LogFAQs > #881349809

LurkerFAQs, Active DB, Database 1 ( 03.09.2017-09.16.2017 ), DB2, DB3, DB4, DB5, DB6, DB7, DB8, DB9, DB10, DB11, DB12, Clear

Topic List	Page List: 1
Topic	I kind of want to take a minute to talk about my dad
Johnbobb 06/18/17 1:56:23 PM #1:	There's not a whole lot of people irl I really feel like I can talk about this with, so I might as well try here. I thought a lot about what I wanted to say and now that I'm actually trying to say it, the words aren't really there. My full name is John Villarose VI (that's the 6th). My family legacy is important to me, even if it isn't much of one. I've always been really proud of being the 6th, like I'm carrying the torch or something. It makes me really want to have another child to name John VII. Hell, it almost feels like I owe it to the five Johns before me. My parents divorced when I was 5 and my sister was 1. I only know a handful of the details, but apparently my dad had been with another woman, which I was resentful for, but he went on to stay with the other woman for the next 10 years, which was longer than he was with my mom, so I can't hold it against him anymore; he really did love her. My dad's parents never liked the other woman (and I'd be lying if I said it didn't at least have something to do with the fact that she was Vietnamese) but they made up eventually. I hate that I didn't keep contact with her, but I was 15 at the time, and didn't really know how to go about that, and now I just sort of feel like it's too late. I think I heard she's remarried now, and I don't really want to bring all this back on her. Most of my childhood I would see my dad every Tuesday night for like 3 hours and then every other weekend. I remember there were times I just outright didn't want to see him, and looking back now, I feel horrible about it. He died when I was 15. I had stayed with him the previous weekend, and then he died sometime Monday night of a heart attack. And I still kind of blame myself because he had mentioned that weekend about discomfort he was having. That wasn't all to uncommon for him though, he had high blood pressure and diabetes, and had mentioned more than a few times pains he had had because of it in the past, but he was poor and didn't really have the money to take care of himself like he needed to. His dad survived three fucking heart attacks AND open-heart surgery. His mom had one and survived too. But he died alone in his tiny third-floor apartment. For his funeral, my mom wanted me to write something about him. I had written a short story about my dog dying in middle school (that was powerful enough I actually made my 8th grade English teacher cry in the middle of class when I read it aloud). I couldn't do it for him though. I don't know why; I just couldn't bring myself to it, and I felt like I was disappointing everyone, which just made me feel worse. I'll try to break this up into another post --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ http://i.imgur.com/sRNNOSP.png <cite>Johnbobb posted [p:881349809] in I kind of ... [t:75475626]...</cite> <quote>There's not a whole lot of people irl I really feel like I can talk about this with, so I might as well try here. I thought a lot about what I wanted to say and now that I'm actually trying to say it, the words aren't really there. My full name is John Villarose VI (that's the 6th). My family legacy is important to me, even if it isn't much of one. I've always been really proud of being the 6th, like I'm carrying the torch or something. It makes me really want to have another child to name John VII. Hell, it almost feels like I owe it to the five Johns before me. My parents divorced when I was 5 and my sister was 1. I only know a handful of the details, but apparently my dad had been with another woman, which I was resentful for, but he went on to stay with the other woman for the next 10 years, which was longer than he was with my mom, so I can't hold it against him anymore; he really did love her. My dad's parents never liked the other woman (and I'd be lying if I said it didn't at least have something to do with the fact that she was Vietnamese) but they made up eventually. I hate that I didn't keep contact with her, but I was 15 at the time, and didn't really know how to go about that, and now I just sort of feel like it's too late. I think I heard she's remarried now, and I don't really want to bring all this back on her. Most of my childhood I would see my dad every Tuesday night for like 3 hours and then every other weekend. I remember there were times I just outright didn't want to see him, and looking back now, I feel horrible about it. He died when I was 15. I had stayed with him the previous weekend, and then he died sometime Monday night of a heart attack. And I still kind of blame myself because he had mentioned that weekend about discomfort he was having. That wasn't all to uncommon for him though, he had high blood pressure and diabetes, and had mentioned more than a few times pains he had had because of it in the past, but he was poor and didn't really have the money to take care of himself like he needed to. His dad survived three fucking heart attacks AND open-heart surgery. His mom had one and survived too. But he died alone in his tiny third-floor apartment. For his funeral, my mom wanted me to write something about him. I had written a short story about my dog dying in middle school (that was powerful enough I actually made my 8th grade English teacher cry in the middle of class when I read it aloud). I couldn't do it for him though. I don't know why; I just couldn't bring myself to it, and I felt like I was disappointing everyone, which just made me feel worse. I'll try to break this up into another post --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ http://i.imgur.com/sRNNOSP.png</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Topic List	Page List: 1