Favorite Riffs (Short):
*We get a shot of two siblings*
Narrator: This boy and girl coming home from school look quite content with life. And why not?
Crow: They're high!
*Brother goes and answers the phone*
Narrator: He won't spend a lot of time on the phone.
Mike: He's mute.
*Sister walks in to talk to her Mother*
Mike (as Sister): Hi mom, I'm pregnant.
Narrator: Is it that late? Dad will be here any moment. Mother goes to the kitchen.
Servo: Where the postman eagerly awaits.
*Brother walks into the hallway, and walks right into Junior*
Narrator (as Brother): Hello there.
Servo (as Narrator): Who are you?
Narrator: Junior is always in a hurry, particularly for dinner. But first there is a cleanup job to do on this young man.
Crow: Brother runs a boy cleaning service on the side.
*The brothers go in their room*
Narrator: Brother takes it upon himself to help share Junior's responsibility for keeping their room in good order, and keeping Junior in good order, too.
Mike (as Narrator): Brother has a strong psychological grip on Junior.
*The family gathers around to enter dinner*
Narrator: Brother seats mother like he would his best girl.
Mike: The less said about this, the better.
Servo: Yeah...
Crow: Junior seats dad, and sister seats the dog, and the dog...
Narrator: No one starts eating until father has served himself.
Mike (as Narrator): This means you!
Narrator: Always wait for the hostess, in this case mother, to begin eating before you start.
Mike: Father feigns eating, draws Junior out, and disowns him!
*Brother takes a bite of food and makes an 'ok' sign*
Servo: This stinks!
*Narrator goes over some points about what not to do on "this date" as Sister rambles on*
Narrator: Don't monopolize the conversation and go on and on without stopping. Nothing destroys the charm of the meal more quickly.
Mike: Than having a personality!
Narrator: To say the rest of the family is bored is a gross understatement.
Servo (as Father): Mother do something!
Crow (as Father): At least I have two sons...
*The two sons starts discussing a fight*
Narrator: Don't discuss unpleasant topics such as gruesome sights and sounds. This is a time of pleasure and charm, remember?
Mike (as Father): I have no son!
Narrator: Don't make unkind comparrisons about your way of living. The dinnertable is no place for discontent. It makes dad and mother unhappy and uncomfortable.
Crow: They hate you enough as is.
Mike (as Father): Well. There it is. Spankings all around, then.
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http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.