LogFAQs > #969932555

Before I met my husband, dating apps were an innovative boon for me as a gay man to find partners while dodging typical public minefields. It was significantly harder for homosexuals to safely meet up and mingle for dating opportunities without attracting spectator drama; in some places even in the US, it still is. We are not a majority, not even close. That being said, most gay men in the west are all down for casual hookups and the occasional shot at a relationship (culturally in that order). That part's not a stereotype. Dating apps made a huge improvement in the low risk ease of finding partners who just wanted a fun night without commitment, something a gay man in their prime can socially and emotionally flourish from when done carefully.

However, I would never invest any confidence and time searching for a long term commitment on dating apps. Structurally, such a goal is antithetical to the utility they generally provide. It's like going to a butcher shop for a pet; wrong department. If you have reached a point where you're primarily relying on dating apps in your search for a long term relationship, you painted yourself into a corner. Thankfully it's one that you can at least step out of once you acknowledge it and make a life style change by demoting apps on your social priority list. That's what I had to do to find a partner I could trust for the long run.

I've been proposed to multiple times over my lifetime (which is more than some people can say, particularly as a man). The only guy who convinced me he was the real deal is my now husband and a notable part of that was because we bonded almost entirely without social media. Texting lovey dovey crap between us was about it. And we only started doing that AFTER we were already invested in each other organically off our phones. I said yes to him because he had shown me he had a lot of attractive qualities that are not in an itty bitty fake ass dating profile...

One of the first things I tell friends aching to secure a relationship: don't be afraid to put down the apps; sometimes relying on them is what's actually holding you back with toxic algorithms that don't have your individual health in mind. Ordinary people dated and settled down with each other long before apps existed. It's how we are here.