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TopicAnagram Ranks Anything Legend of Zelda-related with Full Write-Ups (spoilers)
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07/27/23 6:46:49 PM
#58:


I Coveted That Wind
Link (Soul Calibur II)
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time: I think it's uncontroversial to call this the definitive Zelda title. When I think of Zelda as a series, this is what I think of. Not LA, not LttP, not BotW, just this. Is it a function of my age? Maybe. But this was one of those big tentpole games that changed everything, like Resident Evil 4 or Final Fantasy VII. Every action-adventure game after this steals some of its DNA, and I don't really blame them. OoT just does absolutely everything correct, aside from minor things like Zora's Domain never unfreezing or whatever. It even tells a story that's perfectly serviceable if you're a dumbass 10-year-old. What other fantasy media did we even have back then, ****ing Pagemaster? Get out of here. And this is the game that introduced Ganondorf, as opposed to Ganon. This is almost a masterclass in presentation. Every time you fight a boss, the screen is like "Parasitic Armored Arachnid: Gohma" or "Giant Aquatic Amoeba: Morpha," and then you get to the final boss, and it just says GANON. No flair, no nothing, it's just Ganon, and he's a big demon monster, and he's going to fight you now. Such a good presentation. Even the fight itself just feels more epic than most of the other games. This is just a game that was firing on all cylinders 100% of the time, at an important seminal moment for the series (the jump from 2D to 3D), and it brought the series into the future, exactly the same as Mario 64.
Zelda/Sheik in Smash
Midna

Good!
Cadence of Hyrule: What a great idea. I didn't realize Crypt of the Necrodancer was this popular in Japan, that it could persuade Nintendo to allow a crossover. It's way, WAY easier than Crypt, of course, but it's still really fun. Like, there's almost nothing I can say other than that this is a fun, quick little game that should be played if you care about Zelda, Crypt of the Necrodancer, or even Zelda music specifically. What other Nintendo series have enough famous tracks to be remixed in this way? Mario, Pokemon, and what else? And I mean, there's the Mario x Rabbids game, Fire Emblem x SMT, and that one crossover with Pokemon I don't remember but it's on the 3DS or something I'm too lazy to look it up. What other properties can Nintendo make bizarre crossovers with? Metroid almost got a Fortnite crossover, but it got cancelled at the last second. Has there been a Kirby crossover yet?
Princess Zelda (Spirit Tracks): I think this is the first good Zelda, right? I guess it's Tetra, but she's almost her own thing. Every Zelda before this was either a barely-existent noncharacter, or very reserved and dour. This is the first Zelda who's like energetic and helpful and a character in her own right. Although, unlike other Zeldas, she's explicitly a descendant of Tetra, right? So, is Link her cousin, and she falls in love with him anyway, or did Tetra bang someone other than WW Link? The world may never know. This is also technically Zelda's first playable appearance besides Smash and the CD-I games, right? Were there any other playable characters besides Kafei before this? I know a lot of people support Zelda having a bigger role in the series that's named for her, but I don't actually care, I'm fine with her being a minor character. But I'm also fine with her being a major character! And this version of Zelda is like the first time I ever sort of cared about her, she gets a lot of points for that, even if later Zeldas exceeded her.
Koji Kondo
The Missing Link
Goron: I remember as a dumb kid, I was into the lore of fictional universes. I spent so much time reading stupid WoW lore, I know more than probably anyone on B8 up to WotK (I stopped early into Cata and never went back). The Goron are such a cool idea. They perfectly fit the 'Japanese interpretation of European fantasy, with some stupid silly stuff added' vibe of the games. They're just big ugly rock guys, who eat rocks! That's all they are! They like rolling around, I guess. It's interesting how many tribes and races have been in Zelda games, but Goron are the most enduring. Yeah, Zora, Rito, and Koroks all show up, but Zora are in seven games, and Goron are in thirteen. Thirteen! They're one of the biggest Zelda mainstays, and they never do anything important. They're not there to flesh out the deep lore of Hyrule, they're just there to be another random village Link visits. "Where can we put an elemental fire temple? Oh, a volcano. What kind of people would live in a volcano?" And instead of just making them like dudes in cloaks, they went the extra mile and made them blocky goofy N64 rockmen, because why not? Why not make them goofy rock guys? For what the series needs them to do, Goron are the perfect race. And in MM, where you get to play as various races? Goddamn, is the Goron Mask not the most fun thing in the game? The Zora Mask is fun in water, but water is rare outside of Great Bay, whereas rolling around for speed is always useful and fun. As a kid, I liked the lithe prettyboyness of the Zora Mask, but as a grown-up, I vastly prefer the big fat stupid goof of the Goron Mask.
Hookshot
CD-I Cutscenes
Skull Kid
Going Straight to Castle Hyrule in BotW
Z3R
Magnet Gloves
BotW Cooking Jingle


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Started: July 6, 2005
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