LogFAQs > #984476791

Beyond being dumb and boring, Suburban Sasquatch is also one of those incredibly poorly made movies that seem to be crowding up the list. I dont know what this was filmed on, but I do know it should not have been filmed on that. It looks like the sort of visual quality youd get from a Game Boy Camera and there is certain lighting here where you just cant see what the hell is really going on. The sound design is hilarious, with the highlight being the roar of the sasquatch that is almost impossibly bad. It sounds less like an ape monster and more like a rumbly tummy. And I think they only have one sound? One single rumbly tummy sound they play roughly 300 times throughout the entire movie? They didnt want to switch it up at all? Sometimes they play it like six times in a row and its all the same sound. Also, sasquatch has both a penis and breasts so Im not sure what the hell is going on with this costume. The sasquatch boobies are out of control. I dont know who did the costume for this, but theyre a crazy person. Those sasquatch boobies were a choice and it is the choice of an insane person that needs to be put on some sort of watch list.

There are also a couple of parts here that veer way into gross territory and kind of undermines all the stupidity going on otherwise. They rip a dog in half, and while that didnt bother me a ton I think there might be a couple of list makers that rank this movie last for that alone. Maybe not. The special effects are so egregiously bad that you can see theyre basically ripping up a roll of paper towels so maybe no one was too heartbroken about the dead dog. But a major plot line in this movie involves what I think is supposed to be sasquatch rape, which is an insane subplot to put into the movie. You can tell they think it is inane because they themselves dont even want to talk about it. They are like wow why does sasquatch keep stealing all these women? uh I sense a desperation need an urge in him hmm. And then theyre in the awful cave and the one woman is about to say it and the fake Native American is just like I AM SO SORRY PLEASE DONT EXPLAIN FURTHER. It is a crazy thing to include but it is almost crazier that they seem to know its a gross thing to include so they keep hinting at it rather than saying it out loud.

Ive lost track of how many times Ive said this now but there are movies that are so bad theyre good and then movies that are so bad theyre good with friends, and this is one that maybe kinda fits in that second category but definitely not in the first. It is an incredibly boring movie, and really poorly made, and just not fun to watch. It is probably ok to make fun of but even that is sort of a stretch. It is honestly a bit too boring for that. Like, there are parts you can giggle at but there are a lot more parts that are just incredibly boring to sit through. Even the interesting stuff gets boring because it keeps playing out the same way over and over. It is just too sloppy and is one of the less interesting movies to make this list. Im honestly a bit surprised it made the cut. I dont think this even reached cult classic status at any point, and there are literally thousands of awful movies just like this. It just doesnt have enough personality or charm or anything to be memorable enough to warrant a spot on a list like this. I hate Suburban Sasquatch and you should too.

I should say as a final aside the one and only one part of the movie I liked was the mom to the boy playing outside. She was great and I wanted more of her. I had an actual giggle at the part where the kid comes in and says he saw bigfoot and she goes on a rant about how bigfoot isnt something thats real and isnt really there, like his father. Thats a hilarious character trait to put into this movie for characters that are going to be offscreen in fifteen seconds anyway. I only wish that as sasquatch was carrying the mom away she yelled out help Im being taken away just like your father took away my best years and left me with a child to raise by myseeeeeeeelf!

Karo:
A suburban neighborhood populated by people who have never done an ounce of acting in their lives is menaced by a man in a cheap gorilla suit is this bout of unconvincing monster stupidity.
For some reason THIS bigfoot is master of the mystic arts and advanced psionics, though he usually just forgets about all that and does things like ripping off a man's leg and beating him to death with it.
Here's how things go: a cheap camera pans through the suburbs, accompanied by weird random noises and scuffed native drums that I guess is supposed to be a soundtrack. A wild Sasquatch appears and everyone goes oh god oh god oh god at least a dozen times, he lightly brushes his victim with one of his paws which somehow ends up spraying blood and entrails everywhere.
Chasing after Bigfoot for various arbitrary reasons are a 'native' girl who continuously spouts out weird spiritualism mumbo jumbo and this absolutely forgettable reporter guy. They also fall in love for some inexplicable reason. You want a worse romance than Padme and Anakin? Well, you got it.
The movie is just a trainwreck of talentless no-budget nonsense that features MS paint special effects and Sasquatch vocalizations that are just the same short audio clips repeated over and over on loop. It is something that is unremarkable even in its badness, and deserves to tossed in the garbage bin like the flunked student film it wants to be.