LogFAQs > #975242358

I'm also willing to share something my wife said about me in her memoires/autobiography. She worked on it for quite awhile when she realized she would be dying early. Partly as a means to just work on herself, but then also to say some things she wanted to make sure were said. I told her I would only read it after she passed away, because while we were together I wanted to focus on that and not the past. These words mean a lot to me.

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FINAL THOUGHTS

One of my fears is not being able to say goodbye to Jeff. I am worried one day that I will be unable to talk, breathe, or move in the end. I am worried I wont say what needs to be said to him- especially for some closure. I would want him to know that I always loved him, his smile, his personality, and who he was. He is the one person who I have truly loved, who has loved me, and has stuck by me through thick and thin. He has always been incredibly understanding as to what/who I am. I told him in the beginning that I had medical issues, but I never knew that things would get so bad for me medically. If I did, I wouldnt have put him through the hell he has had to face: Seeing me hooked up to IVs, being placed on oxygen, crying at all hours, becoming violently ill during the night, etc. Even if I was this bad in the beginning, I am sure he would have stayed by me anyway because thats the kind of guy he is. I think about the first day we spoke, all of the time. I remember how excited I was to speak to him. His smile was so warm. He was like me in the sense that he said things like they were, but more tactfully than I would. I have always appreciated his honesty about how things were/are. He has so much potential career-wise and in life. I know he says he is lazy, but I know he can accomplish great things. I always teased him that I would be scared if he put all of his effort into something. Even during school, when I gave it my all, he ran neck and neck with me during a time he claimed to not really try. His verbal skills alone make him a contender in any field. He was always truthful. I truly respect him. I need him to know these things. Even if I am gone, I dont want him to lose hope and to waste his talents. I believe he can change the world for the better. I know he has this ability because he has affected so many people even if he wont acknowledge it. He reminds me of Sebastian and Geanine in the sense that everyone loved them. Everyone wanted to be near them. Everyone would hang on their every word. Jeff is that person. Men and women love him. Even in the beginning, which I told him, I knew a girl that was interested in Jeff. Yet he couldnt see that anyone would be interested in him. I know people in Jeffs past made him feel like he wasnt worthwhile, but he didnt have the right people in his life. All of the people currently in his life love him. They know a good thing when they see it. Corinne was right when she told Jeff that someone would find him and love him for who he was. I think this pertains to all of his friends, not just me. I am glad that he was able to accept that people love him and appreciate him. I am glad I had the opportunity to take up most of his time not meaning in the caretaker role. I know tons of people who would fight for a piece of his time because his personality is so contagious. I am sure he would contest me on these issues, but I know they are true. If I am gone, I dont want him to close up again. These people that are now established in his life are reminders that he is a great person, and they will be there for him. I know Jeff and I spoke about it in passing awhile ago, but I thought I would bring it up again - that I want him to be happy. If he finds someone else, I will be okay it as long as she treats him well. He knows I would not want him to settle. I always told him that the right person will make him love again because that's what he did for me.