Chapter 8
"Sword of evil's bane," said firefdr in awe. He examined the sword that he had received as his weapon in wonder, looking over every inch of it. It was a fine piece of work and exuded power.
"YEAH!" screamed a voice right behind fire, which caused him to nearly jump out of his skin. Fortunately, he did not. That would have been messy even by the standards of this game, and did you read the last chapter?
fdr turned around. Standing there was a guy wearing a rather ostentatious "University of Kentucky" hoodie and looking generally terrible.
"Who the hell are you?" shouted fdr before remembering he had to kill people. He swung his sword viciously at the figure and it went right through him.
Ignoring this completely, the man said "I'm MichaelWClark, and I am your Master Sword Guide™!"
"uhh...great?" said a still-shaken-up firefdr.
"Awesome! I know a ton about the Master Sword that nobody knows about and I place incredible value in just how powerful and awesome it is. With me around you will be able to get full value out of your Master Sword™!"
"yay," said fdr. He was still befuddled by this but decided to just go with it, since he couldn't kill the guy.
"Now at this point I am required to ask you how you would rate your service so far, on a scale from 1-10. It's a company thing."
"Oh. Well, I appreciate the help but you DID make me jump when you screamed, so I'd say...about an 8.8?"
MWC roared in outrage. "NO. F*** YOU. YOU DO NOT GIVE ME THAT TOXIC SCORE I WILL END YOU AND BREAK YOU."
"Jeez, relax. Rise above hate. Hustle, work harder, show some loyalty and respect to your client."
"HR80342qew9id0fuwHYGFHHIO!!!!!" screamed MWC.
"Alright Big Papi, just calm-"
The sound that emanated from MWC could not be accurately expressed in words.
Fire and MWC's relationship was never quite the same after that outburst. MWC described the functions of the Master Sword accurately, but with lots of CAPITAL LETTERS so I won't bother explaining most of it.
"FOR EXAMPLE, in my world the Master Sword can shoot lightning from its ass."
"But it doesn't even have an a-"
"IT CAN SHOOT LIGHTNING FROM ITS ASS!"
"OK, jeez," said fdr wearily. They had been there for about an hour.
"For example," said MWC, his teeth gritted to stop himself raging more, "look at this mysterious-looking guy with the top hat."
fdr looked. Sure enough, Stan walked past the window of the Chinese restaurant fdr had woken up in.
Stan had had a rough day, and it was about to get a lot worse. He didn't like his weapon much, but he knew he would just have to make do. Minio had told him secretly that she was betting on him to win, and so if he didn't she would haunt his soul after he died. Stan was a rational fellow for the most part and would normally reject such an outrageous claim, but when Stan had thought to himself "pfft, yeah right," Minio had shocked him again and said "I HEARD THAT!"
So yeah, Stan was pretty convinced that Minio would be able to mess with his soul. She was a talking, demonic kitten after all.
Stan saw his first opponent through the large window that dominated the front of the store at the same time as fdr saw him through it. Stan also saw MWC but he was instantly told by a voice in his head that he "wasn't a target". So Stan quickly ripped the top hat from his head and threw it threw the window - which it smashed with ease - aiming at fdr.
FDR was still arguing with MWC about the merits of nuking a city, while trying to get the lightning function to work. He only just managed to avoid the lethal top hat in time, but MWC was not so lucky. His head was removed. "Bah, this sucks," said the disembodied head.
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