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TopicAnagram Ranks Anything Legend of Zelda-related with Full Write-Ups (spoilers)
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08/05/23 9:59:50 PM
#298:


Master, I Detect You Are Low on Life
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Pre-Hyrule Historia Timeline Debates
Chopping Signs
Rolling in Ocarina of Time
Temple (Smash Stage)
Toon Link
Stamina
Companions
Hyrule
Colgera's Boss Theme
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Using Ocarina of Time to speedrun Paper Mario
Katsuya Terada
Ezlo
Dragon Roost Island (Music)
Cuccos
Din (Oracle)
Ricky, Moosh, and Dimitri
Leveling System (AoL)
Hand in the Toilet
Malo Mart
Drgn roost island
Ganondorf's Execution (TP): I can't remember, is this the exact moment when the game stops being about Zant, and becomes about Ganondorf? I guess we need this scene to explain who Ganondorf is for someone whose first game is TP. The lore here is so ****ing deep, as usual: Link defeats Ganondorf in the future, then returns to being a child and warns the King of Hyrule, so Ganondorf is imprisoned or whatever, and I suppose that explains the different sages, but, like... wasn't Ganondorf already running around being evil by the time you grab the Master Sword in OoT? Wasn't the king already dead, and Zelda in hiding? I also like Ganondorf silly faces in this scene. I like how the sages don't really bother explaining, just "by some divine prank, Ganondorf also had the power of the gods." I don't really know what to think about this scene, honestly. I hate deep lore, but it's not really that deep. I know this is to set Ganondorf up as a powerful villain we need to be afraid of, but I don't know, him breaking out of his execution and killing a magical old man before being sent to the Phantom Zone to hang out with General Zod? Does any other Zelda title bother setting up Ganondorf beforehand as a big threat? I remember in OoT, he throws a fireball at Child Link. I don't remember him really doing anything in any other game before he fights you. I don't hate this scene or anything, but it's not some really definitive Zelda moment I'll remember forever.
Shield (Magic)
Screen Wraparound Glitch (LA)
Weapon Durability
Bug-Catching Net
Gannon-Banned
Christianity Imagery
Marin
Agitha: It's so strange to me how many games have insect-collecting or insects as a mechanic. OoT, MM, TP, SS, BotW, and TotK all involve finding and using bugs in some capacity. But when I think of Zelda, I never, ever think of bugs as an important part of the series. They're always involved in the most minor of ways that you never particularly think about. Agitha herself is just a random, unimportant subquest giver, and I never would have thought about her twice... What a genius move to make her a default character in HW. Every crossover or big event game like that should have at least one completely random, unexpected entrant, and Agitha works perfectly, because she has a unique gimmick, and is exactly memorable enough that people will recognize her, but not important enough that anyone would expect her to show up. I'll say this, though. Most characters in TP are slightly ugly or offbeat. The only real exceptions are Link and Zelda, and Agitha... is not another exception. I've seen people treat her like she's some kind of cute girl, and man, have you actually looked at her? The Zelda Wiki uses the most flattering pictures possible, and she's still just slightly ugly. Though, I'll say this, too: I worked at a school for two years, and indeed, lots of teenage girls do like attaching those like rhinestones under their eyes exactly like Agitha does, so I guess good on them for nailing that.
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Gameboy Zelda Aesthetic
The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint)
1/2 Magic Meter
Milk
Sploosh and Kaboom (Quotes)
Link Gets Bullied
Lord Jabu-Jabu: There has never been a good 'inside the monster' level ever. I mean the ones where you're in a big fleshy disgusting intestine-like level, something like the black void that you're in when Hades eats you in KI:U is fine. It's not even that the level itself is poorly-designed, and it's actually visually probably the most unique level of the entire N64 era? It's not even the first time you get eaten and have to go into a giant being's insides to fight corruption within, that happens in the first twenty minutes with the Great Deku Tree. Child Link has four dungeons (Deku Tree, Dodongo's Cavern, Jabu-Jabu's Belly, and Inside the Well), and honestly? None are that great. The Deku Tree is definitely the best one. Like, the idea that Jabu-Jabu isn't really a dungeon, and has nothing really to do with the Zora Jewel you need other than that he ate Ruto and you need her to get it, is a fun idea. It's like an accidental dungeon. I'll say this, though: Barinade is a pretty decent boss. Best boss of the first part of the game, definitely. The boomerang is used in a fun way, even if it's not really used very much for the rest of the game? I guess that's the price you pay for being the final item of Child Link's era. Why the hell can't Adult Link use the boomerang, anyway?
Spirit Flute

Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Lizalfos: I just realized that Lizalfos and Stalfos have absolutely nothing in common other than being midbosses, but both have the "-fos" suffix. Is... Is Navi just racist? Any enemy she doesn't know the name of, she just calls them what they are, and adds a -fos to the end? Anyway, look. They're fine. There's nothing interesting about Lizalfos at all, except that they'll only attack one at a time in OoT even if they can swarm you. Each game drastically changes their designs, such that the only things they have in common are being large reptiles that can use weapons. It's kind of interesting how the Zelda series makes zero effort to expand on enemy races as people, too. Even Mario put SOME effort into establishing that Goombas and Koopa Troopas are just regular, boring people. Here we have what I presume is a culture of tool-using people not dissimilar to the Zora and Gorons, but there isn't a single one in decades of Zelda games who so much as says a word. Always Chaotic Evil, indeed.
Ben Drowned
City in the Sky
Great Palace (AoL)
Epona
Zelda's Lullaby
Vaati
Squid-Hunt (Minigame)
Nintendo Power LttP Comics
Lon Lon Ranch
David Jr.
Zant
Wolf Link
Princess Ruto
Video Game Concerts
Malo
Makar
Kass
5000 Rupee Heart Piece in MM
Hippo Model (LA)
Gohma
xenosaga's Impulse Link/Epona Figure
Mechanical Harp: Windmills (Pikmin 4)
Legend of Zelda (NES)
Bagu (Nintendo Comics Series)
Frostare
Nintendo Cereal System
Ballad of the Wind Fish
Ancient Cistern
Triforce Heroes
Primitive 3D Aesthetic
Rod of Seasons
Zelda Kirby (Smash)
Picto Box Quest (WW)
Minish Cap Figurines
Fishing Minigame (OoT)
Magic Hammer
Link and Zelda (Captain N: The Game Master)
Japanese Boss Battle Theme (AoL)
Forced Stealth Sections
King Harkinan
Heart Pieces Locked Behind Bad Minigames
Claude M. Moyse's Creepy German Phrases
Volga
Divine Beasts
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
Hidden German Messages (LA)
Kinstones
Power vs. Wisdom vs. Courage (Splatoon)

You've Met with a Terrible Fate
Hyrule Warriors Legends DLC Maps not being Backported to HW Wii U
Spell (Spell)
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass
Temple of the Ocean King
The Imprisoned (Boss)
Equipment Rental
Cannon Room Glitch (TP)
Frog's Song of Soul (LA:DX)
Cody Rhodes' Theme Song
Tadtones
Demise
Zelda Timeline

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Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005
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