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TopicAnagram Ranks Anything Blizzard Entertainment-related
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10/16/24 10:16:57 PM
#58:


Sarah Kerrigan: I'm going to just do all of Kerrigan at once, despite your nomination. Kerrigan in SC1 is fantastic. I love her, everyone loves her. She's the girl who gets mistreated by everyone except Raynor, gets corrupted by bad mojo, and then turns evil. And all throughout the Zerg campaign, you can argue that, oh, she's being mind-controlled, it's not really Kerrigan. And then in BW, no, it is absolutely Kerrigan. Maybe she got betrayed by Mengsk, maybe she got forced into being evil by the Overmind, but she chooses not to stop. She chooses to keep going because she likes it and she likes being the most powerful person in the room and she likes being in control. It's not the corruption anymore, it's Kerrigan herself. Something in her is broken, and Raynor finally realizes it and curses her and swears to avenge Fenix, and her last moment of humanity is to let him go, and her horrific actions leave her with all the power in the universe and nothing else. She has the most powerful force in the galaxy, the Zerg, and that is all she has. Everyone else has abandoned her, but she finally has her unlimited power and no one can ever betray her again. Perfect. 10/10, everything is great, I love it. And then SC2 rolls around. There are a lot of people who will tell you "oh, Wings of Liberty is still good, it's just the Zerg and Protoss campaigns that are bad," and while I agree that WoL is the best one, it's still bad, and much of that is down to Kerrigan. Here, it's revealed that no, actually Kerrigan was never evil. She was never corrupted by power and betrayed everyone. It was just mind control after all, and she psychically begs Raynor to rescue her using a Xel'naga bad mojo remover. The REAL Kerrigan is still a good girl, and the evil sarcastic Kerrigan from the first game is just a construct of the Overmind I guess, she's literally a different person, so Kerrigan isn't responsible for all of the evil actions she took. Like, it is so insulting and bad and stupid. You can correctly claim that it's not a plot hole, it does make sense that the evil version of Kerrigan would claim to Raynor that she's still the same person, but what is the narrative purpose of all of the scenes in SC1 where Infested Kerrigan reaffirms who she is, then? And for what? So that the Zerg don't have to be evil anymore in the SC2 campaign? We've already had SEVEN evil campaigns by this point (Orcs, Orcs, Undead, Undead, Zerg, UED, Zerg), so you can't tell me that it's impossible to write the perspective of the villains. And, God, that Zerg campaign in SC2. Kerrigan spends the ENTIRE TIME talking about how much she wants revenge on Mengsk for betraying her. She spends the ENTIRE GAME saying "I want to kill Mengsk because he got me corrupted by bad mojo." And it's like, yes this is Infested Kerrigan again, but she didn't give two shits about that in the first game. She's happy to work with Mengsk in BW, Kerrigan is completely goal-motivated and doesn't care about grudges at all. It makes so little sense. And this is more of a Raynor thing, but the fact in WoL that Zeratul shows up and tells him "if you kill Kerrigan, the universe will explode" completely takes away from any kind of moral choice Raynor has to make. God, I forgot about the ancient prophecy about Kerrigan being the savior of the universe and the Overmind secretly being a good guy who just wanted to help, Jesus Christ. Anyway, all of this culminates in Kerrigan turning into a ninety foot tall naked fire angel and shooting DBZ energy beams at aliens. I took nothing out of context, by the way, that's the culmination of her story, that's how she saves the universe. Then she and Raynor ride off into the sunset and are never seen again. So, how do I rank Kerrigan? I love her in the first game, I hate her in the second, so she ends up somewhere in the middle, sorry.
Lost Vikings
Warcraft: Orcs and Humans: I'm sorry, guys, but StarCraft is the first good RTS. WC1 and 2 suck. They are unplayable. The technology just wasn't there at the time. Having to individually select each unit and then give it commands and then select another unit, argh. It is so, soooooo slow and unbearable. I would say that SC is superior to this game in literally every single way. I won't fault the story, I mean, it's a step above an excuse plot, but I can't think of anything about this game I actually like that isn't also in the sequels. Obviously, bad games still exist, but I'd say the average quality of game in 2024 is much higher than in 1994. And this isn't even a minor game! This was one of the big, important games of the year!
Murky: This is some post-WotLK thing, isn't it? I never really got the love for Murlocs. They're just little fish guys you're supposed to kill by the dozen, who cares?
Warcraft (Film): It's just not very good, is it? It tries to retell the first two games' worth of plot in one movie while adding things from WoW, like the Draenei, and I just cannot imagine watching this without having already playing the games. There was a time when "the movie" was the highest thing your fictional property could aspire to, when that meant you hit the big time, and slowly that has ceased to be true. Like, honestly, even by the standards of video game movies, there's nothing here. Street Fighter has silly acting, Mortal Kombat has a rocking song, and Warcraft has... what, exactly? At best, it avoids embarrassing itself.

An Ancient Evil Returns
Do You Guys Not Have Phones?: This is the ultimate example of not reading a room. Clearly, anyone who cares enough to physically come to Blizzcon is going to be a huge video game nerd and not a casual phone game player. Nothing against phone game enjoyers, you're great and everything, but if you traveled to a video game con to learn about upcoming Diablo games thirty seconds before the news gets onto the internet, clearly you don't give two shits about phone games. Completely bizarre that no one at Blizzard anticipated that the people who come to Blizzcon are unlikely to care about their simplified phone version of Diablo and that their speaker was so flustered that he said this in response to the simple question of "is there any plan to make this playable on PC," as if that's a completely unpredictable question when talking about a series that, until this point, had been exclusively on PC.
World of Warcraft: Shadowlands


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Started: July 6, 2005
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