LogFAQs > #976271255

PMarth2002 posted...

Ending of that snippet is a pretty cool hook though, and the premise is interesting. The prose has some weird grammar/phrasing choices and sounds a bit awkward. You're also kind of just informing us about her situation for the first couple of paragraphs. Show, don't tell is a cliche writer's advice for a reason. It gets the reader more invested in the character.

this sentence in particular.

Thanks I will try to keep the show not tell part in mind.

The villain will be digital man (based off analogue man from digimon world).

i envision this short story as Digimon and Lion a witch and a wardrobe.
Lots of analogue and digital creatures but she wont catch or raise them. She will communicate and fight with them. Ultimate goal to save the analogue realms from the digital threat.

I am thinking of ending it on a cliff hanger too idk