette dissipates. You fall on your back, as though the wall was never there.

The floor disappears. Was there even a floor here?
It feels like you've been falling forever.

In your hand, you're holding a violin. It's been so long. You wonder if you still remember it.
You only ever remember one song--Canon in D. A song you always wanted to play at a wedding.

The whispers pervade your ears as the gentle chords of Canon sing out from the strings.

"You were doing so well in high school...what's going on with you now? Don't end up like your father." says the same voice of the woman from earlier. "Or you might die just like him, with no real dreams."

The silhouette returns, embracing you from behind.
You don't dare to look back. All you see are misty hands caressing your arms. You continue to play without acknowledging it.

The whispers start sounding like crackles. The sharp, crisp sound of skin being slapped echoes around you.

"I need to borrow money from you again...not like your job at the pizza place gives you much anyway..." she says again.

You wanted to shout back at her, to call her hypocritical when she herself isn't even employed.
But your voice refuses to work.

"I need more..."

You try to cover your ears, but your arms are being held in place by the hands, forcing you to continue to play.
The sound of bottles breaking rings out.

"I pawned off your violin. I needed more money...Alcohol isn't cheap, you know. It's the least you could do to show gratitude for the roof on your head."

You look up and see murky water drippling from drywall. She hasn't fixed that roof in years. It's always been leaking.

The murky water starts turning red; its consistency slowly shifting from something watery to something thicker.

It splashes on your wrist.

You finally hit the floor. You've always been on the floor. It's where you belong.
Sitting up, you look at your wrist again, curiously gazing at the red stain on your skin. Were you holding something earlier? You can't remember.
You slowly get to your feet, trying to keep your balance. You lean against the sink. Water refuses to come out. You gaze in the mirror as you aimlessly wait for any single drop to emerge.

You see yourself reflected. But you don't see you. This isn't you. You don't know what you are.

"Nobody loves ya...but y'know exactly where t'find it," says your own voice once again, with the mouth of the reflection moving, but not your own.

Suddenly, in your other hand, you're holding a knife with a shaky, but firm grip.

"Nobody will ever embrace ya...except th'cold touch o'steel."

You slowly bring your hand over to your other hand, still holding the dagger firmly.

"The knives will give ya what ya want. They can never disappoint ya."

You turn your free hand so that your palm's facing up.

Behind the mirror, you can see the fuzzy screen of an old TV flashing out in a dark room. The fuzziness clears up, and you see a familiar woman in a wedding dress. You refuse to acknowledge that woman.
The volume of the TV grows louder, with the dissonant sound of Canon ringing in your ears.

"Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her for better or worse?" says the TV in unison with an unknown voice...coming from the knife.

You close your eyes and try to shut out what you're hearing, but the violins of Canon grow sharper and louder.

"...in sickness in health...be faithful to her...for as long as you both shall live?"

The violins stop. You open your eyes. The mirror still shows the TV. Except, that woman is there in person now, clinging onto the TV as she sobs.
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

(Warning: Gets a little dark up ahead. Read with caution.)
>Evi: Escort Peon, leaving trails along the way.

You take a firm step on the ground, confirming that it does leave a noticeable footprint. With this, Krugg should be able to find you if he does come back.

You start marching forward. "I ain't much of a waitin'-around kinda gal! Let's get to adventurin'!"

Peon bops your head. "This is no mere adventure, mortal! This is a sacred--"

You poke them. "Nitpicky as always! Can ya just point to where we gotta be?"

They grumble. "I'll overlook that transgression for now! But only to focus on the task at hand! Now, head that way!" they say, pointing forward.

Where forward is, or what it even means around here, you're not sure. Regardless, you don't have much to go off of except for your faith in Peon.

As you traverse ahead, the purple fog gets darker and thicker. You hear the ominous low-pitched howl of the wind as it blows through you.

You hold yourself to keep yourself warm through the chilly breeze. "Golly, where are we, Peon? What am I even escortin' ya to?"

"You stand in the Fallen Kingdom, mortal! Currently, we head for my rightful throne!"

You look left and right. "Uh, hate t'break it t'ya, but I don't see a kingdom?"

Peon circles around your face, leaving behind a trail of black smoke. "You must accept the miasma, mortal! The Kingdom only shows itself to those who are Fallen." They poke your chest. "I can sense it within you, mortal. The heart of a Fallen. I would have accepted nothing less from my escort."

You breathe in the smoke they leave behind. Immediately, you start coughing; it feels like you just inhaled a bunch of cigarettes. "Kuh...whaddya do that for?!" you yell at Peon.

They say something back at you, but you can't make out what the words are. It's all muffled.
You look left and right again. You see humanoid silhouettes made of smoke. "Wh-what th'heck are these, Peon?" you shakily ask your companion, but looking back to where they were, all you see is black smoke. Your vision gets more and more obscured. The winds start sound more and more like whispers.

"Everything is okay," it says.

You look around to find where that came from, but all you see around you is black. You look at your hands, quivering like you're losing control of them.

"It's okay...because nobody likes you," you hear from the same voice.

You take a step back, confused and afraid. You feel sweat running down your cheek. You wipe it off your face, but your fingers show nothing.

"Just kidding, you're surrounded by love."

Your heart feels like it's being held in your hand, tightly squeezed as your fist is right now.

"That love isn't real. Nothing is. You don't deserve it."

Suddenly, you see a hand grab your wrist. You dart your head to the owner of the hand: another humanoid silhouette of smoke.

You try to let go, but you can't feel your arms right now.

Its head clears up a bit, revealing an exact copy of your face. Its mouth starts to move.

"Ya don't deserve anything," it says, with your own voice. "'Specially freedom from me."

It grabs your other wrist, pinning you against what feels like a rough, concrete wall that you can't see.

The face changes into that of a peculiar old woman. Tears well up from her face. Out comes a different voice.

"You're nothing but a burden on this household. A burden on your own mother."

You struggle with all your might to get her off of you, kicking and screaming, but your voice won't come out. The kicks won't reach her. It feels like she's so far away, yet she's right against you.
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

Peon flies over to her finger. "Pathetic, mortal! You should be able to handle this much miasma if you wish to continue escorting me!"

The black aura and smoke start gathering towards him, until eventually he just looks like a black sphere of mist.
The sphere slowly collapses and starts taking form into something more human-like.
Like a caterpillar hatching into a butterfly, this butterfly hatches into...some kind of...dark...fairy?
The mist around him clears, until he finally shows up looking like a much smaller version of Evi, but with butterfly wings.

He wiggles the fingers of his newly formed hands. "Yes...I can feel the power! Soon, I will be able to take back what's rightfully mine!--"

>Evi: Awaken.

You swats Peon away as you bring your hands to your eyes to rub them. You then slowly sit up and stretch your arms out. "Oof...that landin' coulda been smoother. I'm so glad I don't gotta worry about broken bones 'ere."

A minature version of you suddenly starts flying erratically in your face, pouting exactly like you usually do. "Mortal! Hurry and recollect yourself! We are at the verge of reaching my goal here, and thus we have much to do!--"

You grab her instinctually. "Whoa, Peon, issat you?! I didn't know you we're a girl!"

Peon wails on your hands, trying to break free of your grasp. "Unhand me, Mortal! And I am not a girl! Gods have no use for trivial concepts like that!"

You unleash him...her? You unleash them back into the wild. "Golly, you sure look adorable like that, Peon! I mean, you looked adorable as a butterfly, but this is a different kind of adorable, ya feel me?"

Peon flies up to your face and slaps your nose, which really just feels like a poke to you. "Gods also have no use for aesthetics! Now let us depart!--"

Evi gets up on her feet and looks around. "Golly, there sure ain't a lot to see out here, huh? Oh! Where's Krugg?!"

"If you are seeking your large companion, he flew away a long time ago to 'get help'. Pathetic that he must resort to the intervention of outsiders when I am present! "

You look up to the 'sky'. "So, hold up, you mean he still hasn't come back?"

"You would certainly be seeing him here otherwise, would you not?" they say with crossed arms. "I would not advise waiting a minute longer. Danger might be lurking."
Peon flies over to your head and sits. "More importantly, we are very close to where I need to be! If you escort me further, I can help you escape trivially! Or even find your friend! Consider it a favor under my Godhood!"

That does sound interesting to you and might be better than being a sitting duck in the middle of nowhere, but you do wonder if Krugg might come back anytime soon.

What do you do?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Nobert: Don't abandon Evi

You swat Dani's hands off your shirt. "Dude, no! What the shit?! Weren't you all 'ooh I'm Dani I love playing with my fucking friends' and then you go and pull this crap? What if it was me you were abandoning?"

She rolls her eyes at you, but all you register from her bucket is silence.

"Okay forget the bit about me, I know I'm not the most likable, and--on second thought, all three of us are unlikeable, BUT still! I refuse to abandon Evi! Our fucking friend!"

Dani looks into the distance, takes a deep breath, then looks at you with balled up fists and a calm face. "Then...I'll see you at the finish line...sarcastic stranger."

With that, a burst of wind erupts from Dani, knocking you off of the ship.

As you're plummetting to the ground, you can distantly hear Val above yelling "Whoa, Nopants! Are you--"

"Don't worry about him," says Dani with no remorse. "He's stupid like that sometimes. But he'll catch up to us--"

In the next moment, all you see is gravel all over your face, as well as the bitter red flash on the corner of your HUD that normally would have just looked like a number to you. But this time, it truly stings.

HP [ 20% ]

You slowly get back up, dusting off the debris off of you.

They're far gone now. She's far gone now. Now this, you have no choice but to roll with it.
You certainly would have loved to flip her off as you fell.
In fact, you certainly have a way to do that right now.

You materialize your good old [ Laptop ].

satellyte is offline.

That won't stop you.

nopants: You absolute asshat.
nopants: I honestly have no words for you.
nopants: Which is just fine, because I can be using this time to save my friend. Dick.

You then slam the laptop shut. That'll show her!
...You open up the laptop again.

satellyte is offline.
nopants: Friends.*
nopants: Also I don't mean that I'm saving a friend named Dick, I meant I'm saving Evi.
nopants: I mean, I'll be saving her the moment I'm done telling you off.
nopants: Look, point is, you fucking suck. But I did tell you about me, which makes you my friend.
nopants: So if you ever get a chance to see this, I promise you that I will personally deck you in the boob.
nopants: And then we'll have a nice talk about feelings.
nopants: All three of us.

You then close the laptop and pixelize it back to your inventory.
Feeling less steamed, you start marching towards the opposite direction of where they were flying.

...

>Evi: Awaken

You are most certainly not awakening.

>Narrator: Narrate what's going on with Evi

That doesn't seem like a legal literary move.

>Your face is not legal.

Okay, fine, if it'll make you more polite about it.

Peon emerges from Evi's hood, then flies to her unconscious face. "Awaken, mortal! You have much to do!"

No response.

He tries divebombing into her face. That usually annoys her.

Still nothing.

However, he notices something strange about her; there is a black aura eminating all around her, with an especially thick black smoke fuming out of the x-shaped wound on her fingertip. Looking around, with nothing but gravel and purple fog ahead, he finally realizes where he is.

"I can feel my powers coarsing here..." He flutters around energetically. "Am I perhaps, home?!"

The smoke gets even thicker.
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

been busy with life dudes but rest assured, i will def get an update in sometime
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

updog
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

Your jaw drops. "What the hell did you just do."

She grins. "I fixed it! I mean, yeah it costs like a million Icas but that's nothing! Are you newbies impressed?!"

Dani death-grips your shoulder. "Please tell me you have made her your ally."

You slap her hand away. "Nah, but I'm friends with her friend Dwayne so that's good enough--"

Val grabs your hands and starts leading you towards the ship. "C'mon, let's go find your friend! Adventure!"

You instinctually grab Dani, creating a conga line to the ship.

The layout looks nearly identical to Krugg's ship. Truly the pinnacle of lazy game design.
Val runs up to the wheel of the ship and spreads her Dragon wings out. "Alright! So, where to, friends?"

Dani points towards a peculiar direction. "Our friend should be that way."

Val gives a thumbs up, and the ship starts taking off.

You walk up to Dani. "Hey, wait, isn't that where we came from? How'd you even know where they crashed?"

"Nobert. Hear me out here. We have free access to the other airship, and she could easily fix it up too so we could fulfill the airship requirement for invading the final dungeon. And she's heavily decked out." Dani's breathing starts getting heavier. "Victory is literally right within our grasp, Nobert! It's just. Right. There!"

Your brow tenses up. "Wait, you're seriously just gonna abandon Evi?"

"Evi can handle herself just fine! I'm sure she'll be able to meet up with us again!" She grabs you by your shirt. "We can finally win and since Evi's part of our group, she wins too if we do! Don't you get it Nobert?!"

You're not sure how to react to this.
What do you do/say?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Nobert: Make more Disney references in a halfhearted attempt to cheer her up

Your eyes dart left and right trying to think of something, until you finally blurt out "Obama."

She stops sobbing, but mostly out of confusion. "O...what?"

Why the fuck did you say Obama. "Y'know, uh, from Lilo and Stitch! Obama means family. And family means you gotta die at some point. Like, uh, the Cars franchise."

She pauses for a while. "...What?"

You crouch and grab her shoulders. "Look, point is, Wall-E didn't need friends and neither do you."

"B-but, Wall-E had that little roach pal! And Eve--"

You shake her a little. "Oh hell no. He didn't need Eve. He was about to single-handedly create an entire goddamn city out of a pile of shit. You don't need friends."

Her mouth slants a bit. "So, does this mean I DON'T get a roach pal?"

You let out a long exhale, then grab a pebble and shove it into her hand. "Alright, fine, here. Your new pal. His name's, uh...Dwayne. And thus you and Dwayne lived happily ever after. Go suck three dicks and do something productive with your life already."

Her eyes sparkle as she beholds her new friend in her hands. "I would die for you, Dwayne." She then looks up at your and embraces you. "You're the best, Nopants! You should, like, totally join my guild!"

You slowly shove her back. "First of all, too close there, pal."

Her eyes sparkle even more. "Pal?! Does that mean we're friends too?!--"

"Second of all, I'm not sure if I can be in a guild whose leader is, uh...how'd you manage to lead a bunch of people again?"

She grins. "That's easy! I'm the only one in the guild! It's the easiest job ever!"

You die inside a little. "...What. The fuck. How?"

"Well, my friends used to run it, but then they died. So by default, I'm now in charge--wait...my friends are gone and I'm taking all their things." She starts sobbing again. "I'm a terrible friend!!"

You shake her shoulders again. "No no, not this shit again. Look, I've had shitty friends and you're nothing like them. Granted, none of them died and neither have I so I don't actually know how a bad friend is post-mortem, BUUUUUT you're probably fine."

She rubs her eyes. "Y-you mean it?"

You stand up. "Fuck no. But I'm sure Dwayne does! Isn't that right Dwayne?"

Dwayne says nothing.

"Y'see? Dwayne's silence means he's in AWE of how great you are. Now, seriously, can you get the fuck up already? I have a whiny girl to find. Actually I guess I have two whiny girls to find."

Suddenly, Dani appears behind you. "Alright, I have successfully calmed down. What did I miss?"

"I now have one whiny girl to find."

Val gets up and dusts herself off. "Oh yeah! You're looking for a pirate ship or something, right? I can help with that! I'm good at finding things! Like...like, um, Bolt?"

You cross your arms. "Yeah? With that fucked up airship of yours? And Jesus, does anyone even still remember Bolt?"

She twirls around and walks up to her ship. "Oh, I can fix this up in a jiffy! Like they did in Cind--"

"Alright, I get the point just bippity boppity do your shit already!" you interject.

She focuses on the ship, just like you would when you're activating a prompt. In the next instant, the ship just pops back into pristine condition.
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

uppin
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Ask about Val's equipment

You shrug. "Welp, it's just you and me, Belle. Except my respect for you is way down here now."

She tilts her head in confusion. "Belle?--"

You crouch down to meet her eye-to-eye. "Better think fast, princess. I got a third question for you. Where--"

Her eyes start sparkling. "Did you just call me a princess?! Do you mean it?! Oh oh! Is that why I'm Belle now? Like from Disney--"

"Overruled," you say while shoving your palm on her mouth. "I'm gonna have to cut you off right there before Walt Disney himself smites us for copyright or something. Wait, am I even allowed to mention his name? Is this like Voldemort? Oh shit, is that one a gray area too?"

She giggles. "You talk a lot."

You jab her nose with your finger. "Uh. No. YOU talk a lot, Sal--"

She claps her hands together. "Oh, Sal! Like salmon? I love seafood! But does this mean I'm no longer a princess? Oh wait, maybe this means I'm a mermaid like Ariel now?!"

You stand up and rub your head. "Oh my god, where the hell is your off switch? Ugh, look, can I just ask my question already?"

She leans forward. "Of course! I'm all ears! ...Like Dumbo!"

"Can we stop with the--" you take a breather, "look, I just wanna ask where you got your equipment."

Her sword pixelizes from the ground and back into her hand. "Oh, all this? My friend gave them to me. But then she died. So sad to see her go."

"Wait, like, the same friend that told you about the wish thing?"

"No silly, my other friend! I have many friends! Like Snow White!"

You pause for a bit. "...but they're all dead?"

She pixelizes the blade away. "Haha, nah! Just those two. But wait, I guess they were my only friends? At least in this game? So..." her face suddenly gets overcome with despair. "Oh my gosh. My friends are gone."
Suddenly, she bursts into tears.

Oh hell, this is NOT your scene. And Dani's not here to do the hard work for you. What do you do/say?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Nobert: Ask about Lex Luthor

You clear your throat. "Soooo, uh, is Lex Luthor black?"

Val blinks a few times. "Wh--"

"Y'know, from the Superman comics? The bald guy? Or was he not bald in some issues? Back me up here, Dani."

She looks away. "Back you up on what? This is an absurd question."

You sigh. "You are officially uninvited to my damnation."

Val laughs awkwardly and bats her eyelids at you again.. "Oh hon, I don't think it really matters how this Rex Buford person looks like--"

You shush her. "Hold. The fuck-phone. Did you just disrespect Lex Luthor? Muthafuckin' Lex Luthor? You walk in here looking like female Thor crossed with Deathstroke and you dare to butcher Lex fucking Luthor?!" You lean closer and stare her down. "Look lady, I don't give a three-legged flying fuck about your level, your equipment, or your libido, but if I don't get an answer here soon, you get to burn in hell alone."

She starts sweating. "I only said I know this game--"

You lean in even closer. "IS LEX LUTHOR BLACK. ANSWER THE QUESTION."

She stumbles back unto her butt. Tears start welling up in the corner of her eyes. "I...I don't know anything!" she cries out with a way higher-pitched voice than her previous deep flirty voice. "*sob* I'm just on a power trip and thought I could seduce anyone!"

Dani runs up to comfort her, then glares at you with the intensity of a bucket. "I am both impressed and appalled at you. Mostly the latter." She tries to pat Val on the back, but instead pats her head like a dog. "Also ma'am, the answer is no, he is not black."

Val sniffles a bit more. "He...he isn't?"

She gives her a disgustingly gentle smile, not that it could be seen. "It doesn't actually matter. Because we have other, more productive questions to ask you." She glares at you again. "Isn't that right, Nobert?"

>Ask if she knows anything about Dani's secret.

You look away while scratching your neck. "Uh, yeah! Totally. Let's see...what's, uh, what's the point of winning this game?"

Dani looks at you like you just stepped on her metaphorical puppy.

She claps her hands together. "Oh! I know this one! You get any wish granted! Like a genie!"

You raise an eyebrow, then glare at Dani. "...That's it? Seriously? THAT's your fucking secret Dani? A goddamn wish? Shit dude, how could my desire for physically bottomless breadsticks at Olive Garden be anything other than harmless? Why the fuck would you deny me of that, Dani?!"

She digs her hands into her own face. "I. Am done. I've been playing this game in fear of breaking the rules set for me, and this assfaced bimbo crashes down here with the forbidden knowledge of the Seers and just blindly tells somebody about it. What the fuck." She starts shaking Val by her shoulders. "Where did you even hear that from?!"

Val shakes her head to reorient herself. "I...uh, oh! I heard it from my former party member! But then she immediately died right after telling me. So sad to see her go."

Dani flails her arms up. "GOD--" she slams her buckethead against the gravel "--DAMNIT." She gets up and walks past you. "I. Am going to calm myself. This idiot is all yours, Nobert."

(gonna post the rest of the update later tonight. unless you guys want to shoot another input from here, then go ahead)
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

down
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Nobert: flirt with her while not so subtly prying her for information

You try to shrug off your pain. "What kind of man am I? Uh, human, I guess?"

Dani whispers in your ear. "What are you doing?"

You look at her, disgruntled, and whisper back. "What are YOU doing? I preferred it when you were more quiet about things, can we go back to that?"

"That is not important right now. You have an opportunity to get us back on track towards victory standing right in front of you, flaunting herself! Also an opportunity for love. But mostly victory."

You roll your eyes. "Fuck it, fiiine," you say, shoving her aside and standing up straight. "Sorry, I misspoke. I'm a very fuckable man. In fact, that is the only trait that is interesting about me so you should refrain from asking any more about me." You turn to Dani with a thumbs up.

She facepalms at you.

Val raises a mischievous eyebrow at you. "Wrow. I'm sure you are. What say you and I--"

You put your finger against her lip, shushing her. "Look, let's just cut the bullshit here. You let me know if you saw a pirate ship on your way from crashing here. If you did, great. You lead us to it, we'll go have a nice romantic candlelit [REDACTED], we find our friend, I leave you as a one night stand, you start missing me and try to call me but you forgot to get my number not that it matters since I don't have a cellphone in this game anyway, I don't even stop to think about you for any time after this encounter, I die, you hear about it and come to my funeral along with your children to make up for not coming during our first and only sexual encounter but hopefully that's not your fault, and then you cremate me and use my ashes for a shaman ritual to open a gateway to hell where you can then burn in damnation next to me for eternity."
You adjust your collar. "But like, in a friends-only kind of mutual damnation not a, uh, a romantic one."

Val blinks a few times to process everything you said. "Wh--"

You clear your throat. "Also you tell me everything that newbies like us should know so that we can start sucking less at this dumbass game."

She rubs her eyes. "Wrow. Okay. I was not expecting that kind of spunk from you." She puts a finger to your chin. "I like that a lot. Well, I didn't see a pirate ship, but what do you wanna know, hon'? I know this game inside-out." She bats her eyelids. "Or you could get to know me inside-out."

You turn to Dani and whisper to her. "Is it just me or is this lady actually fucked in the head?"

She crosses her arms. "You are both not well in your heads. A perfect match, I would say. Now come on, don't leave her in suspense!"

What do you say/ask?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

double up
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

up
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit

>Dani: Ask how their ship crashed and if they saw the pirate one

You point at the lady. "Oh look Nobert, a convenient distraction from our emotionally charged conversation, how wonderful!" You turn to her with a business smile. "Excuse me miss, but what is the story behind your crashed airship?"

She scoffs at you. "Oh, this thing? Well, this thing is the pride and joy of the Darkhelm guild. And the situation behind it is a little too far ahead for you newbies, but I happen to be fighting my way to the Labyrinth."

Nobert smirks. "I sure don't see a lot of fighting right now."

She pixelizes her giant rainbow-emitting sword. "I'm sorry, did you want to see some fighting?"

You shove Nobert aside. "Haha, please do not worry about him. He's, uh, just very shy around women."

"What? No I'm not--"

You elbow him. "Haha, he's very adamant about his denial. Anyway, would you happen to have seen another crashed airship around here? It looks kind of like a pirate ship.--"

She stabs her sword into the gravel and starts walking towards Nobert. "No wait, I'm more interested about this. Usually, guys get scared real easily around me, but this one's actually shy?"

He flails his arms. "Seriously? Do I look shy right now? Is that what I'm giving off here--"

You elbow him in the groin, causing him to writhe in pain a bit. "Do you see? He is hunched over from how shy he is."

She raises a curious eyebrow. "Well aren't you adorable. Y'know, you totally look like my type. Especially with your avant garde sense of fashion."

He continues to writhe. "Avant garde? That's the word we're using here? Dani, what the fuck are you trying to pull here--"

You give a loud and fake laugh. "Haha! Oh Nobert, you are simply ever so helpless, having to turn to me in a panic. I'm afraid I cannot help you this time."

He looks at you with a face that screams "Really?"

The lady leans over towards Nobert, getting pretty up close in his face. "I'm usually not one for small talk, but I'm Valkyria. In this game, at least. But to you, sweetie? You can call me Val."

He huffs a bit from the pain. "Yeah, hoo, great, hi, uh, Val. Look, this isn't really a good time, I, uh, need special attention for my special needs area--"

She giggles. "Ooh, playing hard to get, are you? I like that. So tell me about yourself, Nopants. What kind of man are you?"

What do you (Nobert) say?/How do you act?
---

How to open a door, Step one: https://imgur.com/EWKRS
For those with pants - https://tinyurl.com/strangebutyourollwithit