LogFAQs > #967844824

My parents were 41 when I was born, and my mom's side is not particularly long-lived. She had a better run than most in her family, and made it to 75. She still had some health issues, and this was not terribly long after my dad's parents (who were long-lived) had just passed. I can't imagine what that was like for my dad, who was just taking care of people for like a decade straight, but he remarried a few years later, and then they discovered advanced cancer.

Not having the safety net of your parents to go back to is awkward. I feel for the people who never had good parental support, but my parents were always there to rely on, and I did. Any problem I had, I would contact them first. When that was swept away, I then faced a long, slow process of trying to clean out my parents' house -- the house I grew up in -- which was full of memories and also a lot of really interesting and potentially valuable things. Rather than dumping it, I found some folks to help me respectfully unload all the ham radios and model railroads and hummels and everything else. I broke down more than a few times at the awareness that so many things they preserved were not salable and not savable...not any more.

And then once they were gone, yes, there was a very strong hollowness in my life. I'm not married. I don't have a "someone else" in my life. But I've managed to lean on the people I have, people not related by blood but people who in turn lean on me. And we get by.

It sounds to me like, in a way, you're already somewhat on your own. If your mom is lacking in wherewithal, you're not going to her for support. It will be painfully to watch the end, but the idea of her actually being gone won't actually be any different for you than you have it now...not objectively, anyway. Obviously there's the psychological side of things, and there's nothing any of us can say for that other than assure you you'll come out the other side.