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Topicdarkx ranks all 426 Survivor contestants
AdmiralZephyr
06/17/12 9:17:00 PM
#354:


355. Jonathan Libby (Palau, 20th place)

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Few if any people in Survivor history have gotten as short a stick as Jonathan did in their stint on the show. Kourtney and MAYBE Wanda are the only ones with the right to say a damn thing. He was out of the game halfway into the first episode all because he was picked last in the schoolyard pick, and he barely got any screen time in those 20 minutes. That being said, what little screen time he DID get made him look like a total douchebag. He selfishly jumped out of the boat to try to be the first ashore to claim the immunity idol, but actually ended up being the last to shore. Then it seemed like he was pissing people off enough to make them want to get him out first, which resulted in him not being picked by either of the tribes (despite the fact that, "I really thought I would have been picked by now.") and being probably the physically strongest first boot in Survivor history. Basically Jonathan was a waste of a spot in the cast, and the whole season would have been done a huge favor if he and Kim had just been cut from the season completely and we went through the game with two tribes of 9. That way Wanda would have lasted and we wouldn't have had a totally bogus twist to start the game. Oh, and one more hilarious thing to note about Jonathan - apparently he and Wanda were originally going to be the two that they brought back for Guatemala, but the producers were eventually like, "F*** these two" and brought back the ever popular Stephenie and Bobby Jon instead. Good choice to not bring back Jonathan. He would look so bizarre in the list of people who have played more than once (even more bizarre than a certain rumored S26 returnee). Wanda on the other hand I wouldn't mind seeing again someday.


354. John Paul "J.P." Calderon (Cook Islands, 17th place)

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Okay you guys can all put your pitchforks down, J.P. is finally out. Though I don't know why there was such an uproar over him still being in this whole time. Yeah, he was an arrogant, alpha male douchebag, but he wasn't COMPLETELY bad. We got to see him get stood up to and shut up by the fat, friendless kid, and we got to see him have a super blindside. But all in all the truth is that yes, we was an arrogant, alpha male douchebag, and not a very interesting one at that, so he still lands in the crap tier. Ranking aside, if you were to tell me back when Cooks was airing ago that there was a closeted gay on the season, J.P. would have been my absolute last guess. So you can imagine my surprise when he came out.


353. Brett Clauser (Samoa, 4th place)

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This one I'm sure will get quite a bit of reaction, simply due to the fact that Brett didn't do much of anything good or bad in Samoa. And that, my friends, is essentially the reason why he's in this spot on the list - he was a crap character who went far. Given, the editors are quite a bit to blame for that. I mean, the guy won three straight immunity challenges late in the game, came one spot in a challenge away from winning a million dollars, and yet he got one of the least-saturated edits in Survivor history. And because he won three challenges at the end, he came in THIRD for Fan Favorite. That kinda pissed me off. But I have a feeling that his edit wasn't totally unjustified. Brett was probably just really boring, and even if he had won they probably didn't have a ton to work with from him. And there have been far more hilariously invisible edits both before and after him, so he doesn't even get that going for him. Basically Brett was a wasted character, and both he and the editors are to blame for that.

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