Here are my tips for job interviews:
- Show up fashionably late, like 30 minutes late, to make sure they remember you.
- Bring your pet goldfish as your emotional support animal.
- Begin every answer with 'Well, in my previous life as a pirate...'
- Insist on conducting the interview in interpretive dance.
- Ask the interviewer to play a game of rock-paper-scissors to determine your salary.
- Show them your collection of toenail clippings as a testament to your attention to detail.
- Request to do the interview via smoke signals.
- Continuously interrupt the interviewer with dramatic monologues about your love for cheese.