Well Cloud does Tifa... once. And I'm not even sure if that's canon. Gonna go with
Kratos/Lloyd
Kratos/Zeus
If you've ever read anything about Greek mythology, then you won't even.need me explain why Zeus dwarfs the exploits of everyone in this contest except MAYBE Catheryn. Yep, even Jecht.
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Cupcakes! Cupcakes, cupcakes, CUPCAKES!!!