LogFAQs > #884987837

Katie extends a hand out to you and introduces herself, "Thank you so much for coming. I'm Katie."
"Hi," you reply. "I'm uh-... I'm the hero guy."
She nods, still trying her best to mask her true feelings. "I... Well you weren't exactly what I was expecting," she says.
You shrug. "I get that a lot." What is wrong with these people? You can throw a truck over goddamn building without even straining. It's kinda hard for you to get some genuine fucking exercise these days.
"Well, um... I'll show you to my cubicle," Katie offers.
"Right, let's do this sh- uh... do this bitch. Fuck, bitch is still a swear. Whoops, so was the other word. I'm sorry Katie, I'll get it together on the walk over," you reassure her.
Katie doesn't look so assured.

On the way over, a fly starts buzzing around your hair. You gently swat it away, but it returns almost instantly. You bat at it again, but it comes back. You open your hands before reminding yourself in your head, "Don't clap." The fly eventually loses interest and goes off to bother someone else. "Are there a lot of flies in here, Katie?"
"I don't think so. Why? Did you see one?"
"Yeah," you confirm. "I only ask because I get a little distracted when they're around. Buzzing in my ear and whatnot."
"A hero who's kryptonite is a common house fly?" Katie jokes. "Can't say I've heard that one before."
You laugh politely. It's not you who the fly would hurt though.

You get to Katie and Janice's workspace and see a grey-haired woman with holes in the elbows of her sweater and cigarette burns on her jeans. She's sitting at an unkempt desk with loose papers and food wrappers that have likely been collecting dust for months. Katie's desk is pristine, not a pen or post-it out of place. "Janice?" Katie calls out.
Janice turns around and squints at you with darkened raccoon like eyes before a smile creeps across her weather-worn face. "Who do we have here, Helen?"
You step in front of Katie and state confidently, "Her name is not Helen, it's Katie. And I think you know that Janice."
Janice leans back in her chair and barks in gruff smoke-stretched voice, "Who do we have here, Katie?"
"I'm just a guy who's trying to help out," you tell her. "I've heard you've been using some pretty blue language in the office lately. Maybe try keeping it a little more professional from now on, huh?"
Janice tries to feign ignorance. "I... I don't think I've been saying anything unprofessional."
"Well, now I think we both know that's not true," you try to remain polite. "I heard that you've been using the s-word and uh-"
"Which s-word?" Janice interjects.
"Well, um... the one where uh..." you awkwardly make a fist with your thumb outstretched and make a couple pumps behind you. "Y'know, the one where the stuff comes out the back of you. And um... what was... what else," you mumble as you look back at Katie.
Katie makes an F with her fingers.
"Oh right, the fuck word. Heard you been saying lots of things with the fuck word," you continue.
"You just said the word you're telling me not to say," Janice points out.
"I don't... I don't fuckin' work here," you reply, as your lazily constructed language filter leaves your brain.
---

You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.