LogFAQs > #970577780

WorstOfAll posted...

stupid day

I had the day off today. I woke up extremely sleep-deprived, partially because of my landlord and his wife making so much noise. I had little to do today, other than take out the trash. I usually take my trash out to a nearby public dumpster, so that I need not trouble the lot I am renting from. But then I had a series of embarrassing mishaps on the way. It's snowing like mad in Nevada at the mo'; it is not weather climate with which I am well-acquainted. I slipped and fell on ice on my way to my car, and then a nearby neighbor of the landlord's told me to walk on the snow. His advice was greatly appreciated, but I could not help but feel embarrassed and foolish all the same. When I started my car, I found that I was unable to drive it out of the snow into which it had been lodged. A frustrating endeavor for me, indeed. To this end, I returned to my landlord's, and asked for help (I very much hate doing this) in contacting someone who could remove the snow from around my car. He then took out a snow shovel, and then he and the neighbor from earlier helped me drive out of the curb at which I was parked. I tossed my trash into the public dumpster as I had planned, then returned. After I parked in that same spot --- for no other spots were available, you see --- I found that I was once more unable to drive out of the curb. Some passersby pointed at me, giving me odd looks, once more increasing my anxiety and embarrassment. On my way to retrieve my landlord's snow shovel, I couldn't help but feel that the neighbor who had helped earlier was whispering darkly at me. Then his dog broke free of his control, and chased me, but not before he could call him back, to my great relief. After having cleared what I hope is a clear path out the curb, I returned to the room I was renting, where I slept for nearly an hour. As I prepared my usual dinner, consisting of eggs and rice, I thought back on the worries that had helped induce slumber. I realized that I care far too much about how others see me, and that as it is well beyond my control, I would do well to put it from my mind. Of course, as I contemplated later, I would soon slip into my unhealthy thought patterns. I now contemplate on feeling unaccomplished in life, of feeling lonely, of rarely being heard in my past life. I think about the projects that I had set for myself, of how I had not made any progress on any of them today, since I was feeling too tired to get started on any of them. In short, this wasn't one of my better days. Nowadays, in my solitude, I find myself childishly longing to be hugged.