RAW
Wk. 1, 1/12
Pre-show: Melissa/Trish d. Maryse/Serena (73); Gabriel d. Estrada (62)
-EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero and ZigSwag are down to the ring to complain about their treatment in the tag title picture. It was supposed to be a three-way, and then Rock went and added the Harts! Clearly this is the only reason that the nWo retained over ZigSwag, and she demands restitution for her boys! HHH comes out to inform ZigSwag that the Harts got screwed even harder with that pre-match attack. Therefore, there will be reprecussions for the nWo, but the Hart Dynasty have dibs on a title shot. Air Boom are out next, and they're also upset. HHH concedes that both teams deserve better, so he has a proposal! Tonight, all four men will meet in a fatal four-way with a ten minute time limit. If somebody manages to win in that time frame, they will be granted a title shot at the Royal Rumble!
Rating: 74
-Match: Otungacutty v. Cena and JTG
They may not be spraypainting "JBL IS POOPY" on any cars, but Cena and JTG look like a fearsome team. By which I mean Cena is a main eventer and the other team is midcarders. Otunga and McGillicutty don't go down without a fight, but they do go down.
Rating: 79
Cena/JTG excellent chem oh boy oh boy
-Cena reminds us all that he has the Rock at Mania! He's gonna do that and more to him! COME GET SOME THE CHAMP IS HERE
Rating: 85
-Match: Primo v. Sheffield
Maybe someday ol' Skip will have an actual angle instead of squashing random undercarders. That day is not today.
Rating: 63
-Even Sheffield is bored of this, and cuts a quick promo seeking stronger competition.
Rating: 75
-Divas' Title: Beth (c) v. Kelly
It's almost a squash, but not quite. Beth gets an authoritative win.
Rating: 53
Awful chem
-Match: Hurricane/Parka v. Reks/Hawkins
One face is in the doghouse and the other is a jobber. Parka holds his own but yeah.
Rating: 57
-Ricardo introduces Del Rio! Del Rio brags about how he outsmarted the Big Red Machine and retained last night. Nobody can stop these two! It is their destiny, haha~
Rating: 86
-Match: Riley/Ryan v. Del Rio/Ricardo
That's right, RICARDO is stepping into the ring! He is booked pretty weak, but manages some moments of competence, which is all Del Rio needs to seal the deal.
Rating: 66
-Ricardo announces his and Del Rio's win as streamers fall from the ceiling. He makes a big show of putting the belt back around Del Rio, but KANE interrupts! Del Rio immediately bails, but Ricardo doesn't see him, and stays to fight. That's a mistake. That's a big mistake. Kane demolishes Ricardo and favors Del Rio with a sinister laugh before leaving.
Rating: 92
-US Title: Slater (c) v. Curtis
Soon the godking shall ascend to rule the land.
Rating: 53
-Slater and Cap'n Petey are doing the whole YES/YARR bit in the ring when Gabriel's music hits! Gabriel congratulates Slater on the big win, but proposes he take on some real competition so they can settle things once and fo-AAAEOOAAAAA SANTIIIIIIINOOOOOO! Santino angrily minces his way to the ring and hits the Cobra on Petey! Gabriel shrugs and leaves as Slater tends to his fallen Rookie and Santino celebrates.
Rating: 63
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq.
If you can read this, I'm probably posting from my phone or something!